Title: A Simple Truth
Author: Marianne E.
Category: DSR
Spoilers: A few general ones for Season 8
Timeline: Anytime after the munchkin's born.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.
Archive: The list archives get it as always, anyone else ask
first please.
Feedback: Yes pease
Summary: In their dreams, John and Dana deal with the demons
they believe are keeping them apart in reality.
Dedication: To Mischa my fellow SHODDs sis who's not feelin' the
best at the moment.
----------------------------------------------------------------
----------------
A Simple Truth
There was a time some time ago
When every sunrise meant a sunny day,
oh a sunny day
But now when the morning light shines in
It only disturbs the dreamland where I lay,
oh where I lay
I used to thank the lord when I'd wake
For life and love and the golden sky above me
But now I pray the stars will go on shinin',
you see in my dreams you love me
Sitting at the kitchen table the two red-haired women sipped
their coffee and enjoyed the silence of the room, the moonlight
streaming in through the window.
A baby cried. Before either could move, they heard the soft
husky drawl of a man singing softly and the baby settled again.
Quietly, the older woman spoke. "You're going to have to wake up
soon...it's almost morning."
"I know," her younger companion agreed with a sad sigh.
"You don't want to."
"No."
"Why? You always loved the morning."
Looking across at her sister, Dana Scully sighed once more and
set down her coffee cup. "You know why, Missy...I don't want to
face it. Here....here everything's perfect. I have you back...I
have John, the aliens are gone. It's perfect. I wake up and that
vanishes. You're gone, he's not next to me and *they're* out
there..."
"They're out there whether you're awake or not," Melissa
reminded her with a gentle smile. "And so am I...you just can't
see me."
Leaning across the table, she grasped her sister's hand tightly.
"The world of the dead and the world of the living aren't so far
apart, Dana. I'm always with you."
The elder Scully looked toward the bedroom, a smile on her face.
"And he's not that far from you. He's just waiting for you..."
"Waiting for what?" Dana asked with confusion.
"You to let go." Missy smiled and shook her head. "You know full
well what I mean, Dana. You try to shoulder all the pain in the
world, all the responsibility and all the worry. You won't let
anyone else help. You've got to prove you can do it yourself."
She gripped her sister's hand gently, her thumb stroking the
skin. "He wants to help and he can. You know that. But *you*
have to let the walls down first. He can't get in unless you let
him. He's not Mulder, no...but in truth, do you want him to be?"
Lowering her head, Dana looked at their joined hands and smiled
tiredly. "I miss you..."
"I miss you too," Melissa countered with a loving smile. "But
like I said, sister dear, I'm never that far from you...or that
precious baby of yours."
Looking up, the younger Scully daughter smiled at her sister.
"I'm glad you can see him...you would have made a wonderful
aunt."
"And you're going to be a wonderful mother," Melissa agreed with
a proud expression as they both saw John Doggett's silhouetted
figure pass by the bedroom door, the baby in his arms. "And he's
going to be a wonderful father..."
"He's not..."
"Dana...parenthood is more than biology." Her expression was
gently chiding as she spoke. "He's exactly what you need. That's
why he's in your dreams...and why you love him as much as you
do. It's the reason he loves you too. You are exactly what he
needs...and so's that little boy of yours."
"I still don't want to wake up," Dana countered with a rueful
smile. "I used to thank the Lord when I'd wake up...especially
after my cancer. It was another day I got to live. Another day
I'd get to see...but now I pray the stars will go on shining..."
"The stars shine no matter what," Missy reminded her. "Even if
the sun keeps us from seeing them."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Daybreak is a joyful time
Just listen to the songbird harmonize,
oh the harmonies
But I wish the dawn would never come
I wish there were silence in the trees,
oh the trees
If only I could stay asleep,
at least I could pretend you're thinkin' of me
'Cause nighttime is the one time I am happy,
you see in my dreams...
Sitting in the park on the bench, the friends were silent as
they watched the children playing a rambunctious game of soccer.
As one young boy passed by he waved wildly at the man and yelled
a happy "Hi Dad!!!" before chasing after his friends.
"Why are we here?" The dark-haired woman asked softly, holding
her soda loosely in her hands.
"We're watching Luke play soccer," John Doggett responded with a
questioning look. "What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean," his friend said calmly. She turned to
face him, one leg folded across the other. "Why are we in this
dream? You didn't know her," she nodded to the redheaded woman
watching the soccer game, a baby in her arms and a smile on her
face, "when you lived in New York."
