Author's notes: This is not a story with a complex plot like some of my other stories. This is going to be a series of one-shots. The idea for this one came to me when I witnessed two of my good friends (who are also brothers) talking about nonsense while sharing a hot cup of coffee. The image of the Halliwell brothers bickering over a cup of coffee was irresistible. I had to share it. I hope all my readers like it.
The topics of these talks are rather irrelevant. They will vary from something as trivial as Wyatt's springtime allergies to something as serious as hate-crimes. The rating is T for the time being. I may change it to M later if I need to use stronger language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed or any of its characters except the ones I make up. I do not intend to make profit out of this story.
Sweet and ASAP on Junk Food
"Why do we not have any mugs? I distinctly remember asking you to buy some on your way back yesterday. You didn't even go to the store, did you?" Chris seethed at his big brother as he banged the cabinet door shut.
"Nope," Wyatt answered nonchalantly. Chris was clearly annoyed by his brother's careless response. Before he could yell at his big brother any more, Wyatt walked over to the coffee grinder and added two scoops of dark roasted beans to it.
"What the hell are you doing? We don't have any mugs remember? How're we supposed to drink it? Orb it to our mouths?" Chris asked irritated.
"Calm down, peanut. We did move in just yesterday. These small glitches are to be expected when we setup a new apartment. Besides, I have a busy schedule too, you know. I had to talk to my advanced fluid mechanics professor yesterday after class. That's why I didn't get time to go and buy any mugs," Wyatt said calmly. Although most of his speech was muffled by the noise made by the coffee grinder, Chris got the gist of it over their link.
"Right. Busy schedule. Try attending med-school all day, working at the restaurant in the night and still managing to find time to tutor Junior for his biology exam in between. Besides, immunology beats popular mechanics hands down when it comes to…" Chris was muttering as he put the filtered water in the kettle and put it on the stove. His rant was cut short by his big brother.
"It's advanced fluid mechanics and you know nothing about how tough it is. So please, don't make cross-discipline comparisons. You're just grumpy because you haven't had your coffee yet. Not to mention lack of social life…" Wyatt said as he poured the course ground beans in the large French press.
"Oh bite me," Chris hissed scowling. Rather than responding to his brother's ranting, Wyatt walked over to his backpack lying on the countertop and began rummaging through it. In seconds, he produced two mugs made of china from his backpack. Chris only raised his eyebrows.
"I thought you said you didn't go to the store," Chris said a little calm by now that he could see he was about to get his caffeine fix.
"I didn't have to. Do you remember Saarang, the little Indian boy? The future white-lighter we helped two weeks ago? He made these for us in his art class. Well the mugs were premade. He only decorated them before his teacher sent them to the kiln to be fired, but you get the picture. The point being, he made these for us as a thank you. Cute, aren't they?" Wyatt said as a way of explanation. The two mugs were fairly large and roughly the same size. One was powder blue in color and had the letters ASAP painted on it in dark green. The other was off white and had the word Sweet painted on it in brown.
"Clearly, this one is for me," Wyatt said picking up the one marked Sweet. Chris poured the boiling water from the kettle into the press and closed the lid.
"And why am I supposed to be ASAP and not sweet?" the brunet witch asked a bit annoyed but his curiosity was evident in the tone of his voice.
"Face it kit. I'm the nicer one among the two of us. Besides, all the while we were helping Saarang, you kept yelling at me. 'Wyatt, I need the dried Dragonwell ASAP', 'Wyatt stop chatting with the innocent and move your fat ass. I needed the saffron like yesterday', 'Wyatt…" Wyatt's 'Grouchy impatient Chris' imitation was cut short by Chris.
"First of all I don't sound all whiny like that. And secondly, even if I can be a little impatient some times, there is no reason for the little brat to call me ASAP," Chris huffed as he rinsed the mugs before first time use.
"He wanted to write 'Grumpy' on yours. But then he thought better of it. He didn't want to make you even grumpier," Wyatt said teasing his brother. Chris narrowed his eyes.
"No he didn't. You just pulled that out of your ass. Even if yours does say Sweet, it's nothing to do with your demeanor. Considering your wholly unremarkable personality and the amount of sugar you eat, it's probably the only thing he remembered about you," Chris said to his brother as he dried the mugs with a dishrag.
"Well, you are what you eat. That's why you're as boring as a head of lettuce," Wyatt said smiling cheekily.
"If that were true, Wy, you'd be a fatty burger soaked in corn syrup. Unlike you, I care about what I put in my body," Chris said rolling his eyes. Wyatt was properly scandalized.
"You take that back! Do you see an ounce of fat on this perfect body?" Wyatt said as he pulled off his shirt and bared his washboard abs and muscular chest. Not really expecting an answer from Chris, the twice blessed began flexing his muscles. A goofy smile appeared on his face while he was admiring his own perfect physique.
"You do know what happened to Narcissus, yes?" the half elder asked rolling his eyes.
"Who? Is that a demon?" Wyatt asked frowning.
"No! He's a guy from Greek mythology…" Again, Chris's explanation was interrupted by his big brother.
