Voo-Doom
The natives of planet Cagilan watched in confusion as a purple vehicle landed in the town square. They all jumped a bit as the top of it opened up, a short green being hopped out of it, then an even shorter silver one peeked its head out and giggled.
"Who are you?" One of the braver Cagiliians asked in a French-like accent, stepping forward. The green being lunged in front of him and waggled a fist.
"I am ZIM!" It yelled. "I've come to learn more about this planet. You will tell me all I want to know."
The leader of the town made his way through the crowd. "Velcome! You are Irken, no? We 'ave 'eard much of you Irkens!"
Zim nodded and plucked GIR from the Voot Cruiser. "This is planet Cagilan, isn't it?"
"Wi wi!"
"I'll take that as a yes." Zim said, quirking a brow. "I've been studying this planet for some time, and I can't help but wonder why the Irken Armada hasn't taken it over yet. Tell me about your defenses!"
The leader nodded and motioned for him to follow. The Irken grabbed GIR by the arm and followed the dark skinned Cagiliian into some sort of shack.
"It ees called 'Voo Doo'." The leader said with a mystic air in his tone.
"Voo doo? I've never heard of this weapon."
"But of course, sir. You see, ve make a doll look-alike of our victim, take something that belongs to z'em and put it on z'e doll, z'en ve use it against z'em. It is an ancient mastery vhich hass been spread throughout our planet, and for some reason zee Earth. One of our voo doo masters was taking a little holiday z'ere, and he vass eaten alive after being tortured and giving away the secrets of our magic. Sad, no?"
"Terrible. How do you use this magic?!"
"Oh no, sir, I cannot tell you. It is a secret of my people."
Annoyed, Zim pulled out a laser type pistol and held it right in the Cagiliian's face. "Tell me."
GIR giggled. "I made pizza with that once! It tasted funny!"
"Oh, of course! 'Ow silly of me!" And with that, he told Zim all about voo doo and how to use it. He even gave the uniform clad sadist a large book that would help him learn everything he wanted to know about the ancient practice of Voo Doo.
You can kind of tell what's going to happen here. I mean, who does Zim hate most? Yes, that's right. Zim was going to use this new found form of torture on his mortal foe, Dib. But, first he had to get something that belonged to him…
(A/N: I have to stop now because computer class is almost over. Plus, it's Friday, so I won't be able to work on this until Monday. You are saddened, no?)
----
The blue and green clad house was easy enough to pick out from the rest. Zim made his way around to the back and rose up onto his robot spider-like legs to reach Dib's window. Almost silently, he raised the window open and slipped inside. Dib was asleep, clinging to his pillow as if for dear life and mumbling something about 'watch-stealing baboon people'.
Zim's zipper-like teeth spread into a wicked grin. Sure, he could destroy the boy right now, but where was the fun in that? Torture is most amusing. He made his way around to the right side of Dib's bed and carefully hovered over him, then reached down and plucked a hair from the scythe on his head. Dib jumped barely, then turned away, still asleep.
----
Back in Zim's lair, maniacal laughter spread throughout the underground labs. His computer had just created a perfect little Dib plushie, which had the stolen strand planted inside it and evil written all over as it sat innocently upon the lab table, not knowing what wickedness was in store. (Not literally written, but you get what I mean.)
----
Skool was its usual self that day. Dib arrived late; his excuse of 'Nearly being eaten alive by the zombie custodian' was enough to keep Ms. Bitters off his back. He took his seat beside the window and drifted off into space while Ms. Bitters droned on about getting lost in the catacombs and your flesh being eaten by rats. You know…the usual.
There was something different, though. Something he just couldn't put his finger on. He turned; Zim was watching him as if he were a radio-active Birkenstock or something else that you would stare at for a long time. Dib quirked a brow and looked away. 'Zim has definitely lost it…' He thought.
(A/N: I'm wearing Birkenstocks. They feel good.)
A few hours later, the lunch bell rang and the class filed out for the hideous torture chamber that was (dun dun dun) the skool cafeteria. On today's menu we have mustard and Lima beans with ancient milk and fuzzy pudding.
(A/N: Can you tell I'm writing this while I'm *at* skool? Yes, I've grown amazingly bored. Suffer from my boredom, you shall. Ack! I'm talking like Yoda!)
Zim set himself down at a table across from his human enemy, who was sitting beside his sister with his head lying on his arms. The Irken soldier smirked at this, Dib had a headache. This only proved that he'd made a voodoo doll correctly, and poking it in the back of the head with a pencil was actually working on its human likeness.
