Alright, this is my first story so I would like any feedback you can provide. Based on the Star Wars universe, the main character is one of my OC's. Feel free to burn this if you don't like it, but constructive criticism would be greater appreciated.
Once, just once I would like for things to be easier than they look. I mean, life's tough enough raising two ad'ike on my own, not wanting to relocate to Manda'yaim, even though the community of fellow Mando'ade could help me if I did, and on top of it being pressed for creds. But that's not the worse part. To raise some creds, I took on a job to find some lazy chakaar who was too stupid to pay his debtors. Standard merc job, no big deal right? Wrong. Turns out the the guy wasn't as much of a mir'osik as I thought, so the hunt took months, months I don't have as a single dad. So I eventually find him and he pulls out a blaster and sicks his pet akks on me. At that point even some pious, peace-loving Jetii would snap and fry the guy's shebs, even though the bounty on the head of this shabuir was worth more alive.
So here I am, a poverty-ridden Mando'ad who's a single dad, and who can't support his ade. The one thing that I can be thankful for is that, despite barely having enough money to even feed them, they still love me. Sometimes those two little children are all that keeps me sane and this family together.
Sorry, kinda lost you back there, didn't I? How about we start this over with some proper introductions. My name is Buruk Cuyanir, which roughly means "Dangerous Survivor" in Mando'a. If you can't tell by now, I'm a Mandalorian. If you don't know what that is, think of the infamous Jango Fett, one of the very few men to kill Jedi with his bare hands. He was once our Mandalore, or leader of the clans. Now he is dead, killed by the very people he sold his blood and experience to, the Jedi and their pious Republic. It is a disgrace to all Mandalorians that the selfish chakaar sold out to that scum.
Sorry if I lost you again. It probably doesn't help that I use Mando'a in everyday conversations. I probably shouldn't even be doing that, as it is against the Resolnare, or the Six Tenants that all Mandalorians follow and live by. But then again, these are my thoughts, and most of my thoughts are in Mando'a. So by a way of thinking, I'm technically not breaking any rules by doing so. Alright, I'll keep thinking in Mando'a and, if it's critical, I'll give you a translation. Can't tell my story right if you don't know how I think, right?
Alright, let's get going then. Last I checked I had just fried some shabuir…
To be continued