She knew she should've stayed away from him. Yet, she couldn't. She never seemed to be able to anymore, she wanted, needed and craved him. She craved his attention, his touch, everything he possessed and gave to her. He knew that, and she knew he depended on her. Not that he'd ever admit it, it was just his little gestures he did and glances he gave.
He was her best friend's boyfriend, her own boyfriend's best friend, and also best friend from childhood. That was the reason why she was so drawn to him in the first place, he was forbidden and out of bounds. Ever since she was young, she had always wanted what she couldn't have; and now that included him. Another reason is because he was a cocky and controlling arsehole who thought the sun shone out of his arse, a trait she found strangely attractive, a trait that made her attracted to her boyfriend in the first place. But soon, she stripped her boyfriend of every bit of nastiness and changed him. Not on purpose, but she was one of those people who radiated happiness; well once you got to know her.
But covering the radiation of happiness, was a layer of mystery which often attracted others both inc. Boys and girls, eg. Her boyfriend. But now, she was bored of him and wanted excitement and adventure, all in the form of her "other half" as they labelled him.
They were inseparable and identical in personality and mentality, which is why they were each other's match… And not in a good way. They did everything together, have the same friends, the same birthday (except she was a year younger than him, something he never let her forget.) Mended each other's cuts and bruises, went to the same school, applied and now attended the same college… and broke each others heart.
It was a puzzle to him, how and when had he fallen in love with her so quickly? This was supposed to be just a fling, a game. The two made a pact, neither could become attached. But now it was all game over… He loved her more than the moonlight and the stars in the inky coloured sky, more than the sound of fresh leaves crunching beneath his feet in the Autumn mixed with the smell of rain on pavement, more than oversized sweaters, more than music, more than old photos and postcards, old typewriters and more than the smell of a new book.
She had come to love every single thing about him, and he with her, from his charming manner right down the crinkles at the corners of his eyes; that appeared whenever he would laugh too hard. His heart would swell as the days passed, his heart was so full of hope and love for this girl, that he forgot the promise. He forgot to distance himself, he forgot to love himself, and just completely give all his love and his heart to her.
Something that frightened, yet excited him.
They sat in the dimly light bedroom of his two bedroom apartment, well it was a flat; but he liked to call it an apartment as it sounded more sophisticated he often told her, something she always took the piss out of. He sat on his ratted and worn out old ottoman that he inherited from his recently deceased mother who left it in her will in which it was placed at the end of the bed, he wore just simple PJ bottoms and had a cigarette placed carelessly between his two long and slender fingers. He sat with his elbows on his knees, his head slightly downwards and his upper body slightly hunched. She sat on the window seat with nothing but a pair of PJ bottoms and his plaid shirt loosely buttoned up and hugging her frame, she watched his every move intently and carefully as if he were a complete stranger. They sat in silence, the only sound to be heard were his drags and exhales of his cigarette every now and again.
"Thought y' were going to quit". She sarcastically quipped, breaking the silence that hung heavily within the room. "I was, until y' came over". He retorted just as sarcastic with a little scoff before rubbing a small circle on his forehead with his thumb. There was another long silence. Neither of them knew what to say, then again they never did anymore. "We can't keep doing this, Finn". "I know, Rae". He said softly after a short pause, his tone cracking with emotion as he spoke her name; as if it were the last time he would be.
Now, usually when Rae would tell him that this was the last time they would sleep with each other; he'd scoff and shrug it off with a sarcastic comment as he knew she'd come back because she always came back. But now, he knew she meant it and the thought of him losing her more quicker than he expected was now setting in and the feeling made his chest grow tighter with every passing second.
She chewed her bottom lip in worry, not realizing how hard she had bitten because she could suddenly taste the familiar metallic taste. "I don't want to lose ya, Finn". She timidly said, her voice quivered as she tried not to cry. She hated crying, especially in front of Finn as she knew he'd see her as vulnerable and use it to take advantage… Well, so she thought. "And y' won't". He snapped back, still not looking at her. What she asked next completely threw him.
"How do y' know?"
The room grew silent, after a long pause he turned to her with a look she had never seen before in all her eighteen years of knowing him. It was a look of insecurity and vulnerability. Although the room was dim, she could make out the faint glisten of tears brimming his eyes. "I don't know, but what I do is that although ya my best friend's girlfriend, y' still my best friend. Mine, no fucking what and no one will change that. Not him, not Chloe and certainly not me or you. Do y' understand that?" He tried to sound stern but his voice wavered before he roughly wiped two stray tears that travelled down his cheeks. She nodded, he then held out an arm and gestured her over. She took no hesitation into climbing onto the bed beside him, snuggling her head into the crook of his neck, and curled herself into him. He cradled her back with his left arm, carefully trying not to catch her with his cigarette. This, it felt so natural and so right. But, yet they knew it was wrong, even though neither wanted to admit it.
It was moments like this that made the sneaking around and the lying worth it, he made it worth it; as cheesy and toe curling as it sounded. After the long hours of the day that they would spend, pretending; coming back to his or her place at night made it all worth it. Rae let out a sigh, she slipped her arms softly around his torso. He took this as a cue to tighten his hold around her, like a child's safety blanket.
Suddenly, he then remembered why he was here with her in the first place. Once again the realization that he was possibly going to lose her was quickly setting in; something that he hoped wouldn't approach so fast. He tried to swallow the harsh lump in his throat, but it was no use. The walls were getting tighter by the second as his emotions swelled to boiling point; eyes welling uncontrollably. No matter what his mind told him, his heart was winning. It was Rae he loved, it always had been. Unable to fight his feelings any longer, he buried his face into her hair and mumbled "I promise this will be all over soon and then it'll be me and you kid". His voice quivered slightly, he took a deep breath; trying to calm his wave of sadness.
She moved her head from his neck and looked up at him, before whispering "Can I keep ya then?" He slowly looked down at her, his bedside lamp was the only source of light; but it was enough for her to make out the soft smile on his lips and the gentle expression upon his face. He nodded, which caused her to break out into a face eating grin. "And to prove that I mean it, I want to show ya something". He untucked his left arm from around her and held it out; revealing two tattoos around his wrist. Her brow knitted, why on earth was he showing her his tattoos; its not like she hadn't seen them before… "Finn, I've seen them before y'know". He smirked slightly "Look closer at the padlock". She sat up and closely peaked at the small padlock drawn on his arm, just above his wrist. She then grabbed it and pulled it to her face, gasping inwardly. No… That can't be real… He had gotten the keyhole in the shape of an "R".
"Finn I… You… I don't know whether to laugh or cry". He laughed a little "Not the reaction I was hoping for, but at least y' didn't slap me or tell I'm stupid". She scoffed, shocked. "No I… I don't even know how to react, fucking hell". She spoke, slightly dazed. She couldn't believe it, he actually had got a tattoo for her. He actually belonged to her…. Finally. But the thing that shocked Finn the most, was how short they'd been together but yet how easily he'd given her his heart.