Hey all, just a oneshot that was inspired by the song If It Means A Lot To You by A Day To Remember. It's a favorite of mine really. I hope you enjoy!
Rachel isn't sure why she's doing this. Why she's about to call Quinn. She doesn't know why she's going to put both of them through this. She just knows she has to. She has to say it. For Quinn's sake. Rachel knows how hard this is on her, this life…it was never one Quinn chose. It wasn't one that they'd agreed on and yet they had somehow. When they were young and stupid and in love, they agreed not to talk about what would happen when Rachel was off on tour and Quinn was stuck back home without her. They agreed to this future because they didn't plan. And now Rachel had to end it all. She had to let the love of her life go because they were too blind to see the consequences as the young adults heading off to college. You would think college students would plan better, make more mature decisions. You really would think they wouldn't fall into the traps they had in high school, but they had, and Rachel wasn't sure when they wouldn't. The impulsivity of the girls was something that she once adored, but now, now Rachel wished they had taken a moment to really think. Now, as she holds her phone with tears already spilling down her cheeks, she regrets every spontaneous decision they had ever made.
The phone rings three times, the same it always does. Every time Rachel calls it rings three times. One to catch Quinn's attention, two as she contemplates picking it up and then three as she finally decides to do so. Rachel wished she hadn't, then maybe she wouldn't have to go through with this. Then maybe, just maybe she would chicken out, see it as a mistake, and take a nap to rest while her head thought the unthinkable. But Quinn does, and Rachel hears the same forced smile she has for the past two weeks now. "Hey, babe." The excitement is forced, the smile is forced, their very relationship is forced. It shouldn't be, but with the distance, it seemed almost impossible not to be. "How is everything?" Still chipper, still fake. But it's still nice. Rachel love's the low rasp in Quinn's voice, she loves the husk, she loves everything. But it wasn't enough. At least she didn't think so.
"Hi, darling," Her own tone is sad, she's not trying to hide it anymore. She doesn't want to hide anymore. Rachel Berry is tired of pretending. "I've been better."
"Oh? Is it another casting problem? Did your male lead bail again? Get drunk? Is the star not getting the attention she so rightfully deserves?" Quinn's words are kind, sweet. They're just what Rachel would need on any day that isn't today. Any day that she wasn't about to break both of their hearts.
"No…it's none of that." The brunette pauses, thinking over her words, desperate for something more to say but all she can come up with is "I miss you." And it's so broken, so depressingly cracked with the weight of what was coming that she can hear Quinn stop breathing on the other end.
This is the moment Rachel had been dreading. The moment her mind flips, the moment she convinces herself that breaking up is the worst idea. It was just a few more weeks, and then she'd be home to Quinn. She'd be in her arms in just a few more weeks. And then they'd be together for a few months until it was time to tour again. Until this all happened all over again. But they'd be okay. Every couple had a rough patch. Every couple wasn't strong all the time. And yet somehow, Rachel felt they were weaker than most. She felt she was, anyways. Doubting them like this. Calling Quinn not to say she loved her, but to say she wanted to end it. And now she just wanted to take it all back. She changed her mind but it was too late.
The very girl she is choosing to stay with is sighing on the other end, releasing the breath she had been holding for a good minute before admitting that she missed Rachel too, and that this was hard. Sometimes, too hard. "I knew this is what was going to happen, I just didn't know it would be so hard." There's tears now. Rachel can tell in Quinn's voice that she's crying silently. She knows Quinn enough to know that she hates crying. She hates being vulnerable. And now, she knew just how much she hated this. How much she hated Rachel being away.
"I know…but just a few more weeks and I'll be there again. I'll be home in just a few more weeks. I'll be with you in just a few more weeks. I promise."
Somehow, though Rachel isn't exactly sure as to how, this conversation became reversed. What started out as the diva planning to end everything that was good in her life had turned into her clawing at whatever remained, if there was anything at all.
"You promise…until you have to leave again," She's so broken, so utterly hurt and it was all coming out because of Rachel's impulse decision to broach the topic. A topic that shouldn't have been broached when they were so close to being together again. "Rach….I don't think I can wait anymore." Hazel eyes intrude Rachel's mind. The very ones the girl knows Quinn is wearing right now. She knows her girlfriend's eyes are furrowed, she knows that Quinn is pursing her lips; she knows that those angelic eyes are squinting as she tries and stops the tears from falling. And she knows that they're already spilling down her face.
"So you're breaking up with me?" It's cold, and blunt, and Rachel hates herself for asking, but she needs to hear it. She needs to hear the words uttered from Quinn's lips. If they aren't then it's not real, and she can pretend everything is normal again.
"Rachel, I don't want to lose you," She's pleading, begging. Quinn Fabray is begging to stay connected and Rachel can't do that. She knew it would come to this, she knew the moment she woke up this morning that her relationship was doomed, but she never expected it to end so quickly, so painfully.
"I think you already have." What made her say it, Rachel didn't know. But if they were ending, she would need a complete break. She'd need to be cut off entirely. She'd find a new home, Quinn could keep the apartment they shared now. She could have everything in there if she wanted. But Rachel needed to start over. She needed to not see Quinn everywhere she looked, but already that seemed like an impossibility. Quinn's face was everywhere in her trailer. In pictures, in cards, memories of their past phone conversations as Rachel looks to the new bouquet of flowers, and the old decaying one. Quinn's everywhere, and Rachel's not sure if she ever won't be. Soul mate had never fit anyone better than Quinn Fabray it seemed, but now…it was all being torn away. And she saw it coming. She saw the end and was still unprepared for it.
"Rachel, please," But there isn't anything more attached to that sentence. Rachel knows Quinn would never ask her to quit, and she knows Quinn would never allow her to. They were stuck, stuck because of impulse decisions, because they didn't planned. If they had just planned. Rachel Berry was one for plans. She had her entire life thought out before it even happened. She knew what she was going to do, how she was going to do it, and what it would take to get there. Everything was planned and the second she decides to let life lead her….her heart gets broken.
"I'm sorry." It's the last thing Rachel says before she hangs up. The last thing she says before she feels her heart actually shatter. She can almost hear the pieces clatter inside her. The different shards of her broken heart shedding whatever is left inside her, leaving Rachel Berry nothing more than a prop on a stage. A puppet working a scene.