Fears
He woke with a start and a loud gasp, which in turn, woke her. She looked over at him and saw he was covered in sweat and trembling. "Tommy honey?, bad dream again?" He only nodded and laid back down shivering against the cold. She got up from her spot on the couch, walked over to the chair he was reclined in and tucked his blanket in around him. "Quit fussing" he growled "I'm a grown-ass man and I don't need you treating me like a kid.
She backed away slowly, muttering under her breath "Sure, that's why you fall asleep in my chair every night instead of going back home!". He didn't hear her as he was already back into a fitful and shallow sleep. She returned to her spot, sat and picked up her book. She tried to concentrate on it, but her eyes automatically flitted to him every few seconds. She had to find a way to help him. She owed him.
Three months ago he had run into oncoming traffic to move her daughter out of harms way. As the mother of a blind child she had automatically developed eyes in the back of her head upon Nikki's diagnosis three years ago. But she was such a wilful and independent girl that it most often took two grown up's to wrangle her successfully. Therefore, her husband dying in the fire that had caused Nikki's blindness was even more ironic. Some people may think that only regarding the tragic event as ironic was callous and heartless, but what they didn't know is that she could not allow herself to think of it in any other way. It was a self preservation thing.
Enough, no more thinking about that tonight, it made her head hurt. She took off her glasses and placed them and the book on the coffee table. She rested her head against the pillow and closed her eyes for just a second. Next thing she knew, Tommy was standing over her, cup of coffee in one hand, paper in the other."Mornin'...I'm sorry 'bout last night Anna, you know I don't know what I'm saying when I just woke up, but I'm still sorry" he said, handing her the drink.
"It's fine Tommy don't worry about it" she smiled taking the cup from his hand, slightly sweeping her fingers over his to show there were no hard feelings.
"I do worry though, you got enough shit things to deal with without me adding to 'em"
"Would you stop!, seriously. You think I don't know what might happen if I don't let you continue sleeping in that damn chair. I know OK, I know you don't want to go home and it's fine, because I would rather have you here growling at me for fussing than not here, doing God knows what to yourself" she retorted.
He looked at her with a defiant stance, probably a marine thing, and was just about to have a pop back at her when the click-click-click of a cane could be heard in the upstairs hallway. Tommy immediately turned and ran up the stairs and returned moments later with Nikki giggling in his arms. Now, as a near fifteen year old girl, Anna was in no doubt that this was just about a girl of Nikki's age biggest wish, for a good-looking, buff ex-solider to be your personal carrier. But Nikki had never actually seen Tommy and so, Anna had no worries that her affection for him was based on anything as trivial as a teenage crush.
Despite the comments she had received on the subject from some of her friends, Anna knew three things about Tommy that served to assure her that he only had Nikki's best interests at heart. One, he had told her that he was a product of a violent, abusive and ultimately broken childhood home and as such, he would never allow harm come to another child,let alone cause it himself. Two, although he was a sullen and grumpy bastard at times, when he was with Nikki, he was everything that a big brother/father substitute could be. Teasing, caring, funny, authoritative but most of all, loving. And three, Anna knew that Tommy looked at her in that way, not Nikki. There was an incident last week when she walked into the bathroom unaware he was in the shower. She had tried to sneak out unobserved but when she'd heard her name escape his lips in a groan, she had panicked and knocked a soap dish off the sink, alerting him to her presence. He had simply turned to face her and pulled back the shower curtain, silently inviting her to join him. In response, she simply shook her head and exited the room. She had then waited to hear him finish and shouted upstairs that she was going to the convenience store while Nikki was still asleep. When she returned, Tommy and Nikki were sat at the counter eating cereal and since that day, his general frostiness and attitude towards her only had made it clear that the incident was not open for discussion.
But she needed to discuss it. She had to tell him that she was scared to accept his offer but that she had really, really wanted to. She had been somewhat
on the backfoot with him since last week but now the tables were turned. He was the one in a deferring position because of his little outburst last night. While she had assured him that everything was fine, she would be an idiot to pass this opportunity up. So, when Nikki had eaten breakfast and gone back upstairs to get ready for school, Anna steeled herself for direct verbal contact with him.
He was looking at the paper with a glass of orange juice in one hand. He absently brought the glass to his lips and took a large mouthful. Strike...Now! "Tommy, when Nikki's bus has left, could you hang around for a bit" He usually went to the gym or out running once he had seen the girl safely on the school bus.
"Sure, what's up, you need some stuff fixing?"