"It's my dream," Doggett countered stubbornly. "I can have
whoever I want here."
Monica smirked and made a gesture toward herself. "Which is why
I'm here?"
"Yeah, well, you're a necessary evil, you always show up when
you're not welcome. You've never listened to me before so why
start now?"
At that she nodded in agreement before pulling her legs up onto
the bench and resting her forearms on her knees. "So, what are
we really doing here? We both know you've got to get up
soon...it's morning."
"I don't want to."
"Care to tell me why?" Monica prompted with a gentle look, the
same look the real Monica would give, before she sipped her
drink.
"You know why."
"Of course I do," she agreed with a serene gaze. "I'm a part of
your subconscious, the part you occasionally chose to listen to.
And, might I add, as a representative of the *real* Monica...you
haven't dropped by outside of work reasons in forever."
He chuckled wryly at that. Subconscious or not, Monica was
Monica.
"Sorry."
"Don't give me sorry...just tell me what's up. Why are you here
with a dream version of Dana Scully when you can get out of bed
and go see the real one?"
"Because, *that* Dana Scully..." John pointed at the woman.
"...I can love, and she loves me. I can walk up to that one and
wrap my arms around her. The *real* Dana Scully is my partner
and my friend but if I walk up to her and wrap my arms around
her, she'll smack me six ways from Sunday." Sighing, he ran a
hand through his short hair in frustration. "It's torture,
Monica. Having her so close and yet...so far away."
"Yes it is," Monica agreed. "But isn't the real world better
than a dream one? A world of flesh and blood rather than fantasy
and illusion? You were never a man who could content himself
with dreams and pretense, John...so why are you willing to
settle now?"
The question unnerved him and Doggett returned his gaze to the
field. Even in dreams she had the ability to pierce through the
lies he told himself and force him to look at the truth. Not the
Truth that had consumed Fox Mulder's life, and by extension Dana
Scully's....rather a simple and unspectacular truth about
himself.
"I'm afraid," he admitted honestly.
"Of?"
"Of reaching for her and having her push me away. I can't
compete with the world she's lived in for so long." John held
his head in his hands. "I'm not like him...Mulder.. I can't
offer..."
"You're not getting it, are you?" Monica asked with an amused
smile. "You don't have to offer anything but yourself. Dana
doesn't want a Mulder clone! If she wanted that she'd go after
the real thing. She wants *you*..."
"You know something I don't?" he countered with a wry grin.
"I'm a part of you, John...I'm not the real Monica, remember? If
I know anything...I'm getting it from *you*." She leaned over to
poke his chest none too gently then smirked. "You're not as dumb
as you make yourself out to be, John Doggett...so start
admitting what you've known all along."
"Which is?"
Not letting him off that easy, Monica turned to watch the soccer
game.
"So what part of me do you represent again?" The FBI agent
grumbled, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees.
The smirk she gave him was answer enough.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
We climb and climb and at the top we fly
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time
And I don't know really what it means
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams
The spacious room was empty, save for the couple at the very
heart of the dance floor...moving together in a dance to music
only they could hear.
Slowly, they made their way around - the woman resting her head
against the man's shoulder, his hand against the small of her
back and pressing her against him.
"This is a dream, isn't it?" she asked softly.
"Yes." His voice was low-pitched, meant for her ears alone, all
the more special for the fact that there was no one else
present.
"Whose?"
"Does it matter?" he countered. The words drawled out hints of
his accent making the question as soft and gentle as it was
meant.
Looking up at him, Dana smiled. "No."
John smiled back and they resumed their silent dancing to their
own personal music. The song their hearts created.
They moved around the room it was as if there was no floor
beneath them. As if they were dancing on the clouds. It was a
fluffy, light-hearted, somewhat sappy picture. But that didn't
matter. It was a dream and dreams were allowed to be fluffy,
light-hearted and somewhat sappy. That was what made them
dreams. What made them the very thing people would give their
lives to protect. Protect the right to dream. To step outside
time and the dark drudgery life could be and into a fantasy
world where everything was as it was supposed to be, or as they
wanted life to be.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
I keep hopin' one day I'll awaken,
and somehow she'll be lying by my side
And as I wonder if the dawn is really breakin'
She touches me and suddenly I'm alive
Sunlight began encroaching beneath the covers, so much that John
Doggett could no longer ignore it. No longer pretend it wasn't
there.
