Summary – Give them a foreign holiday; let's see what happens. Very OOC; there is some guy x guy kissing later, but that shouldn't be a problem… right?
Thought of this while watching 'Stephen Colbert: the Greatest Gift of All'. It's crack for the mind!
Disclaimer – Sessha doesn't own the Rokunin Nakama. They belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro. Suing is futile!
I don't mean for this to be offensive to anyone in any way; it's just a 100% Stupidity fanfic, wherein I have virtually no idea what's going on. Find something offensive, don't read.
Happy holidays.
Snow was gently falling outside of the Yokohama mansion. Due to the cold temperature, everyone had gathered in the warmest room – the dining room – where one question would set this whole fanfic in motion.
Everyone was doing their own thing. Enishi was just finishing his lunch, Gein's nose was stuck in a copy of Genji Monogatari, Otowa was smoking a cigarette (as his hookah was outside), Kujiranami and Mumyoi were… well, being Kujiranami and Mumyoi, and Banjin was cheerfully humming a tune none of them had ever heard before.
"What's with him? Otowa whispered, leaning over to Enishi.
"He's your boyfriend. Shouldn't you know?" Enishi responded through the half-chewed piece of salmon in his mouth.
The transvestite glared at him. "First off, he's not my boyfriend. Stop saying that; it makes me cry. Secondly, no."
Shrugging, Enishi swallowed the salmon and decided to satiate his and Otowa's curiosity. "Hey, Banjin, are you okay?"
"Hn? Oh, yeah." A grin appeared on Banjin's face. "Just excited about Christmas (Kurisumasu)."
His reason was greeted with blank stares. "Kurisu… what?"
"It's a western holiday," Gein interjected, setting down his book, "celebrated by Christians. Something about the birth of their lord… From what I've read about it, it sounds interesting."
"It is!" Banjin's cheerfulness hadn't waned one bit. "I mean, free presents! Who can say no to that?"
"Poor people?"
"Nationalists?"
"People with morals?"
The smile vanished. "Don't poke holes in this."
Enishi leaned back in his chair and gazed thoughtfully at the ceiling. "Well, we don't have much else to do… Jinchu won't be cast until June… What the hell, let's give this 'Christmas' thing a try."
A look of surprise from Otowa was directed his way. "You can't be serious."
"I am. And may I recommend ditching those morals you were talking about and joining in."
He maintained his typical silent stoicism for a few moments, eyes moving from Enishi to Banjin, and back to Enishi. Reaching a decision, he sighed. "Alright."
"Yes!!" Banjin yelled, jumping out of his chair in excitement.
~~*~~
All of the members were given jobs to do: Enishi and Kujiranami were to locate and obtain a tree. Banjin ran outside to see if he could uncover any mistletoe; he wanted Mumyoi to go with him to check the trees, but the former Yaminobu member refused to leave the ceiling, ergo was forgotten. The remaining two flipped through Christmas books for other traditions they could re-enact.
Gein tore a page from one of the more recent-looking books. "This could work… 'gingerbread'."
"Sounds disgusting." After thinking for a minute, Otowa took the page from Gein's hand. "I'll put this in the 'To Do' pile.'
The elder man smirked behind his mask. A rustling sound from the doorway attracted his attention, and the sight of Kujiranami carrying in their tree greeted his eyes. "I don't think that's the right tree."
"What do you mean?"
"It looks different than the pictures I've seen of them."
Enishi appeared from behind Kujiranami. "Maybe the appearance varies depending on the country."
Gein looked a bit hesitant to agree. "…I'll take that. Just set it over there.'
Nodding, Kujiranami leaned the maple tree he uprooted from the ground against the room's far wall.
"Now we need decorations… I got it!" Gein stood up and ran for the basement, narrowly avoiding Banjin in the doorway.
"I couldn't find any mistletoe," Banjin reported, "so I just pulled up some weeds from the backyard." He held up the fruit of his labor, dirt still clinging to the roots. Melted snow dripped off of the blades.
"That'll do. Otowa-san, help him set it up?'
The drag queen stood and met his comrade under the high doorway; Banjin allowed him to kneel on his shoulders, placing his hands on his waist to keep him steady.
