AN: Hey, first time writing avengers, I hope got them right. Also this is more of a crackfic but I guess you could tell by the fact that this is a Peter Is Tony's Son AU. I also apologize for any mistakes I haven't had this beta read.
I don't own Marvel's Avengers, nor do I own Spider-Man.
It's not that Tony doesn't want to tell the team, he just never gets around to it. There's always some big guy with their big ideas and big need to take over the world. You'd think after stomping out so many baddies that they'd stop trying, but nooooo. They think they can just walk up and announce themselves ruler of the world, what a bunch of idiots. But Tony's getting off topic.
"They don't know I live here?!" asks his son, Peter, incredulously, and he's pouting in a way that he should be too old for, but teenagers have weird powers like that. So Tony steels himself and puts on his best nonchalant smile to answer.
"I haven't had the time, you know, superhero business and such," he answers easily. "Saving the world while you hold hands and struggle to get to second base with your girlfriend. And besides they've seen you around, they just… think you're an intern." Peter's pouting face instantly turns into a flat look, another power that teenagers inherit apparently. "Look, Pete, I want to tell them but something always comes up," Tony says placatingly.
"Then I'll tell them," Peter says as if Earth's Mightiest Heroes will believe that this gangly teenager is Tony Stark's son. Then it's Tony's turn to make a flat look.
"You think they'll believe you?" He asks and realizes that question did not help anything. "Okay, you know what? We'll tell them right now." Tony looks around as if he'll find any super villains lurking in his private lab, then puts an arm around Peter and steers him towards the Avengers' living room. "JARVIS please ask the team to meet in the living room."
"Right away, sir," The AI complies. Pete is still staring at Tony suspiciously as if he didn't request the Avengers to assemble for a family meeting. Tony knows that this is the first time Peter's actually meeting the Avengers in person so that's probably why he needs to keep up the brooding teenager persona, so he doesn't turn into a puddle of fanboy goo that Tony knows he really is inside.
"Well look at that we're already here," Tony points out at the door and he's really just trying to get a rise out of Peter at this point. "Through this door all of your fanboy needs will be satisfied, maybe they'll even let you take a picture with them." And Peter blushes because he knows that Tony knows he has a big poster of the Avengers in his room. Tony pushes him through the door before he can protest.
"What do you want Stark? Don't you know some of us want alone time," says Natasha, and, um, Tony definitely does not want to know what she does in her 'alone time'. She probably terrorizes Starbucks and plays matchmaker with people she meets on the street. Peter, though, looks at her in awe. Tony shoves him closer to the wolves.
"I have something important to tell you all," he declares.
"Oh yeah? And who's the kid?" Clint interrupts, glancing between Peter and Tony. He has his hands on his hips and looks very impatient, he was probably playing cupid with Natasha, the bastard.
"He is the important something I have to tell you," Tony says, and he thinks he hears Steve muttering "please" and "no" and "underage relationships" so he's quick to say "This is my son, Peter," and waits for the explosion.
"You have a son?" Steve asks, unbelieving.
Bruce lets out a quiet "Huh," and looks curiously at Peter.
"I was unaware you had an heir, Tony," Thor smiles, then says "He could eat more, he seems very puny." Peter bristles next to him and Tony pats his back consolingly even though he's been telling Pete that forever.
Clint and Natasha share a look that could mean anything. "How did I not see him?" Natasha demands. Then Tony remembers her time as Natalie Rushman and to be honest he wonders too.
"Well, you know, kids these days with their homework and always sneaking off," he says. Peter flushes silently next to him and Tony wonders if his brain has shut down from meeting them or if he was, in fact, sneaking off. "And he uses a different last name for protection, of course."
"Well it's good to meet you, Peter," Steve says, shaking out of his stupor. He holds out his hand for Peter to take, which he does after a nudge from Tony.
"It's good to meet you, too, um, Captain," Pete flusters, and Tony knows that all his dreams are coming true right now.
"Steve," he says firmly, releasing his hold on Peter.
Thor jumps in right after Steve lets go and scoops Peter up into a great bear hug. "You seem like a fine fellow, son of Stark," he laughs. Peter turns blue whether because he's getting hugged by Thor or the hug is crushing him, Tony doesn't know, maybe a bit of both, he decides.
"Thor, buddy, I kind of like him," Tony says. "Please don't suffocate him," and Thor puts him down, albeit reluctantly.
Bruce waves awkwardly and hovers close enough to shake hands but doesn't bother. He has that smile that's standoffish, the one he gets when he doesn't want to get too near even though Tony trusts him with his life and his son's life too. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Peter," the scientist says politely, and Tony rolls his eyes at the cautious greeting.
"It's amazing to meet you, Dr. Banner, I love your work," Peter says excitedly. Tony is always proud of his son but he absolutely loves that Peter took an interest in science like him. They'll have loads of fun, Tony knows.
Clint steps up next and Pete looks anxious. Tony would be too, the assassins still scare him. But Clint just holds out his fist and says "Nice to meet you." Peter looks at the fist and slowly bumps it with his own. The corners of Clint's mouth twitch up.
Natasha's the last person to exchange greetings.
(They say if you stand still the predator will not see you.)
She saunters up to him with an intense look in her eyes.
(They lie!)
Natasha hold out her hand, Peter shakes it.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Romanov," Peter says politely and slightly terrified, and Tony can just watch because he would no question choose his son over his teammates but Natasha was a needed approval.
Natasha stares at him, smirks, and says, "At least, unlike you, your son has manners, Stark," and walks away. Clint follows and the other Avengers, who had been previously quiet, left awkwardly too.
"Well," Tony says cheerfully. "They approve of you." He ruffled Peter's hair fondly, who scowled at the action. Then Peter frowned more noticeably.
"Approved? It's not like if they didn't like me you'd throw me out," he says. Tony stays silent and walks away. "Right?" Peter calls out. And Tony walks faster because his son knows he's just teasing but, you know, gotta keep 'em on their toes.
"What a loser," he hears Peter grumble.
The ending could have been better it's kind of abrupt but y'know what are you gonna do. Tony is a fun character to write, and that scene with Natasha was fun too.