I mean, it never have happened before. Well, let's be serious I didn't really know how to do this. now: has it happened to anyone else? I mean… who the hell gets on a motorbike with practically a stranger and ends up all "buddy-buddy" with them? I didn't even know what that reference MEANT. I've barely met the guy some days ago, and we haven't talked since he got on that plane back to Almaty the day after the Gala. I could text him though…. That's why we exchanged contact info at the airport after all, right? We haven't needed it before since he knew where I was staying: he walked me right up to my room that first night at Barcelona. Just like friends do, right?
I've told him then about uploading the picture we took together earlier that day with the sun setting behind us on Instagram, just to see his reaction; I knew he wasn't really into social media but he still has a account, I have seen it around looking for news on the competition.
"Do what you want with it: I barely log in anyway." Silence. I was a bit too excited still, everything was so newI felt like a child about to hop around out of joy and he knew it, I could see it in the way he looked at me. The smile was another subject though: watching him looking down on me felt safe; I wondered when was the last time he smiled like that for someone else. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, still leaning on my room's door, thinking of saying goodbye but without really wanting to; I haven't feeling this comfortable around people in a while, it's refreshing. But then, I shouldn't forget the circumstances in which we've met. "We should call it a day: there's a big day ahead of us tomorrow." said Otabek, snapping me out of my daydreaming. What was I even thinking about? Did I just zoned out for a second? His smile is the only thing on my mind right now. "We'll see each other tomorrow, right? I'll be cheering for you". II tried to play cool and snap some challenge at him since I've never even seen him skate but all that come out of my mouth is "I'll be watching you too!" a bit way too cheerful for my taste. The kazakh chuckled. What the hell, man? Control yourself! He said good night and I didn't dare say it back, just in case I sounded like a damn fangirl again, so I just nodded at him and waited for him to disappear into the corridor to run into my room and slam the door shut. My phone ringed: Otabek-Altin liked a photo on Instagram. You barely log in, ha?
I don't even know if I should text him; it's already past dinner time around here and I have absolutely no idea what's the time difference between Almaty and St. Petersburg. I mean, I guess I could text him anyways: friends do that, right? Yuuko texts me almost everyday with news of the kids, and Mila sends me stupid shit from the internet from time to time or just blatantly tries to piss me off, but I KNOW them already. I know when I'm being a nuisance. But him? I have absolutely no idea how much attention he pays to his phone. What if…?
My phone rings. A text from him. "I'm home. How are you?". I could just say fine, right? That's polite and to the point, isn't it? It's all so much more difficult when he's not around, his smile seems to call me down. That is weird, though, why would it…? Anje comes to rub on my arm trying to avoid the lumps of balled up pieces of clothing all over the bed. Well, that's a perfectly good way to say "fine", is it? I decide to text him a photo.
"Сүйкімді" he texts back after I send him a picture of the black and white furball now trying to make some room under my arm to nap.
"What does that mean?"Damn Kazakh boy and his fucking mother tongue.
"It means Cute." Oh. so, he likes cats. I didn't even ask him. To be honest, I don't him I asked him much, I just had so much to say to someone, and he suddenly shows up….
"Is that your bed? You're a mess.", he text back. Oh, aren't you a sweetheart? I know he doesn't talk much but these carefully measured texts are a fucking joke. Is he gonna be like this every time?
"Thank you for the heads up (fuck you emoji)".
"Сүйкімді."
"Fuck you".
Hey, this is not so hard. I think I can do this more often. If only my chest wouldn't feel like it's gonna bust open at any minute every time I think of texting him back. I can hear Lila knocking at the door already, about to take it down, nagging me for not being asleep. Bitch, how can I sleep when you're banging on my door like that? Meh, I should just try and get some rest; the Grand Prix final is over but there's still much more work to do. I wonder if I should, just… It's the polite thing to do, right?
"Goodnight, Otabek"
"Call me Beka. Goodnight, Yuri"
There's that pressure in my chest again, I turn around to cuddle with Anje and she just adjusts her position to let me pet her belly while she's sleeping. She's incredibly fierce around other people, but it's just because they don't know her like I do. I find myself saying goodnight to my phone without realizing it. Damn it, I need some sleep.
