Death is such a simple phase, one would fall asleep and never wake up, possibly ending up in a wonderful place where everyday would be happy and peaceful. All the sickness and troubles when they were alive would just slowly disappear…
Joanne had never remembered a longer night then tonight, after a long day in school with the second last paper over, she was rushed down to Alexandra hospital after receiving a phone call regarding the possibility of seeing her grandfather for the last time. She could not even squeeze the dinner that she was having down her throat; all she cared about was to get to the hospital. There was a terrible jam outside her school; it was no easy business trying to get one. Everything else seemed to be in a blur, in her head were flashes of memories she had with her grandfather, his smiles and faces. She imagined them all being flushed down a deep dark drain where she could no longer see them. Her knees buckled unsteady and forced herself not to think that far. She managed to get hold of a taxi at 6.20pm, when she asked the taxi driver to drive her to Alexandra hospital, she could have swore that the taxi driver was hesitating, the journey would be quite far, and honestly no one want to be that bothersome. Joanne had the slightest thought of whacking that guy if he refused, thankfully to his better judgment. They manage to arrive at the hospital near 6.40pm.
At that moment, her phone rang. The one who conversed with her was her mother, a small panicky voice that she could tell, it was not good. Joanne got lost at the lobby with all the stupid mis-directed signs; she felt that her whole body was on fire, if she did not make it in time she could never live it down again. More flashes of memories that dated back when she was still a toddler, when she was taught how to swim by her grandfather but nearly drowned, the fun of sneaking potato chips into the house in the middle of the night with the help from her grandfather and the time he had fallen over one of their toys which broke the bones of his left leg it was the guilt that she swore to buy some nice food for him when she had some more pocket money. So if he leaves her now, there will be no chance to receive his forgiveness (even though he had already forgiven them). Joanne wondered almost aimlessly through the hall ways, pausing near some doors as if to hear her family members' voices. But what she heard was anguished crying, her heart dropped as though she could have died on the spot. Her legs bring her around a corner where the noise was coming from, but it was not them. But another family, who from what she could infer one of the adults weeping beside a bed with its patient/deceased, was covered with a white cloth.
She could feel streams of wet lines decorating her face, what if that person underneath the white cloth was her grandfather and not the stranger…
NO; she must not think that possibility. It would not happen, not now. It was going to be September soon, her birthday was coming soon, and she was turning 17. He had promised her that he was going to watch her turn 17; he was going to be there because he promised. So he can't just go like that. Joanne was not conscious of where she was heading for a couple of moments, all she knew, there was a hand on her shoulder, and it was her auntie. The ward next door was the emergency ward and her grandfather was there.
"Go see him" she said while gesturing towards the automatic door.
It felt like a dream, as she walked through the doors. A rather pleasant smelling one because of the air freshener that filled the whole ward, she saw her parents at the far end overseeing her grandfather's bed. There was no mistaking it, it was him. He looked like how he was before he was admitted to the hospital, except with the addition of straps that was holding him down and a tube in his mouth with several needles poked into a small vessel. She was sure it was painful, and her grandfather face which plainly agreed with her. The strap was there to prevent him from taking out the tube; he hates it and tried it many times but failed. Once or twice he would make some gurgling sounds which to Joanne's guessing, was pleading for them to remove that irritating tube and the straps. They could not help him for obvious reasons, she went to his side and touched her grandfather skin, it felt like a drained out prune. Leathery and pretty delicate, she saw her grandfather turn slightly to look at her.
"Ah gong, I am here." She said softly while patting his head of grayish hair.
He tried to smile with intense difficulty due to the presence of the tube, and then she lowered her head near his ear and whispered "If you go, you will break our promise, and I will not like you anymore." She forced the words out of her mouth as she was trying not to tear, it sounded rather squeaky. She spent the few minutes they had together by looking into each other eyes, talking using telepathy. He half grinned at some point, so she was sure he understood her. His heart rate was rather slow, and she could tell he was preparing to sleep for a while. Joanne was shooed out so that other family members could come in and visit him. That was the last time she caught his eye, and his eye said "bye bye" Joanne managed to smile a little but was sure he could make it, he had always been lucky so he won't leave just yet.
As she had another exam the next day, her mother asks her to go home and rest. It was about 12pm when Joanne reached home. But she could not concentrate, a strange feeling was coming over her, a warm feeling yet it felt that she was about to lost something very important to her, she fell asleep uneasily on her parents' bed. She even had a dream, of a place filled with clouds of many different shapes; there was a table with two cotton candies. One was black and looked like it had rotted; the other was whitish grey and had some fragrance. She chose the whitish grey one. It tasted bitter at first then sweet, very sweet. She sat and ate until the black cotton candy began to float; it was going higher and higher, until it went through a patch of clouds and disappeared.
Joanne was roughly woken; she was in wrapped like a taco in her blanket. It was still very dark, and she had no glasses on yet.
"Ah gong go le, not long ago" the voice that belonged to her mother's sounded stiffly and sore. It was no dream, she could tell. Her grandfather had moved on to a much better place, with no illness and able limbs. He would be happy now and that what she had to be glad about…but deep down, her own heart was slashed open, blood was flowing and everything was becoming numb. A place he had gone that she could not follow, of course it hurts. Tears would form whenever she talks about him or write about him as though the heart would always tear open no matter what scab that tries to form over it.
Love transcends life times and sometimes beyond worlds.
Grandfather passed on: 6.25am.