At Hogwarts, they had discovered their love for each other through the long, angsty, and complicated process that all gay teenage boys go through when they think that they're straight and can't possibly be in love with one of their best friends. At graduation, they promised that no matter what they would stay together forever, even if the idea was corny, even if the Ministry threatened to take Remus away, and even if Sirius' parents found some way to take away all his money. At their first Order of the Pheonix meeting, they decided that they would always be fighting to protect their friends and each other from anything that would harm them. At Harry's naming ceremony, they were determined to always be there for him if he ever needed them. At the time when Dumbledore suggested the Potters have a Secret Keeper, they had the perfect person in mind. At the burning home of the Potters, they knew all they had hoped and worked for would never work out the way they had planned.
--
It had been seven years after that day and Remus was sitting alone in his cottage as he had done for every day for those past seven years. It was early morning and he longed to stumble up the stairs to sleep, but he was afraid that if he did he would bleed to death. As that was the case, he quickly cleaned himself off and dressed his wounds. After taking a few healing potions, that did very little but ease the pain, he went to do as he wished.
As Remus lay on his bed, he realized too late that he had run out of dreamless sleep potions, and, as his eyes tiredly fluttered open and shut, he knew he was in for a world of nightmares.
--
He had not been disappointed. Only a few hours after he had fallen asleep, he woke up screaming and covered in sweat. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a few deep breaths to calm himself and keep the tears from falling. Though his transformations had always been worse since Lily and James' deaths, they had lightened only slightly since he stopped pushing away the memories of Hogwarts just recently. For the past three months, Remus had begun writing down all of those memories, but each time he thought he was getting somewhere, he remembered Sirius. And remembering Sirius only threw him down into a dark tunnel that he hated.
No one knew how hard it was on Remus after the Potters died. Many people could imagine and a few pitied him, but no one knew. He had lost all his best friends and his lover in one night. Words could not describe how hopeless he felt, how stupid he was for not realizing earlier, and how racked his mind was when he realized he'd been betrayed again by the one man who promised never to do it. He had run away from the wizarding world for a brief period of time before realizing that no matter how far he ran, he wouldn't be able to out run his memories and life was more comfortable in the wizarding world than in the muggle world.
Remus got out of bed, knowing that he would never be able to fall asleep again, and walked back down the stairs. He was about to settle down onto his couch when an owl flew in through an open window and dropped the Daily Prophet into his lap. It was followed by a scrawnier owl that didn't even wait until it got to Remus before flying off. He thought about calling after it to get the letter, but he already knew it would be about his job. Honestly, he should have known better than to take a job with such a strict boss, but it had been the only one offered to him.
He sighed and dug up a knut. After he put it in the sack, the owl flew off. Remus picked up the paper and settled down onto his couch and opened it. Azkaban's Warden Boasts about Security. Remus read through the article then tossed it aside. The article mentioned how the warden was able to keep in even Sirius, the most dangerous Death Eater of them all, and how the dementors were able to keep anyone down, even Sirius, the dark wizard who killed twelve muggles. Remus was then reminded that he had never gone to see Sirius in all of those long seven years.
--
Sirius shuddered in the corner of his cell as a dementor fluttered past his cell. It paused momentarily and peeked into the cell, trying to get closer to Sirius and his depressing thoughts. He tried to think happy thoughts, but seven years of living in a place like this took all of them away from him. The dementor shook its head, seemingly disappointed with Sirius' weak attempt to get rid of it, and floated away on its own.
He sighed a small breath of relief and stretched out his legs. One of the things Sirius missed most about the outside world was being Padfoot. He missed running outside with no cares in the world, having someone constantly spoil him, eating from the garbage, scaring old ladies who believed he was the Grim, and most of all being there for Remus during the full moon. Merlin, how he missed Remus. For the few moments Sirius had been fantasizing about Remus, he had forgotten about Azkaban. The golden brilliance that was and had always belonged to the momentarily outshined the darkness of the jail until another dementor came by, reminding Sirius his place in life.
