Written for Akun50's 'unique power-ups' challenge on The Fanfiction Forum years ago.
The rules were as followed:
1: Team Seven's power-ups had to come from a pre-existing character from a different anime, movie, book, video game, etc. No self-made powers.
2: Kakashi could not know about the powers before testing began, and he had to be defeated by them.
3: Tell everyone whose power-ups were given when all was said and done in case they couldn't figure it out for themselves.
There were a few others, but those are the most important ones. Anything was alright for this weird trio. Gender roles could be completely disregarded, too. You could turn Naruto into a Power Ranger, Sasuke into Sailor Venus, or Sakura into a character from Fist of the North Star if that's what made you happy.
I follow that they're replaced by anime characters, or characters from cartoons that could be perceived as anime.
Enjoy.
Kakashi watched from his perch in the trees. He winced at their outfits. None of them were sensible for their rank. (Well, they'd gotten better. It was still pretty bad, though.)
The blond boy had traded his orange eyesore with an equally attention-grabbing yellow trench coat, and every other scrap of clothing black or in dark shades. For some reason, the jinchuuriki toted a cane with him now, and hid one of his eyes behind an eye patch bearing the Konoha symbol, arranged in a way that made the village emblem look like an eye. A tall top hat adorned his head, making his spiky hair stick out awkwardly. He seemed to be sleeping, but his gut told him he was alert.
Sakura was wearing a black cloak covering her entire body, ripped at the seams with armored shoulder pads. She wore practical pants and boots to her knees. She was standing, careful not to touch any surface whatsoever. He could smell the limiter iron in her boots and sewn into her cloak, though he couldn't fathom why it was there. Her hair was combed back. Kakashi noticed she wasn't wearing the Hitai-ate, and no shirt over her sports bra or bandages over her stomach. He could, however, spot the Konoha emblem tattooed over her heart in black, half-covered by her bra strap.
Sasuke's hair seemed to deviate from his normal duck-butt figure he seemed to have inherited, and also thankfully moved away from the ridiculous collars. Instead, his hair flopped in his face, falling messily between his eyes and rising in spikes all around, unmanageable. His clothing had changed, and he seemed sensible. His pants were tucked into his boots, his overcoat was tied down, he was wearing extra layers, it was darkly coloured, and it seemed fine. He couldn't find the Konoha swirl anywhere, though.
He sighed. The ridiculousness of clothing among the Jonin ranks was starting to be passed down to the younger generations.
The three instantly knew where he was. They were waiting patiently for him to come out on his own, he could tell. Neither of them were making the strides to train on their own, or interact with one another.
Kakashi appeared in the training grounds without warning, and without saying a word, he set the timer and set down the boxed lunches. Once the timer was set but not activated, he turned back to his students.
"What's the test?" Sasuke asked.
"Take one bell. If you get a bell, you pass." Kakashi started.
"There are only two. Will you only be passing two of us?"
"Yes. The person among you three who doesn't get a bell is going back to the Academy."
Sakura's head tilted so she could get a better look at the clouds. "... It'll rain soon."
Sasuke growled at that. "Fucking rain."
"Fucking rain," Sakura agrees, a hint of distain in her voice.
"Fuckin' rain," Naruto completes the odd string of agreeing with each other, more to be creepy than to actually agree.
Kakashi shrugged, dismissing it as one of Sasuke and Sakura's shared quirks. "You have one hour and your time starts now." He hit a button on the top of the alarm clock.
Naruto started laughing maniacally and floating into the trees (and goddamn, but that was a bit creepy). Sasuke disappeared (using Blue Spirit skills-with-a-z). Sakura just stood still.
Hm. That pink one was a head-scratcher.
He didn't have to wait long before he was attacked.
Attacking head-on was a breeze. Sakura went first, destroying most of the ground in chunks and leaving a gaping crater. He was unbalanced. Sasuke saw his chance and came in from above, swords literally blazing. He waited until a few seconds before impact before using the replacement technique, leaving the wooden log destroyed and Sakura hit by Sasuke's swords.
Sakura was indeed hit by Sasuke's swords, but some odd instinctual chakra surfaced the second she was hit and the dual swords disintegrated. Sakura sighed and apologized, while Kakashi was left in the trees gaping at the scenario.
