Lokidottir
(Part 1 of the Menel Series)
By: Lalaith Quetzalli
As Skye lay on that cellar, bleeding to death, she did something she hadn't done in years, she called for her mom... and someone answered... When Skye is close to death someone actually hears her call for help, her blood-family. They will do anything to protect her. And from then on, nothing will ever be the same again.
I don't own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Thor, Avengers of anything else in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (as should be obvious, it's all owned by Marvel). I own the character of Tawariel, the version of the Ljósálfar (Light Elves) I portray here; which, I'm told, are quite Tolkien-ish... however, other than the basics of the elves (looks, language, some songs) Tolkien and his works will have no connection to this. I also own Skye's origin story (in all that it deviates from what is being shown in the series).
This story is in no way connected to my Nightingale-verse. It has everything to do with my One-Shot Menel.
When I first wrote Menel I intended for it to be a One-Shot. The 'impossible story' I called it as, from the very moment the idea first came to me I knew, without a doubt, there was no way something like what I had thought of could ever be. While I'm pretty sure at least one of Skye's parents will turn out to be from another realm, probably even Asgardian, I'm quite sure it won't be Loki, and things certainly won't be like the story he has with Tawar. However, once the idea got into my head I couldn't help myself, I had to write it, so I did.
When I posted Menel I hoped some people would read it, maybe a few would even like it, and that would be it. I had another (pretty complicated) Avengers story already in the works, which had to remain my main focus (and it still is, to be honest). Nightingale may be behind canon right now, but I'm working on the actual sequel (not AUs, as the ones who've read it will understand) which will go into T2:tDW; and after that a companion story featuring my second favorite pairing from that verse Darcy/Phil, which will also go into AoS, or my version of the show for that verse. So, people will probably understand when I say I never intended for Menel to go beyond the (quite long) One-Shot I originally wrote.
From the first day the story was posted (or night, depending on your point of view), people were reading the fic, were liking it; and beyond what I could have ever imagined, they were asking for me to continue. Either they didn't focus on the whole 'Impossible' thing I'd mentioned, or just did not care. I decided to give a sequel a try, though I warned readers that it would be until at least two more episodes had gone by in the show, so I had an idea what I had to work with; I even said that if I decided that wasn't enough, I would wait until the season finale.
In the end, I'm not waiting that long, but also some things have happened in the show I knew I would have to work around... like a certain blue alien, the GH 'experimental drug', not to say the shocking not-exactly-clear scene the 15th episode ended in! After almost a whole day thinking things over, I finally made a decision on what to do, and it was this:
Menel will stay as it is right now, as a One-Shot and a short, simple version of this. Lokidottir will be the first in a longer version of Menel, a series that will bear that name. Thus the first two or three chapters of this story will be a rewrite of the original One-Shot, with some scenes added for a better understanding of new things, and some changes to allow for the things that have come to happen in the show and I will include here. The basics are still the same: Tawar a she-elf, Loki's match, the two of them Skye's parents, their tragedy, their finding Skye, the story told. However, things will take the context of the 14th episode, among some other things. You will see, and I hope you'll like... Here goes.
(Opening created by Coulsye Productions, can be found in her youtube account)
Chapter 1. Daughter of...
A woman was standing in the shade of a tree, golden skin, a little over five and a half feet tall, with light brown loose curls falling down her shoulders and small honey-brown eyes, she was dressed in a soft green gown long to the ground, with a wide round neckline, bell-like long sleeves and delicate white embroidery in the hem. Around her neck was a gold locket, round, with a design of elaborate knots engraved in the middle, surrounded by a ring of other symbols. It was a family heirloom. Her feet were bare. And her hands... they were poised delicately together, just above her middle, above the swell of her belly...
The wind seemed to change abruptly, if only for an instant, and in the next second the woman was alone no more in that meadow. Standing just a couple of feet away was a man, almost all of six feet tall, with a slim, athletic build, alabaster skin, stormy eyes, short wild, raven hair; dressed in a green tunic, dark leather breeches and equally dark leather boots; all of it half-hidden by a tanned-cloak.
"Serrure..." She whispered in the softest voice, an almost angelic smile on her face.
"Tawariel..." He whispered in the same tone, pushing back the hood and then fully dropping the cloak with a couple of smooth moves.
It looked like he was about to rush her, but before he could the woman, Tawariel, raised a hand in a stopping motion. When she moved the other more fully to her bump, Serrure followed it, understanding the motion in an instant.
"You're..." He was in shock.
"With child." She confirmed. "Your child..."
In the next instant he was holding her, by the hips, much more delicately than he might have, hadn't he known of her condition, then he proceeded to raise her into the air and spin her around; joyful laughter pouring from his mouth, a melody that was doubled when hers joined it.
"You're amazing!" He announced after a while, when he finally set her back on her feet. "The most amazing woman I've ever met. My elven princess..."
"You know I haven't been a princess for the longest time... not Tawariel, just Tawar." She reminded him in an almost chastising tone, but with a smile still on her lips.