"A Greek god! That's appropriate," Wyatt said nodding as if approving his own declaration.
"He was not a god. He was son of a god and a nymph. But that's beside the point. He fell in love with his own image. He fell in the water while admiring his looks and DROWNED," Chris said stressing on the last word.
"You're just jealous because you don't have a magnificent body like me! Besides, I can swim," Wyatt said, missing the point entirely, or at least ignoring it.
"I'm serious, Wyatt. All that grease and sugar is not good for you. You're getting away with eating junk food right now because you happen to have an exceptionally high metabolic rate and you spend half of your waking hours in the gym. But as you grow older, that's going to change. You're metabolism will slow down and you won't get as much time to workout. If you don't change your bad eating habits in time, you'll end up looking like Jabba the Hutt. Not to mention chances of heart trouble, diabetes …" Chris's lecture in good eating habits was cut short by Wyatt.
"I'm twenty-four. I'm too young to worry about metabolic rate. Besides, you're not a doctor yet. You just started med school, like a week ago. Just because you started a couple of years ahead of every one else doesn't make you omniscient. May be I'm just immune to fat and sugar," Wyatt said imperiously as he pushed the plunger of the press and began pouring the brown liquid in their mugs.
"You're immune to common sense. Although; I'm impressed that you know a big word like omniscient. It doesn't take a genius to understand the simple relationship between bad eating habits and health issues. You know what I think? You just don't have what it takes. It takes a lot of will power to control one's diet. Face it Wy. As strong as you are, magically and physically, when it comes to will power…" Chris left his sentence unfinished for effect, shrugged and turned away while sipping the expertly brewed coffee. Wyatt narrowed his eyes looking much like his little brother when he was annoyed.
"You're attempt at reverse psychology is rather pathetic and transparent. I'll have you know that there is nothing impossible for the twice blessed if he sets his mind to it," Wyatt said a bit proudly, referring to himself in third person. He turned to the cabinets to get the sugar and didn't realize that Chris had slipped something in his coffee. The brunette had a mischievous smile on his face but he schooled his face to look mildly irritated before Wyatt turned around.
"And I'll prove you wrong. Let's make a little wager, shall we? If I stay away from 'junk food' for a week, you'll personally cook whatever I want for a fortnight. If I loose, I'll do all your chores for the same duration," Wyatt proposed confidently. He was pretty sure he could stay away from junk food. And even if he couldn't, there was no way for Chris to prove it. He'd just workout a bit more to be on the safer side. This was totally doable.
"Do my chores for a month and we have a deal," Chris responded shrugging. Wyatt nodded with a stern face, spit on the palm of his right hand and offered it for Chris to shake.
"That's revolting. I'm not shaking your spit-covered hand. But we do have a deal," Chris said scowling as he pointedly moved away from Wyatt's outstretched hand. Wyatt had seen it in some old movie he'd watched with Leo and uncle Henry. He was going for a dramatic effect but predictably, Chris had only stared at him as if he was a particularly loathsome insect. He shrugged and wiped his hand on the side of his jeans. Chris's face twisted further with disgust, but Wyatt wasn't sure if it was looking at his hand or the amount of sugar he had poured in the coffee. He stirred the beverage vigorously and began sipping from it with a satisfied smile adorning his handsome face.
"Oh and one last thing. I have slipped an anti-gluttony potion in your coffee. I have specifically tuned it to any junk food. Just in case you decide to cheat. You'd have noticed the slightly salty taste if you hadn't poured a pound of sugar in your coffee," Chris said as he finished his coffee. Wyatt choked on the last sip of his disgustingly sweet coffee.
"Anti what potion?" he asked disbelievingly.
"Anti-gluttony potion. You know those medications people take to help them quit drinking? The kind that makes one nauseated if they drink alcohol. The anti-gluttony potion is a twist on that. If you say, decide to cheat and eat a burger, the first byte will make you fart very loudly. The second bite will make you throw up. And should you go for a third bite, you'll begin spewing via the other end. If you take the fourth bite… Well, I don't think you'll get to the fourth bite but you get the picture," Chris said with an evil grin. Wyatt just stared at his baby brother, slack-jawed.
"When did you…?" Wyatt managed to ask.
"When you turned to get the sugar," Chris answered as he dried the mug he'd just rinsed.
"How did you know that I'd take the challenge?" Wyatt asked, now a little apprehensive.
"Oh, Please. Wy, I know you better than you know yourself. I knew you'd take the bait when I decided to throw said bait towards you," Chris said smugly as he picked up his backpack.
"Wait. How'd I know what food are ok and what are not?" Wyatt asked, now mentally kicking himself for assuming he could outsmart his brother.
"I guess you'd find out when you take the first bite, won't you? That's why the first reaction is relatively benign and harmless. Admittedly, not exactly harmless for your dignity or for anyone standing near you at the moment, but still…" Chris said as he walked out, a naughty smile firmly in place.
Wyatt wasn't entirely sure how he'd gotten himself in this situation.
What do you guys think? Should I continue? I'd welcome any prompts my readers might suggest. Although, I cannot promise that I'll use any and all prompts you may give me but I'll try my best.
Kindly read and review.