Chapter 1: The Row
"Did you ask her out, mate?" asked Harry curiously. Ron was slouched into his chair in the common room and looked very tired.
"Ugh. Yes, I suppose," he grumbled irritably.
"Who?" asked Hermione, she had just come down the stairs and walked into a chat between Harry and Ron about some girl.
"Well, what she say then?" Harry persisted.
"Who?"
Ron frowned and his eye twitched uneasily. "She said she didn't like me and that I should lower my standards if I ever want to get a date."
Harry whistled in disbelief. "Who knew girls could be so cruel?"
"Who?"
"I know, right? What did I ever do to her?" Ron asked no one in particular.
"WHO?" Hermione jabbed Ron in the arm to get his attention and he stared at her like she was a mad woman.
"Why does every girl I talk to have to hurt me?" he rubbed his arm and Harry rolled his eyes.
"That damn girl, Mary Sue Parker. She thinks she's all that," Harry scoffed.
'That's because she IS, mate," Ron sighed and sank further into his chair. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed again.
Hermione laughed heartily and Ron and Harry shot her death glares.
"What's so funny, Hermione?" Ron grumbled and sent her another glare.
Hermione just smiled -- it was halfway between being sympathetic and taunting -- and said, "Ronald, did you honestly expect Mary Sue to say yes? She's practically perfect."
"So?" Ron snapped. "I think that I'd be a pretty good catch myself. She should be flattered that I asked her," he said loudly.
Harry remained silent, not wanting to get in the middle of things, but Hermione decided to retort. "Flattered? Ron, are you serious?"
"Yes, it just so happens I am. I mean, bloody hell. It's not like girls' lives are that hard, what happened to make her so nasty?"
Hermione didn't even hear his question, she was too outraged at his take on the difficulty of girls' lives. Harry looked from Hermione to Ron, a look of pure pity on his face. Ron responded with a look of deepest regret and turned back to Hermione who practically had smoke coming out of her ears. "So?" she said hotly, through gritted teeth. "You think that girls' lives are easy?"
Harry attempted to send Ron telepathic messages: "Just say no. Just say no, you were confused. Just say NO." but they didn't appear to be working.
"Well, yeah. Easier than guys' lives anyway..." he trailed off. Hermione was fuming and then Ginny appeared behind her.
"What've you done now, Ron?" She stood between Hermione and Ron, waiting for an answer. Her presence made Harry forget his futile attempt to rescue Ron through telepathy and he grabbed her arm and yanked her onto the couch beside him and shook his head no. She stared at him questioningly. He glanced nervously at Hermione and Ron and whispered in her ear. She gasped and was about to say something nasty when Harry put his hand over her mouth. "Don't get in the middle of things," he whispered harshly and removed his hand. She looked annoyed and squinted menacingly at Harry, until he kissed her on the cheek and she calmed down, then they returned back to the battle before them.
"EASIER? Is that what you just said? You honestly think that your life is easier than mine?" she steamed.
"Well, erm, more like boys and girls in general--"
"WELL! I happen to think that YOU are WRONG!" She appeared as if she was going to slap him when a few other Gryffindor girls from upstairs came down to see what all the noise was about.
"Hermione, why are you yelling?" asked Parvati Patil, accompanied by two curious girls.
"Are you fighting with Ron again?" called Lavender Brown from across the room.
"What's he done?" asked Katie Bell, she was sitting with Fred, George, and Angelina Johnson.
Harry started shaking his head fiercly at all the girls when some Gryffindor boys began coming downstairs as well.
"Eh, Ron. What's going on? We heard yelling," said Seamus, he stared at Ron and Hermione and knew that they were fighting.
"Ron, are you okay?" questioned a timid looking Neville. Hermione looked a bit intimidating with steam slowly floating above her head.
"Ron, what've you done?" asked Dean. Harry then gave up and decided there was no containing the voices and complaints of a group of persistent Gryffindor teenagers.
"Well," started Hermione testily to the girls. "Ronald here," she shot him a piercing gaze. "seems to believe that boys' lives are easier than girls'."
The girls all gasped while the guys failed to grasp the problem.
"How dare you?" shot Parvati. All the girls were now behind Hermione, glaring at Ron who looked deeply afraid.
"How dare he what?" asked Dean, now standing behind Ron. "He hasn't done anything wrong."
The girls looked scandalized as all the boys in the Common Room, the vast majority were between 5th and 7th year, moved to stand behind Ron as well.
"Marcus!" shouted a girl at her boyfriend. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Sorry, Melony, but I happen to agree with Ron. Guys have it way tougher than girls."
"WHAT?" came from the staircases to the dorms. Now, all the Gryffindor girls between 5th and 7th year (sadly, the 1st through 4th year girls and boys all had classes) poured down off the stairs and rushed to side Hermione.