"For me you will always be a princess, my Tawariel, the same lady who bewitched me body and soul from the first moment I laid eyes on her." He declared passionately. "And now our joy is to be multiplied, with the addition of a child..." His voice quieted slightly as he added. "I wish I could take you home, to my home I mean. To Asgard... make you my wife, give you the life you deserve... wish I could recognize this child as mine, as is proper..."
"But we cannot, and we both know the reasons why, your father would never approve." She reminded him quietly. "And as wonderful as your mother might be, she cannot change that." She shook her head. "Also, never blame yourself for the life I've had. It is the life I chose, both for you and for myself. And even if the rest of the universe can never know about us, we know, and that's what matters. Our daughter will know who her father is, and that's what will matter..."
"Daughter?" He inquired, interested.
"I've seen her in my dreams." She informed him. "Though her image is blurry. My precognitive abilities are not the best, of course. Still, I have seen her..."
With a touch to his temple, she shared the image with him: of a girl with sun-kissed skin, waves of light-brown hair falling down her back and doe eyes; the clothes she was wearing were quite different to what the parents could readily identify, either from Alfheim or Asgard, however, that did not actually matter; the child was smiling in the dream-image, with a look that seemed to hide a thousand secrets. She seemed happy, only that mattered.
"That's all I've seen clearly." Tawariel informed him. "I know not why she's wearing such clothes, or where she is..."
"It doesn't matter, we'll have time to find out all those details." Serrure assured her. "All that matters is that we're having a happy, beautiful little girl. Identical to her mother..."
"Wish she had your eyes." She whispered, caressing his face. "I do love your eyes, the changing colors, they're like the ever changing skies, from clear, to clouded to a raging storm..."
"She will be a copy of her gorgeous mother, and that is enough for me." He insisted.
Then he proceeded to prove just how happy he was by kissing her breathless.
xXx
Tawar was pacing that morning, from one side of the clearing to the other; though she stopped every few minutes to rest. The swell of her belly was more pronounced, showing she was more than halfway through her pregnancy by that point.
Serrure appeared in the clearing at some point during her pacing; he was about to rush her and kiss her, wanting to feel the life growing beneath his beloved's skin; and then he noticed the tension in her every muscle.
"What is wrong?" He asked quietly, worried.
Tawar reacted to the sound of someone else in the clearing with her instinctively, spinning around sharply, one arm going around her belly, protectively, while with the other she wielded a silver dagger. It was the last part that shocked Serrure the most; his beloved was not a fighter, had never been, she actually abhorred violence above all else, to see her holding a weapon, even one as beautiful as the delicate silver dagger on her hand, seemed completely wrong.
"Melamin (My love)?" He called, using her language so as to set her at ease. "Lle tyava quel (Do you feel well)?"
"Aye..." She eventually calmed down, switching to Common Tongue. "You just surprised me."
"I could tell." He murmured, taking the dagger from her slowly and going to embrace her. "What has happened to make you decide to take a weapon. You hate violence..."
"I may hate a lot of things, but that does not mean I wouldn't fight to protect what I love." Tawar assured him, melting into his arms.
"I believe you." He assured her. "But what has made you believe this is necessary."
"Your father knows about me, and about the child..." She revealed quietly, sadly.
"What?!" He was shocked. "That's not possible! I've taken every precaution..."
"I think it is possible that he knew about me all along." She explained him. "It's just... as long as I wasn't a threat to his power, he was leaving me alone. Now..."
"You're still no threat to him." He insisted.
"You know his delusions better than most. The things he's come to believe... the thing he's done to your other children..." She shook her head repeatedly. "I will not allow that kind of tragic fate to befall any child of mine."
"You have a plan..." It wasn't a question.
"I'm leaving." She announced, backtracking after seeing his desolate expression. "Not you, I mean this place. I cannot stay here, not when he could come for me, for us at any moment. I need to depart before I enter my last trimester, by then it will be too dangerous for my baby to travel. I was just waiting for your visit, so you would know."
"How are you planning to leave? And where to?"
"I don't know where exactly just yet, though it obviously will be another realm." Tawar told him honestly. "As to how... Lady Thenidiel owed me a favor..."
"The Lady Thenidiel..." He repeated in complete shock. "Alfheim's most powerful spellweaver owed you a favor?"
"As you know, I am no sorceress myself." She elaborated. "I may no longer be a princess, but she hasn't forgotten a time when I gave her my help when she needed it. She knew I needed her now, without me even having to look for her. She brought this." She showed him what looked like a piece of glass. "She says it's a teleportation spell, with enough power to break into another realm. Because it has her signature they won't connect it to me, and if anyone ever asks, she will tell them it was part of an experiment that she chose not to pursue, as it didn't work right. It also will leave no trace so, even if somehow, someone were to suspect the truth, they still wouldn't be able to track me down."
"It is an amazing favor." He admitted. "So, where have you planned on going?"
"Well, Asgard is out for obvious reasons, same as the Realms of the Dead, that of Demons, Svartalfheim, Jotunheim and Nidavellir." She enlisted. "I might be able to hide out in Vanaheim, I can hide my elven features and pass as a Vanir easy enough. However, it's so close to Asgard that... well, I don't know."
