INTRODUCTION:

When a person sees our group, one may think our group has all the sexes in the world. One looks like a gangster, (he's the boy), one looks like a normal geeky girl, (of course she's a girl), one is a girl but somehow idolizes the gangster (they think she's a, I don't know what they think about me), and the other one is gay. Well, at least for me he is. So that's Tom, Jessica, Bill and me, Jamie. That's what we look like when we were 13.

I don't know why I decided to show my boyish side. I can't even remember how it started. But as time goes by, we happen to know about "evolution". Well, at least for them.

Tom and Bill, the twins, surely grow. I mean, grew tall not mentally grow, well that's for me.

Tom's, uhmm…the girl's think he's attractive and beautiful, but is he? Well, yes he is. As well as Bill, who became more beautiful? Of course he's beautiful, he's GAY. Well, again, for me. A lot of girls are drooling over him. I don't really know why. Jessica, she still has her geeky side but she did matured. And she's even more talkative and more beautiful. A lot of guys are after her. Well for me, nothing changed according to Tom and Bill. As expected to the both of them. But Jessica, being nice, she said my beauty bloomed. Then Tom suggested maybe doomed. Well, Jessica says I'm no ugly because I have those persistent suitors. But is that really the basis of being beautiful? Maybe.

We were 17. Prom night. I thought Tom would still wear those baggy clothes but man; he wore a tux but then again, baggy pants. But that night, I can say he's got the looks. Jessica, she's like a duckling turned into swan. More boys drooled over her but back-up, she has Bill as her partner. I was eagerly waiting for Bill. I just had the feeling of urgency to see what he looked like that night. And there he was, with his glorious presence. He wore a body-cut tux, and wore his make-up too. I was quite impressed with him that night. I barely take my eyes off of him. But it's not a big deal. He's my friend and he's gay (for me) so not other meaning. Me? I have this dress and sneakers. Of course Tom laughed, Bill didn't say anything and well, at least Jessica complemented me, always being nice. She asked why I didn't wear heels; at least my boyish attitude saved me. But actually the truth, I don't know how to wear them. When I was younger, I keep on asking myself, why would someone invent a thing like that? It's not comfortable at all. Anyways, I can't remember every detail that night but here is what I can't forget the most.

Tom und Jessica (While dancing)

"Wow! You look good tonight!" Tom commented as he held Jessica's while dancing with the music. Jessica said nothing, intimidated for a lot of people are looking at them. But then, they didn't mind the people around them, enjoying each other's presence.

Bill and I just sat there. I did not entertain any boys that night. I just don't want to. I kind of regret not entertaining them because sitting there with Bill felt awkward for the first time. So to kill the awkwardness, I started the conversation. "You look good today!" I teasingly told him. He had his look again like telling me to stop teasing him gay. I know he's not gay but I just like calling him that. "Why wouldn't you dance with someone? Like with that dude who seemed has interest in you" I teased again."Just drop it Jamie" Bill hissed, quite serious. But, I don't know what's gotten into me. I stood up, walked up to this guy and talked to him about Bill. I was about telling the guy my true motive of talking to him when Bill grabbed my arm. His hold is so tight that it's already hurting. And next thing I knew, we were already at the parking lot. "Ahw! Bill it's hurting me!" I told him and he immediately released me. "What's your problem?" I asked him, quite pissed. "What's my problem? You, what's your problem? You know what Jamie; it was okay with me when you thought I was gay when we were 13. But I just can't take it anymore! It's unfair when you're seeing me that way when I see you as you are!" he shouted at me. Hearing those words worried me. No, I felt guilty. But I don't understand what he's trying to say. "Okay, fine. I won't tease you anymore. You're not gay. If that's what you want!" I told him. "What I want? No, Jamie. You really don't understand. Everything I did was nothing. It was worthless. You think I'm mad at you because you tease me gay? You know it's more than that? Well, you don't understand so what's the point? Why do I have to feel this anyway? When all your life that's what you think I was!" he said being emotional and all. Now this is really confusing to me. My temper reached its limit so I asked him, "What do you really want? Stop riddling me!" He gave me a questioning look and takes a deep breath. "You know what? Forget it. Pretend I didn't say anything. You'll never know. And it doesn't even matter right?" he said, then left. "I'm gay if that's what you want" he ranted as he walked away. I was quite shocked when he left me hanging. What did I do? What did I say? I watched his back. I really wish to stop him but something stops me. Pride. So I just stood there, tears falling, felt like I lost a part of me. So I decide to go home and cried myself to sleep.

As far as I remembered, that's the first time I cried. I have never cried for someone in my life. After that, everything changed. We never spoke to each other. I barely look at him. Tom and Jessica always convince us to talk, but we're too tough. I'm too tough. That time, my parents are already planning to move out from Germany to America particularly in Los Angeles because of our business. I almost forgot, Tom and Bill are members of a band called Tokio Hotel. Yes, they're famous since 14. Jessica and I luckily became friend with them because of that incident. Girls in our school mobbed them. Always, and they always tried to run away from them until they found our secret place and started to hang out with us. The twins decided to stop going to school because they can't live a normal life anymore and also to be able to focus on their career. But that didn't stop our friendship. The media thought we're their girlfriends but they explained that we're just friends. At first I thought being friend with superstars is hard. But then you'll just get used to it. So why are the twins there during our prom when they stopped schooling? Well, Jessica is part of the student council and they invited the band to perform. So that's about it. Everything is a blur to me after that night.