Body Like a Pineapple
X
Argus Filch had never been good with women. They confused him (and frankly, he probably confused them) They never seemed to want to hear him explain all the things he simply would have loved to do to the misbehaving students of Hogwarts.
But Alecto was different.
He had seen what Seamus Finnegan had looked like after he had accused her of "teaching her students lies". He had observed how the very mention of her name was enough to make a few easily frightened first-years go weak at the knees. Filch liked that in a woman.
Plus, Alecto hadn't been at Hogwarts long enough to know he was a Squib.
So one afternoon, as Filch passed Alecto in a corridor, he stopped her and said, "Alecto, I've always liked you."
"What?" Like most people, Alecto was not usually told this while doing something as mundane as walking down the corridor.
"You know," said Filch. "you really do have a body like a…like a pineapple. Don't you think?"
Filch was clearly under the impression that he was flattering Alecto, so it came as a surprise to him when she smacked him across the face.
X
For Caesar's Palace Shipping Week with prompt pineapple.