"Which only leaves one place." He cut to the chase. "Midgard. If you hide your elven features you will be able to pass for human too, and everyone in Asgard thinks so little of mortals they will never think of looking for you there."
She nodded, he was right.
"You must leave tomorrow." He informed her. "For your own safety, and the baby's, the sooner the better."
"You're not coming with me, are you?" She was sad, but understood why.
"I need to find out who knows about you and how much they know, then do what I can to destroy any evidence they might have, especially of our child." He informed her. "I will join you in Midgard once I'm done there. Even if it takes me a while, I will join you."
"How?" She didn't want to sound so hopeless, but her pregnancy was affecting her moods, sending her from one end to the other abruptly. "Midgard is such a big Realm...
"I will always find you, I promise you." He assured her, brushing her tears away
"I believe you." She nodded, doing her best to smile for him. "I trust you."
"I love you." He replied.
"Amin mella le..." She whispered back in her own language.
If they'd had known what was coming their way, perhaps they wouldn't have been so quick to say their goodbyes that day, would have taken their time, enjoyed a few moments together. But they did not know, and they chose to part, not knowing things would never be the same again.
xXx
A woman's pained cry was closely followed by a baby's. There was the rustling of clothes, and after a couple of minutes an old woman, a midwife, placed a flushed-skinned tiny baby, wrapped in a beautiful ivory blanket with green and golden embroidery before the young woman laying on the bed. The woman, with her usually luscious brown hair matted with sweat and honey eyes half-closed in exhaustion reacted instantly, wrapping her arms around her baby.
The midwife said something in a language the new-mother couldn't understand, but then another, a girl, who had been acting as nurse through the whole labor, translated in half-broken Common (or as the humans called the language, English).
"You...have... beautiful baby-girl..." She said.
Tawar nodded, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. She half heard the girl telling her they would leave so she could bond with her child in private. The two women had been so very supportive since finding her lost near their property, with just a small bag of things that did little for her in the new world, and not knowing how to survive in the new one. She had sold most of her jewelry; all but her locket in fact, as it held a personal value, higher than any price someone could offer for it Still, the money had helped her some, and the midwife and granddaughter had allowed her to stay with them in their small, two room home.
In that moment she was crying, not only at the wonder of the small, beautiful life in her arms, but also in sadness at the absence of her beloved. Serrure had promised to go to her, to find her; yet after almost four months, he still hadn't. She knew how much he loved her, and there was no doubt in her mind that, if he hadn't reached her yet, there must be a reason. Something had gone wrong on his end, very wrong.
She hadn't named her baby yet, she wanted her beloved to be there when she did, but the more time that passed, the more she began to wonder if that day would ever come. She knew that she would have to get on the move soon, for her safety and her daughter's. She couldn't stay in one place for long, not with the risk of certain individuals finding her, people who might wish her, and especially her child, harm.
A day and a half later, in the hour before dawn, Tawar had just finished breast-feeding her baby when she felt coldness filling her. She might not have been a Sorceress herself, but had enough awareness to sense when someone not-human, someone of power, was approaching... and it wasn't her beloved.
"Xiefa!" Tawar called, her voice shooting through two octaves in her nervousness.
Xiefa, the midwife's teenage granddaughter, rushed into the room not long afterwards. There was a question already on her lips, probably if the baby needed changing again, as she'd been helping Tawar with that while the new-mother recovered enough strength to move.
"Xiefa..." Tawar interrupted her in her most serious voice. "How far is the closest town?"
"Six hours a...on fo...foot a' good speed." The girl told her promptly.
"Can you make it?" Tawar forced herself to speak despite the coming tears. "Can you get there, with the baby?"
Xiefa was absolutely shocked by the question, and not because she didn't understand it; because she understood more English than she could actually speak (as her accent made the pronunciation harder, somehow).
"Yes..." The girl admitted after what seemed like forever.
"You need to take her." Tawar told her. "Need to take her away. For safety." She explained as best she could, as fast as possible. "There's someone coming, for me, for us... they cannot find her. She must be protected..."
Xiefa did not want to go, was terrified of hurting the newborn child, of leaving her grandmother and even the woman she'd begun seeing as family as well. Eventually Yue, the midwife, joined the conversation, pretty much ordering her granddaughter to take the baby and run the moment she understood, more or less, the seriousness of the situation.
Tawar would have told Yue to run as well, but the old-woman would have never managed the journey to the town, she was too old (there was a reason they had people who ran errands for them). Still, they both felt the need to protect their families.
"You must... name child..." Yue stated in a very thick accent, speaking English for the first time before Tawar.
That actually gave the brunette pause, as she looked at the baby in her arms; she didn't want to let her go, not for her life... but knew it was necessary, for her own life, to keep her safe from those who wished her harm, like Serrure's father... She remembered why she hadn't named her just yet, and it made her sad to think her beloved wouldn't be able to offer his opinion. Still, Tawar knew the perfect name, had known it since first seeing the child, her eyes...
