Alternate Gifts
Chakotay couldn't believe that she was gone. It had happened so quickly and so unexpectedly. Had it only been hours before when she had slept safe and protected in his arms? Now she was lost to him forever. Kathryn had sacrificed herself so that her crew would survive. It had been a selfless act, one that she had made with only the slightest hesitation.
Only the senior crew knew of this sacrifice, those crew who had been present and no one had the heart to announce her death to the rest of the ship. So the crew continued on blissfully unaware of what their Captain had done.
They had come across a planet that, at first, had seemed idyllic. Five of them had beamed down. Himself, Kathryn, Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry. While they were being given a tour of the great city Harry had paused to help a young girl who had tripped and fallen. What the young ensign hadn't known at the time, was that the young girl was a royal and that the laws stated that it was death for anyone, other than family or specially chosen servants to touch a member of the royal family.
The King had stated that because they were strangers, Harry's death would be a quick and painless one not the death by torture required by law. And despite their pleas there had been no negotiating with him. The laws of their planet stated that Harry must die for his actions. The Captain must allow this and not interfere or her entire crew would suffer the consequences.
Chakotay could still see Kathryn as she had stepped forward and offered her life in place of Harry's. Everyone had protested vehemently, he'd even offered to die for her, but she had been adamant. The ship and crew must be saved and she would not let Harry die. Chakotay's heart had shattered into a million pieces as she had turned to him, love and tears shining in her brilliant blue eyes.
"Please Chakotay." she had whispered softly "Please respect my wishes on this. Just promise me you'll get them home and I can die content." she said as tears spilled down her cheeks.
"Oh Gods, Kathryn. No!" he had sobbed, uncaring of the others who watched and shared his pain.
"Promise me. Please?" she pleaded in a soft teary whisper.
"Gods Kathryn do you know what you are asking me?" he sobbed.
"Yes, and you would ask the same of me if our positions were reversed."
"Then let me take your place, let me die for you?" he pleaded again.
"I cannot, you know I cannot. I am Voyager's Captain, it is my duty and my choice to do this.. please honor my wishes. Please promise me you'll get my crew home."
"I promise." he finally choked out.
She smiled at him then and kissed him. "I love you," she whispered "I will always love you." she finished then kissed him one last time. That one simple kiss spoke volumes; Her love for him, desire, gratitude, and fear. It was all there. She stepped away from him then. "Goodbye my angry warrior," she whispered then moved away. Chakotay's heart had died there as he watched the palace guards lead her away.
The Voyager crew followed the small procession. As much as it pained them to watch their Captain be executed they could not let her die alone. Chakotay could still see the look on Kathryn's face just before they had taken her life. Her eyes had found his and those eyes had nearly destroyed him.
"I love you." she'd whispered again. "Be strong."
And then it was over. He watched as the light drained from her eyes. Suddenly the air was filled with an eerie keening wail. Chakotay didn't realize until much later that the sound had come from him.
B'Elanna became the strong one then and took charge of the situation. She beamed them both up to the ship and then relieved the transporter tech before bringing up the rest of the crew and the Captain's lifeless body.
That had been two hours ago. Chakotay sat on the floor of his quarters, reminders of Kathryn all around him. He bowed his head and wondered again just how he was going to be strong and go on without her.
Suddenly the room was bathed in a warm gold glow. Chakotay lifted his head and was shocked to find Kes' beautiful elfin features before him. "Kes!" he choked.
"Hello Chakotay." she smiled prettily. "I can only hold this shape for a very short time. I am here to help you," she stated.
"How?" he said quietly. "How can you help me now?"
Kes smiled again. "There is a decision you have to make, but first there is something you must see." she stepped forward and held out her hand. "Come with me"
"To where?" Chakotay questioned as he rose and took her outstretched hand.
"There is one thing you must understand. We will be observers only on this journey. No one will see us and you cannot interact with others." Kes explained
"Where are we going?" he asked again.
"To Voyager," she replied enigmatically.
They disappeared in a brilliant flash of light. When they reappeared Chakotay saw that they were in a corridor that looked very much like Voyager's but he knew instinctively that it wasn't.
"What's happening? Where are we? Is this Voyager?" he asked, turning to face the woman beside him.
