The Case of Fifi and the Pink Panther
The Pink Panther smirked as Fifi, the pink poodle gave the butler looking after her a nasty scratch across his chest.
Stealing the diamond necklace around its neck would be easier than he thought – it would be horribly difficult if they were on speaking terms, but with the poodle being so terribly uncooperative that it was unlikely that the caretaker would come running if she made a ruckus about a stranger removing her collar.
He stealthily slid from shadow to shadow, nothing more than a shadow himself, and he raised his eyebrows twice suggestively at mirror, awed at how clever and handsome he was.
Padfooting steadily toward's Fifi's room, he heard the disgusting sounds of chomping and slobber. The bitch… She had her own meals specially prepared by a French chef, and it was seafood soufflé by the sounds of it. It was escargots the day before – all fresh – she would have none of the disgusting canned food that lesser pet owners bought for their pets these days.
The pink panther inched the door open and slid in without a sound, he was so close to his prize that he could almost smell it. The poodle had its nose buried in the disgusting gunk in its gilded feed platter and did not smell the pink panther inching up on her, even though he was upwind.
There was a flutter as the curtains tried to warn the poor poodle what was going to happen, but to no avail. Three steps, a leap, and a pounce! And she was firmly caught between his paws, he fiddled with the catch for ages, trying to get it off, but it seemed to be stuck. He vaguely entertained the notion of decapitating the poodle, but decided against it, for the owners were sure to pursue the case of a poodle with its head missing rather than its collar.
Getting immensely frustrated with tugging at the collar, he had a brainstorm and dunked the silly furball into its enamel bathtub – how extravagant could a dog's life get? And lathered up the soap to try to get the precious prize off the dog's neck.
He got his fingers bitten a few times for the trouble, but finally! Managed to do so. Fifi howled mournfully at the loss of its shiny toy but the butler didn't come running, just as the wily feline had predicted.
Tossing Fifi carelessly to the ground with a very wet splat, he made to leave but Fifi wasn't about to let him get away for giving her a bath that easily. She nipped at his ankles and rushed in dizzying circles around him, yapping all the way.
Riled up, the pink panther nearly grabbed the piece of batik that was framed as an artwork, ready to lynch, and/or drown the offending animal. He regained his senses just in time and decided that framing the animal was good enough.
He stuck the flush button on the toilet to flush non-stop and broke the glass on the batik, then let the silly dog mangle it as he carefully stepped out, closed the door, let himself out the window, and jiggled it to latch on behind him. If humans were as dumb as they repeatedly proved, they would conclude that Fifi had dropped her collar into the toilet bowl and banished it forever into the drains, and the torn and tattered batik would only amplify their anger.
He had chosen a dry day so his incriminating pawprints would not be left in the muddy garden. His tricycle was parked innocuously just around the bend. Another perfect heist– it was going to be a fine day.
The pink panther rode away as the yapping and fierce whacks from a rolled-up newspaper, faded behind him.