SHIKA BALLOON NO JUTSU
SHIKA BALLOON NO JUTSU!!
Rated: PG-13
Writen by: MetalWolfGemstone
Inspired by: Thyisa
(Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, Naruto and Sasuke would die and Shikamaru would take over as main character)
(OH! In this story, Iruka is Shikamaru's older brother. Just a random idea me and my pal, Thyisa, came up with)
You piss off your mom, you get a spanking.
You piss off your sibling, you get a swirly.
You piss off your father...that's another story.
Shikaku Nara had just finished a hard day at work. Slightly cranky and aching all over, he headed to the shower. His wife had just placed out dinner on the table and was nagging at Iruka to wipe off his eyeliner before eating.
Ignoring them both was young Shikamaru. He passed by his troublesome family and took a sloppy, slouching position at the table.
"Shikamaru!" his mother shouted. "Sit up straight!"
"What a drag..." the boy mumbled. He inched up about a centimeter before giving up and slouching back down. When the food came to him, he lazily shoved forkfuls in his mouth, wiping his mouth off with a sleeve. When he spotted his father coming into the dinning room, an evil smirk tickled across the boy's face.
The next morning, when Shikaku was heading out of bed, his son had set up an obstacle course of hidden pranks. The first one started the chain of mischief when the man's foot snared a thin fishing wire.
At the slight contact, the tiresome ninja looked down, "What the-?" Before his sentence was finished, a bucket of ice water was pulled off a shelf by the wire and sloshed down Shikaku's back. The man jumped and screeched at the freezing contact and sent him blindly racing through the house.
He didn't see the clear saran-wrap across the hall and like a bird to a window, he crashed into it. He bounced off, stubbing his foot, and landing on a mattress randomly placed in the hallway.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Shikaku squeaked, lifting his head up from the mattress. However, his mind made sense just before it happened. He just realized that the mattress he was lying on was one that folded up into the wall. "Oh, son of a-!"
WHUMPH!!
The mattress slammed right up into the wall, trapping the disoriented man. There was a muffled laughter on the other side and Shikaku turned red with anger.
"SHIKAMARU NARA!!"
"MY MOM MADE MEH PIEEEEEE!!" It was later that day and Shikamaru was sitting with the other Genin while their senseis argued. They all blinked at Neji when he randomly shouted.
"What?" Choji blinked.
Neji grinned and waved his hand dorkly in the air, "I gots pie! But nones of you can haves it! MY PIE!!" Licking his lips, Neji pulled out a delicious looking blue-berry pie. When he noticed Choji's eyes go huge, he growled.
"Just a little bit?" Choji whimpered.
"NO!! MY PIE!!"
Ignoring the crazy munchkins fight over the stupid pie, Shikamaru couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching them... He jumped when a voice hissed in his ear.
"Why is it we all just sit on our asses doing absolutely nothing? We should be training... We should get stronger..."
Shikamaru felt his lower eyelid twitch with annoyance. He slowly turned to face the raven-haired boy who spoke. It was Sasuke Uchiha, "Shut up, you stupid Emo Poser..."
Sasuke blinked and his face went from serious to baffled, "Uhh... Wh-What did you call me...?!"
Shikamaru rolled his eyes, just about fed up with all these lame-brains. His head hurt, his sensei was taking forever, and he just wanted to go home, "I said... YOU'RE A GODDAMN FLIPPIN' EMO POSER!!" The back of his hand came into contact with Sasuke's skull incredibly hard, causing the Uchiha to roll head over heels!
Everyone froze and gaped at the sight; even Shika looked bug-eyed. Sasuke lay still for a moment before shakily standing to his feet. Suddenly, he let out a giddy giggle and skipped around the group, "I'm an Emo poser!" he squeaked in the most girly way possible, "Lookie me!"
Sakura basically bitch-slapped Shikamaru, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM, YOU LAZY-ASS!?"
"How the hell am I supposed to know!?" Shikamaru shouted back, rubbing the stinging red mark on his face. When the senseis dashed over to see what happened, he quickly stood up to run; unable to deal with the lunacy.
Suddenly, Kakashi stood in his way, "Shikamaru! Did you do this?"
"Uhh… Well, you see-?" his foot shot up from the ground and smashed Kakashi right between the legs. When the Jonin squeaked and crumpled over, Shika made his escape.
"Oh my God!" Shikamaru gasped once he was safe in the shadows of the trees. "Why I put up with those freaks, I'll never know!" he wiped an arm across his forehead and exhaled loudly.
"There you are, son!"
The sudden voice made Shikamaru squeak in surprise. He spun around to face his father.
Shikaku took a swig from his beer and locked his son in his onyx eyes. "I need you to help with a...umm...with a special ninja training session!"
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "Err, what?"
Shikaku set down his beer and patted his son on the shoulder, "Come on. It's a mission from the Hokage!"
"But I-!" Before Shikamaru could finish protesting, his father hauled the boy off by the arm. By the time he was able to think again, Shikamaru found himself standing at the top of a tall tree with a balloon tied to his ankle.
"Oh, this is so troublesome..."
"You see, this is a special ninja balloon that helps us walk on air!" Shikaku instructed. He paced back-and-forth in front of his confused child, waving a hand for emphasis, "It has a sort of...umm...magic quality!"
Shikamaru poked the balloon without interest, "Looks like a normal one to me."
"AH HA!!" Shikaku shouted, "That's what it's SUPPOSED to look like to fool our enemies!"
"Whatever, dad," Shikamaru grumbled, "I'm going home." Suddenly, the boot to the stomach was quite unexpected! Shika's father kicked him off the tree and before he knew what the hell was going on, he was flailing his arms and screaming.
"HOLY SHIT I'M FALLING!!"
Shika looked up where his head would come into contact with the ground and he spotted a giant, inflatable bulls-eye circle! Then it all made sense to him, his father was trying to get back at him from this morning!
"THIS IS CRAZY!!" Shikamaru thought, "IS HE GONNA KILL ME!?"
Down below, someone let out a shout and everybody looked up. "OMIGEE!!" Choji screeched, passing out. Sakura's mouth fell open in a gasp and everyone seemed to ignore the stupid Sasuke as he bounced around saying he was an Emo Poser.
However, Kakashi was having a grand ol' time laughing his ass off. "Take THAT for kicking me in the crotch!" he snickered maniacally. During all this commotion, Neji wobbled up to the group with a clueless look pasted on his plate, "Where my pie?" he thought.
Shikamaru now saw that he was going to hit the point soon, "Motherf-!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!
At the impact, the bulls-eye exploded and blue-berry pie splattered amongst the crowd, covering everyone in a sticky mess.
Gaping, it took Neji a moment to realize what happened, "MY PIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!" he cried.
Waking up Choji grinned. "MMMMM!! Yummy!" he laughed, licking the mess off his face and hands.
Shikamaru slowly lifted his head and scrambled to his feet. "What a drag..." he gasped, walking out of the mess on jell-o feeling legs. However, he decided to do one more thing before going home to take a bath.
He walked up to the giggling Kakashi and tapped his shoulder. When the man turned around...Shikamaru kicked him in the crotch.
END!!