Wounded Heart

Chapter 1

Yes, I'm uploading another story in the same day as... five others. You know I'm an angsty person so this is self harm and things that will lead up to some big ass yaoi... but for now you will have to deal with this. Um... oh yeah I was upset when I wrote this so if there are any mistakes then please let me know because I tend to do everything at warp speed and not go back to chang anything.

Disclaimer: I do not own, the good people at CBS who brought us this show own it, so please enjoy their hard work!

He drew the blade across, enjoying the feeling of relaxation and pain that had over taken him. The blade came down and across again making twin red slashes on the skin. All the rage left his body to be replaced by contentness. Spencer Reid knew this wasn't the healthiest way, but it was the next best thing to the dialude. Once more the blade came in contact with the pale skin this time making his whole body go numb from the emotional exastion and insomnia it had been through in the past few months.

The team had to witness the exicution of a girl around the age of fifteen; the un-sub had kidnapped a young girl from her home town in Texas and left threats that if they did not find him in three days and twenty minutes he would kill her no matter what. Reid had figured out who it was and where to find him and the girl, only to arrive one minute late. That one minute would rest on his shoulders for ever, if he could have figured it out sooner that girl could have been saved. Then Rossi had gotten shot almost two days after that in Arizona by some amature bank robber who was just trying to get some money to feed his addiction and his kids at the same time; a man in his twenties with two daughters, and a friend called opium addiction, had been trying to rob a bank but was way to jittery and scared to even even out the direction of his gun. Rossi, Reid and Hotch had been the first to arrive and where going to try and calm him down, and i seemed to have worked. They walked in and the man just took a wild shot before runnign off. That shot seemed to have been better then he hopped because it hit Rossi in his side, right were the vest ended. He survived but Reid had to sit there and put pressure on the wound while Hotch got the paramedics in there. He wondred if he could ever forget the way his teamated blood felt running through his fingers. Nothing had gone right from there, first it was Morgan, then Prentiss and even J.J. had gotten hurt on the job. His emotions had been juggling for a while and they seemed to be staying thay way. One day he would be filled with rage and the next minute he would be calm as a bee on weed.

Spencer lifted his arm up to watch the blood trickle down and dissapear into his bunched sleeve. This was the thing that had gotten him through the past month, cutting, that's what made all the pain and bad memories go away, leaving the good ones behind to bring him back from the edge and make him remeber why he didn't just slice it up his arm and watch as his life and blood flowed out of him, leaving the dead empty shell of former Dr. Spencer Reid.

Feeling enough of his strenght coming back the good Doctor picked him self up and moved towards the sink to wash off the blood before he had to have another day in the company of his peers who would watch him carefully and examine every move that he makes. It drove him insane! Why could they just not pay attention to him like ninty-nine precent of the female population did? That's what he gets for working with a bunch of profilers.

Now with his bandaged arm and a little stressed released he made his way to work to spend another day with his 'family' and the wicked people of earth.

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At work, things had gotten tense between him and his coworkers. Ever since he almost broke down about the little girl who he was a minute late for, that minute would never stop haunting him, they had started to keep a sharp eye on the genius and keeping track of any sign that he was hooked again.

They were getting briefed in the 'round table' room when his mind started to drift to a very common thought topic. 'What would it be like to just let them find out every thing or just leave?'

This topic came up often, he always wondered if they would come looking for him or just let him be. He could always cover his trail, he knew how better then anyone there, and he had no one who cared for him except his mother who was 'detained' at the moment. It would be the easiest thing in the world to just get up and leave.

"Reid,"

Every time he thought of it the idea seemed to get more and more appealing to him and his heart which he wasn't sure could take much more of this.

"Reid,"

No one would look, that is for sure a certian thing, they didn't look for Gideon when he left, but where would he go?

"Reid!" Derek reached out and grabbed his wrist bringing it up to try and pull his attention towards the older team member. Reid hissed in a breath of pain while yanking his arm away craddling it to his chest, eyes shut in pain while he waited for the throbbing to subside.

Derek looked at him in surprise. "Hey, Pretty boy, you ok?" He knew the answer but thought it be curdious to ask anyways.

Reid looked up with a forced smile and in a strangled voice replied, "Yeah, I sprained my wrist yesterday, gotta learn to stack my books better." He knew he sounded convincing, he made sure to make no room for error as to not raise suspicion. Although by the look on Morgans face, he knew he did not buy it for a second, although the others seemed to buy it easy enough. "Sorry Reid." Morgan said before turning back to J.J. who went back to explaning, now having the entire teams focus.

By the looks Morgan kept sending him he knew that today would be a long exhusting day.

The case J.J. had picked was quite an wasy one; four women in their twenties had dissapered from there homes in Texas and then turned up dead three days later. C.O.D. was ligiture marks around the neck from repetive stranggling, apparently not enough to kill them, and slit wrist, which would have made them bleed out slowly making death a painful event.

This made Spencers wrist throb; what would it be like to feel your life slip through your fingers slowly as your blood pooled around you. No, he had to concentrate on the case. They would be leaving in twenty minutes for the jet, he could do this, mabey.