With a soft groan, the FBI agent rolled over and was rewarded by
the soft scent of a very feminine shampoo wafting beneath his
nostrils. In the foggy state that always comes between sleep and
awake, John opened one eye and found himself looking at the top
of a woman's head. A redheaded woman to be precise.
The sight brought back his awareness in a hurry and the lanky
man realized his dream had literally been a dream within a
dream. With a rueful chuckle, he idly wondered what the shrinks
would make of that.
Dana shifted in her sleep, rolling onto her back, her hair
pillowing around her, and distracted him from his musings.
'Damn, she's beautiful...'
The thought slipped through his mind full of the incredible
wonder at the fact she was in his bed, in his life...in his
heart. Even more wondrous was the fact he was in hers as well.
Perhaps that was where his dream had come from. Born of the fear
that it was all a dream, that she really wasn't his in the
waking world, fear that he'd wake up one day to find her gone.
His heart and his rational mind told him that was not so, Dana
wasn't going anywhere, but there was that still small voice that
niggled at him. The doubt, the worry that he wasn't good enough
to deserve her, that he never would be, and that one day she'd
realize it.
Seeming to sense his eyes on her face, Dana's blue eyes
flickered open and she smiled sleepily.
"Hey..."
Smiling back, he propped himself up on one hand while the other
wandered over her mid-section, feeling the warmth of her skin
beneath the Marine t-shirt she'd slept in, in slow-moving
circles. "Hey yourself...sleep good?"
A thoughtful expression on her face, she nodded. "Yes, I did..."
"But?" John prompted gently as she covered his hand with hers,
trapping it against her body.
"I had the strangest dream."
"You and me both," he chuckled, the sound a low rumble that sent
a delicious shiver through the redhead's body. She couldn't
understand how just a laugh could have that affect on her, but
it did. It always did. "What'd you dream?" John asked after a
moment's pause.
"I was in my apartment, having coffee with my sister...she died
a few years ago." The sadness in her eyes earned her a loving
kiss of sympathy from her lover who then shifted position so she
was lying in his arms.
Resting her head against his bare chest, Dana rubbed her palm
along his arm as she talked. Taking comfort from the motion and
the familiarity of it. She knew he knew about Melissa. Knew he'd
read it in the files. She was grateful for the fact that he
didn't press for details. For the things that *hadn't* gone into
the report. But then, he always seemed to know when to push and
when *not* to push.
"We were talking, I seemed to know I was dreaming but I think
that I was dreaming about dreaming. Strange, hmm?"
"No, not really," John responded, his grip tightening
comfortably. "I had a similar dream...what else happened in
yours?"
"We were talking about my hesitance...to admit I loved you."
Dana smiled, glad she'd gotten over that in the waking world.
Glad she'd let herself have this relationship, this man. "And
why I didn't want to wake up to a world where we weren't
together."
"Sounds like my dream," her lover confessed.
"What did you dream?" The slender redhead questioned, looking up
at him slightly.
"Was back in New York, talkin' to an old friend." John's chest
tightened painfully as he thought of watching his son play
soccer. "You were there...with the baby, watchin' Luke...playing
soccer."
Sympathetic pain lanced through Dana's heart and her hand
grasped his arm firmly, holding it to her chest. She understood
the pain of losing a child. She might not have gotten the chance
to raise Emily as he'd raised Luke...but she knew how it felt to
have her child ripped away by forces she could neither fight nor
stop. Understood the what-ifs that haunted him in the dark. The
lost futures.
She also knew there was nothing that could be said. The pain
couldn't be lessened...only shared.
They lay in silence for a few moments while John dealt with the
ever-present ache that Luke's death forced him to live with.
Holding Dana close helped, allowed him to feel the warmth of her
in his arms, reminding himself that Luke was somewhere no one
could touch him and that he had a new life. A new chance.
"Monica and I were talking about the same thing you and your
sister were talking about. Me waking to a world where I didn't
have you." He didn't voice his concerns in that dream. His
worries about not measuring up to the man who'd been her partner
for so many years. They'd already dealt with that issue once and
he wasn't going to dredge it up again. Any insecurities he still
had lingering in his mind were his to deal with, he wouldn't
burden her with them.