I wake up to that charming familiar sound of "If you don't get up right this instant I'll come get you, young man!" while banging on the door. Oh, the peace and fucking quiet in this house... I get and barely get to wash up and get dressed before slamming the door open to make her shut up. He still bitches about lost sleep hours, and so much lost glued to a phone screen and…. Right. I left it at the bed, so I take it swiftly and put it in my pocket before going out; if I even dare a glance at it she's gonna start again, so let's best not for now.
And it sits there all morning, while I go through my usual practice: at every correction Lilia makes my body feels more stiff than before, I'm just not in my best mental state today. She calls for a break and asks me to cool down; she notices I'm tense. Fuck, I can barely follow her without having my mind wander around in the warm weird feeling of yesterday's conversation…. Weird. It was just a fucking two minute text exchange: I seriously need to cool down. But it won't happen like this, not with THAT DAMN NOSY BITCH with MY phone on her hand.
"Yuuuuu-ri" says Mila, almost singing, "What a beautiful good morning text they're sending you. Who's the lucky one?"
"Give that shit back, баба. What do you care?" I snatch my phone from her hand just to notice the conversation from last night. There was a picture sent way early in the morning with the caption "good morning". It was a sunrise at the top of some stone steps and there was a variety of green splashed with a thousand colors here and there, all slightly darkened with the oranges and yellows of the sky. I have to give her credit: it is beautiful, damn your photographic skills, Altin. I try to answer without her watching over my shoulder.
"Great pic. Where were you? And why do you text so early?" I don't really expect him to answer that fast; I mean, I didn't even check the time differences between our cities and I have no idea what's his schedule. He could be, he must be training as well. Right?
"First president's park. Just a couple of kilometers away from home. I wasn't expecting to wake you up. Did I?" Shit. Did I just make him feel guilty? I can't tell if he's not looking at me; I can't guess his tone through texting. I feel a couple of eyes almost burning through my skull, I don't know whether to answer him or take care of her first.
"Nah, if I were to wake up from every notification I'd never sleep for more than five minutes." A finger brushes on my cheek.
"Oh, take a look at that, is my little Китти all blushed?" I move away from her in disgust, or at least that's what I think it is. I barely noticed the heat rising up to my face when he actually answered despite whatever it is he was doing. What is he doing, though? I barely know nothing from the guy, for some reason every time I think of him and all the thing I don't know I remember the way he was looking at me back at the hotel, his eyes sparkling somehow, lips sealed in a smile that seemed inviting to…. Get a hold of yourself, man; you can't keep doing this. At this point I must be red up to the tip of my ears by the way Mila is chuckling besides me and Lilia doesn't let me practice with my hair loose -she says it hides me and I'm supposed to show myself, magnificent, on the rink- so I have no way of hiding it. I excuse myself and get out, phone in hand, just so the chill air from outside helps me cool down a bit.
"What are you doing?" It's nearly midday, and I have around still some time to grab a bite somewhere and try to focus on the afternoon. He answers only with a photo: a table with ice skates guards, a towel and a water bottle and the empty ice rink on the background. So he's practicing, hu? Did he stop just to answer me?
"What are you up to? Aren't you supposed to be on the ice?" Tch. Who the hell does he thinks he is?
"Lunch time. Aren't you?"
"Ah, right. Three hours less." OH. So that's the hour difference. "I'm skating on my own, I used your text as an excuse to take a break"
"You haven't yet?"
"Now I have." Haha. Idiot. I can hear them approaching now, and Mila is gonna say something, I'm sure. Damn her and her salty comebacks.
"I'm going to lunch with my rinkmates." Why would he care about THAT?
"OK. Take care. I'll talk to you tonight." is he asking for permission?
"Sure."
"Yuuuuuri, you're smiling at you phone again? Is it the sunrise photo person? Are you gonna introduce us?" Mila is more than annoying, but specially like this, when she throws herself over me so I can't get out of her hug.
"He's a friend! Just leave it!" At least she hasn't seen the flush because of the cold outside, but I'm positive if I were to fall on my face now all the snow would melt around me.
"Ohhhhhh, a he, hu?" She pokes my cheek and I bite her finger. At least that took her off of me long enough for me to get away. How did she not know that, though? She had the phone in her hand…. Oh. Right. I didn't save his contact under his name. He's a motorbike emoji.
"What was the need for that? " She says, rubbing her finger, "You should come with us around the corner if you're THAT hungry. Unless you wanna keep smiling at your virtual boyfriend…"
"Shut up, баба, I'm coming!"