"Menel..." She whispered emotionally, placing a kiss on her baby's brow in blessing. "For her eyes, her father's eyes..."
Eyes that would be hidden. It was something she could do with what little magic she possessed. She didn't like it, but it was necessary, even when the child looked mostly like her, that eye-color would scream who her father was, to those who knew him. It also explained why her visions had showed her a girl with doe eyes, rather than ones that reflected storms; her vision kept clearing up, just like upon first arriving to Midgard and seeing Xiefa she'd begun to understand the clothes her future daughter had been wearing. And she'd also just understood why the vision had showed her daughter standing alone...
Almost as an after-thought Tawar pulled the golden locket over her head, before placing the chain around her baby's neck. It was long for her still, but she would grow into it, and at least that way she would have something from her...
"Menel, my beautiful child..." She whispered, placing another tender kiss on her head before whispering into her ear in elvish. "Amin mela lle, lirimaer amin (I love you, my lovely one)..."
"What does the name mean?" Xiefa asked quietly.
Tawar was feeling so emotionally tired already she whispered one single word into the girl's ear; she nodded in understanding, then shouldered the bag with everything they'd gotten for the baby, making sure she would have no problems with it, and straightened up to receive the child. Before the grief of losing her newborn girl made her even think of something insane, Tawar placed her carefully in Xiefa's arms.
"Goodbye, my treasure..." She whispered as Xiefa turned to leave. "I promise, I will find you one day, my treasure. You won't be alone forever. We will find you..."
They would, Tawar swore that to herself and to her child. It didn't matter how long it took, or what it might cost, one day she would find her daughter.
xXx
The she-elf was on the dirt-ground, coughing and gasping, blood coming out of her mouth and dripping down her lip after the back-handed slap had split her lip open; before another hit had caused her to involuntarily bite the inside of her own mouth (hence the rest of the blood). The hit, added to her remaining weakness after giving birth less than seventy-two hours ago, made it so she couldn't actually stand on her own two-feet.
It took almost a full minute, but eventually Tawar managed to breathe right again. As she raised her head she couldn't stop her dark-honey eyes from meeting the blank ones of Yue. Her body was half-unseen in the remains of the broken wood and mud wall; in the very spot where she'd fallen after the Eihenjar had carelessly thrown her away, when she was only trying to help Tawar. And while the old woman had known the risks of staying around, of even taking her in, or perhaps more-so for those very reasons, Tawar grieved her loss. Yue was the sweetest, kindest woman the former elven princess had ever met, she hadn't deserved such a cruel death, and especially how little her murderer even cared...
As Tawar laid there, thinking about Yue, her thoughts strayed to Xiefa. She could only hope the girl had managed to reach the town alright with the baby; that the two of them might be able to hide there. As long as they survived, as they managed to stay away from those who wished them harm, nothing else mattered.
As if on cue, another figure entered the half-destroyed hut right then; one figure she knew well, the very reason for all her grievances...
"How hard the mighty have fallen..." The man mocked her as he locked around the place. "From princess, to pariah to... this..."
Tawar didn't answer him, didn't think it was worth it.
"Where is the baby?" He asked, though his attention was on the man who'd arrived first.
"I know not, your Majesty." The Eihenjar admitted.
"What?!" The royal man wasn't expecting that.
"When I found the she-elf she had no one but the crone with her." The soldier gestured vaguely to the dead woman. "No child, newborn or otherwise. Not even a trace of her existence anywhere in the house or the surroundings."
"How is that possible?" The King inquired, still in disbelief. "The mages had no doubts about it, the brat was born less than three days ago!"
The Eihenjar could only shrug, not having any further answers for his liege.
Unsatisfied, the tall man approached the she-elf still on her knees, taking hold of her and with no care for her at all, pulling her up. She wasn't actually standing, the King holding her up, high enough her bare toes barely grazed the dirt; yet she could hardly care at the moment, focused as she was on breathing.
"Where is the brat?!" The king demanded her. "Where is that monster-spawn?"
For all answer she half-spat, half-coughed on the man, blood splattering on his face and clothes. Disgusted he let go of her, not caring for the way she dropped to the ground, or the pained groan as her already tired body became even more bruised.
"I will never tell you what you want to know..." She hissed before letting out another cough and a little more blood. "Never..."
"Listen to me, little elf..." He told her in the most serious voice. "I have nothing truly against you, but you are beginning to truly annoy me. I can care little about what you do with your life, but that brat of yours is a risk, to Asgard and to all of Yggdrassil... she cannot be allowed to live..."
"If you honestly believe that saying that will make me tell you, you are beyond insane." Tawar practically snarled at him. "Your words only make obvious that having a son doesn't make a father. For if you truly were that you would realize a parent will never give up a child, never. I would rather die a thousand deaths than allow you anywhere close to my child..."
"I will make you tell me." He insisted. "Whatever I have to do. I will get that information out of you. I won't have any monster-spawn being a risk to what I've built!"
"I know what you've done to the rest of Serrure's children, and will never allow that to happen to my baby, never." Tawar insisted. "No matter what you do, I will never tell you what you want to know... never ever."
