Hello! I liked this concept, so I'm going to go for it! Basically, what would happen if Raito didn't need the death note to remember himself? He almost was anyway in the series, so it's not that far-fetched. If he remembered the death note and what he'd done without becoming Kira again, what would happen exactly?
Warning: Shounen-ai. Don't like, don't read. Also, some craziness, because I just like that.
Disclaimer: Don't own, so please don't sue!
Please read and review!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Screams.
The loudest screams ever heard in the history of the world.
The Holocaust. The witch trials. The Spanish inquisition. Slavery. Suicide bombings.
All of them paled in comparison to the screams in Yagami Raito's head.
In this certain head, the screams were ripping him in a jagged line roughly in half. He was like a china doll, so delicate that sound vibrations could make it crack. His hands feebly covered his ears, trying with all of his might to block out the sound.
Somehow, he knew where these screams were coming from. In the back of his mind, he knew.
As the black blood poured out of the corners of his eyes, he looked down at himself. The crack from his center had spread out to spider across his skin, scratching ugly ebony into his perfectly toned skin. The screams grew louder, and he turned.
He was faced with thousands of hands, all with bloodshot eyes behind them. All clawing and reaching for him. His eyes widened as the black liquid continued to drip from them. He was frozen there.
Until a soft thump came from behind him.
He turned halfway, head craning, eyes stretching to be released from their sockets, eager to try to see what new horror lay behind him. Some monster perhaps?
That's exactly what he found there.
A monster with black binding and ghost letters sprawled across the surface.
The hands grew closer, the screams louder.
"Death No-"
A pale hand reached out with only the pointer finger extended, the thumb closely following it, the other fingers curled awkwardly and carefully towards the palm.
It scratched his face.
He felt himself shatter, turning to dust to dance on the literally howling wind, and he added his voice to the chorus of infinite screams.
The screams of victims.
The screams of his victims.
………………………………...
"Raito-kun!"
The boy's eyes snapped open and he noticed there was a strange noise in the room. It sounded like someone was being strangled, but had just enough space in their airway to let out a soul shattering shriek. He felt his lungs empty like neglected balloons and inhaled.
Oddly enough, the noise stopped and in it's place, a burning feeling erupted in the boy's throat. His hand went to the flesh on the outside of the effected area, trying to quell the angry sensation there. He looked to the right to see a pair of dark eyes worrying over him, hovering only about a foot away. A delicate hand reached towards him, index finger extended in Ryuuzaki's trademark style.
Raito watched as it approached. That hand. He looked up to the dark pools of concern that were still hanging in front of him like silent sentinels. That darkness.
That dream……..
That realization………
His eyes widened, hearing the screams tumble out of his dreams into his consciousness. He himself started to shriek again and threw his body so it was facing up to the ceiling, eyes squeezing shut, his hands flying up to his ears, clenching the hair around them for some sort of leverage to keep him from going mad. Just something to hold onto.
"Raito-kun! What's wrong? What's wrong?!" Through the racket in his head and the noise erupting from his vocal chords, he could still hear L. He could still hear the fear making it's Broadway debut in his voice. The way it trembled ever so slightly.
Raito stilled as he remembered the notebook.
The Death Note.
His eyes slid back to his crow of a companion, taking in the dark form as it was halfway on his bed in a stilled mounting position. It was almost like crouching, but in L's own way. Strong and poised, yet strangely elegant and exotic. Like an animal. Like something strong and protective of what was theirs.
Raito needed that protection right now.
If not from the deeds he just discovered he had done in the past, then from his own overwhelming guilt.
So he launched himself at the frozen man, limbs flying to wrap themselves around their target. With a startled cry, L was pulled into the soft comforts of Raito's bed, his own forgotten and cold feet away.
"R-Raito…kun?" He cast his wide eyes down to his chest to see an ocean of auburn trying to bury its self within his ribcage. If successful, would this ease its agony? Would L's ribs be a strong enough bird cage to fend off the thoughts and memories trying to assault the younger boy? Would the older one's inexperienced heart be able to share its sparse warmth enough to surround the other with the light he is supposed to embody? Theses thoughts were much too sappy for the current situation, so L rid himself of them, choosing to simply ask the only question that mattered once again.
"Raito-kun, what happened?" He tilted his head down further to get a better look at his shaking friend. His amber eyes were wide enough to rival the observing black ones, and his arms were wrapped too tightly around L for proper respiration. His curled fists were sweating and would surely leave wrinkles in the detective's shirt at the sides of his ribs where they were desperately clinging. A shuddering breath sounded from deep within the white cotton field of L's shirt. As it came back out, it drug Raito's words out with it.
"I hear the screams." If L had eyebrows, they would be clenching together in concern right about now, but since he was lacking this basic bit of human equipment, his eyes were the only window into his emotions. They're wide windows though, and show much when allowed.
L couldn't help but wrap his own arms around his shuddering companion. Raito's skin crawled and twitched under his touch, but his cotton-covered chest remained dry. He thought carefully, deciding the teen's dream must have been horrifying beyond sadness. He clung gently to Raito. They were facing each other. He began to run his ivory fingers through silk the color of sunsets, delicately running his nails across the horizon that separated that shimmering sky and the sea of his brain.
Normally, this would be insanely awkward, but the boy needed someone, and the chain between them basically designated that person as L. Not that he minded, friends comfort each other after all. It's just what friends do. Even if there is an uncomfortable warmth inside of his chest, it's what friends do.
So he cradled his friend, carefully taking handfuls of the other's shirt into his unoccupied fist as a reminder of his concern. Another frantic breath in, slower than the others, indicating that the trembling mass was about to speak again.
"L…." Finally, bloodshot brown met smooth grey-black, allowing both to see into each other. For a moment, Raito's speech is halted as air gets caught in his trachea, catching on the thorns of shock. Above him, the normally stoic black orbs were simply brimming with emotion, and he knew his eyes were doing the same. Both of their guards were completely down for this one moment.
So, for this one moment, Raito was going to be honest. He swallowed hard.
"L…I'm almost positive that I'm Kira."
The comforting pressure that L was applying vanished in an instant, now just a loose and hollow entanglement of limbs. L's eyes were wider, more distant, and more shocked than ever as they shifted and stared at the sheets behind Raito's head. The moment was ruined, and so was Raito.
He let go of his hope for a life, for happiness.
He let go of his tears so they could crash down with the world he forgot he was building.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oooooo! Cliffhanger! Whatever will L do?! Sorry for all the drama, but I felt like being dramatic tonight, so nyah! So then, Raito remembers that he's Kira. Will he tear himself apart, or will Ryuuzaki provide some lovin to make it all better? Give me lots of reviews so you can find out! Please! I get discouraged when I don't get reviews, so the more you give me, the more I'll want to write! Thankyou for reading!
P.S. This isn't my usual writing style, so some constructive criticism is very much appreciated! I'm trying to broaden my horizons!