They're nice, I guess. Georgi talking about his new girlfriend, Mila's mate -I can never recall her name, but I don't think she's noticed yet: good thing I rarely call people by their actual names- with her online schooling and all…. They're nice, distracting. They don't ask questions, they stay in their lane. And then, there's that nosy bitch again.
"May I know the name?" Mila's smile at this point looks like cheshire's, staring at me as if she had a knife hidden behind her back and was waiting for me to make a bad move.
"The name of WHAT". I realize that came out a little too aggressive for people to assume I don't care what's she's saying; that might be a problem. I realize it might have also come a bit too loud when I look around ad see everyone on the minuscule joint STARING at me. Fair enough, "everyone" were around five people in three different tables and the guy at the bar, but still I sink in my chair and pull my hood even higher if that's even possible, so I don't have to feel them judging me from their seats. Everyone in the table stopped talking and are fixed on me now. Damn it, Mila.
"The name of what, Mila?" Georgi didn't even notice, good. The girl is just figuring out what the hell is going on, I guess the bitch didn't have the time to embarrass me about this before.
"Oh, nothing. It's just that Kitty here received a picture of a beautiful landscape and I just wanted to know where was it from, that's all" Her cheeky smile irritates me to no end at this point, but if I have an outburst now I won't be able to stop them from asking. I don't know why I care about them asking, he's just a friend; it's alright to talk to friends, right? People do. So why do I feel the need to hide him from them? They're dull, sure, but they're not bad people; yet I don't care about making small talk to them, but Beka calls my cat "cute" and for some reason my heart beats faster.
"President's Park in Almaty." I realize my voice sound childish through the fabric of my jacket and I want to punch myself for it. Not only I can't answer her "kitty" remark right now -I'll just make everyone stare again-, I'm pretty much affirming her point. I thought they would distract me from texting him but all I wanna do is finish my lunch and get the hell away from there. I unblock my phone under the table; I know she's still looking at me but she won't say anything. She would've done that by now if she wanted.
"I need to get away; don't like these people" I don't know why I keep texting him, he must be busy by now. Five minutes pass and there's no response. I decide to just leave it for now. I'd better just focus on my skating: this morning sucked, so I need to ace the practice now or Lila is gonna scold me to sleep.
Damn it.
Practice wasn't so terrible at least, but Lila wasn't happy: dinnertime could have been less nerve wrecking. But at least it's over now. Anje followed me from the dinner table to my bed again and the minute I throw myself on the bed, I remember his words. I'm a mess? I'm gonna have to find out what his room looks like now, it's only fair, right? I don't believe he's in any way more organized that I am, he spends most of his time on the rink as well, after all.
"Come to Almaty, then." Well, his answer came a bit too late, but it's more than welcome. Is he actually inviting me to his home? I don't know if he lives alone, or how, or, or…. Pretty much anything about him. Fuck.
"You want me to go to your house?" He didn't actually said that, he said Almaty. Fuck. I should have noticed that, I just invited myself to his house. I must sound horribly desperate. Fuck fuck fuck.
"Not house though. I live in an apartment." Well, so what? That's not what I asked.
"Alone?" There it goes, needy prick again. Someone take this phone away from me. Victor might have gone all the way to Japan for a lapdance and a shitty YouTube video, but I'm not doing any better right now. Well… At least I'm talking to the guy. And I'm not heads over heels for him, either. And there's a lot less exhibicionism as well. Could be more pathetic, I guess.
"Yes. I didn't want to come back to my family home last year, I'm a bit too old for it." I don't want to repeat my question, I mean… If we forget I sounded like I was about to get onto the first plane and bang on his door without so much as a warning, I'd be more that content. Then again, a new text comes in. Two, actually. Of course I just open his and let Mila's unread.
"One room tiny flat, but you're always welcome." WOW. OK. CALM DOWN NOW. He did. He did invited me home. Well, why wouldn't he? We're friends, friends do that. Shit, Yuuko does it and I keep telling her no just so I can avoid the shattering earthquakes she calls her daughters. Not that I don't like them, the audios the girls send are cute and flattering and all, but the actual girls are some piece of work. Then, what's the problem with going to see him, after all? Calm the fuck down.