"We will see about that." There was no mistaking the dark glint in his eyes, he ws willing to truly do anything, hurt her even.
"You will never find my child." Tawar insisted, half to him, half to herself. "Never!"
In that moment she had no idea of what was yet to come to her; though on one point she was right, Odin never did find her baby... no matter how much he tried, all the destruction and death he caused, he could never find her.
xXx
Unknown to most people in the Realm Eternal, even to the actual Eihenjar, there was another cell, besides those in the palace's basement, what was commonly known as the dungeons. A room made completely of stone, all around, with no windows and no doors; it could only be accessed with a teleportation spell, by a person holding a magical key. It was impossible to escape. Also, the rocks the walls were made of were special, they drained magic and energy; eventually anyone placed inside it would be drained to the point that they would fall into a trance similar to a very deep sleep, or a coma.
It was a prison meant for the worst of criminals, those who had committed the worst kind of betrayal, for being sentenced there was like being dead while never truly dying. It was a prison only a select few knew of, though most believed it hadn't been used in millennia... the King of Asgard knew different. He himself had sent a young elven-lady there, over two decades before; after she'd proven that nothing, not magic, nor persuasion, nor torture, would make her speak, make her reveal her secrets... and the one the King cared to know the most: the location of her offspring: the child who, according to his sources, had been born less than three days before he found her, with only an old, mortal woman to defend her... he'd still missed the brat, and the elf refused to talk.
It was all his traitorous son's fault, he knew. The fool should have known better than to try having a child; hadn't he seen what had become of all the other ones? It was all because his foolish son was a monster, even if he didn't know it yet; monsters weren't meant to have children, especially not monsters who could one day destroy the world he (the king) had built. He would never allow anyone, especially not a bastard's brat, destroy the way of life he'd spent thousands of years building, his legacy, his throne...
In the end he still needed his foolish bastard of a son for his plans, but he did not need the she-elf, and the problems she could cause. So he'd sent her to the 'box', and made sure to erase any and all memories his adopted son had of her. The brat had disappeared for the time being, but he would find her one day, and he would destroy her utterly. A fitting punishment for the parents who had dared defy him by bringing her into the world and then daring to try and run to keep her from him, as if anyone could ever have more power than him...
Those were his plans, the plans of the King of the Realm Eternal, Asgard, of Odin Allfather. Plans that came crashing down when his adopted son chose to commit suicide rather than stay under his thumb. Only he didn't die, he fell through space and emptiness and darkness; fell into the abyss, where he discovered pain and horror, and at some point, he also rediscovered what he did not know he had lost: a princess from the forests, with eyes like honey and beautiful curls of golden-brown hair; and the miracle she'd been carrying in her womb...
Throughout everything that followed that fall: the pain, the grief, the torture, the war, the defeat, the hysteria, the loss, the escape, the sacrifice... he never forgot the two loves of his life, never stopped fighting in their name and memory. Until the day came when he managed to rob the King of his throne, claiming it for himself. With that throne came a key, and when the Fool, who had become the Usurper, decided to place Odin in that very cell to keep him out of the way, he found his elven princess there. And everything changed once again.
When Tawar woke up, in a four-poster bed with silk-sheets and huge pillows, in a huge bedroom with wooden floors, bookshelves that went from floor to ceiling, from wall to wall, and forest-green drapes swaying softly in the wind, opened to reveal a balcony with a gorgeous view of the Eternal Realm... she did not recognize the room, or the view, or the world she was in. However, she did recognize the eyes staring at her, the man sitting beside her, waiting for her to wake up: it was the Fool, turned Usurper, seen as King, her beloved...
"Serrure..." She whispered, her voice hoarse by lack of use.
"Tawariel..." He addressed her the same way he had all those times, in another world, a different life, so many years before...
"You found me..." She whispered, marveled.
"I will always find you." He assured her, bring one of her hands to his lips, to kiss. "Call me by my true name, I wish for nothing more right now than to hear it from your lips. Say it, please..."
"Loki, my love..." She whispered.
For a few seconds not a word was said, until something reminded her of her last days fully conscious; instinctively her free hand went to her middle, to the bump no longer there. She had known it wouldn't be, she remembered the birth of her child clearly enough, the bittersweet day and a half that followed... and also her loss...
"Menel..." She whispered brokenly.
"Menel?" He repeated, drinking the name in slowly, switching it then to a more princess-like form. "Meneliel..."
"She's no princess..." She reminded him.
"To me, she is." He insisted. "And now that I hold a throne...Meneliel..."
"I had to let her go..." She confessed to him. "To protect her from your father..."
"He is not my father. He never was." He corrected. "But I see your point." He caressed her face. "Do not feel bad, my love. You did what was necessary to protect your child, our child..."
"She's lost... alone..." She began crying at the thought, the memory of the vision.
"We'll find her." He assured her. "I promise you. We will find our princess... our sky..."
