"Bored! Boreeed! Boreeeeeeduuuuhhhhhhhhmmmmmm!" groaned the irritated Dane.
He had been laying in the same upside down position on the couch for a good five minutes. There was nothing good on TV. What was the point of paying extra for more channels if nothing interesting ever came on? Most okay shows were on during daylight hours but at four in the morning, it was the same paid programming over and over again.
"ShamWOW," he said mocking the supposed satisfied customers. "Good just because the Germans made it? Bullshit! Everybody knows all the amazing things on Earth were created by the Nordics."
No longer being able to take the annoying "Limited time Only" TV Offers, Denmark got up and walked to the fridge. If anything could make him less bored, it would be beer. Beautiful, delicious, sent down from the heavens beer.
Denmark opened the fridge door a little too quickly and the light blinded him. Peeking in with squinted eyes he felt his heart sink.
"What? No! No way this is happening. Where the hells the Carlsberg? Where's the Tuborg? I don't even see any of Sve's disgusting stuff either!"
He closed the door and opened it several times while laughing maniacally. The Danish nation, known for being the eighth biggest drinker in the world, was in disbelief as to how every single beer -no- every single form of alcohol could have disappeared. Sure he drank a lot but not that much. And someone would always replace the beer before it even reached less that a six pack.
"Træls! Hvad skal jeg nu gøre?"
The weather was unusually warm, even for summer. All of the Nordics had come to his house for their monthly family gathering. That is, everyone except Norway. Norway had important business to attend to back home so he wasn't able to come. That was unfortunate for Denmark considering Norway was the only person willing to deal with his insomnia, boredom, and annoyance. Without Norway, he had no one to talk to. Everyone else had locked their rooms to keep Denmark away at night. It was too early to go on a beer run and he wasn't the least bit sleepy.
"Fuck det. Guess I'll go for a walk or something," he told himself as he stepped outside the house.
Not even a minute had passed and he barely reached the end of his drive way when boredom struck again. He turned with a groan and headed back to the house when he realized that he had locked the front door and forgotten the key.
"For helvede!" he screamed. Banging loudly on the door, he called out, "Hello. Hey! Someone! Open the door! Come on! Open up!" but to no avail. The Dane started walking to the backyard hoping he had left it unlocked when suddenly something interesting caught his eye.
A window.
An open window.
Sve's open window.
A devilish smirk found its way to Denmark's face and in a flash the eccentric blonde was climbing the wall to Sweden's room on the third floor. Once next to the window, he swung over one leg and then the other.
"Finland," murmured a blissfully sleeping Swede. Denmark looked around to see if anyone else was in the room. Nope. Not surprising though. Finland was a mother and wife and yet he continued to deny any sort of relationship with Sweden or Sealand.
'So irresponsible,' thought Denmark. Then he remembered what he came for. The sinister look returned to his face. The look that held no malice yet much mischief. He turned and walked to the corner farthest from the bed and then without notice, ran and leaped on Sweden immediately waking him from his slumber.
"Wh't the-?" cried out Sweden before Denmark placed a pillow in his head so he wouldn't know of the identity of the man who awoke him. Many muffled and mumbled threats were heard from beneath the pillow. Denmark could barely hold back him laughter as he sat on top of the pillow.
The heavy weight on his face and torture he was being put through was familiar. It was the same thing he went through when he lost in a fight against-
"Danmark!" growled an aggravated Swede. This was Denmark's cue to run away. Sweden didn't normally get angry but when he did all hell would break loose. Denmark didn't care what anyone said. An angry Sweden was ten times scarier than any woman's scorn.
"Danmark!" yelled Sweden as he jumped off the bed and chased Denmark out of the room. "Dumjävel! Kukhuvud! Dra åt helvete! Jag ska döda dig!" Sweden's profane outburst caused the whole house to wake up. Iceland and his puffin stood in the middle of the hallway not surprised to see Sweden running after a cheeky Denmark.
"Cosa diavolo sta succedendo?" screamed Mr. Puffin. "Who does a puffin have to whack to get some sleep around here?"
"Knep dig selv!" said Denmark. "Du fanger mig aldrig, din stodder!"
Finland stood in the doorway of his room hoping the fighting would die off soon so he could get back to sleep.
The door of the room next to his opened up and out came a groggy Sealand. "Mama, what are Daddy and Uncle Denmark saying?"
Finland sighed, "Not your Mama. And your father and your definitely not uncle Denmark are not saying anything of importance but you still shouldn't repeat any of it."
"Mama, can I sleep with you?"
"Not your-" Finland was interrupted by many more inappropriate insults that thankfully Sealand did not understand. "Sure. Come on in," said Finland as he covered the child's ears praying that he wouldn't later remember those obscenities.
Author's Note
Translations:
"Carlsberg and Tuborg" - Popular Danish Beer
"Sve" - What the Nordics call Sweden
"Træls! Hvad skal jeg nu gøre?" - "This sucks. Now what am I going to do?" (Danish)
"Fuck det" - "Fuck it." (Danish)
"For helvede!" - "Damn it/Damn it to hell/To hell!" (Danish)
"Dumjävel! Kukhuvud! Dra åt helvete! Jag ska döda dig!" - "Stupid fucker! Dickhead! Go to hell! I'll kill you!" (Swedish)
"Cosa diavolo sta succedendo?" - "What the hell is going on?" (Italian)
"Knep dig selv!" - "Fuck you!" (Danish)
"Du fanger mig aldrig, din stodder!" - "You'll never catch me, you motherfucker!" (Danish)
(These are all rough translations. I am not fluent in Danish, Swedish, or Italian so if something is wrong please feel free to correct me.)
I made Mr. Puffin speak Italian because it is said that he speaks like a Mafioso and I thought this would be more comical than Icelandic. Also, my Icelandic is terrible.