Through You
TITLE: "Through You"
AUTHOR: Elegy
FEEDBACK: Yes, please! (elegy1@voila.fr)
SPOILERS : This story takes place after the fourth season.
RATING: PG-13 for implied violence and some rude words.
DISCLAIMER: Faith, Buffy and all other characters belong to Joss Whedon, WB, etc. I own nothing, except for my passion for Faith.
NOTE: This is a sort of poem with Faith's POV about Buffy.
***
I'd like to stick this knife in your guts like you plunged it inside me
I'd like you to feel the blade penetrating you and freezing you
I'd like you to feel the time stop and your heart paralize
I'd like you to see in my eyes what I saw in your eyes
Treachery. Pain. Relief. Regret.
I'd like to see you falling down from this cursed roof
I'd like you to live these months of endless sleep
All this time lost for nothing, for him, for me
Because in that instant you had finally joined me
In the abyss of my veiled bloody rage
In the despair of never living for anyone
In the bitter awareness of being nothing
Because you had come to my side
That you had shared my violence and my madness
In that instant when the cold overwhelmed me
In that painful pleasure of feeling you touch me
We had shared this moment when we fall into the confines of darkness
The passage to the foulness of the mind
You think that you lost your innocence, your purity next to me
I only revealed what you already had in you
A Slayer is never innocent
She tracks, she strikes, she kills
And she starts again and again
Because it's her ineluctable and tragic destiny
Because she's the Chosen one
You thought that you could escape from this shady power
The pleasure you feel when you fight
When your stake turns evil into dust
When your sword slices monstruous heads
When you had plunged this blade into me
You loved to do it and you'll want to do it again, indefinitely
Not because it's your duty or because you have to save the world once again
But because you like to kill
What is the difference between us and the monsters we slay?
We are predators, blood turns us on
You could deny it but you know that, you saw it in me, you tried to flee from it
But instinct will catch you again, already caught you
You think you are indispensable, invincible
But we are replaceable, indefinitely
When one dies, another rises
Like our endless fight
A vampire disappears and ten others appear
You have never listened to me
You have never wanted to see what I really had in my heart
You caught a glimpse of it and you were afraid
Like an animal, fear made you aggressive
You feared what you guessed in me
You were scared of resemblance, you clung to differences
You could not face the truth
Because it's you that you saw in me
I'm your dark double, your carnal negative, the awakening of your flesh
So you preferred to destroy me
You ignored my feelings, hid the desire I inspired you
You rejected me because I represented danger
The danger of the questioning
The danger of violent passion
The danger of the intoxication of the senses
You froze in your image, in your role
I am the movement, I am the unpredictable
You are immobile and vulnerable
People always said you were the strongest, the best one
But you know it's wrong
You know it's me
You understood it that day on the roof
You knew it when you saw my blood on your hands
That blood that I would have given to you if you had asked me
You think you are above evil forces
You thought that you could not be corrupted
But you already lived in the shadow of a vampire
A vampire who devoured your vital energy
By offering your blood you were already lost, perverted
By taking my blood you were definitely converted
And when I was in your body, I knew
I knew that I was not mistaken
I knew you more intimately than if I had fucked you
I knew what you felt
I knew what it meant to be you
Like you knew what it was to be me
And what frightened you the most
Was not to have lost your body
It was to realize that what you saw in me
It was you
I am your distorting mirror, I am the reflect of your animal urges
I'm you
You're my sister, my lover and my creator
I'm your perfect double, similar and opposed
Night and day
Evil and good
Violence and sweetness
Light and darkness
I knew that you loved me
I knew that you hated me
I removed the veil of your blindness
But you never could face your own contradictions
You froze in your role
Infinitely predictable
I am the movement, I am your catharsis
I'd like you to have opened your eyes
I'd like you to see the scar of my tortured self
I'd like you to feel the pain of being alone
I'd like you to understand what you have lost
I'd like you to feel the blade of the betrayed love
Thrusting in you more deeply than that you plunged in my body
I'd like you to feel the ecstasy of pain
As if it was my fingers that penetrated you
Like I dreamt about it many times
And like I know that you wanted it
Finish us off in a perfect fusion
I'd like you to cry in frustration
Like you left me so often
I'd like you to know the pain of being nothing
I'd like you to die thinking of me
I'd like you to suffer thinking of yourself
I'd like you to look in that fucking mirror
And see me at last
Through you.
*****