First and last kiss.
Steve would remember their first kiss for the rest of his long life.
It was a cold and dark evening in Brooklyn and the only thing that he was certain of was that he had never been so nervous in his life; the feeling at the pitch of his stomach had been growing ever since he stepped into her apartment a few hours ago.
He had meant to tell her straight after dinner, but he never saw the chance, at least that's what he told himself. Now he was sitting with her on the couch that had become familiar the last few months, her head laying on his shoulder as he put an arm around her waist; if someone asked him he wouldn't be able to pin point the exact moment they had become so close and intimidate that they shared those small touches. With her, they just seemed to happen.
But then again, was he supposed to be holding her like this? Even if he knew that in a matter of hours she would no longer be able to even look him in the eye? Would she remember these moments with anger? How could he keep giving himself false hope when there was no way she would ever be his?
From the moment he had lied eyes on her he knew that he could never allowed himself to have her. She was the embodiment of happiness, all colors and laughs. He, on the other hand, had become the shell of the man he once was, what he hadn't lost due to the war had been slowly ripped away from him the moment he woke up in that S.H.I.E.L.D. facility, and for a long time it kept leaving him in the most painful ways, loneliness and alienation helping with the agonizing process. That was until she appeared in the small and dusty apartment complex.
Yet after trying to avoid her like the plague, she still managed to find a way into his life. At first he would only help whenever there was no way to refuse, telling himself that he was being a friendly neighbor but even when he went out of his way to avoid seeing her they still found themselves time and time again, almost as if it was destiny. Steve, knowing that nothing good would come from getting attached to the bohemian painter, fought against his every instinct and tried to stay away for as long as he could; but at the end he would betrayed himself using every type of excuse, even going as far as to ask for help with redecorating his apartment; and slowly, but surely, they grew closer just as effortlessly as the waves crash into shore and the sun comes up every morning.
Steve found that he didn't have to fake anything with her, she never comment on his almost nonexistent knowledge of technology or popular culture, in return he didn't ask about her past or the very visible scars running down her arms.
Before he could even question the motive behind his actions, he found himself asking her if he could walk her towards her gallery or her car, he didn't even hesitate to agree to her every coffee invitation or even a few movie marathons, he wasn't ashamed to admit that he even enjoyed tagging along when she went on a shopping spree. As the weeks went by Steve realized that he was finally remembering who he was, he was no longer the withdrawn soldier that had lost everyone a long time ago, the past was starting to become something he could embrace instead of trying to push it to the back of his mind, even thinking of Bucky didn't hurt as much as it used to.
Everyone at work had noticed the change but decided that it was better to leave it unquestioned, they knew about her, after all he was being watched 24/7. Natasha tried to bring it up once but quickly dropped the subject when she watched the smile that graced his lips whenever her name was pronounce; Fury had pulled him aside to inform him that it was best to keep distance, his situation was far too complicated without bringing up his more recent work, but the spy noticed the smudged ink on his hands, it had only been a few days but the blonde had taken up drawing again, and according to the panel of psychologist monitoring Steve he had been doing phenomenal advances so just as Black Widow the man decided not to intervene.
No one could really understand what the old fashioned soldier saw in the wild haired pacifist with a loud laugh, not even Steve could; but there was something about her big brown eyes that narrowed almost comically whenever she gave him a disbelieving look, something with the way she always smirked before saying something inappropriate as if to warn him, even the way that she snored was alluring to Steve. She didn't seemed to notice the amount of power she had over him, no matter what they were discussing, as soon as she stuck her tongue out to him, every ounce of annoyance evaporated from him only to be replaced with a warm feeling, the same one that invaded him every time he heard her laugh.
He wasn't afraid to admit that it scare him, endlessly. He wasn't supposed to feel like this ever again, yet here he was, doing the exact opposite of what he had promised himself he would do.
"What are you thinking?" her soft tone broke him out of his thoughts, his eyes focusing on the tv screen once again, he had been so out of it that night that he wasn't even sure how long he had been staring at the paused screen, the face of Harrison Ford freeze in a comical expression.