"Yes it is, but it is not the Voyager you know. We are on an alternate Voyager, in an alternate universe."
"What happened here?"
"Six months after the Maquis joined Voyager they mutinied and took control of the ship. Any Starfleet that opposed them and any Maquis who sympathized were executed. Tuvok, Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry were among those killed."
"What about me? I mean my counterpart, the Chakotay from this universe?"
"This Chakotay was tortured and killed by his own men when he opposed the slaughter of the Starfleet crew."
"And Kathryn?"
"The Captain and this Chakotay became lovers three months into their journey. Her fate is what you are here to see."
As Kes spoke several crew members strolled past them and as Kes had promised, never noticed their presence. The group moved slowly as though they were searching for something. Just then there was a noise and a figure darted across the junction at the far end of the corridor. "There she is!" one crew member yelled and they raced down the corridor after the person.
Kes motioned Chakotay to follow her and they moved down the hallway. They arrived just in time to see the figure dive into an access conduit and shut the hatch behind them.
"Who is it?" Chakotay wanted to know but Kes remained strangely silent. She merely took his hand once more and they disappeared only to reappear seconds later in a small access corridor in the bowels of the ship. The room was barely large enough to stand up in and was about the size of the interior of a small shuttle. The only door had been sealed shut and so the only way in seemed to be an access conduit. The small room was a rat's nest of paraphernalia. A mattress lay in one corner covered with a couple of Starfleet issue blankets and a pillow, beside it was a small emergency lantern. This was definitely someone's hiding place.
Suddenly the hatch to the access conduit swung open and a figure crawled from it. Chakotay gasped as the figure became visible.
"Kathryn! My Gods"
The woman was dirty and bedraggled. Her long silken hair had been cut short and lacked its usual radiance. She was also painfully thin. The jacket and turtleneck of her uniform were gone and she wore only the sleeveless jumpsuit which was torn and dirty.
Janeway crossed to the mattress and dumped her precious burden on it. As she did so Chakotay saw that is was food that she had obviously stolen. She then crossed over to a small barrel in the corner. Opening it she scooped out a cupful from her precious water reserve. With that done she returned to the mattress and sat cross-legged and began to eat.
"My God" Chakotay swore "What happened to her? Why is she living like this?"
"If Kathryn did not live like this she would not be living at all. The crew has orders to kill her on sight. She escaped when they killed the Starfleet crew and has been hiding here ever since."
"Four years!" Chakotay stated incredulously. "Kathryn's been living like an animal for four years!"
"Yes."
Chakotay watched as Kathryn finished her meal then she rose from the mattress and crossed back to the access hatch to be sure it was secured. Once that was done she moved back to the mattress and slipped beneath the covers. Before turning out the lantern she reached for a photo that Chakotay had not noticed before. Kathryn smiled wistfully and tears shone in her sapphire eyes. Her fingers traced the features. "Oh Chakotay I'm so very tired. I don't know how much longer I have the strength to hold out against them. Good night, my angry warrior. "she whispered softly then set the picture back and flipped out the light. Minutes later the sound of her sobbing filled the small space.
"Oh Gods Kes! I can't see anymore! Why have you brought me here? Why show me this?!"
Without any warning, they were back in his own quarters.
"I have shown you this because I wish to give you another gift Chakotay. I have it within my power to restore the balance between these two universes. You see the balance has been disrupted, your Kathryn should not have died and the other should not be living."
"How do you intend to restore balance?"
"I will do it by bringing the other Kathryn across the barriers from her universe into yours. Then and only then will balance will be restored. The only difference between the two Kathryns is that their experiences have been different. The choice is yours Chakotay."
"Do it," Chakotay said softly. "If it is what she wishes."
"Very well." Kes smiled. "I will return." she finished and disappeared.
Chakotay stood there for quite some time, staring at the space where Kes had disappeared. The magnitude of what had happened, and could happen overwhelmed him. Would she accept? His future hinged on the decision of the other Kathryn.
Chakotay moved and crossed to his desk. "Chakotay to bridge."
"Tuvok here Commander."
"Lieutenant please have the senior crew report to my quarters in 10 minutes. There is something I must tell them."
"We will be there."
Kathryn was startled awake when she sensed the presence of another in her sanctuary. Quickly she flipped on the light. Reaching under her pillow she pulled out the knife she had hidden there.
