Artemis relished working out in the training room after midnight. It was peaceful and solitary. There was no one to bother her or speak to her. She also felt she pushed herself harder when she worked out alone. Since joining the team, she had developed a newfound respect for 'alone time' and being able to just contemplate life and think in solitude. She walked into the weight room, which consisted of a 300lb punching bag, a water cooler, weights ranging from 5lbs to 500lbs, and a small table where the ipod dock was located.
She looked up at the digital clock that hung on the wall just above a poster reading "…and justice for all" with a picture of the Justice League standing in front of the Hall. She thought back on the past year and smirked as she realized how different her life had become. She went from training to be a master assassin for the League of Shadows and her father to being he an actual member of a subsidiary team for the Justice League. This team actually cared for one another and never left a man behind. She went from training with the bad guys to fighting bad guys and was currently in a new romantic relationship with Kid Flash aka Wally West, the resident speedster. For the first time in her life she felt genuinely happy.
Sure, working out alone in the middle of the night was an introverted and perhaps creepy habit, but it soothed her. She'd been a victim of 'night terrors' ever since she could remember and as a result, never slept much. Artemis slept an average of 4-5 hrs on a good day. Her reasoning "you can't have nightmares if you don't sleep." The nightmares consisted of her father reprimanding her and her team disowning her and often kept her up to all of hours of the night. She tried to watch the sunrise but felt weird. Her workout sessions with her father occurred at night usually, after her schoolwork and his language lessons were over. He'd have her workout and train until 3am only to have her wake up at 7am to get ready for school. This was how she operated for almost 5 years of her life. Sure she wasn't getting the sleep her body probably needed but her mind felt at ease working out in the dead of night and it was easy. Well, it was easy when no one noticed or cared, but Wally, her now boyfriend, had caught her in workout gear heading to the gym while he was heading back to bed from his midnight snack one night last week.
Last Week:
When he approached her she jumped, surprised to see anyone up and was even more surprised to see it was her boyfriend who had startled her. They'd just started dating, having kissed New Year's and discussing their feelings the next day. They had revealed to each other just how much they actually did care for one another and it was decided that they would be honest and together.
When Wally saw Artemis walking down the hall, he quietly called out to her. "Can't sleep, gorgeous?" Wally said half lazily, half curious. He saw her physically flinch at the sound of his voice and turned to face him.
"Yeah…thought I'd head to the gym and get in a work out." Artemis had the answer rehearsed for this particular scenario, but didn't expect to deliver it to her new boyfriend. He gave her a quizzical look and she proceeded to quickly avert her eyes.
Wally began to scratch his head and attempted to continue their awkward conversation, "bad dream, or something?" An awkward pause filled the air for a brief moment before Wally could ramble out, "Because you know, you can talk to me about that kind of stuff. I'm always here for you if you need anything." Now his gaze averted and Artemis couldn't help the smile that began to form on her lips.
"I'm fine. Just like working out at night. Always have. I'll see you in the morning." She gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek and squeezed his hand. He smiled at her and said goodnight before walking over to his room. She saw him disappear into his room and she headed to the gym.
After closing his door, he walked over to his bed and flopped down on it. He turned onto his back and stared at his ceiling. Wally thought about his new girlfriend and their relationship. It had a rocky beginning with bad first impressions and now he felt like the luckiest guy in the world. He wouldn't have admitted it 6 months ago, but Artemis Crock, daughter of Sportsmaster and Huntress, was one cool hot chick. She played video games, loved competing, and could outwit almost anyone. And now, she was his girlfriend who she let walk with her along the beach and play with her hair when they watched movies together. The best part was being able to kiss her and seeing her smile afterwards. Sure he was only 16, but having the girl you liked smile after kissing you, knowing that your kisses made her smile…well there was not greater feeling than that. He knew her well enough to know her midnight workouts were more than just her not being able to sleep and Wally decided he would investigate further in the future.
Present:
Her ipod was attached to the deck and was on shuffle. She was doing push-ups on the mat and keeping count in her head '92, 93, 94' without flinching when that infamous riff from her 'fuck shit up' song came on. She immediately headed over to the punching bag and began to unleash hell. Every word of the song spoke to her. She knew exactly what it was like to be abandoned and hurt by a father. The first time she heard the song, Jade had been working out in their workout room at home. She had a mix CD and whenever the song came on, Jade went into a rage. Artemis wasn't sure what it meant when she was 10, but now at 16, she could relate all too well.
"Father of mine. Tell me where have you been?
You know I just closed by eyes
My whole world disappeared"
Artemis had a routine; a certain way she'd work out whenever this song came on. She'd go the punching bag and punch and kick the shit out of it until the song ended. It was the only she knew she could get out all of her pent up aggression and energy toward the man she called father. The lyrics ate at her and the way they played always managed to make her eyes water. The music was loud enough for her to hear over her frustrated grunts.
