A/N The idea for this fanfiction came from the Jimmy Barnes song 'I'd Die to be With You Tonight'. Hence, the title, and why lyrics will start every chapter. I, currently, don't know if it will be the same song spread out, or many different songs to set the mood for the chapter. Regardless, I will inform you of the song. Warning some of the history has been slightly altered or fabricated for this story to work.

I've been thinkin' about you night and day
Sure been restless since you went away
You took something from me against my will
Touched a nerve in me that's tingling still

-I'd Die to be With you Tonight, Jimmy Barnes

Tara had been putting this phone call off for a very long time. About 12 years to be exact. And she still wasn't sure if she should tell Jax, but now she didn't have much of a choice. She was going back to Charming, he would find out about Thomas Teller eventually. The phone seemed to be ringing forever, and part of Tara prayed he wouldn't pick up the phone.

But, Jackson Teller never did what he was meant to, answering the phone with a deep gravelly; "Hello?" Her breath caught, and for a moment she flashed back to Jax and her in bed.

"Jax. I-It's Tara. I need to tell you something… I should have told you before, but I didn't know how." The fear in her voice scared him, more than any gun fight ever had, even more than his mother.

"Your brother Thomas isn't dead."

"That. Is. Not. Funny." Jax said, his voice quiet and deadly. This time, when her breath caught it was fear, not desire that stopped her breathing.

"Jax. Jackson, I promise you, I'm not lying. Look, I'm coming back to Charming, and he's coming with me. Meet me at our place at Lodi, and I will explain. Please, don't tell Gemma, just come and listen first." It was the desperation in her voice that forced Jax to agree. He wasn't sure why she was saying such crazy things, but he needed to make sure she was okay.

"Alright Tara, I'll see you at 3 tomorrow?" His voice sounded tired, bone tired. And that made Tara Knowles' heart ache more than anything ever had.

"Tara?" Thomas was six years younger than Jax, and he had never looked younger, "What if my brother doesn't believe me? What if he doesn't like me anymore?"

"Tommy, that couldn't happen. There is no one in the world Jax Teller loves in the world than his baby brother." She said in a soft voice. Tara could remember how every Sunday Jax would disappear for 2-3 hours, and always came back upset. It wasn't until she had accused him of using that time to cheat on her that she found out he visited his brother's grave and told him everything that was happening.

"But… What if he'd moved on? What if…. What if he doesn't love me anymore?" Thomas Teller had very little memories of his biological family, but he remembered his big brother. His brother would always protect him, play with him, and he hoped always love him.

Before Tara could reply she heard the rumbling of a motorcycle. She could feel goose bumps erupting all over her body. Jax pulled up to the grassy picnic grounds, and from her tree, she could see just how well he had matured. Clearly, Jax had become more hardened, both in body and mind. But, he still did that confident, charming swagger when he walked.

As Jax neared the meeting place he noticed Tara staring intently at him. And he could see where he had carved their names into the tree. After that particular night, they had come here when they wanted to get away… Which, in those hormone infested years, was frequently. He didn't notice the blonde kid next to Tara until he was 10 metres away. The boy glanced up at Jax, freezing him in his tracks. The last time he had seen those deep blue eyes it had been in the hospital. Jax had always had light blue eyes, but Tommy had had these deep sapphire blue eyes.

"Jax?" Tara called out, bringing him back to reality.

"Hey, darlin'." He said, strutting up to her, and ignoring the kid.

"I know you don't believe us, but you need to completely hear us out before you decide if this is your brother." He nodded silently, occasionally flicking his eyes to 'Thomas'.

"When your brother got sick, it was because of the heart defect. But it didn't just spontaneously start. It was triggered, by fear and stress. Your mum had kept you boys late at the garage, and you boys weren't meant to go into the club. But, Thomas ignored that. He saw a sit-down go wrong. This was when Piney was shot in the gut. He was terrified that it would happen to someone else he loved. Like you, or your mum, or your dad. The constant anxiety and PTSD triggered his defect because his heart was constantly working too hard. Your dad didn't want him to die, but your mother would not have let him go. So he faked the death. And he was sent to live with my mother's sister, Ivy. When I moved for medical school I started to live with Aunt Ivy. That's how I found out. I couldn't tell you, not then. You would have thought I was trying to hurt you more than I had. And your mother… Well, Gemma would have been Gemma." Tara looked at Thomas, hoping he would say something.

"And you know all of this how? You weren't exactly privy to my dad's thoughts and actions, and it's not like Thomas would have understood." Jax said angrily.

Thomas went into his backpack and carefully pulled out a sealed letter, with Jackson in flowing cursive letters.

"There was one for me as well, which basically said everything Tara just told you." Even as kids Thomas had been shy, but never when it came to his brother. Jackson opened the letter carefully.

Jackson,

I'm sorry. I lied to you. Your brother never died, I had to protect him. Your mother would have killed everyone, your brother included, before allowing him to leave her. And I couldn't put the burden of lying to your mother on you. After everything settles down I'm going to fix the club. The way it started, and the way it should stay. Or, I'm going to leave it. You, my boys, my real family, are far more important than this club. This club has changed me, rotted me, and I don't want that for my boys. I need to protect you from what I have created. And once we sort out the club, your little brother will come home. But, son, I don't know if your mother will be with us then. And I am truly sorry if that is the case. I love you my little Jax.

-Dad.

Jackson stared at the letter, unsure what to do or say. But he didn't doubt its truth, not after he had found that memoir in storage.