Tori: This may just be the lack of sleep talking, but I think is way overdue for a Gundam Wing/ Battle Athletes crossover.
Duet: spits Hard Ice Tea tastes like crap.
Tori: blinks Jesse… You remind me of Jesse…
Duo: Who do I remind you of?
Tori: … … … …
Duo: Tori?
Trowa: She's asleep. Let her be…
Duo: Not. Cool. grabs Tori's shoulders and shakes YOU CAN'T JUST CONK OUT ON ME LIKE THAT!
Tori: …gwaaze… head lolls back, sporting a lovely snot bubble
Duo: …that is one TIRED Japanese import…
Heero: Could you not…use that term? Ever again?
Super Battle Athletes Gundam Wing!
Tori: Genki enough title for ya?
All: …shut up, Tori…
ACHEM!
Death Mercenary Combat Competitors Gundam Wing
Tori: …better?
All: TORI!
Tori: Story. Right.
Heero snapped into consciousness moments before his nose made contact with his computer screen. He blinked a few times, experimenting with the suddenly alien glow that bathed his face and the keyboard. 'Why am I awake?'
"It's…MAILTIME! Here's the mail, it never fails, it makes me wanna wag my tail, when it comes I wanna wail…-"
"DUO MAXWELL!" Heero yelled at the top of his lungs and jumped off his seat. He tore down the hallway and drew his gun, skidding to a halt in front of the braided pair's bedroom door.
Duo opened his door that Wednesday morning to find himself looking down the barrel of a gun trained between his eyes by a Japanese boy wearing nothing but some black boxers and a pair of socks. He yawned and promptly shut the door.
"Duo! Open the door! I'm gonna KILL you!"
"…there's an incentive…"
"Uninstall that Blue's Clues virus NOW!"
"Can't…'
"WHY NOT?"
"Didn't install it in the first place."
"Then who did?" Knock knock! "Duo! DUO?"
"…zzzzzzzzzzz…"
"…"
Dejectedly, Heero trudged back to his room and plunked down in front of the computer again. The tune was still wailing in the background and he knew the only way to stop it would be to… GASP! Open his mail! ((Heero: O.o …Tori? You alright there?))
Double-clicking the dancing Periwinkle icon, he scanned through his inbox for the letter. "Damnit, J…" he frown, spotting one titled 'IMPORTANT' still highlighted in red. ((Tori: You have hotmail? Heero: My e-mail died a long time ago… Wu Fei: STOP THESE RANDOM AUTHOR'S NOTES!))
He opened it and began to read.
"Heero-tachi, YOU SUCK! You are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! I mean, man, I've seen soldiers suck before but you take the sucky cake! achem After that positive and enlightening monologue, I am pleased to inform you that you six have been enrolled in the Antarctic Training School. Your plane leaves at 5:47 this morning. Don't ask me why. I bought the tickets on You will actually be stowing away on an illegal shipment of goats. Oh and NO GUNDAMS! This is a training exercise that should teach you how to work as a team while remaining strong individuals. Zero-2, NO FUCKING GUNDAMS! I'm SERIOUS! I will BUST your PUNK-ASS if you even SAY the word Gundam while you're there. These are CIVILIANS you're working with. That is your mission.
-J
P.S. This message will self destruct in 30 seconds"
"Well THAT sucks…" Heero said quite frankly and hit the print button so he could show the others. He grabbed it out of the machine and walked off to wake the other pilots.
Thirty seconds later… BLAM! No more computer…
((Trowa: BUT HOW WILL I FLIRT WITH SARAH? Wu Fei: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THESE THINGS? Tori: …go burn in a lake, Fei… Trowa: …yeah…go drown in a fire…))
4:21 that morning, still at the house
"Sorry… It took me a minute to find my bong," Duet apologized and flashed the camera an 'I Just Ate A Bowl Of Macaroni And Cheese' smile.
"I'm taking away your Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sanzs action figures," Quatre grabbed the SNL figurines off her desk and tossed them in the trash.
