I have never liked girls.
Their annoying high pitched voices ring in my ears far to often for my liking, and not enough for me to get used to them. They hide behind bushes and walls just to see me walk by. I don't see why they like me so much.
But it isn't as if men are any better. They act as if they don't care about anything at all when they are really crying inside. It's like they purposely hurt themselves.
And you know what? They expect everyone else male to do the same thing. If a male is not emotionless, then they aren't considered 'masculine' enough to be seen with. So everyone who doesn't want to be alone has to act that way.
But he is already alone, so it doesn't matter to him. He shows his emotions freely and is not afraid to cry. He also doesn't care if you do the same. He is the only one I know who can be seen as 'human' in my eyes. He also isn't like the girls; he doesn't cry and whine at every thing bad that happens. No squeaky voice either.
It attracts me.
What the hell am I thinking? Me? Attracted to him? Of course not!
At least that was how I used to feel. I know that we are both men, and I know how he would react to my feelings. That time...
"Hey! Don't do creepy things like that!" I wasn't there, but I heard that that was what he said.
He couldn't have been jealous, could he?
No...there's no way that that's possible...He's disgusted by that sort of thing...
He's disgusted by me...
I'm disgusting.
If I was a girl...if one of us was a girl...but no, then he wouldn't be the one that I love.
Love...I love him? Me, loving a guy? I shouldn't love anyone, it isn't practical. I need to rid myself of all emotions and revive my clan. But I need a woman to do that...
If he was a girl...
Not that again..if I want to revive the clan it should be with that girl, not him.
But she would say no...she is in love with him as well. I would want to kill her for so much as looking at him, but I understand how she must feel...he will never like her, or me. All he can see is that...thing...my enemy, and rival in love...
Even if she is blessed with his love, she ignores him, and instead bothers me without end. How I wish to kill her...
She even went as far as to say that if I left, it would be like she was alone. She will never be alone, she has him was what I thought. But I refrained myself from saying anything. If she knew my feelings for him, it would only make her hate him more, and since I never want him to be sad...
That's the reason why I left. One of them, anyways. I want him to have a chance at happiness, and if I am here, he will never have that chance. He hates me, and that won't ever change.
But then why did he try to stop me? He wanted me to stay here, and said that he loved me like a brother. A brother...as family. Family that you have to love. He was forcing himself to say those things, or at least that's the way it seemed to me. She probably cried when I left, and begged him to bring me back. It was for her, because she is the one that he cares for most.
And before I knew it, I nearly killed him. Nearly killed the one person who mattered to me...I was overjoyed when I found that he had merely been knocked unconscious. I hadn't killed him...was what I thought as I knelt down to kiss his scratched and bruised face. But at the last minuet I stopped myself. I can't...
Now, I can't stop myself. I can't stop this feeling, this need. I want him.
So I resort to this. This...even if he hates me, even if he is appalled by what's happening...I...
"Sa..suke..."
I pulled back from the nape of Naruto's neck to meet his hurt eyes. "Yea?"
"C-can you please-ah!"
I looked at him calmly as I continued to finger him. "Could I what?"
The look on his face told me that he didn't expect me to listen. "Please...don't be so rough..."
I looked at him for a moment longer before pulling my fingers out. He looked at me, surprised.
"Sorry," I said as I lie back down on top of him. "Naruto. I-"
"It's okay," he says as he pats my back. "I-I guess that you can do it..."
I pause for a second as I take in the aroma of his body.
"Thank you."
Is this how I express my feelings?
I'm disgusting.