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The plane ride was just awful, that was the best word he could come up with in his vocabulary at the moment. Turbulance, was the first thing that happened. They had been in the air mabey five minutes before he felt the giant craft start to shake, which scared him half to death. After that it was a little collection of things; he kept figiting not being able to get comfortable, his head kept lolling because he kept falling asleep, occuring in the inevitable of his head actually coming in contact with the table itself and him falling out of his chair. By the time they got off the plane Reid felt like he just ran a marathon.

Everyone was worried about the young man but didn't want to ask that question incase it was in fact the truth. Reid didn't say anything the whole way to the police station. Though after they got there it seemed more like he wouldn't shut up, he was spouting random facts like a fountine with a leak, and half of them weren't relivent to the case.

Morgan was about ready to slap Reid upside the head to see if it would turn him off. "Reid, are you okay?" he asked wondering if the younger just needed to talk about something. Spencer looked up from the papers he was looking through. "mmmmh, I don't think so, oh but I did solve the case." he added like it was nothing of any importance.

Derek couldn't believe what just came out of his mouth! "So," he said trying to sound as calm as possible. "You solved the case, and when where you planing on telling the rest of us?" His voice had gone from calm to angry disbiliefe. Spencer looked up from the papers again and looked thoughful for a minute. "Well i solved it about ten minutes ago, I guess it slipped my mind." Morgan was about ready to kill this kid, 'it slipped his mind?'

"Okay so how about filling us in so we can go catch this sonovabitch?" He couldn't hold his cool anymore he lost all control and patients. He walked, or more like stomped, his way over to where Hotch and the other members of the team were giving the other cops the profile. "Hey, Spencer figured it out." He said and without another word the others followed him back to the genius.

Reid was leaning back in the chair basically asleep, but thanks to the insomnia could't quite reach that point. He was startled awake when he heard the door to the little office they were set up in slam shut and had his teammates staring at him. "Reid did you slove it?" Asked Hotch, skeptical at how fast he figured it out. The sleepy agent nodded, stretching his muscles. They all kept staring at him and to be honest it was creeping him out. "So who did it?" asked Rossi a little annoyed.

"Oh yeah, it's one of the cops out there, uh, Torez if I remeber correctly." They were amazed that he could acusse an officer of the law, but weirder people have been killers.

"Are you one hundred present sure, how do you know?" Reid got up and handed them a schedual of times, dates, and a map of kill zones. "He was the closest to each residence when they were called in; he was checked out a day before each of the victims reapered and was the one who found them, and also all the places they found the victims would be close to his comfort zone, which is the cabin his family owned in the woods." He stated it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Morgan peered at Reid curiously, he wondered had he been wringing his wrist this whole time, and was that a bandage poking out from under his sweater? Nevertheless he left the kid alone, for now.

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In the end Spencer was right, like usual. Torez had tried to run, the international sign of guilt, when they called and asked him to come into the office. He confessed imidietly, afraid of Morgan pounding his face in, and had been confined in one of the cells in the station.

All Reid knew those was that he was happy to be home in his apartment, but instead of heading straight for a book or to try to sleep, he headed to the bathroom where he had his little metal friend. It was like a routine by now; roll up a sleeve, place the blade to his wrist and drag. He let out a sigh of relief, finally he could relax. He placed the blade against his flesh again when...

'knock, Knock,' "Spencer!" Morgans voice called from the other side of the his apartment door.

"Ahh!" Spencer gasped in pain. He had gotten scared when he heard the knocking and accidently dragged it to deep in the wrong direction going up the arm instead of across. Louder knocks came from the door. "Spencer come on open up kid." Derek was getting impatient, he could tell, which had reid scurring around trying to find something to wrap his arm in. "Spencer..!" God, Morgan couldn't be patient for a second could he. He started to feel slightly dizzy, but ignored it grabbing a towel and basically running to the door. He opened it just in time because the older agent was in his 'kick your door down' pose. His arm was behing his back as much as possible without drawing attention to it.

"What do you want Morgan?" Reid asked sharply. His rage was returning along with the anxiety. Said man took in Spencers apperence before walking closer to the kid at a pace that had him panicing because he knew exactly what he was going to do. "Wait, Morgan I-" Derek had almost grabbed ahold of his arm when he twisted back just enough for him to miss. "Reid if you are not doing what I think you're doing then we don't have a problem, just let me see your arm."

Spencer backed away from him as far as he could till he felt the arm of the couch hit his legs. "Please, Morgan I'm not doing anything." All of the stress he managed to keep at bay for the last few hours had come back with a vengence, he felt like he was going to hyperventalate any seconde by the way his breathing had spead up.

"Then let me see your arm." This time Spencer had no where to run. Morgan had come face to face with Reid and grabbed ahold of his slender arm. Tears came dangerously close to spilling from the youngers hazel eyes. His secret was about to be discovered by the one person he did not want to know. "Derek, please, no" He was basically begging by now that he wouldn't do this. Morgan had managed to get his arm around so he could see, and the sight he saw was not pretty. "Ah, Spencer."

Yup yup, I feel like leaving all of you with a cliffy for today... and posably the rest of the week and a month... depends on how fast I type.

Please stay tuned, you may never know when we have another chapter of Wounded Heart!