"Awww…."
5:46 that morning, on the plane
"Where are we going?" Trowa frowned.
"Antarctica," Heero replied.
"What are we doing?" Wu Fei grimaced.
"Training exercises."
"Are we there yet?" Duo smiled.
"Yes, Duo."
"SCORENESS!" Duo ran to the plane's side door, careful to dodge the illegal goats, and yanked it open. He promptly fell out.
'Did he fall to his death millions of feet above the Earth?' you ask. No, because if you READ properly, you would SEE it's still FIVE FORTY-SIX and the flight doesn't leave until FIVE FORTY-SEVEN! The worst he got was a SCRAPE from falling three feet onto the RUNWAY!
Duo then climbed back into the plane, glared at Heero, and settled back down between Duet and Trowa, as he should.
Now all is right in my world because Duo fell down, Heero ran around in his underwear, they're stuck on a plane headed to Antarctica with a bunch of illegal goats at 5:46 in the AM, and their fucking computer blew up. I'm content to end the story right here. But I won't. Because I have an obligation to you, my readers, to provide quality entertainment even if I am sleep-deprived and dying and…
"OKAY, TORI! THIS IS JUST ONE OF YOUR LITTLE "AUTHOR'S NOTES" WITHOUT THE BRACKETS THIS TIME! WOULD YOU STOP IT BEFORE I'M FORCED TO HURT YOU?" Wu Fei yelled.
The rest of this story will now be completed with an entirely different Chinese person at great expense but for the overall benefit of you, my precious readers.
"…This isn't Hong Kong.. is it?" Jackie Chan frowned and the five remaining pilots' eyes bulged out and they huddled in terror in a remote corner behind some goats. Goats smell bad.
Somewhere In Hong Kong
"Guys…?" Wu Fei pouted and pulled out a Twizzler™ from his Floofy Pants Hammerspace Pocket™ and started munching on it. Why did I just put ™ after 'Floofy Pants Hammerspace Pocket'? Are you gonna steal my 'Floofy Pants Hammerspace Pocket'? It's not all that clever, so why would you? I mean, if you really wanna say 'Floofy Pants Hammerspace Pocket' are those two tiny letters really gonna stop you? And another thing…
"AHHHHHHHHH! TORI'S BAD WRITING SKILLS ARE HAUNTING ME!"
Wanna go back on the illegal goat plane?
"…was that a threat?"
… Actually, that was an offer…
"Oh. Okay."
Back On What We Shall Now Refer To As The 'Illegal Goat Plane'
"So this American corporation comes up to me and says "Can we make a crappy TV show and put your name in the title?" and I say "As long as I get money" and that why show called 'Jackie Chan Adventures'," Mr. Chan finished.
"It all makes sense now…" Duet marveled aloud.
The Chinese person in the point of the story has been changed yet again at a slightly cheaper fare with no regard for the reader and for that, Trowa apologizes.
"Why do I have to apologize? I didn't do anything wrong. It was your stupid fault!"
Quatre apologizes for the way Trowa was portrayed as the scapegoat.
"It's always my fault… Isn't it?"
Yes, it is.
"Tori! This is hampering the forward progression of the story! Can we get on with it?"
Right. Um… More in the next chapter, people! V
"…and hopefully it will be a whole lot less violent and crass and a BIT more informative…" Heero stated.
Actually. It probably won't be. Nore will the chapter after that. … … … Um, you know what? Don't expect too much from this story. It will probably continue on like this for a while-
"Until we can find Tori the help she needs."
Or until I can find a better friend than Duet. But, hey! Maybe there's a chance people like this ugly, ugly side of me!
"Hideous."
"Grotesque."
"Repulsive."
"Detestable."
"Abhorrent."
"Mind-bendingly dreadful."
I never thought I'd say this, but I can't WAIT to get back to Japan.
"WE'RE COMING TOOOOOOOO!"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…!