The goodbye

summary:

You left home. You alienated your friends. You abandoned your brother. You brought shame on your parents. And now your back! But for how long this time?

Chapter 1

I looked in the familar mirrior. 'I'm back' I thought. I left for 4 years after everything that happened. I came back but I've changed. I had to get out last time I was here I went back to my old partying ways but I'm determined not to let myself go back to that way again... For him.

"Mom. I'm going to my meeting now. Look after her for me please." I asked my mom. "Ofcourse sweetheart. Have a good meeting." My mom lily said.

I left the penthouse and started to walk to my meeting. It was weird walking in the New York streets again again after 4 years away. I'm different now when I left I was destroyed. I finished college in Pensylvania at Hollis. It was hard at first but I called my mom and asked for her help. I was suprised that she came quickly after all the shame I put on our family name.

I was so lost in thought I almost missed where I was suppose to go. I walked in and told them my name. This felt weird being here at this support meeting than it ever did in pensylvania. I sat down and looked at all the people, just trying to read them. The councellor had started and then the door slammed shut. Someone came in. I looked at them and saw familiar blue eyes I fell for years ago. "Nate" I whispered.

"Sorry I'm late. Stuck in traffic." He appologised to the councellor. "Its fine Mr Achibald, take a seat. As i was saying we have a newcomer to the group Serena if you would like to tell us why your here today." He said directly at me. I saw nate observing me to see if i changed. I stood up ready to tell my story. " Hi my names Serena Van Der Woodsen and I'm an alcoholic. It first started after I returned from Paris; I had a choice to make but I didn't want to hurt anyone so instead I hurt my liver. I was out of control no one I cared about recongised me. I didn't recognise me. The final straw was when I collapsed in the alley way due to consuming so much alcohol and drugs. I destroyed everything in the process; My relationships with my friends, brother, mom and myself. It was when only my mom and brother were at the hospital when I woke up. I realised I had to leave get out of New york. So I left and 2 months after I started drinking again." I took in a deep pause and looked at Nate taking everything in and wanting me to continue. I didn't know how he would react on what I was about to reveal. "One day after a wild night out I collapsed. I was rushed straight to the hospital where I found out I was pregant. They told me the only way to keep me and my baby alive was to stop drinking. So I did. I needed to be sober to look after my little munchin. The day Lydia was born was the day I saw the light in me again. But a year and a half later I was struggling and I had a bottle of cheap wine. I called my mom straight away and she took Lydia to the hamptons whilst I went to Rehab. It's hard but I need to be the mom Lydia needs me to be." I finished. Everyone Looked at me and clapped. Everyons except Nate he just looked confused and then he clicked on. "Thankyou Serena for sharing that with us. Whose next?" The councellor asked. Nate's had instantly shot up. "Are you ready Nate" I looked at Nate intrigued to know why he was here. I was still in shock he's here. "Yeah. Hey I'm nate I'm a drug addict. About 4 years ago I lost the love of my life. She left again. I didn't blame her she had to go. She was a wreck when she left I knew this is what she needed now matter how hard it would be she needed to leave. A year after she left I got into a massive car crash. I lost my mom and my girlfriend. I shattered all the feeling in my back. I lost all hope that anything could get better I lost 3 people I Loved in a year. I turned to alcohol and drugs. For months I was this angry man who had thought he lost everything. It took watching Lola's film she made before the crash to realise that even though I lost what I thought was everything, I still had people that cared about me. I went to rehab and started to get back into my work. I learnt to walk again and feel emotionally again. I still feel all that pain and hurt inside but I know that even though it seems that its like the end of the world its not and there is always hope." Nate finished. I couldn't believe what he said. He went through so much and I could have helped him.

"wow Nate thanks for sharing that with us. After all this time we are happy you've opened up to us." The councellor said.

After it was over I went outside to take a breather. "Your back!" I heard him say. "It was time to come home I guess. Listen nate I'm sorry what you went through and I'm really sorry I wasn't there for you." I said sympathetically.

"Serena its fine. You were in a bad place I understood why you weren't here. Congratlations on your daughter." he said. 'Yes and yours' I thought.

"Thanks. She's really saved me. I think I'd be dead if I didn't have her. Anyway nate I have to get back my moms going to that event soon and I have to get back for Lydia" I said to him.

"Yeah its fine. Erm I guess I'll see you around" He says and starts to walk away. I grab his hand "wait are you free tonight?" I ask him. "No why?" He replied. "Good come to my moms for dinner and we'll catch up." I said to him with my infamous smile. "Yeah sounds good I'll bring the lemonade" he grins. We say our goodbyes and I walk back home excited and nervous for tonight. I realised I had to tell him I just didn't want to lose him again. He's nate I could never lose him. Even after 4 years away from him I could never let him go. I had Lydia she was my reminder.

This is my first fanfiction so love it/hate it. Should I continue? Review please