Sensing there was more to it, Dana chose to let that fact go and
turned in his arms so she could look into his face unhindered.
"Strange isn't it? How we both have similar dreams on the same
night?"
"Strange as compared to what?" John chuckled. "Not the X-Files
standard of strange, I hope?"
Laughing softly, she shook her sleep-tousled hair. "Not even
close."
"Doesn't even matter anyway..."
At the sudden gleam in his eye, Dana felt like letting out an
uncharacteristic giggle. She hadn't had anything worth giggling
over for a very long time but, seeing the playful leer in his
eyes, she found things suddenly tempting. "Why not?" she asked
with a equally playful smile.
Holding her firmly, John rolled them over. "Because I think
reality is a damn sight better than our dreams."
As his mouth descended on hers, she laughed softly and slipped
her arms around his neck. "In this case, John, I'm inclined to
agree."
"Glad to hear it, ma'am..."
As they sank beneath the covers, both thought of the final dream
they'd had before waking. Of their dancing together. As
wonderful as the dream had been, it didn't even come close to
the reality they lived with daily.
But then, that was what the dreams were for...to remind them how
lucky they were to have what they did. A simple truth both
treasured implicitly.
Finis
IN MY DREAMS
REO Speedwagon
There was a time some time ago
When every sunrise meant a sunny day,
oh a sunny day
But now when the morning light shines in
It only disturbs the dreamland where I lay,
oh where I lay
I used to thank the lord when I'd wake
For life and love and the golden sky above me
But now I pray the stars will go on shinin',
you see in my dreams you love me
Daybreak is a joyful time
Just listen to the songbird harmonize,
oh the harmonies
But I wish the dawn would never come
I wish there were silence in the trees,
oh the trees
If only I could stay asleep,
at least I could pretend you're thinkin' of me
'Cause nighttime is the one time I am happy,
you see in my dreams...
Chorus:
We climb and climb and at the top we fly
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time
And I don't know really what it means
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams
(Solo)
I keep hopin' one day I'll awaken,
and somehow she'll be lying by my side
And as I wonder if the dawn is really breakin'
She touches me and suddenly I'm alive
Chorus repeats 2x
Oho, in...my...dreams
Author: Marianne E.
Category: DSR
Spoilers: A few general ones for Season 8
Timeline: Anytime after the munchkin's born.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.
Archive: The list archives get it as always, anyone else ask
first please.
Feedback: Yes pease
Summary: In their dreams, John and Dana deal with the demons
they believe are keeping them apart in reality.
Dedication: To Mischa my fellow SHODDs sis who's not feelin' the
best at the moment.
----------------------------------------------------------------
----------------
A Simple Truth
There was a time some time ago
When every sunrise meant a sunny day,
oh a sunny day
But now when the morning light shines in
It only disturbs the dreamland where I lay,
oh where I lay
I used to thank the lord when I'd wake
For life and love and the golden sky above me
But now I pray the stars will go on shinin',
you see in my dreams you love me
Sitting at the kitchen table the two red-haired women sipped
their coffee and enjoyed the silence of the room, the moonlight
streaming in through the window.
A baby cried. Before either could move, they heard the soft
husky drawl of a man singing softly and the baby settled again.
Quietly, the older woman spoke. "You're going to have to wake up
soon...it's almost morning."
"I know," her younger companion agreed with a sad sigh.
"You don't want to."
"No."
"Why? You always loved the morning."
Looking across at her sister, Dana Scully sighed once more and
set down her coffee cup. "You know why, Missy...I don't want to
face it. Here....here everything's perfect. I have you back...I
have John, the aliens are gone. It's perfect. I wake up and that
vanishes. You're gone, he's not next to me and *they're* out
there..."
"They're out there whether you're awake or not," Melissa
reminded her with a gentle smile. "And so am I...you just can't
see me."
Leaning across the table, she grasped her sister's hand tightly.
"The world of the dead and the world of the living aren't so far
apart, Dana. I'm always with you."
The elder Scully looked toward the bedroom, a smile on her face.
"And he's not that far from you. He's just waiting for you..."
"Waiting for what?" Dana asked with confusion.
"You to let go." Missy smiled and shook her head. "You know full
well what I mean, Dana. You try to shoulder all the pain in the
world, all the responsibility and all the worry. You won't let
anyone else help. You've got to prove you can do it yourself."
