Disclaimer: Author does not own EVA.
However, the author does own some EVA-ish freakiness.
"It makes no difference to me".
"Liar".
Black emptiness.
The void.
Nothing.
Peace in nothing.
Falling…
Falling?
The sensation of falling.
The sensation of sensation.
I should not be feeling sensation.
This is a dream.
Though I never had a dream, it must be one.
I should not be dreaming.
Yes.
Because I'm dead.
The face of Eva-01.
He did what I wanted.
He and his kind lives.
I die.
"We die."
The face of Sachiel
"You betrayed your kind."
"You are the avatar of the Mother."
"Why did you choose them over us?"
Should I kill them so that we may survive?
"Should you kill us so that they may survive?"
It does not matter. It was not my choice to make.
"Yes. It was MINE!"
The voice of Shinji
"You really are like me, Nagisa".
…
"You were the bridge between Adam and Lilith."
The voice of Rei "You would have chosen which race survives."
The voice of Misato "And you passed that choice onto a suffering boy".
The angry face of Shinji "You forced me to kill you!"
If I lived, you would die.
"THEN WHY COULDN'T YOU KILL YOURSELF?"
I…I…
The voice of Asuka "Because the little Angel-boy CAN'T kill himself. He's just too SCARED."
The voice of Gendou "Quite a paradox. He wishes to run away from his life."
The voice of Keel "And yet, he cannot bring himself to that final step."
The voice of Rei "We are alike. You are a doll, just like me."
I am not a doll.
Asuka smirks "Of course you're a doll! You don't make any choices yourself. You merely let things happen to you. Like the good dolly you are!"
But I made choices.
"Name it".
Shinji…
The face of Keel "We all need Eva-01".
Eva-02.
Misato growls "That was just you running away".
Shinji laughs "And I thought I was a coward".
"Our cowardly avatar".
His face reflected millions of times, all smiling. "Running away. Coward."
"Why couldn't you choose?"
Please…
A multitude of voices "Why couldn't you choose Kaworu? Why couldn't you choose Tabris? Why couldn't you choose? WHY COULDN'T YOU CHOOSE?"
There is a boy in a house.
He sitting down.
He is sitting down and listening to music.
He is sitting down and listening to Symphony No. 9.
Now he's crying.
He's crying because the song is beautiful.
He's crying because he will destroy that beauty.
Kaworu floated in the abyss, his face neutral.
"When I heard that song, I knew I could not destroy the Lilim and destroy such beauty. But I could not betray my race."
Rei floated in the abyss. "So you did nothing."
The abyss turned red, as Eva-01 towered over the landscape.
"You said you pitied me! You said you loved me! But you hurt me!" the voice of Shinji screamed.
"Because you were me" Kaworu whispered. "I pitied you, because all beings pity themselves. I loved you, because all beings love themselves. I hurt you, because all beings hurt themselves."
"I never loved myself!"
"Nor did I" chimed in Rei.
"No I" Misato. "Nor I" Keel. "Nor I" "Nor I" "Nor I" "Nor I"
"LIAR!"
Kaworu's eyes were closed "I…I never wanted this for you…for any of you….I'm sorry."
A woman laughed. "You say you're sorry" said Yui, "but you don't seem to show it".
"Always wearing that same smile" laughed Kaji.
"You're laughing at us!" hissed Asuka. "You're LAUGHING at us!"
"This smile?" Kaworu smiled. "This smile is just a mask".
His face broke, and revealed a frown between tears. "This is how I feel."
"The wall of the soul" said Misato quietly. "No wonder yours was so strong. You would use that smile to keep people away".
"Why would anyone worry about a smile?" asked Rei.
"Why would they?" echoed Kaworu.
And suddenly he was sitting on a train.
Across was a younger form of himself, face covered in shadow.
"What do you want, Nagisa Kaworu, code name Tabris? What do you desire more than anything else?"
"I want…freedom."
"Freedom?"
"The ultimate freedom. Oblivion".
"And yet, your heart says otherwise".
The form shifted and grew until it was the shadowed face of Ikari Shinji.
"For what you did to me, your heart wants you to suffer".
Kaworu's eyes widened. "No."
"For what you did to me, your heart wants you to suffer."
"No!"
"For what you did to me, your heart wants you to suffer."
"NO!"
"For what you did to me, your heart wants you to suffer."
"STOP!" Kaworu held his head in his hands.
"Running away. Just like me."
Kaworu looked up, and the form changed to Ayanami Rei.
"You may deny your heart all you wish, but the point remains. You think existence is suffering, and the Kaworu Nagisa in your mind desires suffering. Therefore…"
"You live!"
And then there was the squeal of brakes and the bright light of Impact…
December 25th, 2016
The Magi still worked.
Even with no-one there, the Magi still worked, issuing messages that would never be heard or seen by humans.
"PATTERN DETECTED. 17th ANGEL"
"A.T. FIELD WEAKENED 99.99999990"
"BLOOD TYPE RED".
The Magi were present for the birth of a new human being, dressed in a school uniform, in the fetal position, finally washing up on the shores of Tokyo-3.
Like most newborns, he began to cry.
To be continued on New Years…