AN: Set after Self Possessed. It was on TV the other day and I got itchy fingers... I'm trying to work on my one-shots.
Red
It took Rogue a lot longer to recover than they were all expecting. Physically she was fine and mostly unharmed but it was her mind that was plaguing her. While she had erased the other personalities in her head, the memories that had once been stored there hadn't disappeared and she was having a hard time accepting the fact they weren't hers.
She had a brief identity crisis, especially after lingering memories of Mystique forced her to see her own childhood made her see things differently. It made her see Irene differently. It made her see herself differently.
Every time she woke up, she would whisper to herself three truths.
One, that she was safe. The only brief confirmation of that she would need was to look around and see Logan at her bedside, still staying with her in the infirmary. He was always there, but even so on the occasion she found Kurt, Jean or Kitty there. Sometimes the Professor would be reading or Storm and even the New Mutants came and hung out with her, especially Jamie. More often than not though, Scott was visiting her before and after school, giving her homework, keeping her up to date on Mansion life and helping her study when it all became too much.
The second truth was that she possessed her own mind. No matter who she was in the scheme of things, she was herself. She was Rogue. Not Sabretooth or Juggernaut or any of the other personalities that had destroyed the concert, but Rogue. She was powerful in her own right and had her own life and memories that she kept recounting to keep herself sane.
The final and third truth had to do with the first one but a little more. It was the fact she wasn't alone. Kurt was now acting like her brother and would constantly tell bad jokes and gossip and would try road testing Kitty's bad food on her for laughs. Kitty had magazines and books for her and would bring her clothes so Rogue wouldn't have to wear the hospital clothes Xavier had given her and Boom-Boom entertained her with embarrassing stories from the Brotherhood House whenever she came by. She was never left alone and while that would annoy some people, it was comforting to her as someone who had spent most of their life alone and in hiding. She was still uncomfortable in large groups, especially after the concert, but one on one was easy and it was nice to know that they all still liked her by herself and not just in groups and training.
As her mind filtered out more and more of its other inhabitants, Rogue started picking apart everyone's lives and putting them into little boxes. Like Juggernaut. Although he mostly hated Professor Xavier, he had one good memory of him from when they were much younger. Cain was fifteen and Charles was only twelve when they got lost in the woods behind their family home and Charles gave Cain his jacket after he fell into a lake. When Charles got knocked unconscious from falling from a high up tree, Cain considered killing him though he decided not to because their father would get angry. Or at least, that was what he told himself. It was actually the uncomfortable warmth from the jacket that spurred him to lift Charles up and carry him home. He felt responsible for him in that moment. It was possibly the only time Cain cared for his half-brother.
She was surprised to learn Jean had a non-mutant sister, Sara who was going to get married come the summer. Jean received her dress to be a bridesmaid and didn't comment on how she thought the bright blue bridesmaid dresses totally didn't suit her. It was like so uncomfortable too and she wanted to complain but the fact that Sara rarely spoke to her already hurt enough.
Storm had a sister too. Well, Rogue had known that before. Spyke's mom. But Oruro was claustrophobic after being stuck in the rubble of a wrecked house for a week with her little sister. Now, any time she was in an enclosed space she would have panic attacks. It made Rogue a little nervous when she stared at her four walls and remembered that she was underground.
It wasn't the first fear she had picked up. Kitty had constant nightmares of being stuck in the middle of class in her pyjamas and that Lance would see her and laugh. Kurt knew a whole collection of German lullabies that he still hummed to himself when he felt homesick, which was often despite the fact he loved his family at the X-Mansion.
But the memories she liked siphoning through the most were Scott's.
It was strange. They weren't like any one else's memories. When she was in everyone's mind she got to see through their eyes and see the world they saw and for everybody that looked different. For Scott, the world red.
He had a different perception of colour than everyone else. He knew what colours looked like because he had seen them before his powers had developed. Before he had met Xavier, he had tied a bandage around his face and walked around blind and he missed all the colours. His favourite colour was grass green and he loved the way fountain water would turn to rainbows under sunlight.
So when Professor Xavier had first told him he might be able to see again, thirteen-year-old Scott had been thrilled. But when he first got his specially designed quartz glasses, he couldn't help but be disappointed. He told Ororo and Charles that he was just relieved but the truth was – his blues were purple and his purples were red. Rainbows were washed out and greens.
Greens were brown. Mud brown. Boring, dark, ugly brown.
He had to learn how to redefine colours. When people told him something looked a certain colour, he didn't see it though he started to realise which shades were what colours. He decided to count himself lucky because he could see without hurting people but still. Sometimes when Jean would gape and point out a rainbow, he would feel a pang of emptiness and would try to bring up the memory of what the colours up in the sky were.
But still, to Rogue, watching the world through his eyes was beautiful. She kind of understood why he was in love with Jean because of it. Her hair glimmered through the quartz. Red on red. It was now his new favourite colour and most hated colour. The exact shade of red that Jean's hair turned in the sunlight made him smile while the red-orange that reflected off of the yellow of her uniform made him wince.
"What are you thinking about?"
Rogue snapped out of her tired thoughts and looked up to see Scott standing in her doorway. Speak of the devil, she mused and smiled at him. "Nuthin'. Not really."
"Want company?" he asked.
Rogue nodded and Scott went and sat on the chair next to the bed. He went to pull out a book when Rogue stopped him. "Is it always like that?"
He startled and then calmed. "Like what?"
Rogue bit her lip and thought of how to put it. "Red. Is it always that red?"
Scott was confused for a minute, then realised what she was saying. "Wow. I never realised how much you saw of people's memories. Um… Yeah. It's always that red. Ever since the Prof gave me the glasses." Rogue frowned at that but Scott just smiled. "Trust me. It's much better than the alternative."
"Ah just never thought about it before. Losing all my colours but red. Ah ain't a big fan of red."
Scott shrugged. "It's not so bad."
A burn in Rogue's gut hissed at her the name Jean.
"What if you had something different? Like a green set of shades?" she smiled when she made him laugh.
"I don't know. So far Ruby Quartz is the only type of material that can hold back my powers. If I ever find anything in green, I'll tell you."
Rogue leant back in her bed and closed her eyes briefly. When she reopened them, Scott was staring at her curiously. "What? Is there something on mah face?"
"What's it like with everyone in your head?" he asked. Rogue didn't know how to reply at first. She gaped and then shut her mouth as Scott became embarrassed. "Actually. Sorry. No. Shouldn't have asked."
"Ah have your whole life stuck in mah head. You have a right to ask." Scott burnt bright red at Rogue's confession but she didn't notice. She pulled her legs up and knelt forward. "It's like… sometimes, Ah can hear scratching around the back of mah brain but other times, it's like…" She couldn't find the words. "Chaotic. Everyone wants mah attention but Ah don't know where to give it." She sighed. "Worse is, sometimes Ah have dreams and memories that ain't mahne just floating around in there but they all feel real. But, Ah guess it's easier having them floating than having them take over. Least this way Ah maybe got a chance to float them out."
"Like the red?" he said quietly.
"Yeah. Like the red." she repeated. The two smiled at each other briefly before Rogue turned her head away and looked out the window. "Thanks, Scott."
"No problem." Scott picked up his book and started to read. The rest of the time, the two sat together in a comfortable quiet.
AN: R&R... Tell me what you think.