She gripped her sister's hand gently, her thumb stroking the
skin. "He wants to help and he can. You know that. But *you*
have to let the walls down first. He can't get in unless you let
him. He's not Mulder, no...but in truth, do you want him to be?"
Lowering her head, Dana looked at their joined hands and smiled
tiredly. "I miss you..."
"I miss you too," Melissa countered with a loving smile. "But
like I said, sister dear, I'm never that far from you...or that
precious baby of yours."
Looking up, the younger Scully daughter smiled at her sister.
"I'm glad you can see him...you would have made a wonderful
aunt."
"And you're going to be a wonderful mother," Melissa agreed with
a proud expression as they both saw John Doggett's silhouetted
figure pass by the bedroom door, the baby in his arms. "And he's
going to be a wonderful father..."
"He's not..."
"Dana...parenthood is more than biology." Her expression was
gently chiding as she spoke. "He's exactly what you need. That's
why he's in your dreams...and why you love him as much as you
do. It's the reason he loves you too. You are exactly what he
needs...and so's that little boy of yours."
"I still don't want to wake up," Dana countered with a rueful
smile. "I used to thank the Lord when I'd wake up...especially
after my cancer. It was another day I got to live. Another day
I'd get to see...but now I pray the stars will go on shining..."
"The stars shine no matter what," Missy reminded her. "Even if
the sun keeps us from seeing them."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Daybreak is a joyful time
Just listen to the songbird harmonize,
oh the harmonies
But I wish the dawn would never come
I wish there were silence in the trees,
oh the trees
If only I could stay asleep,
at least I could pretend you're thinkin' of me
'Cause nighttime is the one time I am happy,
you see in my dreams...
Sitting in the park on the bench, the friends were silent as
they watched the children playing a rambunctious game of soccer.
As one young boy passed by he waved wildly at the man and yelled
a happy "Hi Dad!!!" before chasing after his friends.
"Why are we here?" The dark-haired woman asked softly, holding
her soda loosely in her hands.
"We're watching Luke play soccer," John Doggett responded with a
questioning look. "What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean," his friend said calmly. She turned to
face him, one leg folded across the other. "Why are we in this
dream? You didn't know her," she nodded to the redheaded woman
watching the soccer game, a baby in her arms and a smile on her
face, "when you lived in New York."
"It's my dream," Doggett countered stubbornly. "I can have
whoever I want here."
Monica smirked and made a gesture toward herself. "Which is why
I'm here?"
"Yeah, well, you're a necessary evil, you always show up when
you're not welcome. You've never listened to me before so why
start now?"
At that she nodded in agreement before pulling her legs up onto
the bench and resting her forearms on her knees. "So, what are
we really doing here? We both know you've got to get up
soon...it's morning."
"I don't want to."
"Care to tell me why?" Monica prompted with a gentle look, the
same look the real Monica would give, before she sipped her
drink.
"You know why."
"Of course I do," she agreed with a serene gaze. "I'm a part of
your subconscious, the part you occasionally chose to listen to.
And, might I add, as a representative of the *real* Monica...you
haven't dropped by outside of work reasons in forever."
He chuckled wryly at that. Subconscious or not, Monica was
Monica.
"Sorry."
"Don't give me sorry...just tell me what's up. Why are you here
with a dream version of Dana Scully when you can get out of bed
and go see the real one?"
"Because, *that* Dana Scully..." John pointed at the woman.
"...I can love, and she loves me. I can walk up to that one and
wrap my arms around her. The *real* Dana Scully is my partner
and my friend but if I walk up to her and wrap my arms around
her, she'll smack me six ways from Sunday." Sighing, he ran a
hand through his short hair in frustration. "It's torture,
Monica. Having her so close and yet...so far away."
"Yes it is," Monica agreed. "But isn't the real world better
than a dream one? A world of flesh and blood rather than fantasy
and illusion? You were never a man who could content himself
with dreams and pretense, John...so why are you willing to
settle now?"
The question unnerved him and Doggett returned his gaze to the
field. Even in dreams she had the ability to pierce through the
lies he told himself and force him to look at the truth. Not the
Truth that had consumed Fox Mulder's life, and by extension Dana
Scully's....rather a simple and unspectacular truth about
himself.
"I'm afraid," he admitted honestly.
"Of?"
