So, here I am playing ESO and doing the Mage's guild story line. Now, I'm not mage I'm just bored and it has the mad god in the story. So I decided to do my own crack fanfic of our dear Hero or Heroine, which will be in second person POV, of his/her quest.

Possible multiple endings depending on what you chose XD

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So yeah, the Mages guild is the guild of your choice. Pretty smart choice if your hunting more for lore books and leveling just by reading. If reading it not your choice, why in the name of oblivion are you here? Looking around for the person in charge to join the guild full of magic users.

Perhaps you think that a weapon that is enchanted counts. Well you'd be right! At least you can get discounts on soul gems, right? Of course if you joined the Fighters guild then you'd get some cool weapons and discounts on weapon crafting items.

"Are you gonna shut up?" you asked out loud, "Seriously let's get on with the story here." You scowl. Possible ignoring the people staring at you.

Shut up and let the narrator talk! Any who, before being rudely interrupting, you notice a man in the corner named Curinure, which is what the arrow over his head said. You walked up to him as he turned to you with a warm smile.

"Welcome." He told you, "Are you here on Mages Guild business?" he asked you. You looked at him confused… Or in complete boredom as he was talking to you like a child who didn't have two braincells.

"I would say something, but my dialogue of choice won't allow me to speak my mind." You commented almost to yourself turning to face to nowhere, as if talking to someone else there. Curinure just stood there waiting for a reply, and here he talked to you like the idiot.

You gave a pleasant smile, or still same boredom look which ever fits well on your face. "Let's talk about the Mages Guild." You said to him.

He nodded with a bow of his head, "Always good to speak to another knowledge-seeker. Guildmaster Vanus will be pleased." He told you. Seeing as you can't ask just 'who' you have to ask very stupidly.

"Who leads the Guild." Even though the just told you. Though he doesn't seem to notice as he tilted his head.

"Vanus Galerion, one of the founding members of this august body. Still holds proud title of Guildmaster, overseeing every guildhall in Tamriel." He told you. "He works with other ranking members, such as Telenger the Atificer, to ensure our future success.".

You didn't really feel like asking more pointless questions, seriously why ask them if you already knew why your joining in the first place. "I'm ready to join the Mages Guild." You told him with a casual shrug.

He seemed to be happy by this news as he spread out his arms in joy, "Excellent! You are now a Student of the Mages Guild!" he smiled, "Every book you find will now earn you reputation in the guild. I suggest you begin by talking to Valaste, our Mirstree of Incunabula."

You honestly didn't know what that was, but you just smiled a nodded, "She often has tasks for new recruits." He told you with a nod to you, "Good luck!"

You walk away over to this Valaste, honestly why did mages have to use such big words. Did they really think I made them sound smarter? If that was true, you better learn how to sound smarter by learning big words also. You hoped to find a book, using big words might help you with persuading your way out of conflict. You've ran into situation that could have been avoid by learning persuasions, but you learn it you had to be a student in the Mages Guild. Why must it be so complicated?

"Why can't it just be 'yes join our guild with no quests'?" You grumble to yourself, "People always need me, of all people, to do something. Damn the hero complex.". You walk up to a high elf who was Valaste, you got a chill in the air, shit she better not be important for something later.

She wanted you to get some books, simple enough. Ruin clear and clean was your thing, go in get everything till the place is dry, come back. That was how you found over fifteen glowing books so far, and sadly chests you couldn't open yet. Down side was that due to this method you had way too many quests.

"Hey!" you said, "I'll do them, just not now."

Sure you will, any way you found the books with ease. Had to fight some monsters, the typical daedric in the dark dungeons, or was that drauger, well all enemies were the same thing in every game 'ANNOYING!'. Seriously, here you are way over the level you should be for the Mages Guild, you just wanted a reason not to do the next part of the main quest due to the long conversations. Don't look up like that, it's the truth.

Well back to the story, you managed to get the books, it was simple lore stuff and magical mumbo jumbo. You walked up to the third book only to find it blank, well no shit the pages are just plain yellow parchment. You huff, this better no lead to another quest. But luck hates you it seems, or the divines love fucking you. No making faces at the ceiling, you look crazy when you do that.

So here you go back to the Mages Guild after talking to the mage called Shalidor. Which if you were the same Hero to be made in a few 1,000 years with knowledge of the future you already know who that is. You walk up to Valaste again with the books in your bottomless bag it seemed.

"Were you successful?" she asked in an eager tone, "Do you have the tomes?" You stared for a minute, shit not a bookwormer. Well granted most of mages were bookworms, but she sounded like the kind that would lecture you on book hygiene. You held back a groan at this thought and gave a smile as you handed over the books.

