Author's Note: Prepare for feelings. Just a warning.
Life, Death, and Everything Else
Abbey escaped into the kitchen and leaned against the refrigerator, away from view. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Her lips curved into a smile. This evening had turned into more of a chore than she had anticipated, but she was happy. God in heaven, was she happy. She was on winter break from her third year at Harvard Med, and enjoying taking a break from school with her family and friends.
"Abbey, do you need any help?"
She opened her eyes to see Jenny McGarry walk into the kitchen. Abbey smiled kindly. "No, I've got it, Jenny. Thank you, though." She opened the freezer to get the ice trays and refill the ice bucket.
"You really shouldn't overextend yourself. Get used to taking it easier than normal. I can only imagine what it's going to be like, pregnant while in school!" Jenny commented.
Abbey glanced down to her barely noticeable abdomen and sighed. "Well, I did manage to suffer through morning sickness last semester. And I know every pregnancy is different, but already, this one has been so much easier than the first one. With Liz, I was insanely hormonal and sick and craving everything for nearly the entire nine months. So far with this one, I've just had the two weeks of vomiting. I've been fine for the last month or so."
Jenny looked sweetly at her new friend. "When are you due, again?"
"Mid-June. Hopefully after finals are finished. I can't even begin to imagine what's going to happen to my grades if my water breaks in the middle of an exam."
Jenny laughed. From the living room, a shout came, asking where the ice was. Jenny and Abbey went back out with the refilled ice bucket.
"There, you happy?" Abbey asked with feigned annoyance, placing it on the bar for her brother-in-law.
"Abbey, whatever would we do without you?" Jonathan asked.
"I'm pretty sure you'd be fine, Jon," she replied.
He clutched his chest overdramatically. "You wound me, doc. I thought you took an oath to do no harm?"
"Ah, see, I haven't taken that oath yet. I've got another year and a half to go," she informed him.
Leo came over to get a refill of his scotch. He stumbled slightly on his way. Abbey watched him with slight concern, but said nothing. He had a big grin on his face. "Abbey, it was so nice of you and Jed to have us here. With the baby and everything, it's nice to get out of the house for a couple days and spend time with friends."
"It's our pleasure, Leo. After all these years of hearing all about your Jenny, it's nice to finally meet her! And with little Mallory here, it's getting Liz used to the idea of a baby in the house. I don't think she'd ever seen a baby up close before."
At that moment, Elizabeth came racing into the living room, stopping right next to her mother. "Uncle Leo, Mallory is crying," she announced.
Before Leo could answer, Abbey crouched down to talk to her daughter at eye level. "Lizzie, did you wake up the baby?"
Her brown eyes were instantly cast downward. She said nothing.
"Elizabeth," Abbey said in a warning tone. Her daughter nodded. Abbey sighed. "You can't do that, baby doll. Babies need to sleep."
Leo started to make his way to the guest bedroom, but Abbey stopped him.
"I'll get her, Leo. You and Jenny deserve a break." From across the room, Jenny, who had been watching this entire exchange, gave a small nod to Abbey, which she returned.
Elizabeth stayed with her Uncle Leo and Uncle Jonathan as her mother went to see to baby Mallory.
Meanwhile, Jed was in deep conversation regarding the brand new Vice President of the United States, Gerald Ford. "He's supremely underqualified, but the VP doesn't really do much anyway," he asked, taking a sip of the watered-down gin and tonic in his hand.
The very serious-looking redhead across from him replied, "Unless something happens to the president. Don't you worry about that?"
Jed had to fight every single urge in his body to keep from rolling his eyes. "Nixon doesn't have polio, and the Secret Service has beefed up security since Kennedy. I don't think we really need to worry about Gerald R. Ford having to become president any time soon, Paula."
Paula continued to speak in an impassioned monotone about meritless Gerald Ford. Jed tuned her out slightly, not having the strength or sobriety to possibly care at all about the man.
Jonathan made his way over and wrapped his arm around Paula's waist, pressing a kiss to her pale, freckled cheek. "How's my girl?" he asked her.
She turned to look at him with a small smile. "We're doing very well. How are you?"
