Tara POV
Things were going to change this I knew for sure. I had never seen Jax like this before, so withdrawn and yet so angry at the same time. Ever since Donna's funeral he had been like this, and yet he wouldn't tell me why. I had decided not push the subject, but I knew eventually I would have to make him. I wanted there to be no secrets between us, I loved him.
I was sitting in Abel's room watching him sleep and waiting for Jax to come home. We had fallen into this routine where some nights I would come back from the hospital and look after Abel till Jax could get home. Gemma hated the idea of me looking after Able, but I liked it and so did Jax.
Tonight I was going to talk to Jax, we come a long way to this point, and I didn't want it to derail because of this secret he was keeping. Wendy it seemed had accepted the fact that we were together and had headed off to rehab without a fight, and Gemma, well she was just being Gemma. She threw in her snarky well placed comments, but had backed off the threats for the time being; which in some ways scared me even more than the actual threats.
I was still in Abel's room an hour later when Jax's Harley came up the drive. I readied myself for a conversation that very well could be hardest we had had yet. I heard the door open and close, and his footsteps coming down the hall towards Abel's room, and then there he was in front of me looking like a man I didn't recognize, but definitely not the Jax I loved. He had a heavy look about him as though he was carrying a load upon his shoulders that was too large him to carry alone.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey," he stated back.
Our opening greetings hung there between us.
"So how was the run today?"
He had been on the run with the Son's since early this morning, I didn't know where he had been, and at this point I didn't really care. There were bigger issues between us.
"Not bad, pretty much same as always."
So this was going to be one of those long conversations.
I stood up and moved towards him, and gave him a long slow kiss. As I pulled away I saw a look I had never seen on his face before, fear.
"What's wrong," I said in a low whisper.
"Nothing," he stated in a hoarse whisper.
"Don't lie to me Jax I know something has been wrong, something is wrong."
He just looked at me, an answer not appearing at his lips. I took his hand in mine and led him to his bedroom.
He sat down on the bed and put his head in hands. I came to stand in front of him, softly stroking his hair. He sighed a heavy sigh in return.
Patience is what I needed now, he would open up, he had too.
"I want to tell you Tara, but I just don't think I can."
I pulled his head up so we looking into each other's eyes.
"Jax I am here and I love you, and I want to know what is going on with you. Whatever it may be I am not going away, I already made you that promise."
"I know, but this is something that once it is said can't be taken back."
"Jax just tell me please," I begged.
Then he let me in. He told about how Trig was the one to kill Donna thinking that it had been Opie, because Clay had believed him to be the witness against Bobby and had ordered the hit. How Clay had promised that Opie would be safe to him, and had gone back on his word. Jax also told me about his night with Wendy the night Donna had died, and Abel had come home. I was overrun with truth and facts, and I had to sit down.
I didn't really know how to feel. I was so angry and upset about Donna's mistaken death, Clay's lies, and the fact that after I told Jax I loved him he had sought solace with Wendy. When a two ton truck runs you down, how do you respond?
I took a minute to catch my breath, and looked at a spot on the bed. I knew what his eyes would tell me, and I knew that I would forgive him for Wendy because of everything that had happened. I needed one minute to feel the anger before I let it go, I needed to be the jaded the girlfriend, though that term had yet to be used thus far.
I finally found the strength to look at him, and saw tears in his eyes. They wouldn't fall, but that was okay they were there. A part of his world had come crashing down, and he needed me.
"Okay," I said.
He gave me a look, as though he didn't really understand.
"I forgive you for Wendy, but what are you going to do about the other situation?"
"You forgive me," he said with some surprise in his voice.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"That's what you do when you really love someone, you forgive their mistakes, and then you hope that someday they forgive yours."
He still seemed a little confused, but I saw some of the weight he had been carrying around lifted off of him.
"You trusted me Jax, how can I be angry at you for trusting me with the truth."
"Okay."
"Okay," I said.
We sat their looking at each other, and then he kissed me.
Instead of giving one of those deep passionate kisses, he instead kissed my forward, and then leaned his head against mine. It was completely soft and gentle, and in some ways completely like and unlike Jax. Unlike the Jax I used to know, but like the Jax I saw him becoming before my eyes.
"I love you," he said.
"I know."
We both laughed at my comment.
"So from this point forward, I expect the truth out of you Jax. No matter what is, you understand me."
"Okay, if you really say so."
"I do."
Maybe it was completely improbable for the doctor and the biker to actually work, but I loved him and he loved me. Maybe, just maybe if we worked really hard at this we might actually have a chance. I was willing and so far it looked as though so was he.