"Who are you?" she demanded as she sprang for her bed and brandished the weapon. "How did you get in here?"
"Please Kathryn. Do not be afraid. I am not here to harm you. It is I, Kes."
"You lie. Kes is dead!"
Kes stepped silently from the shadows. "I am not the Kes you knew. I have evolved and I belonged to a different Voyager."
"Why are you here?"
"I have come to give you a gift Kathryn. I've come to offer you a second chance, a chance to live well and happy."
"How do you plan to do this? How can you do this?" Kathryn asked cautiously, not quite sure whether or not she should believe the young Ocampan.
"Please step closer. There is something I wish to show you."
Kathryn stepped tentatively forward. Kes reached out and gently rested her fingers against the older woman's forehead.
Images flooded Kathryn's mind and the images were both familiar and not.
~Kathryn Janeway confronting Maquis Captain Chakotay on the bridge of her ship; her first speech to the United crew~
These were things she had done herself but the next images were things she had not done. ~ Kathryn relaxing in a bathtub with the night sky above her and trees all around; Chakotay giving her a neck rub; standing by and watching as Chakotay tried to restore life to her obviously lifeless form "Kathryn you can't die!" ~
The next image brought a heated flush to her cheeks for it was something her own Chakotay had done on many occasions.
~ Chakotay moved up behind Kathryn and pulled her back against him. She leaned into his embrace and tilted her head back with a pleasured sigh. Chakotay leaned forward and pressed his lips to her cheek as one hand wrapped tightly around her waist. She interlaced her fingers with his and pressed his hand closer. Sliding his free hand along her back he slipped it over her shoulder and into the deep V at the front of her uniform, caressing her breast through the material of her grey under tunic~
The image changed abruptly and Kathryn watched as her counterpart gave up her life for her crew. The image of Chakotay's grief was like a knife in her own heart.
The images ceased abruptly and Kathryn opened her eyes.
"That is the life the Kathryn Janeway of my universe had," Kes said quietly. "It was a life that ended far too soon. And it is the life you can have now. I have the power to give it to you."
"But how?"
"I can bring you across the barriers between this universe and into the other. The choice is yours."
"But what about Chakotay? As much as I want to be with him again, I just can't jump in and take over his Kathryn's life."
"Chakotay already knows of this and has made the decision to bring you through if it is what you wish."
"Yes," Kathryn said softly. "Yes, it is."
"Then come with me," Kes said and held out her hand. Kathryn took it. "The transition may cause some pain," Kes added.
"I understand."
Kes nodded and then a soft light engulfed them both. It grew in intensity until they both were immersed in the white brilliance.
The pain was intense and Kathryn couldn't hold back her scream of agony. The moment the light released her, Kathryn fell to her knees her scream dying out.
"Kathryn! Oh, Gods Kathryn!" At the softly gasped whisper, she looked up.
"Chakotay." she choked out.
Several emotions hit her at once; relief that she no longer had to live like a hunted animal; joy that Chakotay was in her life once more; fear that she would not be able to step in and pick up where the other Kathryn had left off; Grief for the loss of her own Chakotay. They hit her like a tidal wave and it all became too much for her to bear. Curling up on the floor in a fetal position she began to sob. Huge, gut-wrenching sobs wracked her body.
Suddenly she was surrounded in warm, comforting strength as Chakotay pulled her up and cradled her in his arms.
"Shh." Chakotay soothed as he gathered her onto his lap, pulling her tight to his chest. He rocked her gently while stroking her hair. "It's all right. My Kathryn, everything is all right now. You're safe, you're safe." he whispered softly as his lips brushed her temple.
After a long while, her sobs quieted. Kathryn pulled back so that she could look at him.
"I thought I would never see you again," she whispered, fingers gently tracing the line of his tattoo.
"And I you," Chakotay replied, stilling her hand and pulling it to his lips.
"Is this really happening?" she said softly "Please tell me I'm not dreaming? I don't think I could survive it if I woke to find this was all a dream."
"It's not a dream. If it is then I also do not wish to wake, for it would mean that My Kat is truly gone."
"This is so hard to believe."
"I know."