Sirius began to wonder, for the millionth time, why it was that Remus never came to see him. Did he really believe that Sirius Black had sold out the Potters? And, if he had, was, for some reason, stupid enough to get himself caught? Admittedly, Sirius kept out the part with Pettigrew because, given the chance, he would have gone and murdered the bastard for ratting out his best friends. Suddenly furious, Sirius stood up and clamored over to the bars before grasping them firmly and shaking them. There was no reason for it other than the fact that he was angry, but a guard, who thought Sirius was stirring up trouble, came over and beat him on the head. Tired and underfed, Sirius fell to the ground submissively and went back to wondering why Remus never came to save him.
--
He tugged on the sleeves of his dress robes out of nervousness. He had no idea what to expect, what to do, or what to say when he saw Sirius. The warden, who had taken it to be his job to personally take Remus down, laughed at Remus and said, "It's not too late to leave."
Startled out of his worries, Remus smiled back and shook his head. "I wouldn't want to have wasted your time or mine."
"As you wish," the warden replied with a shrug as he unlocked the gates to the inner part of the jail. The heavy metal doors opened on their own and Remus was mentally pushed back by the sudden change in temperature. He shuddered, wishing he had taken the time to research a little more about the prison before coming.
"Mr. Lupin, sir?" the warden asked with a smirk on his face.
"Yes?" he asked in return as he crossed his arms to keep some warmth.
"Shall we?" The warden gestured inside where dozens of dementors were flying around and around just taunting the inmates.
"If," Remus began hesitantly. "If it would be alright, could I have my patronus with me?"
It seemed that any sign of weakness would make the warden laugh. "If you think you're brave enough to make one."
Remus ignored the insult and instead focused all his thoughts on finding happy ones to create his patronus. "Expecto Patronum!" he shouted and a silver dog bearing an uncanny similarity to Padfoot jumped out from the tip of his wand. Immediately, Remus felt warmer and at ease.
Feeling more secure, he followed the warden down the hall of cells. He kept his eyes focused on the warden in front of him to keep them from straying off to the empty looks of the inmates. But when the warden stopped, Remus couldn't help but look inside. What he saw made his patronus flicker and disappear.
--
"Black," he heard the warden call. "You have a visitor."
Sirius didn't bother to turn around. "I don't know anything," he replied, thinking that it would be a Ministry official again.
"Then I'll just tell him to leave, shall I?" He didn't understand the reason for the warden's tone of voice until he heard, "Mr. Lupin, it seems we have wasted our time anyway."
"Lupin?" He got to his feet and ran the small distance to the bars, behind which he saw "Remus."
"Sirius," Remus replied softly, finding it hard to accept that this man, this filthy depressed man, was Sirius Black.
"Come on, Mr. Lupin."
The warden began to push Remus away, but Sirius shouted out, "Wait!"
"What is it Black?"
Sirius was caught between his pride and his need for Remus. The battle in his mind was short and in a moment he was on his knees with his head bowed to hide his shame. "I-I want to talk to him."
The warden smiled at the victory that was not his. He unlocked the cell and shoved Remus inside. "I'll just be at the door whenever you're ready to leave, Mr. Lupin." Then he walked away.
Remus looked down at the man kneeling in front of him whose once beautifully shiny hair was now terribly stringy and thin. He smiled, to ease the tension, and said, "I think Snivellus has competition for the greasiest hair now."
Sirius snapped his head up, gray eyes staring at Remus incredulously, and laughed hoarsely. "Don't say that, Rem," he whispered back. Remus said nothing in return, creating a long moment of silence that Sirius broke with, "Why are you here?"
"I don't know," he replied honestly. Remus sighed and shook his head.
"Why haven't you come before?" Sirius asked pleadingly. "Rem-"
"Sirius, you sold out Lily, James, and Harry," he screamed. "What was I supposed to do? Sirius, you promised you would never betray them, betray us, but you did."
"I didn't!" Sirius shouted abruptly.
"Then what did you do?" Remus challenged.
"I went to kill Peter for ratting out the Potters! Fuck, Remus, did you really think that I would do that to James?"
"But you were their Secret Keeper."
Sirius stood up, and, despite his unusual thinness, he still managed to be threatening. "That's just it, Rem. I wasn't." He chuckled darkly at the lost look on Remus' face. "I told them to use Peter instead."
"Why?"
