TITLE: Two Silent Tears

AUTHOR: cosmo-queen

E-MAIL: kewljewelz115@hotmail.com

RATING: G

DISCLAIMER: Anything Alias related exists because genius burns for a man called JJ and co and so it rightfully belongs to him and not me. Sigh. So don't sue me because there's nothin' to gain! I wish I could come up with something that good though :) Perhaps one day I will, (I wish!) but for now, genius flickers so you'll have to make do with this :)

DISTRIBUTION: Please make sure you email me first otherwise I might cry :(

FEEDBACK: Be kind, be cruel, but make sure you review!!! Greatly appreciated!

SUMMARY: Sydney's POV as a little girl, getting ready to perform in a Christmas play.

TWO SILENT TEARS

It was two weeks before Christmas and we had just finished our final rehearsal for the annual school play. This year, my class was performing the story of the Nativity. I was Mary.

I remember when my teacher had told me that I had got the part. It was the first time since my mother's death that I cried not because of sadness or anger, but because I was happy.

No, I was overjoyed., euphoric. The past year had been the worst year of my life. My mother had been killed in a car accident and then my father abandoned me, leaving me in the care of a nanny. While I loved my nanny very much, she tried too hard to be a substitute for my parents.

I couldn't forgive my parents for ruining what had been such a perfect life.

I changed a lot this year and it affected my school life. I was no longer happy and bubbly, but angry and upset. After a while, my friends stopped talking to me and I became lost in my depressing thoughts.

The teachers never understood why my stories weren't about rainbows and flowers but about cold, freezing water. I heard them once discussing what a negative child I was and what an unhealthy attitude I had towards the world.

They were right. My outlook on the world changed when my mother died. I hated the world.

I don't know if the teachers chose me to play the lead role of Mary in the hope of making me happier or out of pity or if they just chose me randomly. But if they chose me because they wanted to make me happier, it worked.

During rehearsals, I began to talk to my friends again. I smiled. I laughed. I made jokes. I began to view the world in a more positive light and it worked wonders.

However, standing out here in the hall, listening to my friend's conversations about their plans for Christmas while waiting for my nanny to pick me up, I had to stop and reflect on my life. The atmosphere was merry but with each passing second, I felt more and more isolated from the warmth and joy that encompassed me.

Listening to everyone go on and on about how they were going to wake their parents up at six in the morning and then spend lunch with their grandparents and dinner with their aunts and uncles, I began to feel suffocated, and ran out of the hall, choking back on my tears.

My nanny kept asking me what was wrong but I didn't say anything because I knew I'd hurt her feelings if I told her what was really on my mind. Instead, I gazed out the window and looked at all the snow, all the Christmas decorations, all the children walking the streets, clinging to their mothers' hand and grinning stupid, sickening smiles at their fathers, who had just bought them the present that each child was begging Santa for.

When I got home, I told my nanny I wasn't feeling very well. I went into my room, closed the curtains and put on some Christmas carols really loudly so that my nanny wouldn't hear me crying myself to sleep.

The next night was performance night. I didn't forget any of my lines and played my part with passion. At least when I was acting, I could forget about me and become someone else. When the play finished, the audience stood up to applaud us. I saw my nanny at the front of the crowd. She was beaming at me.

As I got ready to bow, I scanned the audience and hoped to see my father's face lit up with pride and I hoped to hear my mother's distinctly loud clap.

But there was no father and there was no mother.

The curtains went down and as everyone went around congratulating themselves, I quickly walked off, shedding two silent tears. One for my mother. One for my father.

I had given the performance of my life and the two most important people in my life hadn't been there to see it. And it hurt like hell.