"We'll find her..." She repeated with conviction.
xXx
In a S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy in the United Kingdom, a tall brunette with light brown eyes stood in front of what was known as the Wall of Valor. A marble wall that included the name of every S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent in history that had fallen in the line of duty; for an outsider it would seem that she was like any other wannabe-Agent, or even a Rookie, silently taking in the piece of history the memorial represented; however, her eyes were actually fixed on one single name: Agent L. Avery; a name that meant so much to her, she could hardly put it into words.
One thing kept running through her mind right then: the words that Agent Coulson, the Senior Agent and Leader of the Special Team she worked with as a Consultant, whom she had been with for months, had told her. She had betrayed him at some point, putting her desire, her need for answers concerning her own past rising above her wish for friends and a family, above the love that was growing in her for the mismatched members of the Team. Yet he had forgiven her, and with time she'd managed to make amends, to make things right.
Earlier that day he had revealed to her what he'd found out, the truth about her past; and despite her old self-assurances, it had been worse than anything she could have imagined, in some ways; in others... in others it was amazing, breath-taking... to know that so many people had fought, had died to protect her. While the deaths themselves were certainly a tragedy, especially those of civilians; knowing that people, all who had never known her, some who weren't even fighters, had done all they could to keep her safe... it awed and humbled her at the same time.
She remembered a moment, back when she was still being moved from foster-home to foster-home, when she'd first come to believe that no one wanted her:
Miss Matthews asked her to stay behind when class ended. Several of the students muttered bad jokes as they moved past her, while others whispered that she'd probably failed the test they'd done that day. Skye was actually confused, History was one of few topics she was actually good at, she didn't think she had failed the test, even though she'd arrived to the school at the middle of the term, so then why...
Once the rest of the children cleared the room, the redheaded teacher at the front gestured for her to approach the main desk.
"Did I fail?" Skye blurted out before she could fully think about it.
"What?" Miss Matthews seemed honestly surprised by the question. "No! What would make you think that? Skye, you're one of my best students in this subject..."
"I don't know why else you would ask me to stay back." Skye admitted with a small shrug.
"Well, it wasn't that, I assure you." The teacher insisted. "In fact, just from taking a quick look at your test, I'm sure you'll get full marks, again."
"Then why did you ask me to stay behind?" The girl insisted.
For all answer The teacher placed Skye's test in front of her, there was a mark near the very top of the paper, on the line meant for the name, it said just: Skye...
"For most it would seem like you just forgot to write your surname." Miss Matthews said. "But I've known since your first day in this school, and I have a feeling there's more to this than simply forgetting anything..." When Skye didn't say a word she turned things into a question. "Why didn't you write your surname Skye?"
"I don't have one." The girl shrugged, as if uncaring, though Matthews knew her too well to believe it was really that simple.
"You used to write Bennet as your surname." Matthews reminded her. "It's the name in your school registries. Isn't it?"
For almost a few minutes not a word was spoken. Matthews did not push, just waiting until Skye was ready to talk, and eventually she did.
"It's not mine." She finally began spilling everything out. "The Bennets were the first family to take me in, wrote their name with mine when they first sent me to school. It's how the name ended in my registries. But after three months they didn't want me anymore, they sent me back. Every family has been the same since. No one wants me." She let out a ragged breath. "A surname, it's supposed to be the name of your family, the name you use to claim you're a part of something bigger, your connection to other people. But I have no one, no family, no true surname... because no one wants me. I am the Daughter of None!"
That was the one time Skye allowed herself to cry for not having a family, the first and the last time... All the while Miss Matthews just held her, caresing her hair and murmuring sweet nothings to her, promissing her one day she would have a family. Skye came so close to asking her if she would want to be her family, though she managed to contain herself in the last moment.
In the end, it mattered not, for less than a week later the Lawsons were sending her back to St. Agnes, and a week afterwards she was being carted off to yet another city, another school, another family... none of which would ever truly be hers.
As she thought back on that day, on Miss Matthews, she couldn't help but wonder what her chances were to find her. Just to see her again, to see how she was, and to tell her she'd been right, eve if it had taken so many years, she'd found a family...
It may not be the family she had expected, dreamt of, or even hoped for in a corner of her mind. But somehow it was much better. It was a family where blood did not matter; where the bonds went beyond that, were formed from much more than that. She remembered the words Coulson had said, when he'd shattered her reality, thoroughly destroyed everything she had once believed about the world, and her place in it; yet, at the same time, she also remembered the words she herself had said in answer; when her heart had finally stopped thudding and her brain cleared enough to at least half process her new reality:
"No, my story doesn't end here, it starts here, it started here..." She whispered. "I... for the longest time I believed that no family wanted me, that I wasn't enough; I thought that even my parents hadn't loved me. And now... now I found out it wasn't about the families, or that I wasn't good, or enough, or loved, it was all about my safety. Those families might not have been able to keep me, but that doesn't matter either, because I've always had a family, one that's been protecting me for as long as I've lived; who's always looked after me. That's S.H.I.E.L.D., S.H.I.E.L.D. is my family, and it always will be..."
xXx
A tired Skye dropped onto her bunk heavily. Taking a couple of minutes just to regulate her breathing and try and wait for her muscles to stop burning. She was so completely exhausted... she'd been training so much in the last week, more than ever before in her life; even more than everything her Superior Officer already insisted on having her do since beginning her training months before.
