Jack looked out through the glass that separated Jack's office from the rest of the hub. Tosh was researching some of the lettering on an ancient vase they found, Gwen was doing admin, and Owen was treated the pterodactyl. Ianto was quietly cleaning off the coffee machine. It had been three weeks since Lisa and cyberwoman had terrorized Torchwood and Ianto hadn't said a word since. He hadn't said a thing. He'd nod or grunt or shake his head but he wouldn't actually speak. Ianto's personality was missing, replace only with coldness and pain. And Jack didn't know what to do. He felt guilty. He reminded himself over and over again that she was a cyberman who wanted to kill the world because he couldn't face the reality that he murdered Ianto's girlfriend. Cyberman or not. Ianto loved her. And Jack was trying desperately not to hate him for it. The thing is, Jack was always secretly fond of Ianto. He was pretty and kind and Jack spent plenty of time acting like a teenage girl: smiling at his crush from across the room and then looking away if he noticed. But now things were different. Ianto was broken and Jack knew it. Owen had shot Lisa for making him look stupid in front of Gwen, Gwen shot Lisa for making her snogg Owen and for harming others, and Tosh shot Lisa because it was the right thing to do. But Jack shot her for straight up revenge. Revenge for what, he wasn't sure. But that's what it was. Gwen looked down at her watch.
"It's eight-thirty guys!" She yelled. Owen ripped off his latex gloves and tossed them in the trash. He grabbed his coat and left as fast as he could. Gwen logged out of her computer and grabbed her purse.
"Tosh, do you need a ride?" She asked as Tosh got her coat, "It's a bit late to walk."
"I'm good. Thank you."
"Okay." The two of them walked outside. Ianto tossed the rag he was cleaning the coffee machine with into the trash and washed his hands. He looked around the hub, making sure not to look at Jack. When he found nothing else to clean he grabbed his coat. He put it on and turned up the collar. He started walking towards the door.
"Ianto!" Jack called to him across the hub. Ianto pretended he hadn't heard him. He didn't want to talk to Jack. In fact, he didn't really want to talk to Jack ever again. He kept walking, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
"Ianto!" Jack yelled louder. Ianto couldn't pretend he hadn't heard him that time. He turned to look at him. Jack waved him over. Ianto slowly turned and walked towards Jack, meeting him by the computers.
"Can I help you?" Ianto asked quietly.
"Talk to me, Ianto." Jack said. Ianto didn't look at Jack. He looked out across the hub.
"About what sir?" He continued to speak quietly.
"How are you Ianto?" Jack asked. Ianto gave a cold and quiet laugh. It was so dark, so hollow, it almost scared Jack.
"Don't ask stupid questions." Ianto muttered.
"Ianto, please." Jack placed his hand on Ianto's shoulder. Ianto stepped away from Jack, jerking his arm out of Jack's reach.
"Don't touch me." He said sharply, the words cutting through Jack like a blade. Ianto turned to go again.
"Ianto." Jack grabbed his arm. Ianto tried to tug away, pulling his hand out of his pocket as he did so. Jack let Ianto pull his arm away but caught his hand. Ianto pulled against him.
"Let go of me." Ianto snapped, pulling away. But Jack held onto his hand. Jack pulled him back towards him, bringing his hand behind his back to pull Ianto even closer. He let go of Ianto's hand but grabbed onto his waist to keep him where he was. Ianto twisted, trying to shake himself loose of Jack's grasp.
"I said let go." Ianto finally met Jack's eye. Jack looked at him and felt his heart break. Ianto's clear blue eyes looked empty. They were tinged with red so that the blue looked like it went on forever. It was like looking through clear water at the ground beneath you but not knowing how deep the water was. It was beautiful and blue but the loathing with which he looked at Jack was so strong, Jack had never seen someone look so broken. Finally Ianto was able to pull himself from Jack's grasp. He stepped away, glaring at him. He turned to go.
"Ianto please. Just talk to me." Jack pleaded. Ianto turned to look at him again.
"Why?" He asked. Jack was taken aback by the question.
"What?"
"Why do you want me to talk to you? Do you want me to forgive you? Because I won't. Do you want me to confess how much pain I'm in? Because there aren't any words to describe that. Do you want be to admit I was wrong? Because I wasn't. What do you want me to say?" Ianto looked at Jack in a way Jack had never been looked at. He wasn't even sure what to call it. Ianto looked determined, cold, and strong. But he also looked like he'd given up. He was determined to stay defeated. Jack reached out but Ianto stepped out of reach. Jack closed his hand and let it fall to his side. Ianto was unreachable. There was no way to get him back. Unless… Abruptly Jack grabbed Ianto's face and kissed him. Jack had moved too fast for Ianto to back away and now he was kissing him. Ianto's eyes went wide. One million things raced through his head at once. At least half of them were What What What What. The other half included wanting to punch Jack, wanting to kiss him some more, wanting to kill him, wanting to screw him, and wanting to curl up into a ball of shame and guilt. He was too shocked to kiss Jack back. Jack slowly moved his mouth away, staring into Ianto's eyes. Jack's face was still close to Ianto's as they both caught their breath.
"I don't…" Jack started. He wasn't sure what made him kiss Ianto. It just felt like that was what he needed to do. There was complete silence around them. All they could hear was their heart beats and their breaths.
