I had been sitting in my backyard for fifteen minutes already then, waiting for Dill to arrive.
The weather was terribly hot but the wind on my face was acting like my saviour. I had been thinking all day about what I would tell Dill, I went through it one last time in my head as I saw him coming!
I smiled at him, he was his usual self; smart clothes, side hair, geeky glasses and pale skin.
-"Hey you." He gave me a kiss on the cheek, his usual greeting, "You look great today."
-"Yeah. Guess I have finally given in to social etiquette of being a young girl."
-" You are usually so reluctant to wear those dresses and don't get started me about make-up. Aunt Alexandra would be proud. Too bad she is not there."
-"Yes, it is."
An awkward silence followed, something that never happens between us.
-"So... Where is everyone else?"
-" Oh, Jem is practicing Football with his friends, Dad at work and Cal is at the market ."
-" Okay. Why did you want to see me?"
- " Yeah, about that."
He was looking at me, waiting for me to continue. I wanted to run away.
Come on, Scout get a grip. He is your best friend, this is the reason you chose him.
-"Yeah?"
-"I don't know where to start."
-"Is everything okay?" He looked worried now.
- "Yeah. Everything is fine."
-" What is it then?"
-" Did you really think what you said when you arrived?"
-" What? That you are looking great? Sure, Scout. You are a pretty girl, but you know that you are more valuable than that right? You are kind, intelligent, brave, and the list goes on. Why are you feeling so insecure all a sudden?"
-"Well, I have dressed this way for you!"
-"What? Why? You know that I accept you as you are right?"
He looked shocked and confused. Yet I could see that he was doing his best not to laugh.
-" I know, that's why. I dont know if I will ever meet a man that treats me as good as my dad and brother do. You do, Dill. Nobody knows better than you do. You make me laugh, understand my love for writing, know how to recomfort me when I am feeling down. You are such great person."
- "Wow. I am touched. Really. I dont understand where what you are trying to say with those things."
-" I want you to be my boyfriend."
- "Scout! I can't!"
-" Why not? You like me too"
-" Yes. But not in this way."
We stayed quiet during a long moment. I was afraid that if I talked, my voice would betray me. I refused to show how much his rejection affected me.
-"Scout, I am sorry."
-"It's fine. It was a stupid thing for me to do anyway. You are not interested in me and I understand."
-"Do you really like me this way?"
-"My friends at school all have a boyfriend. Not that I cared very much, but that's all they talk about. Moreover, they seem to feel bad that no boys ask me out at school. I didn't care, they are all so immature."
-" It's alright, Scout. You still have all your life to date boys."
-" I know, but I wanted to know what it's feel like you know. I wanted to have my first kiss today, so I could also have something to talk with them. You were the perfect guy for that."
My face were full of tears by now. I stood up to go inside, but Dill stopped me.
" I could have kiss you, Scout, but I respect you to much to take that experience from you. You deserve it to be with someone that feels the same about you."
- " I have understood Dill. No need to twist the knife deeper."
-"No, you don't understand. Otherwise you wouldn't be this angry."
He paused. His distress was evident on his face.
-"Iam not attracted by girls."
-"What?"
-" You heard me."
I did and was utterly shocked. I never saw this coming. Dill, my Dill. He was homosexual.
-" I don't know how to respond to that."
-"I am not ill, Scout. It's not like they say. I didn't choose to be like that. I can't control it but this doesn't make me crazy. I can feel it deep down"
I felt powerless in front of this Dill. He was crying and seemed so desperate. My boys problems were so insignificant next to that.
I did the only thing I could think of. I went and hugged him until he calmed down.
-"You are the only one I told this Scout. Don't let me down. Please."
-" I won't. I will stick with you like an octopus on your face."
The joke didn't make him laugh. He stayed lost in his thoughts. We both sat down on the grass as I thouggt of everything that I had ecee heard on them, the hate they received, how the society and religion rejected their existence. I knew that no matter what, I would stand by Dill. His love was not hurting anyone unlike the spite and prejudices that I knew would soon come his way.
He was still the same person I was friend with, one of the kindest guy I have ever met and who he loves will not change that.