----
"Gaz, do I look pale to you?" Dib asked his younger sibling, turning to look at her. This was a rather idiotic question, as Dib always looks pale.
"Duh, you only go outside to hunt Bigfoot. You're as pale as I am, now shut up. The RoboMogo shall feel my wrath!" The girl answered, raising her gaming console up closer to her eyes, which were seemingly closed but she was seeing well enough to be winning the game.
"Thanks…" He sighed, closing his eyes to escape the annoying fluorescent lighting. 'I feel sick…' The boy thought. 'And it just won't go away. My head is killing me.'
----
At this moment, Zim had found himself a paperclip lying in the floor as if waiting for him to turn it into an instrument of torture. He bent the clip back until it snapped in two, leaving a nice, metallic point on each end. An evil grin spread over his green face as he held the plushie up by the table, no one could see it but him, and stabbed the broken paperclip into its tummy.
(A/N: Skool computers freeze a lot...)
----
Gaz paused her gaming to turn and watch her brother writhing on the floor with his arms clutched around his waist. She quirked a brow at him, looking amused and annoyed at the same time. (Something only Gaz can do.) "What're you doing?"
"Agh! I don't know! All of the sudden it feels like someone is stabbing me in my guts!" Dib cried, sitting up with his arms still over his middle.
"Maybe they should be, you look like an idiot."
"Gaz! This is serious!"
"Yeah, you seriously look like an idiot."
The boy pulled himself up into his seat in front of the cafeteria table and moaned in pain, not really bothering to say anything to change her mind as his attention was set on his own well being at the moment.
----
Zim giggled evilly to himself, pressing the clip deeper and harder into the doll. His lavender eyes flickered wickedly, being the sadistic little weirdo he was. Torture must be like baseball for this guy.
(A/N: Zim playing baseball. O_o;)
----
"Jeez, if it's that bad then go home." Gaz muttered as she watched Dib crush his milk carton in his hand. He nodded slightly, dropping the cardboard container onto the table with small droplets of whatever sad excuse for milk the skool provided dripping onto the table from his hand.
"Alright, Gaz…"
----
With a quick look at his victim's status, Zim yanked the paperclip away from the plushie. He looked up and watched Dib, who was on his way to the door, stop dead in his tracks. The boy blinked confusedly and looked down as if expecting to see some solution to his sudden wellness.
"What the…?"
Zim grinned maliciously. 'Humans,' he thought. 'synonymous with fools! It is so entertaining and simple to confuse them.' With this he let out a low giggle to himself and shoved the plushie back inside the Irken pod on his back. Then, he propped his head on his hand upon the table and watched Dib as he slowly walked back to his sister and sat back down.
----
"That was weird. All of the sudden I felt fine. You think this could be some new syndrome, Gaz? Maybe I'm the first person to get it and they'll name it after me. Dib-syndrome. No, that sounds weird…"
"Shut up."
----
(A/N: Yesterday I wore panty hose on my hands all day…)
Class went by slower than usual that afternoon; Miss Bitters sat at her desk, repeatedly tearing up little paper dolls of her past students, all of which had amounted to becoming something like a fast food employee or a Nickelodeon worker.
(A/N: For all you fast food employees out there, don't be offended! Nickelodeon workers are lower than you! Lower than…lower stuff that is low like some idiotic low thing that's all…low!! … Some girl just fell over in my Computer Applications class. She go –thump- and then she giggled. O_o;)
Dib nearly fell asleep while he stared off into space, pretty much forgetting about his earlier ailments. There were more important things to worry about. Like aliens learning World Geography. He shot a narrowed glare over to Zim as he often did, only to be answered with an evil smile.
Lavender contact lenses upon wicked scarlet eyes, Zim stared right back at Dib, grinning his menacing Irken grin. (Sounds morbidly poetic, doesn't it?) Gloved hands clasped themselves together upon his desk, looking like a normal school boy. Except, you know, greener and without a nose or ears and missing some fingers and with a robotic backpack. But, no one besides Dib really noticed those things, so I guess it doesn't matter, does it?
'Zim is acting weirder than usual today,' Dib thought, turning away. 'Almost as if he were up to something other than taking over the planet.'
Suddenly, Zim stood up on his desk and began waving his arms frantically. Miss Bitters looked over at him and growled, "What is it, Zim?"
The insane Irken dropped his arms, "I need to go to the restroom, my tiny human bladder has reached its bursting point!" He then pointed to his chest in reference to his 'tiny human bladder'. Anatomy master, eh?
