With Eric now working in Austin, Julie running my stress level through the roof with her attitude, and no real support taking care of Gracie-I finally got enough energy to get dressed in some yoga pants and a shirt that didn't have spit all over it, and made a plan for us to walk through the park about a mile away.
However, that thought seemed to disappear as we walked into the park. Sitting on the second bench to the entrance was Tyra Collette. She looked lost, just like the night she had come to my house. The other thing I was worried about was the dark circles underneath her eyes, which told me she hadn't been getting a lot of sleep lately.
"Tyra?" I sat down slowly, feeling the tiredness of the muscles that hadn't been used for awhile. "Want to tell me why you're sitting on a park bench instead of being at school?"
"I can't sit in school and fake every day like I'm happy." She told me after a few moments of silence, which concerned me even more than before. Tyra had been raised by a single mother, and because of that, she didn't have a lot of guidance in her life. As a result of her lack of guidance and who she was hanging out with, I thought she was specifically a bad influence on my daughter Julie. That all changed after Tyra was throwing a party. Her mother was injured by falling through a glass table, which allowed me to see a different side of her I had never seen before. She had taken responsibility for her mother as she was taken to the hospital, and it clicked that Tyra had potential in her future. It was just heartbreaking that despite how far we had come to bringing her a better future, that it was now breaking apart due to one man's actions.
"What makes you think you have to fake anything? Tyra, you have been through something horrible not once, but twice. You don't have to feel happy. In fact, you have the right to feel anything you need to feel to get through this."
"What if I can't feel anything?" Tyra shrugged nonchalantly, crossing her hands over her chest. "And it's not just what I'm feeling. I can't eat lunch without people turning to look at me, like this all some sick joke to them." She looked over in the direction of the stroller as Gracie began fussing. She was probably starting to get hungry as I hadn't fed her before we left the house.
"I would imagine from what you've been through, you're going to be feeling numb for awhile."
"Yeah." She stated quietly, staring down at the sidewalk. "Have you ever been through something like this?"
"No." I shook my head, then reconsidered the fact I had felt that way before. "At least not in the way you're going through right now. When my mom died almost seven years ago, I couldn't make sense of anything that was happening around me. I felt so numb because I had just lost my whole world in the blink of an eye."
"I'm sorry, that couldn't have been easy." She pushed a blonde strand behind her ear as she quietly watched a mom and son throwing a frisbee back and forth to each other, an almost visible longing in her eyes. Since her file had dropped into my hands as a counselor, I knew Tyra had been doing a lot of things on her own for awhile, and it couldn't be easy accepting help when it mattered most.
"It wasn't. Do you know why I told you all this?" She shook her head as her gaze went back to the mom and son packing up their things and walking towards the parking lot. "I told you this because you have a lot of people who care not just how you're doing physically, but also mentally. However, you have to want the help they give you. Does that make sense?"
"I guess in a way it does. As you've figured out, I'm not great sharing my feelings. I've never had someone in my family who I can trust to sit there and listen to me, so I'm still kind of getting used to this whole talking thing."
"That's understandable." Loosening the blanket around Gracie's body, it stopped her fussing just long enough for us to finish our conversation. "Look, you know I will always be here for you, and you're always welcome to talk to me about anything. What I do worry about is you getting the right help for what you've been through."
"You mean like, Mr. Reed?" She snorted at the mention of the school counselor who had taken over for me when Gracie had been born.
"No, I mean like a therapist. Someone you can sit down with and talk to."
"Oh, that kind of help."
"Like I mentioned before: it's your choice. No one can force you to go to therapy, but I know that when I went, it helped me figure out things about myself that not even I could figure it out."
"So that's why you always seem to have things together because you went through therapy?"
"Because I chose to take care of myself first, it has helped me get to where I am today as both a mother and a wife. I don't think I could have continued being a good mother or counselor if I didn't have my head on straight."
"Sometimes I wish you were still the counselor at East Dillion. Don't get me wrong, she's cute and all." She craned her head to look into the stroller at Gracie. "I just didn't realize how different it would be without you there. Mr. Reed is okay, but he definitely doesn't know how to push buttons like you do."
"Wow." I raised my eyebrows at her, both grateful she was talking and I couldn't help but feel a little shock at her honesty. "Should I be taking that as a compliment right now?"
"I'm sorry, that came out wrong." She looked slightly sheepish as she sat up on the bench. "What I meant is people know you care."
"Give him time. I've known Glenn for many years, and I've found him to be a very caring person. He's trying to get used to taking over a school full of kids, just like you're trying to get used to him taking over the position.
"I guess that's one way of looking at it." She paused, changing her tune of thought. "Do you think you'll ever become a counselor again?"
"I suppose it's up to a higher power if I become a counselor again." I looked towards the sky as if I would receive some kind of answer to her question, but I didn't. "I wouldn't give up hope though. Even if I never become a counselor again, I'm still here for all of you. Don't think you can get rid of me that easily."
She lit up brightly for the first time as she cracked a sideways smile in my direction. "Can I take your word on that?"
"You can." I nodded firmly as Gracie began fussing again and reminding us of her presence. "I should go feed her. You okay to get home?"
"Actually, I think I'll go back to school." She ran her fingers through her short blonde hair like she was kind of reconsidering what she was saying. Really, her response surprised me but I decided to go with it and let her tell me why if she wanted to.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I think there's someone I need to talk to, and I can't do it if I'm sitting here on a bench."
"Okay."
"Okay? Just like that. You're going to let me go without asking me why I'm going back to school?"
"Yes, Tyra. I'm letting you go. I definitely have questions, but I also trust you're going to do the right thing without me telling you what to do next." Standing up, I pulled the stroller out from between the bench and the bush, which quieted Gracie to fussing a little as we walked down the path towards the parking lot "I know you're going to make the right decision."
"How do you know that?"
"You have a good heart, Tyra. Listen to it and let it guide you." I advised her as she held her keys in her hand. She nodded appreciatively as she hopped into her truck, closed the door with one big thud and we parted ways once again.