"Because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep the secret. I didn't think anyone would go after Peter." Then he growled as his eyes narrowed angrily. "But I also didn't know Peter was already with the Dark Lord." Sirius paused and looked into the golden orbs of Remus, begging for his belief.
"Why didn't you tell anyone, Sirius?" he asked, still suspicious.
"There was no proof!" He threw his hands up in the air and turned away from Remus. "He disappeared. I swear, Remus, I didn't kill him. I don't deny that I would have if I had the chance, but he created that huge explosion, killing all those damned muggles. Then he cut off his fucking finger and left me behind to take the fall." Sirius began pacing back and forth in the tiny cell. "Damn, Remus. I wish we'd never become his friends in the first place. It's not like he did any thing for us. He just hung around James."
"Sirius, that's not true. Peter was a good boy. He wouldn't have gotten into Gryffindor if he weren't." Remus went after Sirius and laid a hand on his shoulder to stop him. "He just got misguided. It's not just his fault, Sirius. We abandoned him."
"Fuck that, Rem. He didn't have to go killing Lily and James just because we left him behind." Despite his angry words, he stood still, his face expressing all the fury inside. "If it hadn't been for James, he wouldn't have had any friends."
"Maybe if he never had any to begin with, he wouldn't have felt so much pain losing the only ones he had," Remus muttered softly, knowing what that felt like.
"Remus," he whispered. His face softened as he reached his hand out and rested it on the golden hair. "You know, I never planned to end up in here."
"I know you didn't. I wish you would have told me about this before." Remus stepped closer to Sirius and looked up to see guilt and sorrow clouding the usually clear eyes.
"I didn't want to put you in danger. What if they had come after you? Remus, I couldn't-"
"I know," he said, his voice breaking from the tears that were coming up. "Damn it, Sirius. I know, but that doesn't get rid of seven years of hurt and pain. There was nothing left for me after that day. For the first four years, I didn't even know why I was still living." He stopped talking to wipe the water from his eyes.
Sirius brushed his hand aside and cupped the scarred face with his own. "Remmy, please don't cry." Using a coarse thumb, he stroked the wet cheeks, doing nothing except smear the tears around. "Remus," he murmured as he tried hard not to cry himself. "Remus, do you love me?"
Remus laughed softly through his tears and wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius. "I love you, Sirius. I promised you I always would."
Sirius smiled back. "I love you too, Remus." He hugged Remus back and buried his head in the clean hair that smelled like the Remus he had always known. "I missed you so much. I thought you'd never come see me. I thought you hated me for leaving you."
"Sirius."
"But you are the only reason why I'm not crazy like the rest of these people. I knew that you would come save me. You would be here for me when I need you like you always are. I wanted to be sane so when you came I could tell you what happened and you would believe me. I needed to know you would believe me." He paused, took a deep breath, and held Remus closer as if he didn't believe the werewolf was there. "You do believe me, right?"
"Of course I do, and I promise we're going to find the proof to get you out. We'll find Peter and prove your innocence. Then we'll live together forever." He laughed lightly. "I still have all your things."
"Even the bowling pin lamp that you hated?" Sirius shifted his head from the crook of Remus' neck to his head.
Forehead against forehead, Remus replied with a smile. "I have that in a special box on its own labeled 'Remember to Burn.'"
Sirius frowned and Remus could see the life coming back into his eyes. "I'll have to get out of here before then, won't I?"
"Better hurry, Siri. I think I'm going to have a bonfire soon," he teased and the only indication that he had cried earlier were his damp cheeks.
Sirius smiled in return and said nothing for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was as soft and loving as the first time he asked, "Can I kiss you?"
"Only if you promise never to leave me again like that," Remus replied quietly.
"I promise," he whispered with care as he leaned in and gently pressed his lips against Remus'.
Their first kiss was careful and tentative. Their second was full of desperation and passion. And as they broke apart briefly for a breath before their third, they knew that this promise would be one that would go the way they wanted.
--
A/N: However, as the story goes, we know that's not true, but we can pretend, right? Anyway, this obviously is a little AU 'cause Remus hadn't seen Sirius in all those twelve years, but whatever. Also, I'm sure it's rather rocky at places, but we can pretend it's all good. It's not exactly how I planned it, but I had also seen the whole thing in my mind as a video, so if you imagine that, I'm sure you'll get the picture.