"Why'd you do that?" Ianto asked quietly. He was shocked. "You did that when she knocked me out too!" Now he was loud. He backed away, pointing at Jack accusingly.
"Ianto…" Jack was the quiet one now.
"Why'd you do that!?" Ianto demanded. He stumbled back. Jack reached out to him but Ianto continued to back up.
"I.."
"Why!?" Ianto was breathing heavy. Jack looked at him with pleading eyes.
"Because I needed to." Jack said softly.
"Why!?" Ianto demanded.
"Because I need you!" Jack yelled suddenly. There was silence again. Jack hadn't expected to say that. Ianto hadn't expected him to say that either.
"What?" Ianto stared at Jack, wide eyed.
"I need you." Jack admitted, "Please. I hate to see you so cold and empty. I miss you. Where'd you go in that head of yours. Where's Ianto?" Jack pleaded. He hadn't been this vulnerable in a couple hundred years.
"He died with her." Ianto said, turning away from Jack. He was holding back tears.
"I don't believe that." Jack said stepping towards him, "I won't believe that you're lost." Jack placed his hand on Ianto's cheek. Ianto turned to look at him.
"It's true. I'm sorry Jack." Ianto stared deep into Jack's eyes. Tears were sliding down Ianto's face, wetting Jack's fingers. Ianto took Jack's wrist and moved his hand away from his face. Jack opened his mouth like he wanted to say something.
"Goodnight sir." Ianto said coldly. He turned and walked away. Jack stood there, gaping at Ianto as he started to leave.
"Ianto come back." He ran after him.
"Bye. I'm leaving." Ianto muttered, not turning around.
"Ianto please."
"Just leave me alone, thanks." Ianto wasn't going to look at him. He was getting mad again. He didn't need Jack or his sympathy. He didn't want his kisses or his care. He wanted to be left alone.
"Ianto what do you think is going to happen if you go home right now? You'll come back to work tomorrow and we'll have this conversation all over again." Ianto walked out of the door and down the hallway towards the fake shop.
"Then I won't come in tomorrow." Ianto said, still not looking at Jack who was following him down the hallway.
"Ianto!" Jack grabbed his shoulder. Quickly Ianto turned around, grabbed the front of Jack's coat, and slammed him against the wall. Ianto glared at him.
"Leave. Me. Alone." Ianto said dangerously. Jack tried to push Ianto away but he held him to the wall. He was surprisingly strong.
"Ianto, let me help you."
"I don't want your help, Jack. I don't need it." Ianto said angrily. There was another silence. Ianto pulled his hands away from Jack's coat and stormed off. Jack tried to grab Ianto's arm.
"Ianto damn it!" He grabbed him. Ianto turned around to shove Jack away but this time Jack grabbed Ianto's coat and pushed him against the wall.
"Let go of me!" Ianto smacked his hands away but Jack immediately grabbed on to him again.
"Ianto, listen to me." He said firmly. "I want to help you. I don't want to fight with you. If you honestly don't give a shit about me fine, but I care about you and want to see you happy. I know it's hard to lose someone. Believe me, I know. But right now I'm losing you! Let me help you Ianto." He put one hand on Ianto's cheek. Ianto looked shocked. It took a moment before Jack realized what he had said. He sighed and let go of Ianto's coat. He looked down, putting one hand against the wall to balance himself. Ianto still stood there. He was still pressed up against the wall, not moving. Silence.
"Of course I give a shit about you. I care about you too, Jack." Ianto said quietly. Jack looked up. He was standing very close to Ianto. Ianto didn't look him in the eye. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. He leaned back against the wall. Jack looked at Ianto as he opened his eyes again. He looked down and away from Jack. Both of them were aware of how close Jack was standing to him. He looked at Jack again. Their eyes met. Jack leaned in and kissed Ianto. Their lips met softly. This time Ianto kissed Jack back. Jack drew his lips away, worried that he'd fucked everything up again. He opened his eyes to see that Ianto was smiling at him.
"Do you forgive me?" Jack asked, hopefully.
"No." Ianto said kindly. Jack's smile fell. "But that's not important." Ianto put his hand on Jack's cheek. He ran his thumb along Jack's cheekbone, admiring his face. Jack looked confused.
"I.."
"I don't need to forgive you to adore you." Ianto slid his hand from Jack's cheek to the back of his neck. He pulled Jack in and kissed him. This time it was more passionate. Jack took advantage of Ianto being pushed up against the wall and leaned into him. Ianto's fingers ran through Jack's hair as he brought his other hand to Jack's face. Jack had one hand on Ianto's waist and the other on the wall, still bracing himself. Jack kissed Ianto hungrily. Jack needed Ianto to be safe. That need, and the fuzzy feeling taking over his brain, made him want Ianto more. Ianto was just as hungry for Jack's kiss as Jack was for his. Ianto was pushing himself back against the wall, making Jack lean closer and closer. Ianto was desperate to enjoy the kiss he'd wanted ever since he met Jack. Jack pulled his face away finally. They stood there, catching their breath, their body heat making them sweat. Butterflies fluttered in Ianto's stomach. Jack stepped back and Ianto moved away from the wall. They looked at each other lovingly for a moment before Ianto threw his arms around Jack and hugged him. Jack held his breath for a moment before wrapping his arms around Ianto. They stood in the hallway, hugging.
"I'm sorry." Jack said finally.
"Me too."