"Yes, I have them right here." You told her as she took them with a grin, "And something strange happened." You hoped she would go off on a book rant after that last part.

"Well done!" she said looking at the books, "You're already proving your worth to the Guild." She the blinked at your quick statement, "Sorry, did you say strange? What happened?"

Your lucky day, the divines smile on you… for now. You nodded slowly to her seemingly ignoring that comment, "An old man in robes appeared to me. He said his name was Shalidor?" granted like my other statement, you might know who that is if you're a seer or just the disposable clean up hero by the divines. Either one, if not just listen to Valaste like the narrator doesn't exist. She stared at you in shock.

"Shalidor?" she echoed, "Labyrinthian's father, the spellmirror's forger/ Are you speaking truly?" she asked you, "And um … this book's pages are blank. Why is it glowing?"

You tilted your head, "Shalidor appeared right after I picked up that book." You told her. "He said fire would show you the words."

Valaste seemed to understand, "The spellwrights of the First Era used a special ink that would remain invisible until immersed in arcane fire." You stared at her, if she knew that why did it take you saying 'fire' to trigger it? Mages made no sense. "Perhapes that's what her meant? We have a brazier nearby burning with such fire." Seemed to be a rhetorical question she asked, "Let's see what the flames reveal."

You took the book; why did you have to do this? She had too legs that weren't broken, why does the hero have to so nice to do things these people should have the competence to do? "I'll give it a try." You told her.

Valaste nodded, "Cast the book into the arcane fire. Fear not. The pages will not burn." You gave another annoyed look, no duh detective. No one in their right mind would allow you to burn a book for the fun of it in this place.

So yeah you placed it in the fire and let Valaste do most of the talking, and you pretended to be interested. Saying whatever came up for options of talking back to her. Your mind mostly thought on what you'd snack on after this. Cheese and bread sounded great right about now.

"Yeah I'm ready." You told her, then blinked, what had you just agreed to. Possible to summon Shadlior, or that's what the floating white text told you anyway. So you believed floating words. Didn't take long for a person with light purple and blue particles to show in front of you. So you decided to talk to this glowing man who clearly should be dead right? Actually now that you think about it, you have no idea if he's dead or alive. Oh well.

"I can sense … yes. The aura around you slows with good fortune." You took his word for it, "You will be the one to help me complete my final task." Did all mages think they knew everything just by looking at a person? You looked over to the side.

"I'm starting to regret taking on this quest already." You muttered, earning another confused stare around you. You turned to Shalidor with a confused look, "Why me?' you asked.

Shalidor sighed, "What I hope to accomplish is difficult. Perhaps impossible. It will require great strength of spirit!" well that had to be you, even thought you didn't have a soul. "I sense this strength in you." Of course he does, "That is what drew us together in the ruins."

What was this a wedding, find the 'one' out of them all. No bad thoughts, you shook them away and looked at him uninterested almost, "What is this task?" you asked him.

Shalidor looked at you, "A storm rages toward us, Adept." This doesn't sound good, "War has come to Tamriel and the Mages of this great guild must have quarter." Well yes there was a war, but the mages were hardly involved, "I intend to offer them a safe haven. A sanctuary where they may study in peace."

You had a bad feeling about this and hesitantly asked, "How do we create this sancturary?"

"I created that sancturary, centries ago!" did that meant he was a spirit? And if that was true then yeah nothing horrible, "It was stolen from me by an agent of chaos, and magically transported to the Shivering Isles." Well damn you knew there this going. "To recover the island we must locate four hidden tomes." And this is the task isn't it? "This is the task of which I speak of." Of course it is. Why was it always deadly places, you'd take building the sanctuary over finding it in this Shivering Isles any other day, and to jinks yourself you thought it couldn't be worse.

"Where are these tome?" you asked with a fake smile.

"They're being held in a place known as … Cheesemonger's Hollow. It is a realm of the Mad God, Shergorath." You really hated life right now, it got worse. "Stand by my side, and I will open a portal."

You turned again to the side, "Seeing as I have no other choices I'll have to, even though I think he lost this place for a good reason." You gave the fake smile again, "I"ll stand with you, Shalidor."

"Be careful." He warned, ungrateful bastard here you were being kind and he has to go all 'forewarning', or is it 'foreshadowing?', on you. "Sherogorath is not to be taken lightly." No duh, no daedric prince is to be, but if he offers food how can you say no you were hungry right now and the name of the place clearly it must have cheese right? "I lost my sanctuary because of his nimble tongue and mad stare."

Yeah he lost it for a reason. So with nothing else to ask, as you were tired fo talking to him, he opened the portal. You huffed, you knew this was going to go horrible. At least it's no another Mol Bolg quest, right? Stop glaring at the ceiling and walk through the damn portal.

Onto the adventure!