Kathryn closed her eyes and dropped her head momentarily against his chest. She took a huge sigh and slowly released it. "I think we have a lot to discuss," she said after a moment and looked up at him.
"Yes, we do."
"The first thing I would like to do if you don't mind is to take a shower and get clean."
"Of course," he said quietly then pressed his lips to her forehead before releasing her and helping her stand up.
"Excuse me," she said before stepping away from him and crossing to the bathroom.
Twenty minutes later Kathryn crossed back to the sitting room. Her bare feet made no sound on the plush carpet. She was drying her short hair with a towel and was clothed in his robe. It was far too big for her much smaller body and her tiny frame was dwarfed in the folds of terry cloth.
"I hope you don't mind, I borrowed your robe."
"No, not at all."
"Oh God, you don't know how good it feels to be clean. I actually feel human again," she said softly.
"They didn't even allow you that?" Chakotay asked with a frown.
"No. Every week I would sneak into one of the unused cabins and use the sonic shower but it just isn't the same as a real hot water shower. I could have stayed under that spray forever." she smiled.
"I figured you might be hungry and so I replicated you something to eat," Chakotay said and indicated the plates laid out on the dining table.
"Thank you," she said quietly and moved to sit at the table he had set for her.
She was ravenous and had her plate cleaned in no time. "That was delicious, thank you." she smiled.
"You're welcome."
Kathryn got up from the table and crossed to the sofa. She sat and tucked her feet beneath her. Chakotay followed and sat next to her.
"I don't know where to begin," Kathryn said softly. "It's obvious that I could never replace your Kathryn and I wouldn't want to try. And as much as we knew and loved each other's counterparts, we are strangers to each other. We need to get to know each other all over again. And I need to learn more about your Kathryn, her experiences over the last four years. I need to know who she was. I know I have a lot to learn and I hope you can be patient with me."
Chakotay smiled and reached out to tenderly brush back a lock of hair that had fallen over her eye. "Of course I can Kathryn. I'll be here for you. I'll help you adjust anyway that I can."
"Good. And I truly hope Chakotay that through all this we can find each other again."
"That is my hope also."
"There is one more thing. I don't want the crew to know anything about this. Obviously, the senior crew knows but I assume you haven't told the others?"
"No, I haven't"
"I think it would be better for all concerned if we keep this strictly between the senior staff."
"I agree," Chakotay said.
There was silence between them for a few moments before Kathryn spoke again. "I know that things may be a little awkward between us for a while but I hope..." Her voice trailed off quietly and she turned her eyes away. Chakotay reached out and touched the tip of his finger to her chin, tilting her head back up so that her eyes met his once again.
"I know Kathryn. I feel the same way."
She smiled. "Tell me about her," she said quietly.
Chakotay flashed her a soft smile and nodded. He began at the beginning, from the very first moment he had seen Kathryn Janeway on his viewscreen and told her everything he knew. Chakotay talked long into the night.
Chakotay turned his head to look at Kathryn and smiled softly when he saw that she had fallen asleep. She was curled up on her side with her head resting against the back of the sofa. Getting up from beside her, he leaned down and tenderly picked her up into his arms.
Carrying her across the cabin Chakotay opened the door that connected their two sitting areas and stepped over the threshold into her quarters and continued across her cabin to the bedroom. Using his free hand he tugged down the covers and laid her on the bed. She snuggled immediately down, rolling onto her side and sighing softly in contentment. He covered her with the blanket and tucked the edges in around her then leaned forward and pressed his lips to her temple. "Sweet dreams Kathryn," he whispered.
Chakotay stood and watched her sleep for a moment longer ~Gods, she is so beautiful ~ he thought. He could see so much of his own Kathryn in this woman. Even with all that she had been through she had not lost the sweetness of spirit and inherent trust that was so much a part of his Kathryn. Chakotay knew then that his heart was already lost to this woman.
He headed back to his own cabin, pausing in the bedroom doorway to look back at her before he continued, moving back through the connecting door. He called down the lights in his quarters, leaving the door open just in case she might need him and crossed to the bedroom.
They had a long road ahead of them, but they had gotten off to a good start. For the first time since the horrible events of that morning, he had hope in the future once again. As he drifted off to sleep, Chakotay sent up a silent prayer of thanks to the gods of his people for giving Kathryn back to him.
Fin :)