It isn't like you to be self-sacrificing! You're supposed to be the self-centered one. You're the supposed to be the one out for yourself. You're supposed to be the "narcissist".
"Steve, you're not getting it," you told me.
No! No! I am getting it. I am the one who is supposed to give my life to you. I am the one who is supposed to make the sacrifices! I am the one who looks out for you. I am the one who is supposed to knock on the doors of our enemies!
"The deal is," you kept going, "They get you, or they get me."
It's ME they should be getting.
"And they can't have you."
Tony, please! I want to say this. I want to scream this, but something stops me and I don't know what. I can only say this, "We-we can work something out." I sound weak and I hate myself for it.
"It's already been worked out," you say so casually, that I wish I could reach through the phone and STRANGLE you. "Be good, Steve."
NO! FUCK YOU!
Then, there is silence. I feel the floor rise to me and I feel myself falling. No. No. Be good? Would YOU have been good? No. I will fix this for that is what I do. Then, I close my eyes and imagine you saying those words. I can hear you trying not to cry. I feel my heart falling. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I will not be "good". I spent my entire life being "good", being Captain America, being what everyone else needs me to be. Not now. Now, I will do what you always do.
I stand up with a plan. "We will work this out, Tony!" I yell to whoever is listening because at this point, I will destroy anyone who gets in my way. "I will do this! They will get no one!"
I don't care how much time has past because I am done with my plan. I hold you tightly in my arms. You are alive, you are stunned, but you are alive.
"Steve, you...I didn't..."
"You don't need to speak," I say as I lead you back home.