"What's so special about mistletoe…" Otowa mused, semi-expecting an answer from the man under him.
"…Dammit.'
"You don't know, do you"
"I forgot." was Banjin's response. He moved out of the way for a second to let Gein, holding an armful of internal organs, walk in.
"That's technically the same as not knowing."
Ten minutes later, the maple tree was covered with hearts, livers, spleens, and the intestines as the garland. "How morbid" Enishi stated, smiling. "We need a star, right?" An idea penetrated his brain, and he looked at the ceiling. "Mumyoi, give me your claw-glove.'
"Why?"
"Just do it."
Clearly annoyed, Mumyoi removed a ceiling tile and dropped the glove into Kujiranami hand. The giant tried to put it on a vertical branch, taking four minutes to make it stable. it was leaning to the left a bit, but no one wanted to touch it, lest it fell and they had to do the process all over again.
"Looks good" Gein said. "Now then, let's get to your favorite part, Banjin – presents. Does everybody have money?"
A metaphorical cricket could be heard through the silence. "That's a no, isn't it?"
Four nods.
"Oh well… We don't need them anyway." Gein thought for a moment. "Another tradition… the getting together of family."
"Absolutely not." Otowa stated flatly.
"No way in hell." Banjin growled.
"Dead." Mumyoi and Kujiranami said in unison.
"Okay then… What about you, Eni…shi…" The old man sweatdropped upon seeing his comrade sitting in the corner, knees drawn up to his chest, crying.
"Onee-san…" Enishi sobbed.
~~*~~
When they'd finally been able to console their leader, the baking began. As the ones who found the idea, Gein and Otowa were in charge of the gingerbread.
"Westerners sure have some strange customs…" Otowa muttered, cutting off part f the loaf of bread.
"Don't question; just live with." the other replied, pressing a chunk of ginger into a slice.
Nodding, the androgyne started embellishing the bread with gingery flavor before a scent reached his nose. He raised his head. "Is something burning?"
"…"
"…"
Five minutes later, the fire in the kitchen had been extinguished.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!" Enishi, fuming, shrieked at the person who ha accidentally set the kitchen ablaze.
Kujiranami wasn't at all fazed. "You told me to do the baking, and I only have one hand. What did you think was going to happen?"
The white-haired man sighed. "What's done is done…"
"And the Christmas preparation is complete."
"Oh that Kami-sama…" Otowa groaned.
~~*~~
True to Gein's words, all was done. There was a tree, complete with decaying ornaments and a star that could kill, a giant hole in the yard, bread that tasted like crap (thanks to the ginger), and a badly singed kitchen. Enough to make people converse with each other about it.
"That. Was. Hell." Otowa complained, venting his frustration to the cause.
Banjin shrugged, grinning sheepishly. "Sorry I brought it up."
The drag queen couldn't help but smile. "Tsk…" Something green fluttered down in front of him, followed by specks of brown, and he looked up. "Oh, we're standing under the weeds."
Sure enough, the two were standing in the doorway in which they had hung the make-shift mistletoe. "Well, this is awkward." Banjin said.
"Why's that?"
"Because I finally remembered what's so special about mistletoe. If two people are standing under it, they have to kiss."
The silence lasted only a moment. "Keep it under five seconds."
A brief, unspoken agreement occurred, and their lips connected. One…two…three… On 'four' they parted, but didn't completely back away. it was then they realized that somewhere around 'two' both of them had closed their eyes.
"Did you want to stop?" Banjin asked.
Otowa's voice came out as a whisper. "No…"
They kissed again, more passion put into their second time. Arms wrapped around bodies, and tongues playfully interacted. "Mmm…"
"Hey, Baka and Baka's Better Half." Their intimate moment ceased as Gein interrupted and led them to the rest of the group. Hand in hand, they stood in the midst of everyone else, joining in the watching of their tree. It was somehow… magical.
"Merry Christmas to all,' Enishi said, cheesily quoting the holiday story, "and to all-" He frowned. "-I just lost the Game."
If you actually read this whole thing, I apologize for wasting your time. No flames, please, despite it's sucky quality!