"Well yes, as always, but more importantly, we have to speak about last week"
"No, no we don't"
"YES WE DO TOMMY, it's been playing on your mind which is evident in your little outburst last night. You normally don't talk after a nightmare and love it when I "fuss" around" you so stop bull-shitting me. We are going to talk about this today or this little "family" thing we got going on here will have to come to an end, and I don't think you, me or Nikki want's that right now"
"Fine" he growled out and went back up the stairs to collect Nikki. Anna heard him banging on the door and shout "NIK, TIME TO GO", followed by the bang of a door and footsteps on the stairs. Tommy carried Nikki right over to Anna (it was their "thing" this carrying malarkey, Nikki liked to refer to Tommy as her slave) and she leaned down to her daughters forehead, kissed it and said "Bye baby girl. Be good!"
"Bye Mom" Nikki shouted as Tommy toted her out of the door. He returned moments later, leaned against the counter and looked at her with a questioning expression.
She took a deep breath and began. "Okay, first off, you know we both love having you around here, don't you?"
"Sure"
"Good, because I don't want that to change. For the last few months, it's been the easiest it's been for me since Ben died. You helping with Nikki and looking out for her when I can't, well, it's special Tommy. Special to me and special to her. You get that right?"
"Yes Anna, I get that" he responded sullenly.
"In the shower the other day..."
"Stop, look, I shouldn't have done that..."
"NO Tommy, you don't understand, I didn't turn you down because I don't want it, I turned you down because, I...I want it too much!"
"What are you talking about?, I saw the way you looked at me, I might not be a teacher like you but I'm not stupid, I could tell I embarrassed you!"
"Tommy, I wasn't embarrassed, I was turned on for God's sake, and that scared the living shit out of me!"
"Why?"
"Because,...it's been nearly four years since I saw a man naked. Or had sex. Or let anyone see me naked. And you, you're seven years younger than me Tommy, and ...in your prime and working out all the bloody time. And I've had a kid, a long fucking time ago, and..." She did not finish the sentence as he had moved to stand right in front of her, placing one hand on her hip and the other around her head to fist in her hair.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Well, I thought I'd kiss you"
"Why?"
"Mainly to shut you up...but also 'cause I wanna" and with that, he placed the softest and most tender kiss on her lips. She closed her eyes and revelled in the smell of having a man close to her again. He smelt like fresh rainfall and the morning dew, with just a hint of something that she could not place, metallic almost, but with a softer edge. As she realised that she was obsessing over what the unnamed odour was, she felt his lips part and his tongue attempt to move between hers. Her lips then parted like his and a small, almost imperceptible moan filled the back of her throat. He heard this and took it as a signal to continue his attentions.
The hand that was on her waist moved up her body, under her t-shirt, tracing her spine. She trembled at the sensation of his rough hands on her delicate skin. She wanted more and suddenly, no longer scared or worried about the outcome of their actions, the hands that as yet had not left their position gripping the edge of the kitchen counter, moved to rest on him. One on his chest, the other around his shoulder to the back of his neck.
He left her lips, pressed his forehead to her's and whispered "Anna, I know you're scared, I am too. But know this, you and Nik, you mean more to me than anyone else in my life right now. I know it's only been three months but sometimes, when it's right, you just know. And I know Anna, I know I want you. I wanna hold you and kiss you. I wanna lay down with you and touch you and make you come. I wanna wake up in the morning next to you, our bodies as close as they can get. The only question is, do you want that too?"
"Yes Tommy, I do"
"But?"
"No...no buts, no questions, no second thoughts, just take me upstairs and fuck me please?"
"You got it babe" and with that, he lifted her up to be cradled in his arms, in the same way he always carried Nikki about the house. She looked up at him, biting her bottom lip and holding her breath. When they reached her room, he nudged the door open with his knee, strode over to the bed and placed her down gently. "You sure about this?" he asked, and she could only nod her head in response.
She sat up and slowly lifted her t-shirt off. He responded by letting his hooded sweat top fall from his shoulders, leaving his vest on for the moment. She quirked her eyebrows at him with a smile to suggest it was his turn, so he pushed the waistband of his joggers down and shimmied his legs out. Standing at the side of the bed, he looked back to her and said gently "Well?...".
She laid back, undid the fastening of her shorts and raised her hips to take them off. She was then just left with her underwear on and felt exposed and embarrassed, knowing that this would probably be when he would change his mind on viewing her less that taut skin and slightly wobbly stomach with tell tale small stretch marks at the sides. When she looked back up at him, his expression was blank and she knew, he didn't want to take this any further. She felt tears begin to prickle her eyes but they were soon gone, as he lowered himself to lay along side her and began to stroke the skin of her abdomen. "You're so soft Anna, just like I knew you would be". He leant over and began to kiss her again. Their tongues wrapped round each others and their lips meshed. She began to tug at his vest, raising both their arms to take it off. She made a mental note to take some time later to fully inspect the multitude of tattoo's of his arms and chest, as she had never been with a guy with these kind of markings.