"Father of mine
Take me back to the day
Yeah, when I was still your golden boy
Back before you went away"
Memories flashed before her eyes and the song played. Memories of her father demanding perfection from an 8 yr old girl; memories of a father who would physically and verbally abuse her until she hated every fiber of her being.
"I remember blue skies walking the block
I loved it when you held me high
I loved to hear you talk
You would take me to the movie
You would take me to the beach
You would take me to a place inside
That's so hard to reach"
The worst part about this song was that unlike the singer, Artemis couldn't remember happy times with her father. He was only ever tolerable throughout her life, and those moments she thought she loved him were actually moments of respect and fear. She'd only ever known love from her mother; never from her abusive and psychotic father.
Oh!
Father of mine
Tell me where did you go?
Yeah, you had the world inside your hand
But you did not seem to know
Father of mine
Tell me what do you see?
When you look back at your wasted life
And you don't see me
This particular verse as it sounded from the small speakers of the ipod dock made her wince. Punching ferociously at the unsuspecting punching bag, Artemis thought back on her life; her mother's jail sentence, her time with her father, and her mother's release from prison. She couldn't understand why her father had felt the need to be evil and why he couldn't simply appreciate what he had; a beautiful wife and family. Why couldn't he just have a regular 9-5 type of job and compliment his wife's ethnic dinners and his daughters' drawings and schoolwork? If it weren't for her current happiness, she'd probably trade all of her training to have a normal childhood.
"I was ten years old
Doin' all that I could
It wasn't easy for me to be a scared white boy
In a black neighborhood
Sometimes you would send me a birthday card
With a five dollar bill
I never understood you then
And I guess I never will"
As she sent the punching bag a roundhouse kick, she scoffed at the idea of her father giving her a birthday card. The only thing her father ever gave her were survival skills and fighting equipment. Her birthdays were missions that ended in the death of a target and the pat on her shoulder. Sure the team knew her familial ties but her deepest secret was still hidden; at least she liked to think it was even if Robin probably knew. Her deepest secret and greatest regret was that she was a killer, a murderer of innocent people all because of her father. The images of her victims as they flashed through he mind only lead to her punching the bag even harder.
"(Then he walked away)
Daddy gave me a name
My daddy gave me a name
(Then he walked away)
Daddy gave me a name
(Then he walked away)
My daddy gave me a name
Oh yeah"
Her father gave her a name all right. A name she was thoroughly ashamed of and would never acknowledge. If she was going to be a superhero she could never be what her father wanted her to be. It's ironic really; some kids would do anything to please their fathers and Artemis actively worked to be everything he didn't want. What was even more ironic is that her father condemned her for being a good guy whereas other fathers would be proud. This was just more substantial evidence that Artemis was doing the right thing. It's weird, being able to measure how good you are by how much you disappoint your father.
"Yeah
Daddy gave me a name
Daddy gave me a name
(Then he walked away)
Daddy gave me a name
(Then he walked away)
My daddy gave me a name
Yeah
Yeah
Oh yeah"
And then Artemis knew what was coming next. The line that always made her cry and fall to her knees. And suddenly she remembered why she rarely put her ipod on shuffle and why she actually hated this song; it was all too similar to her life. It was like Everclear watched her grow up, wrote down their observations, and made it a song. With another harsh kick to the bag, she heard the metal rings holding it to the ceiling squeak.
"Father of mine
Tell me where have you been?
Yeah, I just closed by eyes
And the world disappeared
Father of mine
Tell me how do you sleep?
With the children you abandoned
And the wife I saw you beat"
And with that line, she kicked the bag so hard it fell to the floor. She hadn't realized she was holding her breath until she began to pant and suck in air like she had just breached the surface of a deep dive. She held herself up and rested her hands on her knees, hunched over as she heavily breathed in and out. She felt her knuckles burn and saw how raw she had made them. Her shins were most likely bruised from all of the kicks she delivered but they didn't warrant major attention. It'd been awhile since she had heard this song and the part about abandoning children and beating wives just hit her on such a personal level she couldn't control herself. She unwittingly fell to her knees and felt the tears stream down her face as the song began to finish.
"I will never be safe
I will never be sane
I will always be weird inside
I will always be lame
Now I'm a grown man
With a child of my own
And I swear, I'll never let her know
All the pain I have known
(Then he walked away)
Daddy gave me a name
(Then he walked away)
My daddy gave me a name
(Then he walked away)
My daddy gave me a name
(Then he walked away)
My daddy gave me a name
(Then he walked away)
Yeah
(Then he walked away)
Yeah
(Then he walked away)
Oh yeah"
As the final guitar riffs played through the air she began to wonder why she was crying. She didn't completely understand how she could let a song affect her like this when she'd been trained by a psycho to be a master assassin. Silence filled the room and Artemis realized that it was the last song in her workout playlist. There were over a thousand songs on her list and she'd finally reached the bottom of it. The irony of reaching the bottom of her playlist and hitting bottom were not lost on Artemis.
