End Game

By Nettie

Disclaimer: They are not mine, I'm just playing and trying to get H&M to play nicely together too

Lots of dialogue...hope you can follow.

Thanks Nat!

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JAG Headquarters

Wednesday 1756

The month had been endless. It had been full of doom and gloom and although it was Thanksgiving eve Harm felt he had little to be thankful for.

Eleven months of the year had gone and he was still no closer to fulfilling his New Year's resolution, that being to declare his love for Sarah MacKenzie.

Recently, work had kept them apart for long periods and the times they had spent together seemed to lack their familiar warmth and spontaneity. Harm had begun to think he'd lost her altogether.

Harm sat back in his chair and watched her walk through the bullpen towards the elevator, something was different but he couldn't pinpoint it. He continued to watch her intently until the intercom buzzed jolting him back to reality.

/-/-/-/

General's Office

1813

"Sit, Commander," the General instructed and Harm did so. "I need your help Harm," he said getting straight to the point.

"With what, sir?" asked Harm surprised that the General had used his first name.

"With a matter that has arisen of a serious and personal nature."

"Concerning you, sir?" Harm asked cautiously.

"Uh, no."

"Concerning me?"

"No, concerning the Colonel."

"Mac? What's up?"

The General pushed a piece of paper across the desk. Harm picked it up and read it quickly before pushing back to the General.

"Did you have any idea, Harm?"

"No, sir."

"Do you know why?"

"No, sir."

"Can you fix it?"

Harm just shrugged.

"Did you have any plans for Thanksgiving, Commander?"

"Not anymore, right?"

"I can only give you 48 hours to sort this out, after that it's out of my hands."

"Yes, sir," said Harm standing.

"Harm, let me know if there's anything I can do, unofficially of course."

"Yes sir, thank you sir."

"Dismissed."

/-/-/-/

Harm's Office

Harm headed towards Mac's office but Jen cut him off before he reached it.

"Colonel MacKenzie has gone for the day, sir," she said brightly. "Something you needed?"

"No, it's fine," replied Harm and returned to his office.

He picked up the phone three times to dial Mac's cell but each time he stopped dialling half way and hung up.

"Forgotten the number or how the telephone works, Harm?" asked Sturgis from the doorway.

"Oh, huh? No, neither," he answered distracted.

"Everything alright, Harm, you look worried?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

"What's fine?"

"Everything."

"Are you sure? Is there something I can help you with, Harm?"

"No, no – it's something I need to do myself, thanks for the offer though."

"Anytime buddy, but if you change your mind…"

"Yeah, thanks, you'll be the first to know."

"Will we see you tomorrow at the Roberts?"

"Ah, probably not, something's come up – which reminds me, I must call Harriet." Harm picked up the phone to dial.

"I'll let you be then, Harm – are you sure everything's okay?"

Harm nodded but Sturgis was unconvinced.

"Hi Harriet," was the last thing Sturgis heard as he departed.

"Harriet, I'm sorry but I don't think I'll get there for lunch tomorrow, something's come up."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Harm. Can I ask what it is that's so important to keep you busy on Thanksgiving?"

"I'm not really at liberty to discuss it at the moment."

"Is it work or personal?" Harriet was never afraid to ask what she wanted.

"Both actually – the General wants me to sort something out."

"Has this got anything to do with Mac?"

"Why do you ask, Harriet?"

"I…oh, maybe I shouldn't."

"Harriet," Harm said sternly. "Why do you ask?"

"I had a very strange phone call from Mac this morning."

"About? I mean, what was strange about it?"

"I couldn't really pinpoint it, Harm – something just didn't sit right, do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah," he replied, he'd had the same feeling earlier.

"Harm, do you know what's going on with her?"

"No, not at the moment."

"Is Mac the reason you're missing Thanksgiving?"

"Yes," Harm answered truthfully.

"Then that's okay. If there's anything Bud and I can do just let us know."

"Will do."

Harm replaced the receiver, three offers of help and as yet he had no idea as to what he was going to do.

/-/-/-/

Mac's Apartment

1956

Mac arrived home and headed straight to the bathroom, it had been a long while since she had had the time to soak in the tub and she wasn't going to waste it. She ran the water and added her special combination of essential oils and bubble bath. She lit a few candles and carefully stepped into it. She placed a bath pillow at one end then slowly laid back. Feeling the soothing waters encircling her Mac closed her eyes and exhaled.

Her solitude lasted little more than a minute. At first it was a persistent knock on her apartment door that she ignored. Then she heard a key turn in the lock and she figured it would be Harm, she'd had half an idea that he'd be by.