"Go on," Miss Bitters replied, simply throwing the hall pass at him before returning to her destruction of the paper students.
Zim pulled the explosive necklace of a hall pass on and skipped merrily out of the room, making sure to shoot Dib a quick glance before he shut the door and ran off to the bathroom.
----
(A/N: Ugh, I'm not having a good day today. Me belly hurts! Plus it's homecoming or whatever. All the preps are bouncing around with face paint on. It scares me.)
Only a few moments after Zim had been gone, Dib began to feel a weird sensation in his legs. He looked down to find that they were swinging above the ground, by themselves! The boy gasped and tried to get them to stop, but they just kept swinging as if he were a bored child on the end of a pier. 'What's going on here?!' he thought.
Without warning, his right arm shot up in the air and started waving. He tried desperately to pull it back down with his left arm, but it was as if it were tied to an invisible rope that hung from the ceiling.
"What is it, Dib?" He heard Miss Bitters drawl, though she didn't even bother to look up from her seemingly sadistic activities.
"N-Nothing." Dib replied, now pulling with his whole body to get his possessed limb back down.
"Then put your arm down."
"I'm trying!"
The rest of the class had now turned to look at him, a few mutters of 'Man, he's nuts!' and 'What a weirdo.' made their way through the air.
The boy suddenly fell right out of his desk and ran right into the wall with a yelp.
"Dib, what are you doing?" His evil teacher growled, now looming over him as if she had just appeared.
"I don't know!"
"Well, stop it. You're getting on my nerves."
"I wish I could, but I – OW!" He ran into the wall again; the entire classroom burst into laughter. The angry teacher grabbed the boy up by his coat and watched his legs kick in mid-air, as if he were running.
"You're really pushing it, boy."
Just then, he stopped. His legs stopped kicking and his arm dropped to his side as if a string had been cut.
"Humph, that's better." Miss Bitters growled once more and dropped him into his desk, then went back again to her paper doll fun, now with a cigarette lighter. (Fun fun fun!)
Dib gaped at his hands, completely confounded. What had just happened here? It was almost as weird as the sudden gut pains during lunch. Something strange was going on and he had to find out before it got worse.
The door popped open a moment later and in walked Zim, grinning broadly for no apparent reason as he handed Miss Bitters the hall pass and sat back down. He seemed awfully giddy about something; something evil, no doubt. And we know what it is, don't we? Yes, we are well informed. Too bad Dib isn't.
(A/N: I was on vacation for a week. It was…awful. I missed my compy-doos sooo much!)
----
The skool bell rang later that day and all of the children filed out of the classrooms, some even hopping through the windows and crawling out of the air vents. Dib and Zim both took the 'normal' way out of the skool by walking down the hallways, one on each side of the corridor and pretending not to notice the other. But, for some odd reason, Zim was grinning merrily as he walked and this made Dib wonder if the short Irken had finally lost what sanity he possessed.
Normally Zim would be so relieved to be leaving the wretched torture chamber, a.k.a. skool, and would have that exhausted angry look on his face. But no, he looked really happy for some reason. You'd think that if he weren't walking in his usual Irken march, he might even be skipping along the hallways.
(A/N: You know, you people are probably wondering why most of this story is all one chapter. That's because I'm writing it in my spare time during Computer Applications and we're not allowed to use the internet unless we ask, and I'm not going to waste my entire afternoon uploading chapters and getting myself in trouble. I like typing really fast. That's a bit off the subject, I know, but it must be said! Prepare for some DOOM!)
Since he was walking on his left side of the hallway, and you're normally supposed to walk on the right, Zim kept running into people. But, he didn't dare cross to the other side near Dib; his ego just wouldn't allow it. Dib was actually enjoying seeing his enemy run repeatedly into the children who were walking on the correct side of the hallway.
At this moment, a certain Torque Smackey was making his way to his locker, and a particular green outcast was standing in his way. Irken and human collided as each of them rounded the corner, and Zim was knocked onto his back, the Irken pod he wore hit against the ground and popped open momentarily.
Dib had stopped to watch this beautiful moment, hoping Zim might be trampled by the myriad of idiotic skool children, but was surprised to see a little black object fall out of Zim's back-pod. With a quirked brow, he bent down and picked it up, then gasped in shock. Zim stood up and brushed himself off before he walked over to Dib and snatched the doll back from him.
"What…what is that?!" Dib cried, pointing at Zim's hand which held the doll.
