A/N: This is a Glee Angst meme fill!

Chris hated it. Hated it with everything he had. He didn't want to do this, if he had his way he would just leave and never come back. But he can't. He can't go back, there is no going back for him.

So he sat there in front of the mirror and stared at a face he didn't recognize anymore. That wasn't him. That wasn't the funny, nerdy guy he had been once upon a time. He felt disgusting and like a piece of dirt. Used.

When he had first moved to L.A. he had been full of hope, eager to do what he had always dreamt of doing: acting. And so he had auditioned for lots and lots of roles. At first only the big ones, the ones he could relate to the most and that were maybe even the leading role.

But the jobs never came. So he auditioned for smaller roles and in the end he would have been happy if he had been allowed to walk through the scene in the far background in some Bollywood-movie. But nothing ever happened. And he needed money.

So one day he had been walking the streets, asking for jobs in random bars and feeling like a complete loser, like one of these people who moved to Hollywood, fully believing they would become a star and failed miserably. But not even the bars gave him a job. That was, until he was directed to the Les poupées club. And they hired him. Only problem: not as a bartender.

Which is why he sat here in the dressing room now, tight short pants barely covering him and his top revealing way too much as well. He wanted to go home to his parents and his sister, wanted them to cuddle him and tell him everything would be alright. But he was too proud to do that. And too embarrassed. To his family, he worked in a fashion store and happily sold sweaters all day. And he would keep it that way.

"Chris, darling?" his had snapped up as he watched the tall, blonde girl – Cassie - passing his dressing room. "Your turn." She smiled before walking away again. So he sighed and got to his feet, shooting his reflection one last, disgusted look before he walked out onto the stage and put on a smile that was as fake as Cassie's boobs.

"Why are we even here?" Darren groaned and leaned back into his booth, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Because it's your birthday and you need to loosen up." Mark decided as he licked his lips and watched that hot blonde girl disappear off stage after her pole dance number.

"Just because it's my birthday you don't need to drag me to a strip club or brothel or what ever this is." He sighed, "Besides, I think Mark is enjoying this way more than me." He commented as he watched his college wriggle his eyebrows at a passing girl.

"Sh," Jon suddenly made, holding a hand up in his direction. "Hot guy on stage. Everyone shut up and watch." He ordered and nodded over.

Darren did as he was told and focused his eyes on the young man on stage who had a seductive smile plastered across his face and slowly walked up to the pole, taking one swing around it as he looked out over the audience. He wrapped one leg – clad in a knee high boot – around it for another one and a few people cheered already.

He was good, moving his hips in rhythm with the music, he was practically one with it. He was so mesmerized that he didn't really notice where exactly he was moving until he was coming straight his way.

That's when he realized Chord and Cory were doing sneaky hand gestures at him. "Guys, what is this?" he hissed and everyone just grinned.

"It's your birthday." Jon commented with a shrug, as if that would explain everything.

"So?"

"No, I mean it's your birthday."

"You- You got me a prostitute?" Darren huffed out, his eyes wide. But he didn't get much further because the song ended and he suddenly found himself with a lap full of the boy. He didn't know what to do, so he basically just stared at him, his arms hanging helplessly on either side.

"Hey," he guy said seductively and smirked at him.

"Hi." Darren shrieked.

So this was him, Chris thought. This was the great actor he was supposed to seduce tonight. Though they were in L.A. and this one a rather classy club – he refused to call it anything but that – not many celebrities ever really found their way here. None for Chris anyways. If someone came here, it was usually a drunken, young TV star who grabbed himself a pretty girl and that was that.

Chris wasn't star struck though. Maybe he had learned to stop showing emotions altogether a while ago. Right now, he was smirking at this guy who honestly looked shell-shocked while his friends – who he recognized as cast from that show, what was it again? Ah, Glee. Right – were grinning proudly.

"Well…" he started and traced his collar with one fingertip. "So it's your birthday, huh?" he asked and Darren nodded quickly. Chris almost chuckled. But he knew that still water runs deep and that the most reluctant guys turned into animals once he had them in his room.

"Then why don't we go and let you unwrap your present?" he suggested and leaned closer to whisper right into his ear. "I think you might like it."

Darren shrieked a little and pulled away, staring at the other man. "I- I don't think-" he started but was cut off when tow hands grabbed his shoulders from behind and pushed. "Shut up and get going." Cory demanded and kept pushing until Darren had to get up.

Chris smiled slightly and grabbed his hand, tugging. "But-" Darren started but Jon basically shoved him after him. "No buts, go!" he said and because Chris kept tugging and those guys kept pushing, he sighed and did as he was told. Maybe he could escape somewhere back there.

Chris kept dragging a stumbling Darren backstage to where the rooms were. They passed Cassie who looked very proud of herself as she stuffed some money in her bra and winked at the two passing man. To say Darren was uncomfortable was an understatement.

Finally they arrived in his room while Chris closed the door behind them and basically pushed him down on the bed, slowly sitting down next to him. "So," she started, fingertips tickling along his arm. "What are you into…?"