His mind was heavy with guilt something that almost never happened to the super soldier, however, ever since she had entered his life the feeling only seemed to grow as the days went by- "I haven't been honest with you," he told himself time and time again and it was his way of keeping her safe, that after the battle of New York she couldn't know. But at the end of the day, the little voice at the back of his head, never failed to remind his that he was actually protecting himself from her rejection. Who would want to associate with someone with so much history? With someone who just didn't belong here? Or anywhere for that matter.
"I'm-" the words got stuck on his throat. His clear eyes searching her dark ones, he wasn't sure what he was trying to find in them but he was sure they would shift from their confusion and slightly concern to disgust in a matter of seconds, he only had to mutter the words and everything around them would change. She would change.
Steve knew that she suspected something wasn't quite right already, she was smart and the truth was that it was blandly obvious that Steve Rogers was more than just out of the loop. Still a part of him refused to believe that she somehow knew and hadn't run away yet, why would she stay knowing that not only she was at risk but also that he wasn't normal?
"I know, I've known since day one" it took him a few moments to catch up to her words, he felt like the wind had been knocked out of his lungs, but a part of his waited to see if she was just kidding like she usually did; After a few moments of exchanging a silent stare with her his eyes widening in realization that she wasn't lying and that they were talking about the same thing.
He wasn't sure which emotions was more prominent, if his shock, relief or confusion. Since when had she known? Why hadn't she run away yet? He came back to life when she tentatively laid a hand on his forearm and gave him a soft squeeze, his lips pulled into a small smile, her eyes shining with something that made Steve's heart beat ten times harder.
"Oh" it was the only thing that he could say.
"And before you even try to say anything,"- her voice took that familiar bossy tone that Steve knew it meant that whatever she was about to say was set in stone. He felt his lungs constricting, his body seemed to have forgotten how to breath as she narrowed her eyes at him and he waited for the verdict- "You're not getting rid of me,"- Steve sputter, confusion reflecting clearly on his face as the petite girl in front of him lean closer to him- "Ever" she promised with steel on her voice and before he could say anything she pulled him closer.
The kiss surprised both of them, on one hand Steve was shocked to feel her soft lips against his when he thought that she would utterly hurt at being lied for so long, instead she ran the tips of her fingers against the nape of his neck as she gave him the sweetest and most heart lifting kiss he's ever gotten. On the other hand, she didn't expect from the timid super soldier anything more than a fleeting kiss, which is why it she was so caught off guard when he pulled her closer, deepening their kiss as their bodies molded together.
It was heated, each trying to express in the kiss all the pin up emotions from the last few months; without even trying to they were both driving each other insane only breaking apart when they were force to fill their lungs with air.
After so much silence Steve was happy to see her laugh so carefree, even if it was at expense of his heavily blushed cheeks.
The last one was as opposite as it could be from the first. Fleeting, sweet and familiar by now, after all they had shared many things, among them uncountable kisses; no matter how hard it was they had settled into a steady and almost mundane life, conquering every impediment thrown their way.
"I'll see you tonight!" she yelled as she ran past the tall blonde. She was, as usual, running late; her hands were working on trying to tie back her uncontrollable hair and Steve watched with an amused look from the kitchen only turning back towards the newspaper on his hands when he heard the door shut loudly behind her.
Half a second ticked by and Steve heard the door opening again, amused with the forgetful nature of his girlfriend he paid her no find as he went by to reading the newspaper-"Love you," he was unable to stop the grin that broke on his face when he felt her arms wrapping around his neck, her lips stealing a peck quickly. And just as fast as she was wrapped around him she jumped away again, her loud laughter following her out of the apartment- "Love you too!" he called out with laughter in his voice, no matter how much time passed he would never get over her childish and innocent behavior.
It never went through either of their minds that that would be the last time Steve kissed her, let alone see her alive.