Destruction
My first fic in years, please be gentle. It's not betaed, so if you see an unforgivable error, do let me know. Oh, and I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!
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"Mmm…"
Jou fell down, plopping onto his stomach, and Kaiba followed suit, dropping onto his own pillow.
"Fuck," Jou breathed. "That was good. Very good…"
Kaiba said nothing, seemingly getting ready to get up and take his regular post-coital shower. Jou made his own efforts to right himself, laboriously rolling over onto his back while trying to keep his breathing in check. Kaiba got up without a word, and Jou watched as he strutted indifferently to the adjoining bathroom naked. Usually Jou would be right behind him, hastily pulling on his clothes and ready to dash out to meet the gang by the time Kaiba got out of the shower. But not this time. When Kaiba entered the room again, Jou was still on the bed, staring off into the distance. Before he could be impatiently asked what he was doing, Jou's eyes swung in Kaiba's direction with an almost sad expression.
"You know what?" he said, before Kaiba say anything, "I think I'm broken."
Kaiba raised his eyebrows, clearly wondering what the hell Jou was talking about. His body seemed to be in perfect working condition twenty minutes ago.
"You ruined me," Jou continued, eyes still on Kaiba's face. He looked away now as Kaiba snorted and went about getting ready.
"I mean, I don't think I could ever be with a normal person again. Let them love me. I wouldn't know what to do. I mean, not that this is love…it…it's…"
He trailed off, his eyes returning to Kaiba's figure, and he definitely noticed Kaiba's back tensing up, his movements slowing, as if he were waiting for Jou to continue. Well, that was probably enough of that, Jou thought. His wistful voice faltered and he resolved to stop that train of conversation immediately. Some things were unmentionable, and the "L" word was one of them. Not only was it a waste of time, it was also wholly inapplicable to their situation.
But perhaps Kaiba was more interested in what Jou had left unsaid, because he turned towards him again, eyes intent on Jou's face. But Jou couldn't hold that intense gaze and instead ended up staring at Kaiba's long, proud neck, his unyielding chest and those arms, which could caress or crush with equal tenderness and force, disappearing slowly into a crisp white shirt.
"Normal can't do anything for me now," Jou found himself continuing, almost surprised to hear his own desolate tone. "If it's not this violent, nasty, desperate thing, this dark, painful mess, I won't…I won't know what to do…"
Jou trailed off again. He gently fingered this afternoon's new bruises they had made together. How could one man wreak so much damage? How did he let one man take him apart, change him, break him? Sometimes, when he was alone, Jou thought about calling it off, about never making that shameful pilgrimage to Kaiba's bedroom ever again, thought about freeing himself from this tangled web of lust and cruelty that bound them together, but the pain and longing that filled him always left him breathless, and he knew that there was no way he could stay away. Just look at him, he was conquered, broken, begging. A supplicant at the altar, a willing sacrifice. He would give everything of himself as long as Kaiba held him, hurt him…
"You destroyed me," he whispered, awestruck. He might have laughed bitterly, but he really had no energy for it. He almost didn't look up because he didn't want to see Kaiba's smug face, but he did it anyway – he was a just a glutton for punishment, wasn't he? But Kaiba was off in his own contemplations, it seemed, and Jou couldn't tell if that was a dark satisfaction showing on Kaiba's face, or something else entirely.
"You…" Kaiba started suddenly, drawing out the word slowly, as if carefully evaluating his next words. This was a surprise. Jou hadn't expected Kaiba to reply at all, much less with such obvious deliberation. The effort to compose an appropriate response showed clearly on Kaiba's face - in the slight crease in his brow and the unfocused gaze directed somewhere at Jou's feet - and for once Jou was actually interested in what Kaiba had to say.
"You…" Kaiba started again, and Jou raised his eyebrows now, waiting for Kaiba's words. But as Kaiba's eyes drifted upward to Jou's and took in his expectant expression, Kaiba's face shut down and he quickly said, "You have to get going. I have a meeting in two hours."
And with that, Kaiba coolly went back to getting dressed.
Now, Jou could manage a dry chuckle. What else did he expect? Words of affection? Acknowledgement even? Hah, only in his sad little dreams.
"Yeah," Jou said, extricating himself from the sheets and picking his clothes up off the floor. "I'm late anyways."
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Yes, I did take it down for a split second, but now it's back! I know it seems like I'm always torturing Jou in my fics, but I just think that that's the way it has to be, if you want to be with someone like Kaiba. Anyway, please leave me a review if you liked if, or even if you didn't! ;)