For Vickrok
She had nothing to stay for and it didn't take long for her to pack her black military grade Cordura carry-on. The boxes that were piled on the fashionable wood floor bedroom hiding the perfectly painted wall space were now stacked neatly outside near the politically correct trash containers assembled neatly between the blue recycle and the green live waste.
She put four-hundred dollars in an envelope and scribbled a thank you note to Cady and an apology on the front and laid it next to her gun, badge, and Sheriff's Department identification. She didn't leave a forwarding address or telephone number because she wasn't their concern anymore, if she ever was, she still wasn't sure. As much as she dreaded going home she knew that was the only place she could go and be wanted and that's what she needed right now, to be wanted.
The phone only rang twice before her mom answered and despite her repeated promises to herself not to cry she did. Lena didn't argue, in fact, she only said two words; come home. The courage required to stop by the station and leave a letter or a note or say good-bye was conspicuously absent and she opted for a text to Ferg.
Sorry Ferg can u tell Walt I quit. Can't come by. Told Eammon 2 call 4 a job. I'm an asshole 2 send this 2 U I'm sorry.
True to his thoughtful nature he called but she quickly declined the call and he left a message and sent a text back.
U ok? Call me. Vic?
Bob was on-time and very sober and was considerably quiet on the drive to Sheridan. When he dropped her at the airport he refused to take any money saying that the company was welcome and he wished her luck. He gave her a hug and he did an odd thing. He apologized for the lost signature card. She smiled and closed her eyes thinking of when the end actually began and she kissed his cheek.
"Thanks, Bob."
"You're welcome, Vic. Be careful. We're gonna miss you around here. I promise to drop this letter off right away at the station."
She didn't have the capacity to give him more even if she wanted to so she turned around and stood in the two person line at TSA, waited at the terminal gate, boarded the clipper and began her three leg journey to Philadelphia.
She didn't turn her phone on until she landed at PHL and her heart sank when there was only one voice mail from Ruby. Her eyes began to well as she walked through the terminal and she avoided eye contact for fear that some stranger would notice and take pity on her and why she cared about that she didn't know but she knew she couldn't stand the judgment of others not right now so she tucked into a bathroom stall and let the tears that were forcing their way out fall down her cheeks and she made her ugly faces because no one could see them. The thin toilet paper doubled as a tissue as she blew her nose and pressed her palms to her cheeks.
He doesn't give a fuck about you. That's what she told herself trying to incite the anger that was buried too deep for her own good. He never gave a fuck she said in her head and the shame of that forced her head against the wall of the bathroom stall. The frequent flushes that surrounded her pushed her back into reality. Well that's appropriate she thought or apropos and she refused to think about him and the more she refused the more he appeared.
Fuck him. She said it out loud this time and drags her carry-on behind her following the ground transportation signs. She saw him first. He was at the bottom of the escalator with his hands pressed inside his pant pockets, his jaw was set, and he scanned the escalator his eyes finally finding her. His hand rose up, his fingers spread open, and his smile matched the wideness of his hand. She stepped off the escalator and into his expectant arms.
"Daddy." She cried in his ear.
"Baby." He said back.
She leaned back, "I was expecting mom."
"She's home cooking dinner and getting your room ready."
"I'm sorry."
"What happened?" He pulls her hair back from her face.
"I'm not in trouble if that's what you mean."
"That's not what I mean."
She hangs her head down and he reaches under her chin with his index finger and pushes her head up gently.
"Who do I need to fucking kill?"
She smiled, it was genuine, and he said, "I'm fucking serious."
"I know you are, Daddy but I don't need you to kill anyone. I just need to be home for a little while."
He looks at her, and takes her hands in his, and nods his head.
"Let's go home and eat some of your mom's pasta and when you're ready you can tell us."
She nods her head and they turn toward the automatic doors.
"There's nothing you can't tell us Victoria."
"I know."
"I'm fucking serious."
"I know."
As they step through the doors she's both terrified and relieved to be home because her family is far from perfect and so is she but here she knows she's wanted.