Hardly anyone understood why she was doing it, why she pushed herself so hard; FitzSimmons had actually tried to get her to slow down a bit, least she drop dead from exhaustion; even her SO had told her she shouldn't push herself so hard, there was no need for her to burn herself out before she was ready. May didn't say a thing, nor did Coulson, but then again, they understood why she did it; or at least, if they did not understand, at least they knew her reasons and respected them, respected her to make them.
After a while she felt well enough to sit up, her back against the wall; she pulled her laptop to her and turned it on. It felt so well to be able to use electronics, surf the web, and especially hack once again, without all devices going nuts on her whenever she touched them. She was so glad AC had taken that bracelet off her!
It wasn't even the ability to once again handle electronics, not really (though that helped, made her feel useful once again). No, it was the fact that by taking the bracelet off AC was showing he had forgiven her, she'd regained his trust. There were times after her screw up with Miles when she was afraid that day would never come. And ever since she'd gotten to know Agent Coulson, truly know him, she knew his trust and friendship were precious, and she wanted to have them (she got her priorities mixed up at some point, but managed to atone).
Coulson was special to her, the first person to believe in her in a very long time, quite possibly her whole life... she considered him a dear friend, family even... she wondered if that was what having a father felt like... it was nice, more than that, it was amazing!
Agent Coulson found her still sitting there, working on her laptop a few hours later.
"Everything alright in here, Skye?" He asked her with a small smile.
"Peachy, AC." She assured him.
After a few seconds Coulson seemed to realize that Skye wasn't actually typing anything, just looking at something in her laptop.
"Mind telling me what is it you're looking at so intently?" He asked softly.
For all answer she turned the laptop enough for him to see the screen. It was some sort of tourist site, and there were pictures cycling through. When one showed what looked like a small cottage near rice fields Coulson had a good idea what place it was.
"You're researching China?" He asked in an understanding tone.
"More like just looking it up." Skye shrugged. "I'm curious you know, about the place where I was found, where I might have been born... it seems like a nice place for the most part."
"Are you still trying to find your parents?" Coulson inquired. "I haven't found anything else. I would have told you if I had and..."
"It's alright AC, I trust you." She assured him with a soft smile. "And no, I decided not to search for them anymore."
"May I ask why?"
"Well, you already proved me once that reality can be worse than my imagination... but this time I cannot help but wonder: were they among all who died in that village, protecting me? Were they already dead by that point? Did they send me away to protect me and then died? Or are they alive and in hiding? What if my search for them puts them in danger? If they've survived this long only to die because I'm looking for them... I would never forgive myself." She let out a sigh. "So I would rather stop searching for them and hope that maybe, if by some miracle, they're still alive, they might find their way to me someday..."
"I hope they will, for you Skye." Coulson told her honestly. "I hope you get the family you want, the family that you deserve."
"But I already have that family AC!" She told him with a sudden, bright smile. "It's right here on the Bus! Agent May, and Robot, and FitzSimmons and... and you... you're my family."
Coulson chose not to hold himself back, he embraced her tightly at that. He too considered her as someone special... probably not in the exact same way she did... but he chose not to focus on that.
xXx
It was late evening, the team had eaten dinner together and most of them were either in their bunks, or on their way there; knowing they needed to rest before the mission the following day. It wouldn't be easy, that was a given from the start with Ian Quinn being involved, and especially considering he seemed to have allied himself with the Clairvoyant, the same who had given Raina her orders, who lead Centipede...
Grant Ward was on his way to his bunk when he heard light noises from the cargo area. Curious, he went to check, only half-surprised when he found none other than his Rookie: Skye, doing some Tai-chi in a corner (May had taught her the basic in the last few weeks).
"You should be on bed, rookie." Grant told her authoritatively.
"I don't think I could sleep just yet, I'm too wired up with tomorrow's op." Skye told him as she began another kata.
"Yes well, if you don't rest enough tonight you might be too tired tomorrow to do things right." He commented flippantly. "On the other hand, you're there to handle communications, not to fight, so I don't see what the problem is."
"Do you know how many ops we've had where there was supposed to be no fighting, yet that's exactly what happened?" She asked him in a deadpan tone.
"No." He admitted, actually beginning to consider it.
"Me neither." She admitted with a shrug. "But the point remains, there have been such ops before, we need to be prepared."
"True." He agreed, then turned the tables on her. "And that includes sleeping properly."
She couldn't help it, she laughed, the side of his mouth actually tugged up in a half-smile.
"Go to your bunk now, rookie." He told her with fake coldness, while half-smirking. "Consider it an order if you must."
"Sir, yes sir!" She called dramatically before laughing loudly.
