Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters.
03/10/2011
« Talk to me Bella. »
I sighed, I know it was wrong but I had no intentions of talking right now. I just wanted to curl on my bed and sleep the Session off.
In a way I felt relieved, submission tended to appease me but sub-space also left me drained and exhausted.
I could feel Edward's eyes darted on me, trying to catch my gaze. However my mind couldn't seem to focus and the escaping urge hit me right back. I knew it was wrong, I also knew how talking was important after a Session, all the more after what happened today.
Edward reached for my chin and forced our eyes to meet. His eyes were hard.
"Don't you dare looking away Isabella Swan."
His voice was low and commanding but I could still feel the hurt behind his words, I couldn't take my eyes of his anymore.
"I thought we'd knew better than that babe."
I sighed once again. It was my fault, my own damn fault. I had messed up, I was messed up.
"I'm sorry babe I'm not in my right mind. Sub-dropping and all, you know." I muttered.
"Cut the crap. Why didn't you safe-worded ? Hell, I thought we were past this stage Bella ! I know my job, I know you trust me and believe me I know you need pain but I swear on earth Bella I'm not doing another Scene before I know that you'll safe-word if need be. I know your boundaries babe, I know when I reach your pain limit, yet you just endure it to punish yourself. Damn it." He ruffled through his brown messy hair, and sighted in frustration.
Shame. Guilt. There are already back. I know this is wrong but I just can't help myself, I need pain. I need control to be taken away form me. Edward does that like no other.
I drop my gaze to the ground and I hear another exasperated sound coming from Edward.
"You've heard me Bella, I'm not kidding. No way I'm Topping you before we've worked on that issue, you know the rules and there is no way we're going past this one."
Shame, guilt, fear. 'Don't leave me' my mind is screaming. I deserve it tough. Almost awaiting for his fading footsteps, his arms circle my waist, pulling me closer.
"Don't worry love, I'm not going anywhere."
I feel like crying again. Edward gets me like no other therapists would, sensing my emotions, having got through my guilt-ridden personality.
I was in pretty bad shape when Edward found me, never letting anything go all the while making myself responsible for whatever wrong doings happened along my path.
However, at the very moment we met, our auras reached out for each other. I could clearly feel his Dominant personality extending over, subjugating me to his will.
I let myself slightly relax in his embrace, still wary and coming down from sub-space.
"Let me fix you something to eat. I'll be right back."
I could feel he did not wanted to leave me on my own but he knew better than letting me run out of stamina.
As soon as I felt his presence out of reach, the Dominant fading with him, I sensed my submissive side retreating. It was too soon. I had the bad premonition that things would get pretty ugly swiftly. As my mind started to function as it normally did, I rushed to the gym room and hopped up on the running machine. I needed to prevent my mind from making me hit reality, back to trouble. I need to exhaust my body thus making resting my top priority.
As I run, I could feel the adrenalin spreading through my body and felt myself relaxing once again. My focus was heightened and my mind all too engrossed with my physical exhaustion to get back on issues at hand. Somehow I knew my legs were hurting and that my cardiac rate was way too high but I felt good once again, having worked out enough to release endorphins, leaving me exalted and literally breathless. I could picture myself smiling dumbly.
I faintly heard a "shit" before Edward reached out for me, stopping the running machine, stopping my foolish jog.
"Damn it Bella, are you okay ? Look at me."
Stopping was always the tricky part, that's when I realised if I had been overdoing it, as I knew I just had. I felt dizzy, lightheaded. But I felt safe and relaxed. I had not intentions of stepping back in my shoes just yet.
"Look at me Bella." I could feel his Dom lurking out, seeing me defenceless.
I looked at him, his eyes searching mine as I smile faintly. He was damn handsome but I couldn't focus anymore. I sighed and let my head rest on his chest, where I can hear his heart beating steadily. He scoops me up in his arms, muttering stuff I'd rather not hear.
He sits me in the kitchen then pushed a plate in my direction. He shakes me up a little, trying to get me to focus.
"Here."
"Edward, I…"
"Eat."
"Please, I'll promise, I'll eat but I just… Please let me sleep…" Already feeling my eyes closing again.
"Listen to me Bella, this is no joke. Stop pushing me away. You'll eat something, NOW. Don't make me force it down your throat."
I looked away. I knew he could do that.
Reaching out for some pastas, I quickly force a mouthful down my throat, closing my eyes. I just want to make it go away, so I put another in my mouth, sensing Edward relaxing. I managed to eat half of the plate he had prepared for me before gulping half a bottle of water. I took it with me and dragged myself to our room. I was done here, I did my best.
Once again, Edward reached out for me, gently leading me to the bathroom. He gently washed me, rubbing away the sweat and checking once again my injuries to make sure they could heal properly.
"I thank you babe… Would you mind me going to sleep tough ?" I weakly asked.
He chuckles darkly and tucked me in our bed, spooning me from behind.
"Hush baby girl, go to sleep. I'll be mad at you tomorrow."
I pulled a last contented sigh, and drifted off to sleep.
Hey guys!
Here's a little story that have been in my mind for quite some time. I wasn't planning on publishing but I really like to have your thoughts about this. I've already wrote a few stories though unpublished on FF and none about Twilight.
Please review and let me know your thoughts and if you'd like to read some more about this peculiar couple :)
Take care, BehindGreEyes.