"Heh, yes, this. It's…a…uhm…," Zim couldn't think of an excuse, so he simply put the doll back in his PAK, coughed, and walked off down the hallway as fast as he could, leaving Dib dumbfounded in the middle of the crowd of kids.
----
Dib walked home by himself that day, Gaz had passed by him on her way, but she said he was walking too slowly for her; and he was. The boy was walking very slowly, looking down at the ground as he did so, and was completely lost in thought.
Why did Zim have a doll that looked exactly like him? What had happened to him during lunch? Why couldn't he control his own body during class? The more he thought about it, the more simple it sounded, but it sounded almost –too- simple, and yet so complex.
How would Zim get his hands on a voodoo doctor anyway? He probably didn't even know what voodoo was. Or…did he? Dib looked up with his eyes widened. Of course! Why didn't he see it before? Zim –was- using voodoo on him! He'd probably kidnapped a witch doctor from some foreign country and then used the man's power against Dib.
"I've got stop him," The boy said, clenching his fists in determination, then broke into a run for the local Irken fort there in town. That is, until one of his boots disappeared and he stepped on a rock, "OW! What the-?!" He looked down at his bare, right foot, then his left eye twitched as he realized what might be happening. "He's trying to make a fool out of me by turning me into a flasher…?"
----
This wasn't the case at all, actually, as you'll soon see. Zim had simply let GIR play with the new Dib dolly and GIR wanted to play dress up; but the only thing he could get off of the doll was the shoes.
"Aww," The little robot whined, "He not gonna fit in his dressy with that coat on!" With that he gave the mini-trench coat another tug and was able to rip it off, "Yay!"
----
Dib let off a small yelp as he felt himself being pulled backwards, then his coat simply disappeared, "Oh, jeez! I'd better hurry!" Both of his boots had already vanished, making it a bit more difficult to run on the filthy city sidewalk, but he'd manage.
----
"Lemme get these off," GIR giggled, snatching the small, plastic spectacles off the doll.
----
The boy didn't even see the telephone pole coming; literally, he didn't. As he was running, Dib's glasses suddenly vanished and he ran right into a wooden phone pole, then was knocked back violently, "Oww…"
----
"Nah, he look funny without them," The idiotic-android then set the glasses back on the doll, giggling with glee about what a good job he'd done.
----
With his vision returned, Dib stood up and made his way to Zim's yard; the usual field of homicidal lawn gnomes waiting for him. This was probably a time for his 'ninja' skills (as seen in 'NanoZim'), though, it'd be a bit difficult without his boots on. He held his arms so he'd be able to keep good balance when the gnomes attacked, and walked slowly into the décor-battleground.
The first gnome on his right turned and began to glower with red eyes, Dib hopped into the air just as it fired a laser at him and landed in the middle of the yard. Each gnome turned their attention to him, all of their eyes now glowering as the lasers in their heads warmed up.
Almost…almost…Now!
Four lasers fired at him at once, Dib crouched down to avoid the imminent doom and felt the heat of the four explosions around him at once. The gnomes had destroyed each other.
(A/N: Sorry, I needed an action sequence. This is pretty much the first one I've ever written with Dib in it.)
----
The only reason it was so easy for him to do this was because GIR had entered the kitchen to get himself some pudding. After gobbling down at least four pints of the messy, chocolate concoction, he wiped the pudding residue from his metallic cheeks and hopped into the living room to play with his new toy some more. That's when he looked up and saw the smoke.
"Ooh, something's on fire…Neat-o!" The robot giggled, standing up on the couch to see out the window better. "Wow, dolly got big! Wait…" GIR turned and looked at the still-tiny voodoo doll sitting on the couch. "It's a life-sized dolly! Master wuvs me!"
The little robot obviously thought that Zim had gotten him the life-sized version of the 'Dib dolly' for a present of some sort. This was a rather amusing assumption, if you think about it, because Zim isn't really the gift-giving type; unless you count the eyeball-stealing present he gave to Keef, but us insanely devoted fans know how that turned out, don't we?
----
Dib stood up and looked over the smoking rubble that was now Zim's lawn. He couldn't help but smile, those gnomes were rather violent and they'd beaten him up in the past; now he'd finally gotten some form of revenge, in a way.
(Subliminal message: Read 'The House of Madness'!)
Just then, the front door of the base flew open and GIR came running out, yelling at the top of his lungs, "DOLLY DOLLY DOLLY!"
The robot gave a squeal and tackled Dib to the ground, the boy letting out a, "Nyah!" of surprise.
(Note: I finally got this up after I've been writing it for over three months, but I probably won't update it for a long time. Even then, it'll be revised.)