Harm called out to her but Mac didn't answer, perhaps he wouldn't check the bathroom and just assume she was out, she thought to herself. It was the last room he checked.

"Hi Mac," he said coming into the dimly lit room.

"Hi," she replied without opening her eyes.

"Did you hear me calling you?"

"I did."

"Why didn't you answer?"

"I didn't want to be interrupted."

"Do you want me to go?"

"Would you go if I said yes?" she asked looking at him.

"No, I wouldn't."

"Then stay," she closed her eyes again.

Harm stood there a while longer in silence.

"Are you planning on watching me all night?" Mac finally asked.

"Yes."

"Well, you'd better sit down then." Harm sat on a small stool in the corner of the bathroom and leant back against the wall. He watched her intently, thinking for the millionth time since he'd met her just how beautiful she was. He was surprised at how calm she appeared given the circumstances and the fact that he was sitting there.

After what seemed like an interminably long time to Harm, Mac opened her eyes and looked at him, eventually she smiled but said nothing.

"So Mac," Harm finally ventured. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Nothing comes to mind."

"Oh, okay," Harm said, his eyes not leaving hers.

"Anything you want to talk about, Flyboy?" she asked quietly.

"Ah, yeah."

"And what would that be?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"Why aren't you going to the Roberts" for lunch tomorrow?"

"Um, the truth?"

"Always."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Oh, lots of reasons."

"Like…?"

"None that I really want to talk about."

"They'll miss having you there."

"Hmmm, what about you? Will you miss having me there?" she asked looking directly at him.

"No."

"Oh."

"I won't miss you because I won't be there."

"Where will you be?"

"Right here with you."

"Oh," she said closing her eyes, thinking that would be his answer.

Eventually Harm gave Mac the privacy she needed to get out of the bath and put her pyjamas on. Before long she joined him in the kitchen as he was making two cups of tea. She sat at the table and he brought the cups over and sat next to her. He pushed the cup towards her and smiled.

The silence continued. Harm had a thousand questions he wanted to ask but knew Mac wouldn't answer them. So for the time being he had to be content with being near her. When Mac finished her tea she stood to put her cup in the sink. "You're very quiet tonight," she commented, picking up his cup.

"So are you."

"Hmm," she agreed.

Mac went into the living room and sat cross legged on the armchair, Harm sat on the sofa. The room was only lit by the floor lamp yet Harm could make out every detail of her face.

"It's going to be a very long night if you just sit there and watch me, Harm," Mac finally said. Harm just shrugged his shoulders, he didn't care. "Surely there's something we could talk about, isn't there?"

"You don't want to talk about the topics I'm interested in," he replied.

"What are you interested in?" Mac knew it was a redundant question.

"You," he answered quietly.

"What do you want to know, Harm?" Mac finally conceded.

"Everything."

"That's a lot."

"I've got all night."

"I don't know where to start."

"Why did you do it?"

"I couldn't see another way out."

"Sarah, explain it to me from the beginning, please." Mac smiled, she loved it when he called her Sarah, she just couldn't remember the last time he had.

"About six months ago I had a call from Davis McGrath offering me a job down in Houston. He had been the civilian counsel engaged in the Gillespie trial and was apparently impressed with my work."

"But you said no, right?"

"Right, I wasn't looking for civilian practise then and I certainly wasn't keen on going to Texas."

"And has that changed, Mac?"

"Yeah, it has."

"How come we haven't discussed it?"

"We haven't discussed a lot in recent times, Harm."

"It has been really busy."

"Yeah, I noticed that."

"But Mac, this is big! I mean, leaving JAG, leaving the corps, leaving m…" his voice trailed off.

"Leaving me, is that what you were going to say?"

His nod was barely noticeable.

"Harm, my life has been like a chess game, lots of plots and strategising but in the end someone else was always in control. I finally came to the realisation that enough was enough. I no longer wanted to play the game, I wanted something else. So, I made a list of the positives and the negatives and was surprised at just how many more positive than negative things there were for such a change," Mac said, fiddling with the button on her top.

"Things like?"

"Oh, just lots of things."

"So, this is it – you're going into civilian practise with Davis McGrath in Houston?"

"No."

"Then what?

"Then nothing."

Harm moved to the edge of the sofa. "I don't understand, Sarah. The General has your resignation on his desk effective almost immediately. What are you planning on doing?"

"Nothing."

"You're not going to be doing anything?"

"That's right."

"How will you manage?"

"I just will."

