AN: This is something I've had floating around in my head for a while, but please note this is only going to be a side project until I finish my other Castle fic A Solid Alibi. But I do hope to knock that on the head since Probable Cause has aired (how brilliant was it?)

Anyway please send me some love with this one as I'm putting my heart right in it, didn't take much though this practically wrote itself. If you love it review, if it makes you sad, review. xox

08672241

Regret

Alexis took a deep breath before walking into her Dad's office. She had no idea what she was going to say to him but knew she had to try none the less. She walked up behind him.

"Dad…..I've got your suit back from the dry cleaners. I'll just hang it here on the door." She paused and was met without a response. Castle's back was to his daughter, he was swivelled facing the wall in his office chair, a bottle of hard liquor sat half consumed on his desk. She tried again. "I picked out a tie for you; Kate always liked the purple one…"

"I'm not going." He cut her off with little emotion.

"….Dad…..you have to." She protested.

"I don't have to do anything. I just want to be alone right now; please."

Alexis could tell from his voice. He was broken. Lost. She didn't know how to help him and so she turned around and went back into the living room. Martha was sitting on the sofa with the phone to her ear; trying to tie up last minute details.

"Yes Jim; I know everybody is expecting him to give a eulogy but I just don't think it's going to happen. At this rate it will be a miracle to get him out of the house." Martha paused to listen to the response at the end of the phone before rebutting. "Of course he wants to be there; but sometimes what somebody wants and what somebody is capable of are two different things. Look Jim I can't begin to understand what you are going through right now but I can tell you one thing; nobody at the funeral this afternoon is going to doubt how much my son loved your daughter. If Richard isn't up to being there than I'm sure people are going to understand. He's lost his wife for Christ sakes."

Alexis put her arms around her grandmother's shoulders for comfort. Martha said goodbye to Mr Beckett and told him that she would see him at the service. Martha sighed and hugged Alexis. "How is he?"

"Dad's not coming. He's gone through half a bottle of scotch." Alexis was worried.

"Oh boy. I'm sorry to say I'm not going to push your father on this one. I don't think it will help."

"If Dad doesn't go today he'll regret it for the rest of his life."

"I know he will. He just needs some more time."

An hour later there was a knock on the door. Martha opened it to find Kevin and Jenny Ryan on the other side looking very sombre.

"Hello Detective. Jenny." Martha greeted them.

"Hello Mrs Rodgers," Kevin began. "We just thought we'd stop by, see if we could give anyone a ride to the service. We hadn't heard from Castle."

Martha sighed. "It's just myself and Alexis I'm afraid. Richard won't be coming."

The Detective looked stunned; as much as he tried to hide his surprise. "But…"

"We know. Thank you very much for the offer but we'll make our own way. We'll be leaving in half and hour with or without him. Alexis is in there now trying to convince him to put his suit on; but you know how stubborn my son can be."

"I can't imagine what he's feeling right now." Jenny put her hand on her husband's arm in support.

He smiled at his wife. "I know. We're all hurting but; geez it was only a couple of months ago we were watching them get married. It's not fair."

Kevin and Jenny left the loft and made their way to the cemetery. It didn't take long for him to find Esposito and when he had asked why Castle wasn't with them it only took twenty minutes for there to be another knock on the door of Castle's loft. This time was different; it was a pounding; urgent knock.

Martha rushed over and opened it and Esposito didn't wait for an invitation to step inside. Lanie was behind him trying to calm him down.

"Where's Castle?"

Martha put her hand on one hip. "He's not coming; Detective. Alexis and I are just about to leave as well; perhaps we can all go together?"

"No; screw that. He can't miss this." Javier marched over to the door of Castle's office.

"Don't you think we've tried to tell him that?" Martha exasperated.

"Javier!" Lanie was quick behind him.

"Castle you get your sorry ass out of that chair right now."

"I'm not going." Castle response was the same as he had told his daughter hours before.

"Like hell you're not." Javi swivelled the chair around to face the rest of them. Castle looked like shit. Worse than that.

"This is how you honour Beckett's life? By drinking in this chair, feeling sorry for yourself? She deserves better than this. What about the eulogy huh? The big fancy writer hasn't got anything to say about the woman he loves? Kate deserves better." He repeated.

"Javi; that's enough!" Lanie's voice was firm this time. "It's time to go or we'll miss it ourselves." She pushed Esposito towards the door ignoring his comments of "this is such bullshit!" Lanie turned back to Martha and Alexis. "We'll see the two of you down there. I'm sorry about him. Oh and Castle….I'm sorry. Kate was so lucky to have you in her life. Don't be a stranger at the precinct; you hear me?"

Castle kept staring at the wall so Lanie showed herself out.

Martha gave it one last shot before it was time to leave. "Alright kiddo; it's now or never."

"Apologise to Jim for me; tell him I'll send some flowers or something." Was all Castle could manage.

"Did you manage to write anything for the eulogy? If you like I could read it on your behalf. You don't have to be there." She pressed gently.

"Thank you Mother." Castle slid his notebook across the desk to her. "It's all in there."

"I'll do her justice; don't worry."

Alexis gave her father a hug and kiss before they left. "We'll see you soon ok."

Detective Kate Beckett had a full military procession with honours. Javier, Kevin and Gates helped to carry the casket from the hearse. A flag was folded and handed over to Jim Beckett; who later stood and gave a moving eulogy and told of how Katie's life revolved around finding justice for those who could not find it for themselves. How she never gave up the good fight; right up until the end; and how she would never be forgotten.

When it came time for Castle's eulogy everybody looked around noting his absence. Martha stood up and solemnly took the podium.

"A mother's one wish on this earth is to see her children be happy in life with the choices that they make. I couldn't have wished for a better daughter-in-law. She made my son happier than I ever thought possible. On Richard's behalf I'd like to say a few words, these are his words; that he's prepared.

'Kate; I know people are expecting me to come out with some grand speech telling about how you were such an amazing person. The truth is that for once in my life I am at a loss for words. Anyone that had the privilege of crossing your path knows how amazing you are. In my life I have been rich; I have been famous. But all of that meant nothing when I met you. You made me whole. You gave my life a new meaning. I felt like the luckiest man in the world when you agreed to be my wife. People often say that you're supposed to marry your best friend. I finally got it right the third time."

The crowd began to murmur and Martha looked up from the notebook in front of her. Castle had gotten dressed into his suit and tie; Beckett's favourite; and was approaching the podium. She waited for him to stand next to her before handing over the book.

Castle took a deep breath before shakily speaking into the microphone. "My only regret is that we didn't have more time together. We were waiting to make the big announcement until you had cleared the first trimester; I will never forget the joy on your face when you told me you were pregnant. That we were having a baby together. You were an incredible partner, girlfriend, step-mother and wife, if only briefly. You would have made a wonderful mother. You were a loyal friend and remarkable Police Detective. Your spark and fiery determination was something we all loved about you. I think I speak for everyone at the 12th when I say that a day won't go by without us thinking about how much we miss you. You're my whole world Kate; and I love you; always."

Castle paused to lay his hand on the casket for a moment before stepping down from the podium. He walked back to the front row to take a seat next to his mother and daughter. He brushed past Kate's father who put a hand on his shoulder and said "Well done; Son."

After the service everyone filtered out of the cemetery to head off to the reception; a few drinks at the Old Haunt. Castle insisted on staying at the cemetery a while after assuring his family that he was going to be alright. He stayed sitting next to her burial plot until it got dark, crying until there were no tears left. Castle wasn't sure how he was going to come out the other side; but he also knew that one way or another; he wasn't going to let the bastards responsible get away with her murder.