"Of reaching for her and having her push me away. I can't
compete with the world she's lived in for so long." John held
his head in his hands. "I'm not like him...Mulder.. I can't
offer..."
"You're not getting it, are you?" Monica asked with an amused
smile. "You don't have to offer anything but yourself. Dana
doesn't want a Mulder clone! If she wanted that she'd go after
the real thing. She wants *you*..."
"You know something I don't?" he countered with a wry grin.
"I'm a part of you, John...I'm not the real Monica, remember? If
I know anything...I'm getting it from *you*." She leaned over to
poke his chest none too gently then smirked. "You're not as dumb
as you make yourself out to be, John Doggett...so start
admitting what you've known all along."
"Which is?"
Not letting him off that easy, Monica turned to watch the soccer
game.
"So what part of me do you represent again?" The FBI agent
grumbled, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees.
The smirk she gave him was answer enough.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
We climb and climb and at the top we fly
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time
And I don't know really what it means
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams
The spacious room was empty, save for the couple at the very
heart of the dance floor...moving together in a dance to music
only they could hear.
Slowly, they made their way around - the woman resting her head
against the man's shoulder, his hand against the small of her
back and pressing her against him.
"This is a dream, isn't it?" she asked softly.
"Yes." His voice was low-pitched, meant for her ears alone, all
the more special for the fact that there was no one else
present.
"Whose?"
"Does it matter?" he countered. The words drawled out hints of
his accent making the question as soft and gentle as it was
meant.
Looking up at him, Dana smiled. "No."
John smiled back and they resumed their silent dancing to their
own personal music. The song their hearts created.
They moved around the room it was as if there was no floor
beneath them. As if they were dancing on the clouds. It was a
fluffy, light-hearted, somewhat sappy picture. But that didn't
matter. It was a dream and dreams were allowed to be fluffy,
light-hearted and somewhat sappy. That was what made them
dreams. What made them the very thing people would give their
lives to protect. Protect the right to dream. To step outside
time and the dark drudgery life could be and into a fantasy
world where everything was as it was supposed to be, or as they
wanted life to be.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
I keep hopin' one day I'll awaken,
and somehow she'll be lying by my side
And as I wonder if the dawn is really breakin'
She touches me and suddenly I'm alive
Sunlight began encroaching beneath the covers, so much that John
Doggett could no longer ignore it. No longer pretend it wasn't
there.
With a soft groan, the FBI agent rolled over and was rewarded by
the soft scent of a very feminine shampoo wafting beneath his
nostrils. In the foggy state that always comes between sleep and
awake, John opened one eye and found himself looking at the top
of a woman's head. A redheaded woman to be precise.
The sight brought back his awareness in a hurry and the lanky
man realized his dream had literally been a dream within a
dream. With a rueful chuckle, he idly wondered what the shrinks
would make of that.
Dana shifted in her sleep, rolling onto her back, her hair
pillowing around her, and distracted him from his musings.
'Damn, she's beautiful...'
The thought slipped through his mind full of the incredible
wonder at the fact she was in his bed, in his life...in his
heart. Even more wondrous was the fact he was in hers as well.
Perhaps that was where his dream had come from. Born of the fear
that it was all a dream, that she really wasn't his in the
waking world, fear that he'd wake up one day to find her gone.
His heart and his rational mind told him that was not so, Dana
wasn't going anywhere, but there was that still small voice that
niggled at him. The doubt, the worry that he wasn't good enough
to deserve her, that he never would be, and that one day she'd
realize it.
Seeming to sense his eyes on her face, Dana's blue eyes
flickered open and she smiled sleepily.
"Hey..."
Smiling back, he propped himself up on one hand while the other
wandered over her mid-section, feeling the warmth of her skin
beneath the Marine t-shirt she'd slept in, in slow-moving
circles. "Hey yourself...sleep good?"
A thoughtful expression on her face, she nodded. "Yes, I did..."
"But?" John prompted gently as she covered his hand with hers,
trapping it against her body.
"I had the strangest dream."
"You and me both," he chuckled, the sound a low rumble that sent
a delicious shiver through the redhead's body. She couldn't
understand how just a laugh could have that affect on her, but
it did. It always did. "What'd you dream?" John asked after a
moment's pause.
"I was in my apartment, having coffee with my sister...she died
a few years ago." The sadness in her eyes earned her a loving
kiss of sympathy from her lover who then shifted position so she
was lying in his arms.