With a pause to narrow his eyes at his brother, Jonathan replied, "I'm a bit bothered by the fact that Jed's drink needs freshening."
"No, I'm fine, Jon. Really. Abbey hates it when I'm hungover," Jed explained.
"Who cares? So you're hungover! She'll live," Jonathan scoffed.
"Actually, usually if I've had enough to get hungover, she has too. And then she makes me make her an omelet. Which I can't do if I'm as hungover as she is."
Jonathan laughed. "Just for that, I'm gonna pour you another strong drink."
Paula grabbed his arm. "Don't you dare. You heard what your brother said. You cannot just assume other people will bend to your will, Jonathan." She took his hand in hers and rubbed her thumb on his.
He frowned slightly but acquiesced. It took only a fraction of a second for Jonathan to relax at her touch.
Jed watched in sheer amazement. The first girl Jonathan had ever brought home was so unlike what had been expected. She was in her second year at Cornell Law, and while she was quite conventionally pretty, she was as cold as ice and abrasive to talk to. Jed wasn't sure that she'd seen her properly smile yet. He had no idea what had attracted his clown of a brother to her.
"Jon, remind me how you and Paula met?" Jed asked, hoping for an answer of some kind.
"I told you, didn't I? Well, I went to the law library to work on my MBA final, because it's so quiet there. And as I was writing, Paula came over to me and asked if I could possibly make my pencil quieter."
"It was squeaking against the page," she explained.
Jonathan grinned wildly at her neuroticism. "And that was it. Love at first sight. I won her over with my charm."
"You most certainly did not," she refuted. "You won me over with your kindness and your intelligence."
Jed nodded, satisfied with that response. "I'm glad you two found each other. Maybe we can host another Bartlet wedding here at the farm," he suggested.
Paula glanced to Jonathan, who suddenly got very nervous. "Well, actually, uh…we were going to ask if we could do just that, maybe in May?"
Jed's brows shot halfway up his forehead. "You're engaged already?"
Jonathan spoke softly in Paula's ear and she nodded, walking away. "She's gonna get the ring," he explained. "You got the Bartlet ring, which makes sense. Abbey was made for that ring. But I had to buy one of my own. I've been saving up since the day I met her," Jonathan admitted.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jed asked, trying not to feel hurt by his brother's lack of trust.
"I wanted to tell the whole family at Christmas. But then you and Abbey invited us for the weekend. I didn't think we'd see you for another couple weeks. You are the first person to know, Jed," Jonathan said, reassuring his older brother.
On her way back from the room she and Jonathan had been staying in, Paula ran into Abbey, who had just finally coaxed baby Mallory back to sleep. "Hi, Paula. Having a good time?"
Paula nodded. "Yes, we've had a lovely time. You have a beautiful home, and Jonathan and I really appreciate the invitation."
Abbey noticed her hands. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to the sparkle on Paula's left hand.
"Jonathan and I are engaged. We're hoping to get married in the summertime," Paula told her, holding out her left hand.
The ring was a simple gold band with a single carat marquise-cut diamond. "It's absolutely beautiful," Abbey gushed. Though she was one to talk. Her engagement ring was the most gorgeous piece of jewelry imaginable, made only that much more incredible by the rich history it carried as it sat on her finger. But maybe she was biased.
They returned to the living room to find Leo talking and laughing with Jed and Jonathan, while Jenny sat on the sofa, reading a book to Liz. Paula joined her fiancée, and Abbey made her way to Jed, wrapping her arms around him and leaning into his side.
"So you see, Jed? You were always worried you never had a good influence on me," Jonathan teased. "But you got yourself an utterly gorgeous and brilliant wife, and I just had to get one for myself!"