She began to sniffle as she sat on her knees and wiped away the remnants of her tears as they began to subside. She didn't feel like reliving horrible memories and her life story at the moment and decided to no longer dwell on them. It was not something she particularly enjoyed.
That's when she noticed out of her peripheral vision, a redhead standing in the doorway. Artemis quickly wiped her eyes and tried to remove all evidence of her tears when she went to greet him. There wasn't much left but she didn't want him to see. She didn't know how much he had seen and she didn't want to talk about her work out freak out.
"How long have you been standing there?" she wanted to sound cool and collected but her voice cracked and she inwardly scolded herself. Crap.
"Wow. That was intense. I didn't think anyone but Su-by could do that. Break the punching bag that is. And you did it with a fluid kick. Remind me to stay on your good side" Wally didn't want to sound worried or overbearing and it ended up sounding dorky and lame. Crap.
"What can I say? Work hard, play hard." Once again Artemis tried to sound cool but it sounded almost defeated.
"Ooh, so you like rap music too? Everclear makes sense, but a Wiz Khalifa reference is cool too." Wally didn't want to broach the topic of her father. It was all to obvious that the whole time she was listening to 'Father of Mine' she was thinking of her father and how badly she wanted to beat the crap out of him. She took it out on the punching bag and now it laid on the floor in an embarrassing heap and appeared to spilling sand on the floor where it had torn a bit.
She smiled up at him from her position on the floor and began to stand up. Her face had apparent streaks from where she had been crying but he didn't call her out on it. Her father was not something he'd ask her about. When she was ready, she'd talk to him about it, and only if she wanted to.
"I'm quite eclectic when it comes to my taste in music." Artemis sounded more like herself and Wally noticeably eased his posture when he saw her lighten up. Artemis continued "it's just…that song…about a horrible dad and not needing him to be a good person…it gets me, you know?"
She looked Wally in the eyes and he could see how fragile she was in this moment. The girl who had just broken a 300lb punching bag looked almost frightened. She was sweating profusely from her exhausting workout and Wally looked at her like she was the most angelic creature in the world. She was at arms-length from him now and he proceeded to pull her into his arms and he felt her hesitate before wrapping her arms around him.
"I guess I'm just another girl with daddy issues, huh…how lame is that." Artemis felt a new wave of tears coming on and she tried with all her might to hold them back. Wally picked out his words carefully as he spoke to her, his face in her hair. "Your father sucks…but you wouldn't be here, in my arms without him. I hate how much he's hurt you, but I owe him one. Artemis you'll never be a bad person and you'll never be him because you have something he doesn't. You have a team that you can depend on and who love you."
She stayed quiet in his arms and he began to feel awkward, as if he'd said something wrong. She didn't push him away per se, but she didn't respond and he began to panic in all his teenage boy awkwardness. "I'm sorry if this sounds stupid and corny and I know I'm not good with words..." Artemis cut him off with a kiss to the lips. It was a short sweet kiss and Wally looked surprised.
Artemis let out a sigh of relief and said, "Thanks Wally. You always know what to say." She smiled one of her genuine smiles and Wally felt his heart pound. She was beaming up at him like he was the greatest guy ever and he couldn't understand why. How had he been so lucky to get this girl after being so unforgivably stupid when they first met? He smiled down at her and simply said "I'd do anything for you, Babe. You know that." And she continued to smile and nodded, as if saying "I know."
She finally pulled away from his grasp and Wally let out a small whimper. She took his hand and proceeded to grab her ipod and turn off the lights in the room as they exited. The digital clock read 2:03am. "I'm gonna take a shower and go to bed. I'll see you in the morning lover boy." It wasn't said in a teasing way but in a more sincere voice. He looked at their hands and he interlaced their fingers. He raised their hands to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand gently. "Okay, babe." He walked her to her bedroom and before parting ways, kissed her goodnight. Before letting go of her hand Wally said, "and remember, I'm always here for you." Artemis gave him an exasperated look followed by a small laugh and said "Goodnight Cornball."
She stepped inside her room and closed the door behind her. She laid down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling thinking about Wally. Sure they hadn't discussed in full detail her abusive upbringing, her justifiable daddy issues, or her inability to control her anger when a certain song played, but their relationship was new and delicate and she was happy with the simple thought that Wally would be willing to listen when she was ready. That he'd be patient with her, something her father never was, and for that she was eternally grateful.