He was shaken out of his shock when the world fell away around him, leaving a white space. If he concentrated, he could see an odd triangle and parts of his life flashing before his eyes, before Konoha reappeared around him, tons of doors encircling him, and a yellow triangle in the distance, observing his doors.
The triangle turned back to him. It had only one eye.
"I seeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, Sssssssssssssssstaaaaaaaaaaaaanffffooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrd..." the triangle's voice echoed in his mindscape, sounding oddly like Naruto...
Kakashi woke up then, released from whatever odd Genjutsu he'd just been experiencing, to the sound of his alarm clock ringing. Sasuke and Sakura were standing over him, Sakura holding her bell in the palm of her hand, being sure not to touch it save with iron-laced fingerless gloves, and Sasuke holding his between his index and his thumb.
He looked up, and Naruto was cackling.
"It looks like you're the one to go back to the Academy, Naruto," Kakashi commented. It was just to rile him up, but he loved seeing idiot Genin riled up. He winced at the noise. Sakura apparently agreed, and flicked the alarm clock. It covered itself in orange lines from the point where she'd flicked it, and it disintegrated into little cubes. He gaped at that, but sighed. He figure he was going to have to get used to it.
Naruto didn't take the bait. He laughed harder, only to abruptly stop. "Sasu, mind cutting up the bells?"
Sasuke growled. "Why not do it yourself?"
"You're closer, moron." Naruto's evil-looking smile stretched across his whole face.
"I don't have swords anymore, idiot!" Sasuke griped. "Sakura smashed them!"
The Konoha emblem on Naruto's eye patch turned halfway red, contrasting nicely with the shocking sunshine yellow. "You can melt them, can't you?"
"Or you can just let me do it." Sakura offered. She held her bell between her fingers and orange lines spread across the bell in equal measure, dividing it into three. She took Sasuke's bell, and divided it equally as well, then threw two pieces up at Naruto, kept two for herself, and gave the last two fragments to Sasuke. "There. We all have two-thirds of the bells. Pass us all."
Kakashi sighed. These three were no fun at all. "Fine. You all pass. Let's go eat."
Naruto laughed maniacally and ran down the streets yelling about cherry soda (he noticed his eye patch was back to hard yellow, and he felt slightly less apprehensive). Sakura ran after him, protesting her craving for nachos. Sasuke followed, grumbling about dango.
He hadn't even seen most of their skills. He could tell Sakura was only showing around 1%, and 2% when she was startled by nearly being run through. Sasuke was holding back at least half his power, but he wasn't bad with fire jutsu or sword techniques. Naruto hadn't really done anything but put him in a Genjutsu, but Kakashi was sure the blond had more than that up his sleeve. He'd heard something about Kage Bunshin from the T&I/R&D/ANBU (whatever department it actually was) gossipers. That would make everything easier to learn.
... The first thing to determine would be elemental affinities.
Naruto: Bill Cipher, human form with powers, Gravity Falls. (Just assume Naruto can mindfuck people at will because of the Kyuubi or he was adopted by the Yamanaka, and ask no further questions.)
Sakura: Gildarts Clive, end of the series, Fairy Tail. (Gildarts' traits were passed to Sakura, so just assume she's also an overpowered laid-back sex/porn-obsessed female 'lady's man', but not a horrible role model. In my book, basically a genderbent cross between Jiraiya and Iruka.)
Sasuke: Zuko, nearing Sozin's comet, Avatar: the Last Airbender. (There is no version of Mai here, so pretend she doesn't exist. Otherwise, all his character traits are intact.)
Next chapter: Kakashi tries to teach different elemental-style jutsu. Sasuke yells something about not being the Avatar, Sakura makes a lake explode with the weird orange lines, Naruto laughs, and Kakashi desperately needs a barrel of alcohol.
Notes: Please no flames. I'm really not good at writing comedy, and the reason I'm here is to get better. I have ASD, so it's difficult for me to understand certain nuances that make humor, which is why I labelled it 'dramatic humor'. Hopefully, there'll be a noticeable improvement by the tenth chapter and I'll be able to drop the 'drama' part.