Disclaimer: Don't own. Wish I did though. . .I'd be hellishly rich.
A/N: Takes place sometime while Faith was in jail, before Wes got her. . .out of jail. This was written while I was on a review high. I just began typing and wrote. Tell me what you think. Opinions are very valuable. And...a thanks to my friend and beta Michelle! You rock!
What to Fear:
The darkness is the worst. During the day it's not that bad. . .but still. When the sun's out, they can usually find something better to do than to beat on the handcuffed prisoner. Usually. But when they can't, it's no more than I can take. But it still hurts.
I know that I could take them, beat them all away. But a part of me thinks that this is what I deserve. That part says that the people I killed will never eat again – so why does it matter if they starve me occasionally? Or why does it matter that maybe, in just a few weeks, I'm not going to be strong enough to fight them off any more? I'm not gonna try anyways.
But at night, at night I know – I know I don't deserve this. I know that even though I'm a murderer, a slut, and something damn close to a free whore – no one at all deserves what happens then. They say I'm beautiful, that I'm like something outta any teenage boy's wet-dream. I don't care what they say. When it's dark, I fight. But with my hands behind my back and so many of them and the two meals a week I've been getting – I don't stand such a very good chance.
I look in the dirty mirror and I see a girl that's not me. She's thin, impossibly pale, and her eyes have huge dark circles under them that don't come from mascara. She looks vulnerable and delicate, and something in her eyes says that for once in her life she needs someone to help her. But that she knows there's no one left who will. She can't be me. I'm tough, strong, I can go without sleep for days without dark circles appearing under my eyes. I'm sorta pale, but not that much. And me, I don't need anyone – At all.
Never have, never will. That's me. Yep. But goddamn, I'm starting to doubt everything I've ever been. All the things I liked about me – though there never were that many – they all seem dirty now. I seem so dirty now. I hated myself. But never this much. It's almost dark. Just a half an hour more and. . . Oh damn. . .I don't think I've ever been so afraid of anything before. Even when I saw my watchers painful, bloody death. I was scared. But not this much. Never this much.
I was never afraid of too many things, hardly anything actually. And now I'm scared of the tiniest thing. This little thing that so few people actually pay attention these days. The sunset. God, I'm laughing at myself. Me, scared of the sunset. So insignificant, so small. And yet, it matters more than anything else ever has.
I try to think of something good, something positive. But all that comes to mind is, 'You're a whore, you're a slut.' Can't think of anything good at all. 'You're scared of something so small, so insignificant. The sunset.' And then I pull my thin blanket over me and the last swirls of red disappear from my view of the sky in the small, barred window and its dark. And I know that I truly know. What to fear.
A/N: Please review! It makes me write lots! And I love knowing what you all think!