"Mac," Harm shook his head but clarity didn't come. "Let me get this straight, you made a list of positives and negatives."

"Right."

"And positives won."

"Right."

"A list about the virtues of leaving JAG."

"Wrong."

"About going into civilian practice?"

"Wrong."

"About resigning your commission?"

"Uh uh."

Harm was exasperated, Mac was so calm and controlled, obviously content with the decision she'd made and he was at his wits end trying to figure out why on earth she'd done it. Finally the answer came to him.

"Mac, can I see the list?"

She bit her bottom lip and tilted her head. Could he see the list? Should he see the list?

"Please," he added as the mantle clock struck midnight.

"I guess," she said getting up to retrieve it from her bedroom. "Happy Thanksgiving," she said, kissing his head as she walked past.

Harm waited anxiously for her return but when several minutes had elapsed and she hadn't returned he went to the bedroom. "Can't you find..." he began before seeing her sitting on the edge of the bed, paper in hand. She waved it at him.

"Can I see it?"

Mac took a deep breath and handed it to him. Harm quickly scanned the page and noted that there were at least 30 items on the positive side whilst only two sat in the negative. He flicked on the bedside lamp so he could read it.

Tears came to his eyes immediately as he read the title "Loving Harmon Rabb Junior". The positives included his longstanding friendship, compassion, loyalty, humour, dedication and persistence. It extolled virtues that Harm didn't know he had. He had to smile when he noted a positive midway down the list that read incredibly sexy. Then he crossed to the negative side and two lonely entries screamed out at him, leaving JAG, leaving the corps.

Harm's tears spilt over.

Mac sat quietly. "Harm, I can't wait another decade for you, I can't even wait another year. I don't want to spend another Thanksgiving saying how thankful I am for your friendship when all I want is your love. I don't want to spend another Christmas hoping Santa puts you in my stocking or another New Year's resolving to tell you how I feel or another birthday blowing out the candles to the same old wish – you! I'm tired of the games, it's over. Harmon, I love you, I have done so for so very long, the reasons why can escape me from time to time but they're all there in black and white. I'm resigning because as much as JAG and the Marines means to me, you mean more. I love you more than I ever thought possible. I have no plans after I resign because it revolves around this simple question: Are you in love with me?" Harm went to speak but Mac put her finger to his lips, she didn't want an answer yet.

"If you love me then this is where our lives begin as one. If you don't, then at least I know and I can make a fresh start. Now do you understand, Harm?"

He nodded but said nothing. The minutes passed and Mac didn't know whether this was a good sign or not. Finally he sat down beside her and took her hand in his. He took several slow, deliberate breaths.

"Sarah," he said quietly. "Now seems to be the best time to tell you this." He reached into his pocket then knelt down before her. "Sarah, I am in love with you. I have been for so long that I can't remember not loving you. You have brought so much joy into my life and I have been a fool for never letting you know it."

He opened up a small blue box that had seen better days. "Sarah, my father proposed to the love of his life with this ring and I will do the same. I have carried it around for a long time now, hoping it would give me the courage to tell you what I desperately wanted to, but it never did."

Harm took the ring out and gazed into her eyes. "Mac, I agree, this is the end of all the games and the start of something else. Sarah MacKenzie, please marry me?" Mac nodded and he slipped the ring onto her finger.

Mac lifted his chin and kissed him passionately, Harm responded likewise. She pulled him onto the bed with her. They rolled on the bed and kissed several times before Mac stopped him.

"Harm," she said breathlessly. "Do you want a long engagement?"

"No, not unless you want one," he replied nuzzling her neck.

"Good," she said sitting up.

"Why?" Harm asked.

"Because I think we should wait before …taking this any further."

"What?" Harm was stunned. "Why?"

"Well, we've waited nine years, what's another month?"

"It's another 30 days of sheer torture."

"It will make the wedding night even better," Mac smiled at him.

"But Mac, a month is Christmas. We won't be able to be married then, everything will be booked out."

"I'll tell you what, Flyboy," she said, leaning over to kiss him. "If we can't get married before December 25th, then I promise you on Christmas morning you'll find me in your stocking wearing nothing but a bow."

Harm let out a deep sigh – finally they had declared their love, they had stopped the games and had become engaged and he still had to wait to show her just how much he loved her.

"One month – alright," he finally conceded. He was sure he could manage it – but only just.

"Be thankful for small mercies, Harm, I could have said I wanted to be a June bride," Mac laughed.

Harm smiled and kissed her. That was only one of the many things Harm now had to be thankful for.