But for now, she contented herself with indulging in the taste of his mouth and the feel of his skin. His hands moved to her upper back and began to search for the clasp of her bra. After a few moments, she could tell he was getting frustrated with his lack of progress. "Tommy, it fastens in the front", she uttered between licking and nipping at his bottom lip. He chuckled lowly and she joined him by giggling. They sat up together and she undid her bra. His hands came immediately to cup her ample breasts, kneading the soft flesh he found. Her eyelids fluttered and she inhaled deeply through her nose. She manoeuvred to be knelt in front of him and surged forward so that he was laid down with her above him, never letting the contact between their lips to stop while doing so. His hands moved down to her panties, gently sliding them over her hips and upper thighs. She returned the action, by sitting back up and indicating that he lift his hips so she could remove his boxers. She then kicked her panties off the bottom part of her legs, with them managing to land on the doorknob. They both laughed at this.
For the first time, they looked at each other totally naked. Her brow creased slightly at the sight of him, which was her fears about her appearance manifesting themselves again. He recognised this, took her chin in between his thumb and forefinger. "Anna, you're beautiful. Can I taste you?".
"No Tommy, I want to taste you first" she responded, her fears immediately subsided by his calming words. She moved down his body, kissing both his nipples and his stomach and flicking her tongue into his navel, which she them let trail down to his cock. She took her time ensuring every crease, bump of vein and fold of skin received her attention and was spurred on by the groans coming from him. She held his penis at the base and lifted it into her waiting, warm mouth. She placed her moist lips over the tip and sucked, while the back of her tongue rubbed back and forward over the slit, leading to the taste of him infusing her mouth. She then took him as deep as she could into the back of her throat and held him there as long as possible. She heard him utter, "Fuck, Anna, stop", so released him with a smile on her face. She crawled back up his body and kissed the tip of his nose, both his eyelids, his chin and finally his lips. He immediately deepened this kiss and grasped her by her shoulders and pulled them upwards, moving her to be knelt over his head. She grasped the headboard as he gently but firmly took her soft wet flesh into his mouth, sucking and licking anything he could find. As it had been a very long time since anyone other than herself had touched that area, Anna came almost immediately. Instead of this resulting in Tommy stopping his actions, he carried on, intent to make her fall again.
After the second, slightly more intense orgasm, Anna reached down and placed the ends of her fingertips on Tommy's forehead, pushing him away from her centre."Tommy, if you don't stop now, I'm not going to be fit to do anything else". He took the hint, smiling back at her with a dopey, little-boy in trouble face.
His expression changed when she moved her body back down the bed and turned round to kneel on the bed with her back to him. She looked over her shoulder at him and asked "What are you waiting for?". He quickly moved in behind her and pressed his palm on her lower back, to encourage her to bend slightly. He entered her, slowly and carefully and when he was happy with their position, he placed his hands on her hips and started to move in long and steady thrusts. Her right arm lifted and she placed it's hand behind his head pulling gently, placing his lips at the indentation between her neck and shoulder. He nipped,licked and sucked at her flesh, causing her to move her hips in silent request for him to quicken his pace. He did and his thrusts became harder and deeper. His left hand left her hip and travelled to her breasts, with his fingers alternating between squeezing and flicking both her nipples. Her left arm reached down to where they joined and rubbed at her nub.
There hips were now in unison, rocking backward and forward at the pace he set. Anna knew that she could not last much longer, especially when Tommy's mouth moved to her ear, subsequently nipping at her earlobe and whispering "I wanna come inside you Anna, is that okay?". She nodded, as she knew she was no longer able to have children following the harrowing birth of Nikki. When his pace became more erratic and stuttered, Anna kept up and grabbed his hips behind her with both hands to ensure they could not separate. Within seconds, she began pulsing inside and her body shook all over. She felt warmth gush within her in both directions, and heard Tommy in her ear hissing out his release.
He wrapped his arms around her tightly and rocked them sideways so they landed on the bed together, laid on their sides but still joined. He kissed all along the back of her neck and shoulders and she lifted his hands to her mouth and laved kisses and licks on his fingers. They both closed their eyes and slept for around a quarter of an hour and when they woke, Tommy had naturally withdrawn from inside her. She turned around to face him, looked into his eyes and asked "Did you mean what you said Tommy?".
He automatically knew what she was talking about and replied "Yes, Anna, I meant every word. You and Nikki are my world now".
"We better get your stuff packed up and moved in here then" she smiled back at him.
Later that night, when they had calmed Nikki down from her excitement at their announcement and had found space from the meagre belongings he had brought from his fathers house that afternoon, Anna and Tommy lay in each others arms, naked and touching each other everywhere they didn't progress any further that night but Tommy realised when he woke the next morning, that he had slept calmly and deeply and for the first time in a long while, he did not have a nightmare.