I believe all the brothers have their hidden insecurities about some of the things that they have done. None of them kill without need, but it still must bother them. This is my take on Leonardo's inner feelings.
"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I don't know if I'd want to believe in karma or not. Although I've done a lot of good things in my life, and helped a lot of people, I've also done a lot of bad things. A lot of bad things, and I just don't know if it would all even out in the end. Even though I did those awful things for a cause, for a bigger purpose, it doesn't change what they were at their heart. To the people I've killed, to their families, I'm the monster.
I'm a killer. A hunting machine. Most of the time I can walk away, erase the faces from my mind, justify their sacrifice as deserved. After all, they earned their reward through their evil deeds. I've gotten good at forgetting their faces. If I let every single one into my heart I would have blown my brains out ages ago. My days are long enough, hard enough, without the added guilt. But there have been a few, a select few, who I can't forget. They are stuck in my memory, they sometimes sneak in and shake me, steal my sleep. And when I remember those few, those few who managed to burn themselves into my soul, I feel like not much more than a murderer. A fallen angel of death.
No one would believe I think these things. I have walls behind my eyes to hide them. In the life that I live weakness equals death, so I have to hide these feelings away, push them down deep. I need to be strong, untouchable. My brothers depend on me to do that. I can't fall apart. I couldn't share these things anyway. They're my penance, the cross to bear that I have earned.
Do the ends justify the means? Does the good I may have done outweigh the bad? Is there any such thing as a just sacrifice? I've been a dervish of destruction, wreaking havoc, ruining lives. Even though I did it for the greater good, can I ever be absolved? Or will I end up becoming a monster all my own?