Another night of yelling and arguing
It hurts to sleep knowing maman is yelling at that man again..Was it my fault? Maman tells me it's not. But I feel like it is. Why does she let him back in and only ends up yelling at him. Why does he never yell back? Is he afraid of maman?
I crawl out of bed for the first time and actually try to see what's going on. I walk slowly and quietly down the hallway that is connected to my room and maman's.
I slowly stop a few inchs away from her cracked door only to hear more clearly of maman yelling at this familiar stranger.
"You think you can come here anytime you want and think I won't get sick of it? I hate you! Why must you make this so difficult!? You have a son who tries his best and acts like an angel- yet you see nothing of him! He is your flesh and blood yet you rarely talk to him!" Maman shoves the man back almost making him knock in the dresser.
He doesn't do anything and watches her yelling. He sighes softly and turns his head towards the cracked door and sees me standing there.
Why is he just staring at me?
I can hear maman shouting at him again.
"Pay attention to me! What are you looking a-...!" She notices me and I can see fear in her eyes. Maman quickly comes to the cracked door opening it wider and swooping in to hug me.
"Maman is sorry Mattieu…..I didn't want you to see us like this….I am so sorry" She holds me tightly. I can feel her body trembling and soon I hear her crying.
Why was maman so sad?
I wrapped my arms around her and try to hug back. Though my eyes were much more busy looking at the familiar stranger.
He looks down at me and maman then exits the room, walks down the hallway, down the stairs, into the living room and straight out the front door.
Maman is still crying. Is she hurt? He didn't hit her so it wasn't his fault. She didn't hurt herself so it wasn't her fault.
Was it me?
I open my mouth to say something but shut it again and keep my words to myself.
Why was I so quiet?
My mouth felt as though I had a thick layer of tape over it, why couldn't I speak to her?
2 WEEK BEFORE:
The doctor walked back into the room and sighed softly and he looked over his tests results.
I saw maman jump up from the seat beside my bed and rush over to the doctor "Sir! Please tell me he is fine, there is nothing wrong with him, oui? We can go home, right?" She was trembling hoping that this was nothing serious.
The man gently put his hand on her shoulder and looked at her with a straight face.
"Your son is mute.."
So that's why I can only speak in my head.
I want to say something to my maman but no noise is heard.
I have to face the painful truth.
I am mute.