The natives of planet Cagilan watched in confusion as a purple vehicle landed in the town square. They all jumped a bit as the top of it opened up, a short green being hopped out of it, then an even shorter silver one peeked its head out and giggled.
"Who are you?" One of the braver Cagiliians asked in a French-like accent, stepping forward. The green being lunged in front of him and waggled a fist.
"I am ZIM!" It yelled. "I've come to learn more about this planet. You will tell me all I want to know."
The leader of the town made his way through the crowd. "Velcome! You are Irken, no? We 'ave 'eard much of you Irkens!"
Zim nodded and plucked GIR from the Voot Cruiser. "This is planet Cagilan, isn't it?"
"Wi wi!"
"I'll take that as a yes." Zim said, quirking a brow. "I've been studying this planet for some time, and I can't help but wonder why the Irken Armada hasn't taken it over yet. Tell me about your defenses!"
The leader nodded and motioned for him to follow. The Irken grabbed GIR by the arm and followed the dark skinned Cagiliian into some sort of shack.
"It ees called 'Voo Doo'." The leader said with a mystic air in his tone.
"Voo doo? I've never heard of this weapon."
"But of course, sir. You see, ve make a doll look-alike of our victim, take something that belongs to z'em and put it on z'e doll, z'en ve use it against z'em. It is an ancient mastery vhich hass been spread throughout our planet, and for some reason zee Earth. One of our voo doo masters was taking a little holiday z'ere, and he vass eaten alive after being tortured and giving away the secrets of our magic. Sad, no?"
"Terrible. How do you use this magic?!"
"Oh no, sir, I cannot tell you. It is a secret of my people."
Annoyed, Zim pulled out a laser type pistol and held it right in the Cagiliian's face. "Tell me."
GIR giggled. "I made pizza with that once! It tasted funny!"
"Oh, of course! 'Ow silly of me!" And with that, he told Zim all about voo doo and how to use it. He even gave the uniform clad sadist a large book that would help him learn everything he wanted to know about the ancient practice of Voo Doo.
You can kind of tell what's going to happen here. I mean, who does Zim hate most? Yes, that's right. Zim was going to use this new found form of torture on his mortal foe, Dib. But, first he had to get something that belonged to him…
(A/N: I have to stop now because computer class is almost over. Plus, it's Friday, so I won't be able to work on this until Monday. You are saddened, no?)
----
The blue and green clad house was easy enough to pick out from the rest. Zim made his way around to the back and rose up onto his robot spider-like legs to reach Dib's window. Almost silently, he raised the window open and slipped inside. Dib was asleep, clinging to his pillow as if for dear life and mumbling something about 'watch-stealing baboon people'.
Zim's zipper-like teeth spread into a wicked grin. Sure, he could destroy the boy right now, but where was the fun in that? Torture is most amusing. He made his way around to the right side of Dib's bed and carefully hovered over him, then reached down and plucked a hair from the scythe on his head. Dib jumped barely, then turned away, still asleep.
----
Back in Zim's lair, maniacal laughter spread throughout the underground labs. His computer had just created a perfect little Dib plushie, which had the stolen strand planted inside it and evil written all over as it sat innocently upon the lab table, not knowing what wickedness was in store. (Not literally written, but you get what I mean.)
----
Skool was its usual self that day. Dib arrived late; his excuse of 'Nearly being eaten alive by the zombie custodian' was enough to keep Ms. Bitters off his back. He took his seat beside the window and drifted off into space while Ms. Bitters droned on about getting lost in the catacombs and your flesh being eaten by rats. You know…the usual.
There was something different, though. Something he just couldn't put his finger on. He turned; Zim was watching him as if he were a radio-active Birkenstock or something else that you would stare at for a long time. Dib quirked a brow and looked away. 'Zim has definitely lost it…' He thought.
(A/N: I'm wearing Birkenstocks. They feel good.)
A few hours later, the lunch bell rang and the class filed out for the hideous torture chamber that was (dun dun dun) the skool cafeteria. On today's menu we have mustard and Lima beans with ancient milk and fuzzy pudding.
(A/N: Can you tell I'm writing this while I'm *at* skool? Yes, I've grown amazingly bored. Suffer from my boredom, you shall. Ack! I'm talking like Yoda!)
Zim set himself down at a table across from his human enemy, who was sitting beside his sister with his head lying on his arms. The Irken soldier smirked at this, Dib had a headache. This only proved that he'd made a voodoo doll correctly, and poking it in the back of the head with a pencil was actually working on its human likeness.