Abbey laughed and felt her husband tense slightly. She hugged him tighter in response. She'd forgotten about this. It had been a while since they'd spent time with Jonathan; she'd been too busy in school, Jed was teaching more and more classes each semester, and Jonathan spent most of his time in Ithaca at Cornell now. And that was why she'd invited Jonathan and his girlfriend—now fiancée—to stay at the farm for a long weekend before Christmas. It was a bonus that Leo and Jenny and Mallory were able to join them as well. But now, Abbey worried that she had made a mistake in keeping them all together for more than a few hours at a time. Jed's reactions to his brother displeased her. Depending on her mood, she could end up thoroughly annoyed by him, or else supremely upset and disheartened. Neither were moods she wanted to end up in now. She needed to nip this in the bud.
"Jed, honey, can you help me in the kitchen for a minute?" she asked, nudging him away from their friends and family.
He followed her, slightly confused. "What do you need, sweetheart?"
Abbey leaned against the countertop and crossed her arms. "Stop worrying."
"I'm not worrying."
She frowned. "Yes you are. Every time Jonathan says something ridiculous and makes me laugh. Every single time. Knock it off."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jed insisted, his gaze firmly on his own shoes.
"I know you know exactly what I'm talking about," she replied insistently. "We've been avoiding this topic since the day you introduced me to him. You're jealous."
"Jealous of Jonathan? How could I be jealous of him?!"
Abbey crossed the kitchen to hug her husband. He wrapped his arms around her, and she spoke softly, suddenly nervous about confronting him this way. "I know you, Jed," she said softly. "I know how you get when it comes to me. Your brother is a big flirt with everyone. Just because I think it's funny doesn't mean that I have any wish that I'd met him before I'd met you."
"What?"
"That's what it is, isn't it? You're worried that if things had been different, if I'd met Jonathan before I was committed to you, that maybe I'd like him better?"
"That's ridiculous!"
Abbey looked up at him with a furrowed brow, daring him to contradict her again.
"Okay, well I know it's ridiculous, even if the thought has entered my mind from time to time."
She hugged him tighter. "You know what would have happened if I'd somehow been dating Jonathan and he'd introduced me to you? I'd have been very conflicted for falling madly in love with my boyfriend's sexy older brother. You are now and forever and always the only man I have any interest in. And I need you to trust that. Your brother is smart and charming, but he's an idiot. And I have no feelings toward him other than those of sister-in-law to brother-in-law. And besides, he's getting married. He'll stop flirting with me soon enough."
Jed chuckled, "Yeah, I can't imagine Paula will allow that."
Abbey nodded. "She hates me."
"How could she hate you? Everyone loves you. You're very lovable." He punctuated the statement by pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"I think that's the problem. I'm very lovable and Paula seems a bit difficult. She'll be good for Jonathan, but I'll bet you anything that your parents spend all of Christmas fawning of me and my pregnancy and only talk to her to be polite," Abbey predicted.
"Well, I guess we'll see."
"Are you going to stop sulking now?" she asked.
"Yes. I'm thoroughly reassured of your love," he replied, his blue eyes twinkling.
She grinned and kissed him a few times. They were interrupted by the shrill ringing of the telephone. Abbey frowned and pulled away from Jed. "Who could be calling at this hour?" It was nearly nine o'clock. She shrugged and went to answer it before the ringing woke up the baby. "Hello?"
There was a long pause on the other end. Someone was whispering with hitched breaths.
Abbey frowned. "Hello?" she repeated.
"Abbey."
"Millie? Is that you?"
It was all she could do to push sound out of her mouth, but Millie knew she needed to talk to Abbey. She didn't know what she'd do if she didn't talk to Abbey. "Abbey," she repeated, tears streaming down her face. She couldn't seem to get any other words out.
"Millie, what's wrong?" Abbey asked in a slight panic. She could tell now that her friend was crying.
"Dave," was all Millie could say.
"What's happened to Dave? Is Dave alright?" Abbey looked over to Jed with wide eyes. He came over to her and put a comforting hand at the small of her back.
Millie gave a harsh sob and tried to take deep breaths before answering, "We're in the mountains for a ski vacation. And we were on the slopes when this little girl lost control and went toward the trees. She was screaming for help and Dave went after her. She said he pushed her out of the way before she crashed but…" She had to pause, pressing her hand over her mouth to keep herself from screaming. The moment passed enough for her to finish speaking. "Dave hit a tree and got knocked unconscious. A medical team took us off the mountain in a helicopter but by the time we got to the hospital…" Millie couldn't continue. She wailed with the most visceral pain imaginable.