Darren gulped. "I- I don't think this is a good idea." He shook his head and backed away a little, but Chris slid after him. "You can tell me. That's what I'm here for." He smiled and rested his head on his shoulder, warm puffs of breath hitting the side of Darren's face. That was it, that was enough.

"Would you stop it?" he asked and jumped from the bed, leaving behind a very stunned Chris. "I don't want this. My friends seemed to think it was a good idea, but I don't. I don't want a … quick hook up." He said, defensively crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Chris looked at him for a moment, startled by his actions before he sighed and dropped back into the mattress, throwing one arm across his face to hide the embarrassment. He felt cheaper and more like a worthless hooker than ever. He had just tried luring a guy to have sex with him when he really didn't want to. "Sorry." He muttered. "Quick hook-ups are never good." He agreed quietly.

Darren tilted his head and walked over to take in his previous position again. "Uhm, are you okay?" he asked, looking down on the man lying on the bed.

"Uh-huh." He mumbled and his voice was thick with tears he never allowed himself to shed. You don't cry about yourself, he told himself. It's your own fault.

"Hey," suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it softly. "What's wrong, man?" Darren asked. Chris kept his arm thrown over his face and just shook his head. But he didn't let it go. "You know, since I'm here already and will be killed – or maybe just laughed at – when I come back after only 5 minutes, you might as well tell me."

Chris sighed and sat up, attempting to get up and walk somewhere he didn't have to face his questions, but Darren caught his wrist and gently tugged him back down. "Come on." He urged. Chris noticed he hadn't let his hand go but was squeezing it reassuringly.

"Fine." He muttered and looked down on his lap, locking his hands there once Darren had let go. "I hate this." He whispered. Darren didn't push, he waited patently until Chris continued. "I hate all of this. I don't… I don't want to sell my body. That's not what I planned when I came to L.A."

"Why did you come to L.A.?"

Chris laughed without any humour in it, "The stupid dreamed in me thought I could actually become an actor. Yeah, turned out I suck." He grumbled. "And now sucking is what I do to get some money." He added so low, Darren would probably not even hear it.

"It's not stupid though." Darren said and tilted his head down to get a look at his face. "I came here for the same reason."

"Yeah, but you made it." Chris snapped and regretted it instantly. "Sorry." He mumbled and rubbed a hand over his face. "It's just… I'm so ashamed. No one knows about this. My family thinks I work at Abercrombie and Fitch. I don't have any friends because I'm scared that they could find out. The only people I interact with are strippers and prostitutes." By the end he was tearing up and swallowing furiously. "That's not who I want to be."

One thing he could safely say he hadn't expected was the arm that wrapped itself around his back and rubbed at his arm. "I'm sorry." Darren said quietly. Nothing more but that, just those words and then he just kept rubbing his back. Chris had been touched a lot, all over, but nothing had ever felt so right like that little contact. Never had he felt so comforted in the last years. And so he leaned closer and carefully rested his head on Darren's shoulder, ready to jump off again if he though that was inappropriate.

But obviously he didn't. He kept stroking his hair and just held him as he cried softly into him.

After what seemed like hours, his cries faded again and Darren looked down on the younger man who was still resting against him. "Do you still want to be an actor?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, of course." Chris laughed wetly and shook his head. "But I told you-"

"What's your name?" Darren cut him off and Chris had to take a moment to think. He normally never told anyone his name around here. Ever. It was dangerous and you never knew how that would turn out. He really shouldn't.

"Chris." He said.

"Okay," Darren nodded and smiled down at him. "Well then Chris, I might have an idea."

"I'm not sure if this is a good idea…"

"Shut up."

"No, I'm serious. I shouldn't be here."

"Chris."

"But, but…" Chris groaned and quickly caught up to Darren who hadn't even stopped when Chris had refused to keep walking.

"But, god. You met me at a…" he looked around and kept talking with a hushed voice. "…at a damn strip club. You don't know if I'm any good as an actor."

"Look, you are a good actor, obviously. You made me believe you really enjoyed yourself and wanted this when you really didn't. You looked like you had the time of your life on that stage. You looked very authentic."

"Good to know I looked like an authentic hooker." Chris grumbled and Darren laughed, patting his back.

They passed a few trailers, Dianna waved at them and Heather shouted for Darren to come watch some TV show with her later and Chris couldn't help but smile softly.

"Where are we going anyways?" he asked Darren but he only grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the building.

Finally he stopped in front of a door and knocked, not waiting for an answer before he opened the door slightly. "Ryan?"

"Ryan?" Chris asked quietly and frowned. Who was Ryan…? Then his glance fell to the small sign on the wall. Ryan Murphy.

"Ryan, I think I might have found the perfect person to play my boyfriend." Darren explained in the meantime while Chris was still staring at the golden name on the wall. "And let me promise you, he's the best dancer you will ever meet."

Then, Darren grabbed his shoulders and pushed him into the room. And maybe, just maybe, Chris was still capable of being star struck after all.