----
"Gaz, do I look pale to you?" Dib asked his younger sibling, turning to look at her. This was a rather idiotic question, as Dib always looks pale.
"Duh, you only go outside to hunt Bigfoot. You're as pale as I am, now shut up. The RoboMogo shall feel my wrath!" The girl answered, raising her gaming console up closer to her eyes, which were seemingly closed but she was seeing well enough to be winning the game.
"Thanks…" He sighed, closing his eyes to escape the annoying fluorescent lighting. 'I feel sick…' The boy thought. 'And it just won't go away. My head is killing me.'
----
At this moment, Zim had found himself a paperclip lying in the floor as if waiting for him to turn it into an instrument of torture. He bent the clip back until it snapped in two, leaving a nice, metallic point on each end. An evil grin spread over his green face as he held the plushie up by the table, no one could see it but him, and stabbed the broken paperclip into its tummy.
(A/N: Skool computers freeze a lot...)
----
Gaz paused her gaming to turn and watch her brother writhing on the floor with his arms clutched around his waist. She quirked a brow at him, looking amused and annoyed at the same time. (Something only Gaz can do.) "What're you doing?"
"Agh! I don't know! All of the sudden it feels like someone is stabbing me in my guts!" Dib cried, sitting up with his arms still over his middle.
"Maybe they should be, you look like an idiot."
"Gaz! This is serious!"
"Yeah, you seriously look like an idiot."
The boy pulled himself up into his seat in front of the cafeteria table and moaned in pain, not really bothering to say anything to change her mind as his attention was set on his own well being at the moment.
----
Zim giggled evilly to himself, pressing the clip deeper and harder into the doll. His lavender eyes flickered wickedly, being the sadistic little weirdo he was. Torture must be like baseball for this guy.
(A/N: Zim playing baseball. O_o;)
----
"Jeez, if it's that bad then go home." Gaz muttered as she watched Dib crush his milk carton in his hand. He nodded slightly, dropping the cardboard container onto the table with small droplets of whatever sad excuse for milk the skool provided dripping onto the table from his hand.
"Alright, Gaz…"
----
With a quick look at his victim's status, Zim yanked the paperclip away from the plushie. He looked up and watched Dib, who was on his way to the door, stop dead in his tracks. The boy blinked confusedly and looked down as if expecting to see some solution to his sudden wellness.
"What the…?"
Zim grinned maliciously. 'Humans,' he thought. 'synonymous with fools! It is so entertaining and simple to confuse them.' With this he let out a low giggle to himself and shoved the plushie back inside the Irken pod on his back. Then, he propped his head on his hand upon the table and watched Dib as he slowly walked back to his sister and sat back down.
----
"That was weird. All of the sudden I felt fine. You think this could be some new syndrome, Gaz? Maybe I'm the first person to get it and they'll name it after me. Dib-syndrome. No, that sounds weird…"
"Shut up."
----
(A/N: Yesterday I wore panty hose on my hands all day…)
Class went by slower than usual that afternoon; Miss Bitters sat at her desk, repeatedly tearing up little paper dolls of her past students, all of which had amounted to becoming something like a fast food employee or a Nickelodeon worker.
(A/N: For all you fast food employees out there, don't be offended! Nickelodeon workers are lower than you! Lower than…lower stuff that is low like some idiotic low thing that's all…low!! … Some girl just fell over in my Computer Applications class. She go –thump- and then she giggled. O_o;)
Dib nearly fell asleep while he stared off into space, pretty much forgetting about his earlier ailments. There were more important things to worry about. Like aliens learning World Geography. He shot a narrowed glare over to Zim as he often did, only to be answered with an evil smile.
Lavender contact lenses upon wicked scarlet eyes, Zim stared right back at Dib, grinning his menacing Irken grin. (Sounds morbidly poetic, doesn't it?) Gloved hands clasped themselves together upon his desk, looking like a normal school boy. Except, you know, greener and without a nose or ears and missing some fingers and with a robotic backpack. But, no one besides Dib really noticed those things, so I guess it doesn't matter, does it?
'Zim is acting weirder than usual today,' Dib thought, turning away. 'Almost as if he were up to something other than taking over the planet.'
Suddenly, Zim stood up on his desk and began waving his arms frantically. Miss Bitters looked over at him and growled, "What is it, Zim?"
The insane Irken dropped his arms, "I need to go to the restroom, my tiny human bladder has reached its bursting point!" He then pointed to his chest in reference to his 'tiny human bladder'. Anatomy master, eh?
