Here's another silly little one-shot saved from fanlib; nothing special. Just cracktastic! Read and review please.

Tug Of War

It was a lovely new day at the Burrow. The birds were singing, the doxies were buzzing, and the gnomes were gnoming. A perfect day, decided Ron, to make the move on Hermione, who was also at the Burrow, along with Harry and a bunch of other people, because soon Bill and Fleur would be wed. Harry also thought it was the perfect day, as his morning bowl of Rice Crispies told him so. And what does Harry do on a perfect day? Spread the angst.

"I don't have any parents," he cried to Hermione, the only one who looked slightly sympathetic, "They drowned in a boating accident."

"Wrong book, Harry," she pointed out, "You're referring to Frodo's parents."

"I'm not wrong!" he yelled, "They drowned in a great sea of DEATH!"

"Unless you are being deeply metaphorical, you're wrong."

"SO WHAT IF I AM?!" he raged, "Nobody understands me and that means I have the COMPLETE RIGHT to do whatever I feel like! So there!"

Just then, Ron entered the room. "Hullo Harry," he beamed, "Isn't everything glorious? Later on, I think I'll follow the butterflies!"

"I hate butterflies," said Harry sullenly. "They remind me of non-angsty things."

"Oh, that reminds me," Ron replied, "Hermione, will you marry me?"

Before she had a chance to reject him, Harry interrupted. "She can't marry you! She's going to marry ME! Right, Hermione?"

"Um," muttered the puzzled girl.

"SHE'S MARRYING ME!" roared Ron, grabbing her by the hand.

"NO, ME!!" hollered Harry, grabbing the other.

It soon erupted into a game of human tug-of-war, with poor Hermione as the rope.

"Stop! I'm delicate and I stretch easily," pleaded the girl, but to no avail. Ron and Harry kept on pulling and yelling at each other. Hermione was going to have the biggest headache when this was over, if it ever ended.

"Somebody HELP me!" she screamed, "ANYONE!"

Suddenly, there was a flash of pink smoke. Out of it came a man clad in green spandex. "I'll save you!" he cried dramatically.

Every jaw in the room dropped. Harry was the first one to recover. "It's VOLDEMORT!" he angsted, "The one who drowned my parents in a sea of DEATH!"

Voldemort giggled. "Call me Voldy. I've always wanted to be called that, but anyone who ever tried I killed. It's a bad habit of mine."

"Um, okay then Voldy. I will KILL YOU!" Gallantly, Harry tried to kill him with a fork, dragging Hermione and Ron with him. He failed because he completely forgot that the only eating utensil that you can kill the Dark Lord with is a Golden Spork. Voldy quickly poked him in the eyes.

"AAAAAA! I'VE BEEN POKED!" Harry screamed, and became the Boy-who-Died-of-being-Poked.

"HAHA!" Ron yelled, "Hermione is all MINE!"

Unfortunately, he completely forgot to wear socks, and therefore was murdered by the Society of People Who Kill People Who Don't Wear Socks, SPWKPWDS.

"Oh, VOLDY!" Hermione swooned, "You SAVED me from those mean boys!"

"You know I'd do anything for you, Hermy," Voldy said in a deep, manly voice. "Now, let's get married and have brilliant kids who want to take over the world."

"Yes, lets," she giggled, and they flew off into the sunset on a Crumple-Horned Snorlax.