"Show me?" I'm not forgetting you know my room and I don't know yours, kiddo. If you live alone, it can't be as impeccable as you'd think mine should be. Actually, not so much my room as my bed… luckily. The whole thing is not in any way a better sight. Probably the hag is right, and I should clean up at some point. Next message comes in and it's a picture: it is cramped alright but (fuck me) perfectly immaculate but for the sports bag on the floor next to the couch. He doesn't own a T.V or anything: it's just a coffee table, a couch, a bar with two stools that separate the kitchen from the, let's call it, living room and a bookcase hiding the bed behind it. And of course, right in front of the sofa he's slouched in taking the picture, on what I'm gonna assume is the bathroom's door, a full body mirror, giving him the perfect angle to take the photo while hiding almost all of his figure on the sparkle of the flash reflected on it. Well…. I'm almost concerned that he only owns books to help him pass the time; how come a guy like this doesn't even pay attention to his Instagram? I mean… Almost no attention.
"At least you're not a mess" I tried to make it sound as sharp as his text in regards of my bed was. Mission failed. Miserably. Again.
"If I need a mess, I can always bring you in" haha, clever fucking bastard.
"How do I know you're not gonna strangle me the third day we spend together?" Spend together. I should have phrased that better. It sounds… weird. Close. Way too close.
"I'd miss you too much." for some reason, I feel my face is about to burst into flames. The only person that ever told me that he missed me was Grandpa. And he is, well, my grandfather. It is to be expected, right? I don't think anyone else said it, well, apart from the triplet menace, but they're little kids, they do that, right? I can feel my heartbeat pounding on my ears, and push my face against my pillow. What can I say? "I have no idea what to do with this information, but just in case, I'll proceed to have a mental breakdown, excuse me for a minute'"? Fuck, relax, you're friends, friends spend time together, miss each other, it just happens. But this guy and his damn straight forward honesty. I just want to run away right now; don't know why, I just need to run away.
"I'm going to bed, Beka. We'll talk tomorrow, ok?" I wonder how the fuck I am going to catch a break and sleep now. Damm. He doesn't answer immediately, even though he's read the message, so I try to soften it down. It did sound awful. "Text as early as you want, I'll read as soon as I wake up." OK, maybe not THAT soft. I can't seem to grip the definition of "mild" today. I better get some rest.
"Sure, no problem. Goodnight Yura." I haven't told him to call me that. I don't think anyone calls me that. It's nice though. It's definitely not "kitten". Oh, speaking of which, I still have a message from the bitch, don't I?
"I can feel the loooooove from the other point of town, Kitty. How's Altin doing?" WHAT? Wait. I haven't given him a name. At all.
"You live like ten blocks away, you idiot." Damn it, I should have corrected her. "How did you know his name?" Fuck, that is not correcting her!
"The hero of Kazakhstan kidnaps the russian Fairy, the Instagram post, Almaty…. The guys at the rink might be obtuse as fuck, but I know you. You can't get past me that easily." I'm about to answer her when another text from her comes in: "You didn't bitch about the "love part? Curiouser and curiouser" Who the fuck texts like that? I know I should have corrected her, I know I should.
"I was about to"
"Funny. You're the quickest shitposter in this side of the world, and I just beat you at texting speed?" Every phrase that I can come up with to answer is anything but pretty, certainly not clever. I just want her to get the fuck away from me. It's just a text I didn't send, big deal. She texts again, seeing that I wasn't going to. "He seems nice. He's cute too, fascinating, even. Anyways, just rub one out and get it out of your system: you were all over the place today." WHAT. SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE FUCK MILA.
"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM?"
" A bitchy fifteen year-old with a cute new friend. Clearly. JK, you know I don't mean any disrespect to Altin, but you need to focus" there's a bit more that I need to say to her right now, but at least she DID take the fluttering silly feeling on my gut Beka seems to provoke me. "You know you can talk to me, right? I might be a dick, but i'm a dick with good ears"
"That is one hell of a mental image. Goodnight, Mila."
"Sleep tight or the elephant eared flying cock is gonna get you (L). Goodnight, Kitty." Gotta give it to her, I feel much more relaxed now. Also, she's an idiot, but that does help. I finally go to sleep, but first, I have to text her one more thing. I know I won't tell her tomorrow, so it has to be now, while it still feels safe.
"Also, thanks."
I haven't feel this lighthearted in a while. I wonder how much it will last.
[Китти means kitty in Russian]