"Go on," Miss Bitters replied, simply throwing the hall pass at him before returning to her destruction of the paper students.
Zim pulled the explosive necklace of a hall pass on and skipped merrily out of the room, making sure to shoot Dib a quick glance before he shut the door and ran off to the bathroom.
----
(A/N: Ugh, I'm not having a good day today. Me belly hurts! Plus it's homecoming or whatever. All the preps are bouncing around with face paint on. It scares me.)
Only a few moments after Zim had been gone, Dib began to feel a weird sensation in his legs. He looked down to find that they were swinging above the ground, by themselves! The boy gasped and tried to get them to stop, but they just kept swinging as if he were a bored child on the end of a pier. 'What's going on here?!' he thought.
Without warning, his right arm shot up in the air and started waving. He tried desperately to pull it back down with his left arm, but it was as if it were tied to an invisible rope that hung from the ceiling.
"What is it, Dib?" He heard Miss Bitters drawl, though she didn't even bother to look up from her seemingly sadistic activities.
"N-Nothing." Dib replied, now pulling with his whole body to get his possessed limb back down.
"Then put your arm down."
"I'm trying!"
The rest of the class had now turned to look at him, a few mutters of 'Man, he's nuts!' and 'What a weirdo.' made their way through the air.
The boy suddenly fell right out of his desk and ran right into the wall with a yelp.
"Dib, what are you doing?" His evil teacher growled, now looming over him as if she had just appeared.
"I don't know!"
"Well, stop it. You're getting on my nerves."
"I wish I could, but I – OW!" He ran into the wall again; the entire classroom burst into laughter. The angry teacher grabbed the boy up by his coat and watched his legs kick in mid-air, as if he were running.
"You're really pushing it, boy."
Just then, he stopped. His legs stopped kicking and his arm dropped to his side as if a string had been cut.
"Humph, that's better." Miss Bitters growled once more and dropped him into his desk, then went back again to her paper doll fun, now with a cigarette lighter. (Fun fun fun!)
Dib gaped at his hands, completely confounded. What had just happened here? It was almost as weird as the sudden gut pains during lunch. Something strange was going on and he had to find out before it got worse.
The door popped open a moment later and in walked Zim, grinning broadly for no apparent reason as he handed Miss Bitters the hall pass and sat back down. He seemed awfully giddy about something; something evil, no doubt. And we know what it is, don't we? Yes, we are well informed. Too bad Dib isn't.
(A/N: I was on vacation for a week. It was…awful. I missed my compy-doos sooo much!)
----
The skool bell rang later that day and all of the children filed out of the classrooms, some even hopping through the windows and crawling out of the air vents. Dib and Zim both took the 'normal' way out of the skool by walking down the hallways, one on each side of the corridor and pretending not to notice the other. But, for some odd reason, Zim was grinning merrily as he walked and this made Dib wonder if the short Irken had finally lost what sanity he possessed.
Normally Zim would be so relieved to be leaving the wretched torture chamber, a.k.a. skool, and would have that exhausted angry look on his face. But no, he looked really happy for some reason. You'd think that if he weren't walking in his usual Irken march, he might even be skipping along the hallways.
(A/N: You know, you people are probably wondering why most of this story is all one chapter. That's because I'm writing it in my spare time during Computer Applications and we're not allowed to use the internet unless we ask, and I'm not going to waste my entire afternoon uploading chapters and getting myself in trouble. I like typing really fast. That's a bit off the subject, I know, but it must be said! Prepare for some DOOM!)
Since he was walking on his left side of the hallway, and you're normally supposed to walk on the right, Zim kept running into people. But, he didn't dare cross to the other side near Dib; his ego just wouldn't allow it. Dib was actually enjoying seeing his enemy run repeatedly into the children who were walking on the correct side of the hallway.
At this moment, a certain Torque Smackey was making his way to his locker, and a particular green outcast was standing in his way. Irken and human collided as each of them rounded the corner, and Zim was knocked onto his back, the Irken pod he wore hit against the ground and popped open momentarily.
Dib had stopped to watch this beautiful moment, hoping Zim might be trampled by the myriad of idiotic skool children, but was surprised to see a little black object fall out of Zim's back-pod. With a quirked brow, he bent down and picked it up, then gasped in shock. Zim stood up and brushed himself off before he walked over to Dib and snatched the doll back from him.
"What…what is that?!" Dib cried, pointing at Zim's hand which held the doll.