Resting her head against his bare chest, Dana rubbed her palm
along his arm as she talked. Taking comfort from the motion and
the familiarity of it. She knew he knew about Melissa. Knew he'd
read it in the files. She was grateful for the fact that he
didn't press for details. For the things that *hadn't* gone into
the report. But then, he always seemed to know when to push and
when *not* to push.
"We were talking, I seemed to know I was dreaming but I think
that I was dreaming about dreaming. Strange, hmm?"
"No, not really," John responded, his grip tightening
comfortably. "I had a similar dream...what else happened in
yours?"
"We were talking about my hesitance...to admit I loved you."
Dana smiled, glad she'd gotten over that in the waking world.
Glad she'd let herself have this relationship, this man. "And
why I didn't want to wake up to a world where we weren't
together."
"Sounds like my dream," her lover confessed.
"What did you dream?" The slender redhead questioned, looking up
at him slightly.
"Was back in New York, talkin' to an old friend." John's chest
tightened painfully as he thought of watching his son play
soccer. "You were there...with the baby, watchin' Luke...playing
soccer."
Sympathetic pain lanced through Dana's heart and her hand
grasped his arm firmly, holding it to her chest. She understood
the pain of losing a child. She might not have gotten the chance
to raise Emily as he'd raised Luke...but she knew how it felt to
have her child ripped away by forces she could neither fight nor
stop. Understood the what-ifs that haunted him in the dark. The
lost futures.
She also knew there was nothing that could be said. The pain
couldn't be lessened...only shared.
They lay in silence for a few moments while John dealt with the
ever-present ache that Luke's death forced him to live with.
Holding Dana close helped, allowed him to feel the warmth of her
in his arms, reminding himself that Luke was somewhere no one
could touch him and that he had a new life. A new chance.
"Monica and I were talking about the same thing you and your
sister were talking about. Me waking to a world where I didn't
have you." He didn't voice his concerns in that dream. His
worries about not measuring up to the man who'd been her partner
for so many years. They'd already dealt with that issue once and
he wasn't going to dredge it up again. Any insecurities he still
had lingering in his mind were his to deal with, he wouldn't
burden her with them.
Sensing there was more to it, Dana chose to let that fact go and
turned in his arms so she could look into his face unhindered.
"Strange isn't it? How we both have similar dreams on the same
night?"
"Strange as compared to what?" John chuckled. "Not the X-Files
standard of strange, I hope?"
Laughing softly, she shook her sleep-tousled hair. "Not even
close."
"Doesn't even matter anyway..."
At the sudden gleam in his eye, Dana felt like letting out an
uncharacteristic giggle. She hadn't had anything worth giggling
over for a very long time but, seeing the playful leer in his
eyes, she found things suddenly tempting. "Why not?" she asked
with a equally playful smile.
Holding her firmly, John rolled them over. "Because I think
reality is a damn sight better than our dreams."
As his mouth descended on hers, she laughed softly and slipped
her arms around his neck. "In this case, John, I'm inclined to
agree."
"Glad to hear it, ma'am..."
As they sank beneath the covers, both thought of the final dream
they'd had before waking. Of their dancing together. As
wonderful as the dream had been, it didn't even come close to
the reality they lived with daily.
But then, that was what the dreams were for...to remind them how
lucky they were to have what they did. A simple truth both
treasured implicitly.
Finis
IN MY DREAMS
REO Speedwagon
There was a time some time ago
When every sunrise meant a sunny day,
oh a sunny day
But now when the morning light shines in
It only disturbs the dreamland where I lay,
oh where I lay
I used to thank the lord when I'd wake
For life and love and the golden sky above me
But now I pray the stars will go on shinin',
you see in my dreams you love me
Daybreak is a joyful time
Just listen to the songbird harmonize,
oh the harmonies
But I wish the dawn would never come
I wish there were silence in the trees,
oh the trees
If only I could stay asleep,
at least I could pretend you're thinkin' of me
'Cause nighttime is the one time I am happy,
you see in my dreams...
Chorus:
We climb and climb and at the top we fly
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time
And I don't know really what it means
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams
(Solo)
I keep hopin' one day I'll awaken,
and somehow she'll be lying by my side
And as I wonder if the dawn is really breakin'
She touches me and suddenly I'm alive
Chorus repeats 2x
Oho, in...my...dreams