She did go to bed after that, the talk with Grant having put her enough at ease she could relax enough to sleep peacefully. She trusted her S.O. so much that if he told her things would be alright, she believed him.
xXx
At first she didn't feel the pain, just a sharp, almost piercing heat in the middle of her stomach. She was seeing the evil bastard Ian Quinn before her, she'd been babbling trying to keep him distracted until her team arrived, because she believed with all her heart they would... she'd lost the Night Night Gun, so all she could do was talk, and hope it would be enough, it wasn't.
So much had gone so completely opposite from the plan. It was supposed to be simple: find the package from Cybertech, tag it, track it... if possible use it to track Ian Quinn and then take him in. It was an undercover mission, no one was supposed to know they were on the train. Except they knew, somehow, they were sold out, and all the actual fighters of the team were lost along the way (she just hoped they were alright). Even Simmons had ended in some kind of catatonic-trance, leaving just her and Fitz to finish the mission. And they had to, failure wasn't an option, not against someone like Ian Quinn, all the hurt the bastard had already caused.
Fitz was even less of a fighter than she, which is why Skye decided to go in alone, asking him to disable the cars so Quinn wouldn't be able to get away. She moved through the house silently, in full-alert, endlessly praying for her backup to arrive. And then she'd reached the cellar, and found Mike inside that strange crystal chamber... and she'd been distracted. Quinn found her, rather than the other way around, and one of his sidekicks took her gun before she could use it.
She had heard the gunshot, and still it took several seconds for her mind to fully comprehend it; then, when the pain finally hit, the shock took her over. She'd never been shot, fired on, sure, but she'd never been shot, and her mind didn't know what to do, she was frozen. Not even all the training her SO had put her through was enough for what she had gotten into.
And then, right as she began to finally focus again, suddenly Ian Quinn was right there, in her personal space, practically in her face, he was holding her, and she didn't understand... then the pain doubled. A tiny cry left her lips, she didn't have any strength to truly speak.
She couldn't speak, could barely think, could hardly even breathe... she was half-aware as her body was laid down on the cellar's floor. It felt cold... or maybe she was the one who was cold. She knew she was losing blood very fast, had the bullets hit an artery or something? If they had, she was probably screwed...
She thought she heard Quinn whisper something before leaving, but couldn't be sure, his words seemed odd, considering what he'd just done.
"I'm sorry..." He seemed to have said. "I have my orders too..."
And why should he be sorry anyway? He was a bad guy, she was with the good guys, it was to be expected that he should try to kill her, or apparently succeed... Maybe it really was a bad idea for her to go after him on her own, after all, she was just a rookie...
She didn't know how long she lied there, bleeding, hurting, taking shallow breaths in an attempt not to hurt worse. Until she realized that she couldn't just lay there and give up, it just wasn't her. She was a fighter, had always been (apparently since she was an infant, considering all that had happened back then), and not only that, she was a survivor. And if she wanted to survive what was happening right then, she had to fight.
Focusing as much as she could, she found the door and then, making use of all the strength of her will, and ignoring the piercing pain as much as possible, she began moving. She held one hand over her stomach, trying to staunch the bleeding, while with the other she began to drag herself across the floor, in the direction of the door. It took her what seemed like forever, but eventually she managed to reach it, then pull herself so she was sitting up, her back against the wall right beside the door. Then, with an almost inhuman effort, she raised her hand and opened the door.
She wanted to call for help, wanted to scream and cry, and have someone hear her, her team hear her, save her... but her voice came out as barely a whisper, something no one would ever be able to hear, she could hardly hear herself...
"Help... Help...H..."
Regardless of it all, she kept calling until she had no more strength to speak. Her breath was failing her, and her hand had fallen on her lap, unable to keep pressure on her wound anymore. Unable to do anything anymore.
Her team hadn't arrived, regardless of how much she had called, prayed, out-loud and inside her mind, they hadn't come... it wasn't their fault, not really. She had known it was dangerous to go after Quinn on her own, but she just didn't want to let the bastard go again; she wanted to prove that she could be a good agent, she wanted to make her family proud...
As she lied there Skye began finally accepting that, unless some kind of miracle took place, she was, indeed, going to bleed to death in that cellar. In that moment she felt like a little girl again, and after using the last of her physical strength to wrap her bloodied hand around her locket, she did something she hadn't done in a very, very long time, she called out for her mother:
"Mother..."
And unknown to her, that was one call that crossed the boundaries of time and space...
While the first three chapters are basically the same as the original Menel, like I said before, I'm changing a few things around to fit episode 14: TAHITI, and also to lay the groundwork for what I hope to achieve with the rest of the series. Also, Lokidottir itself will be longer than three chapters, the rest will go into Skye finding out more about herself, and my version of some things in episode 1.15 Yes Men.
I hope to update this every week (and to begin working on the second part of the series as soon as the season in over on TV), however, that might change depending on my muse (I'm subject to her whims).
See ya around!
P.S. If there is something in particular you would like to see do not hesitate to ask, this is one of very few times where I'm posting a fic before I finish it, so there is a chance I might be able to fulfill wishes (depending on what I'm asked).
As always, full-sized poster and wallpaper are on my DeviantArt account (under the name Princess-Lalaith).