Abbey felt her heart sink in her chest. She could hardly breathe. "Millie…"
"He died, Abbey."
As much as those words pained Abbey to hear, she knew it was only a fraction of what Millie must be feeling. She couldn't even imagine. There were no words. "Oh Millie…" Abbey had to hand the phone to Jed and sit down before her knees buckled around her.
Jed had listened beside Abbey's ear and heard the entire thing. He felt numb with disbelief. "Millie, where are you right now?"
"At the hospital in Tahoe," she replied between hitched breaths.
"Is anyone with you? Have you called your family? Dave's family?"
Millie shook her head but obviously Jed couldn't see that. "No, I called Abbey first. I…what do I do?" Her voice was barely over a whisper now.
Jed stood beside where Abbey sat, silently crying. He gently squeezed her shoulder. She took his hand in hers and clutched it tight. "Millie, you need to call Dave's family. They live in California, right?"
"His parents are in Danville."
That meant nothing to Jed, having been to California only once, for Dave and Millie's wedding two years earlier. He felt sick, but pushed past it. "You have to call them. They'll come be with you. And call your parents. They should be with you, too."
"They're all the way in LA."
"Call them. They'll be on the first plane out, I'm sure. Would you like us to come out to be with you? I'll buy I plane ticket for Abbey right now, if you want," Jed insisted. Abbey nodded up at him, trying to dry her eyes. She reached up for the phone. Before Millie could answer, Jed told her Abbey was coming back on the line. He handed her the phone and whispered, "I'm going to attend to our guests. Anything you want, we'll do. Just let me know." He kissed her cheek before taking a deep breath and walking back out to the living room.
"Millie, I'm sorry I gave you to Jed. I just…I'm in shock. I can't even imagine what's going on there. What can I do?"
Millie paused to consider for a moment. Right then, she just wanted to escape from everything. "I'm going to call Dave's parents. They're only a few hours' drive away. And I need them here to…to make decisions."
"That'll be good. I don't like you being alone."
"Abbey," Millie began, but trailed off.
"What is it? Anything you need, Jed and I are here. Or there. Whatever you need," Abbey assured her friend.
Millie's tears returned. "Abbey, can I come spend Christmas with you?"
"Of course. You're welcome here anytime. As long as you want. You always have a place with us."
Later that evening, when their guests had all gone to bed and Elizabeth was fast asleep, Jed and Abbey sat quietly on the sofa, staring at the fireplace. They were nestled snugly in each other's arms. Neither spoke. Their minds were far too consumed with the news of Dave.
Abbey had, at first, mourned the loss of a dear friend. The idea that no one would ever call her Endora again, never again pepper her with questions about places she'd been to that he'd never see, never again whistle jingles from commercials that would never actually get made.
From there, she moved onto utter concern for Millie. Abbey knew she needed to be strong for her friend in this, the most awful moment of her life.
But now, in the quiet, Abbey allowed herself to think somewhat selfishly, hoping to get it out so she could focus on more important things. As much as she felt for Millie and her loss, Abbey couldn't help but imagine what it would be like if anything ever happened to Jed. They were supposed to spend the rest of their lives together. Raise their children and grow old and retire and dote on grandchildren. But Dave's accident showed her that everything could change in an instant. Everything in her world could get ripped away without warning. Abbey couldn't even contemplate what she would do without Jed. Her life was so completely tied to him. She'd married him because she didn't want her life to be any other way. He was a part of her. He and Liz and their unborn baby were everything. If anything ever took one of them from her, she honestly didn't know how she would be able to live. Abbey gripped Jed's arms tighter around her, forcing herself to feel his permanent presence.
Jed leaned in to press a kiss to the top of her head, breathing her scent in deeply. He didn't say anything, not wanting to break the pensive silence. But he hoped his embrace would tell her everything he knew she already knew: he loved her, he cherished her, he would be with her always, and everything he had or would ever have was because she loved him. Everything else was unimportant.