Then a tall, blonde boy ran back upstairs and touched his wand to his throat, muttered a voice amplifying spell, and yelled up into the dormitories. "OI! ANY GUY WHO THINKS THAT GUYS HAVE TOUGHER LIVES THAN GIRLS BETTER GET THEIR ARSES DOWN HERE NOW!" For a moment all was silent and then the slow rumble of tons of feet was heard as basically all the guys ran down the stairs, along with a few girls who had been visiting who ran to Hermione's side, and stood menacingly behind Ron, who was still seated in his chair, petrified at what he had started. He looked behind him at the guys and then across at the girls and realized that they were basically at war because of him. OH GEEZE, he thought. He turned to Harry and Ginny who hadn't moved either and pleaded for help with his eyes.
Harry saw Ron pleading with him and discovered that now he had to make a choice, everyone in the Common Room was staring at he and Ginny, the only ones who hadn't chosen their sides. Ginny began to stand up, Harry made a grab for her hand but she yanked it away and stood next to Hermione. Harry's thoughts were very fluctuant. He had to choose between his girlfriend and best friend who was a girl or his best mate and fellow men. Everyone was staring at him.
"Erm..."
"Harry?" asked Ginny and Hermione in unison. He received begging looks from the rest of the girls.
"Harry?" asked Ron and Neville, shortly followed by Dean, Seamus, Fred, and George. The other guys stared at him and he could tell that they were sending him telepathic messages about guys sticking together.
"Erm..." Harry couldn't refuse the messages from his fellow men and got up to stand beside Ron, who finally stood up himself.
Ginny and Hermione's eyes widened but he chose to ignore them until Ginny spoke.
"Well, fine then, Harry! You can just consider US on a break until this is all over!" Harry groaned but all the other girls nodded and murmured in approval.
"Now," said Hermione. Suddenly all the girls whipped out their wands and screamed a jinx that caused all the guys to fall backwards and be stuck together in a giant pile on the floor. Several of the guys unleashed girlish yelps that caused the girls to laugh harder. It was a horribly hilarious sight, seeing all the boys entwined together as they were. Eventually one boy thought of the counter jinx and the struggling group stood up and began screaming insults at the girls. The girls quickly joined in on the yelling and the common room was almost shaking with noise and a few spells that were being cast randomly. It was like one giant duel between boys and girls, all over which sex had the harder life.
Ron was hit in the face with a bat bogey hex, most likely cast by Ginny, and Hermione was hit with a spell that made her hair grow uncontrollably. Harry and Neville were both attempting to pull their wands apart, someone had cast a double spell sticking them together, while Parvati and Lavender were spitting up slugs all over the floor while other girls screeched with disgust. One of the couches blew up as a firework unleashed by either Fred and George crashed into it, it's fluffy contents showering the people. Their were now fireworks bursting above their heads as well until Angelina turned Fred's wand hand into the head of a barking puppy.
In the heat of the yelling, screaming, spell casting, and fighting, a teacher finally managed to get wind of what was happening and rushed inside to put a stop to it.
"EVERYONE, SETTLE DOWN THIS INSTANT!" cried Professor McGonagall. She charged into the mess that was the Gryffindor common room and began sending counter spells at anyone who was suffering from the fight. Fred hid his dog-hand behind his back and whispered to George, "I kind of like this little guy. Think I'll name him Wishes..."
"Now," said McGonagall, no longer needing to yell due to the silence in the air. "Tell me what this is all about," she raised her hand as about 30 different mouths opened to speak at once. "One at a time. You." she pointed at Hermione.
"Ron," all the girls began glaring at him again. "says that boys' lives are easier than girls'."
"That's because it's true!" shouted Ron. Everyone started yelling again until McGonagall silenced them all.
"Ron, why do you and the rest of you boys think this?" she asked. There was a slight ping of annoyance behind her voice that told Ron she agreed with the girls.
"Girls don't have to deal with any of the junk that we do!" The other guys yelled "Yeah!" and the girls yelled "No!"
"You're right, Mr. Weasley." The girls looked at her like she had just betrayed them all and the guys looked shocked yet happy to have the Head of House on their side. "Ladies have their OWN problems to deal with," she snapped, sinking the faces of the guys and putting smiles on the girls' faces.
"Prove it, then!" said Ron, before he could stop himself. McGonagall's eyes widened at his cheek but she continued in a calm manor.
"Prove it? Fine. Who is the couple that started this?" Everyone pointed at Hermione and Ron, who mumbled something like 'we're not a couple'. She beckoned them up to the front beside her. "I believe a bit of a social experiment is in order."
Author's Note: So that was chapter one. Reviews are always appreciated but no pressure. :-D Chapter 2 will be up soon, depending on how much of response I get.