"Heh, yes, this. It's…a…uhm…," Zim couldn't think of an excuse, so he simply put the doll back in his PAK, coughed, and walked off down the hallway as fast as he could, leaving Dib dumbfounded in the middle of the crowd of kids.
----
Dib walked home by himself that day, Gaz had passed by him on her way, but she said he was walking too slowly for her; and he was. The boy was walking very slowly, looking down at the ground as he did so, and was completely lost in thought.
Why did Zim have a doll that looked exactly like him? What had happened to him during lunch? Why couldn't he control his own body during class? The more he thought about it, the more simple it sounded, but it sounded almost –too- simple, and yet so complex.
How would Zim get his hands on a voodoo doctor anyway? He probably didn't even know what voodoo was. Or…did he? Dib looked up with his eyes widened. Of course! Why didn't he see it before? Zim –was- using voodoo on him! He'd probably kidnapped a witch doctor from some foreign country and then used the man's power against Dib.
"I've got stop him," The boy said, clenching his fists in determination, then broke into a run for the local Irken fort there in town. That is, until one of his boots disappeared and he stepped on a rock, "OW! What the-?!" He looked down at his bare, right foot, then his left eye twitched as he realized what might be happening. "He's trying to make a fool out of me by turning me into a flasher…?"
----
This wasn't the case at all, actually, as you'll soon see. Zim had simply let GIR play with the new Dib dolly and GIR wanted to play dress up; but the only thing he could get off of the doll was the shoes.
"Aww," The little robot whined, "He not gonna fit in his dressy with that coat on!" With that he gave the mini-trench coat another tug and was able to rip it off, "Yay!"
----
Dib let off a small yelp as he felt himself being pulled backwards, then his coat simply disappeared, "Oh, jeez! I'd better hurry!" Both of his boots had already vanished, making it a bit more difficult to run on the filthy city sidewalk, but he'd manage.
----
"Lemme get these off," GIR giggled, snatching the small, plastic spectacles off the doll.
----
The boy didn't even see the telephone pole coming; literally, he didn't. As he was running, Dib's glasses suddenly vanished and he ran right into a wooden phone pole, then was knocked back violently, "Oww…"
----
"Nah, he look funny without them," The idiotic-android then set the glasses back on the doll, giggling with glee about what a good job he'd done.
----
With his vision returned, Dib stood up and made his way to Zim's yard; the usual field of homicidal lawn gnomes waiting for him. This was probably a time for his 'ninja' skills (as seen in 'NanoZim'), though, it'd be a bit difficult without his boots on. He held his arms so he'd be able to keep good balance when the gnomes attacked, and walked slowly into the décor-battleground.
The first gnome on his right turned and began to glower with red eyes, Dib hopped into the air just as it fired a laser at him and landed in the middle of the yard. Each gnome turned their attention to him, all of their eyes now glowering as the lasers in their heads warmed up.
Almost…almost…Now!
Four lasers fired at him at once, Dib crouched down to avoid the imminent doom and felt the heat of the four explosions around him at once. The gnomes had destroyed each other.
(A/N: Sorry, I needed an action sequence. This is pretty much the first one I've ever written with Dib in it.)
----
The only reason it was so easy for him to do this was because GIR had entered the kitchen to get himself some pudding. After gobbling down at least four pints of the messy, chocolate concoction, he wiped the pudding residue from his metallic cheeks and hopped into the living room to play with his new toy some more. That's when he looked up and saw the smoke.
"Ooh, something's on fire…Neat-o!" The robot giggled, standing up on the couch to see out the window better. "Wow, dolly got big! Wait…" GIR turned and looked at the still-tiny voodoo doll sitting on the couch. "It's a life-sized dolly! Master wuvs me!"
The little robot obviously thought that Zim had gotten him the life-sized version of the 'Dib dolly' for a present of some sort. This was a rather amusing assumption, if you think about it, because Zim isn't really the gift-giving type; unless you count the eyeball-stealing present he gave to Keef, but us insanely devoted fans know how that turned out, don't we?
----
Dib stood up and looked over the smoking rubble that was now Zim's lawn. He couldn't help but smile, those gnomes were rather violent and they'd beaten him up in the past; now he'd finally gotten some form of revenge, in a way.
(Subliminal message: Read 'The House of Madness'!)
Just then, the front door of the base flew open and GIR came running out, yelling at the top of his lungs, "DOLLY DOLLY DOLLY!"
The robot gave a squeal and tackled Dib to the ground, the boy letting out a, "Nyah!" of surprise.
(Note: I finally got this up after I've been writing it for over three months, but I probably won't update it for a long time. Even then, it'll be revised.)